Maya - The Novel

He balked as I handed him the ring. The diamond winked in the low light. Maya said nothing but stepped aside for him to leave.

"I can't," he said. "It's too much."

"Count your blessings," I returned and ushered him out the door before he could say anything else.

"I don't know how I'm going to explain that," Maya said uncertainly.

"You don't have to."

I picked up the coat I'd draped on the back of the couch and slid out the black box Alex and Cady had brought over to the hospital earlier that day. In it were the few things that remained of my mother. Mostly pictures - the few of them she'd had the money to develop - and her rosaries. I didn't remember the prayers anymore but the weight and feel of the small beads had felt comforting in the hospital while I'd waited for Maya to wake up.

"Come here," I said, patting the space beside me as I sat on the couch.

She sat on the edge of the seat and watched me unpack the box. When I popped the false bottom to reveal my parents' wedding bands, she instinctively scooted backwards and repeated the word "no" several times.

I simply shook my head and picked up the smaller of the two rings.

"Why are you saying no, baby? Are you afraid?"

She shook her head again. Her hair unclasped from its bun and fell over her shoulder. She swatted it away with a flick of her hand.

"I don't deserve you." Her words were almost a whisper. "I'm a liar and a cheater and I don't deserve to be with you."

I held out my hand, waiting for her to place her palm in it. She didn't.

"I'm not saying what you did was right. But everyone deserves to be happy. The last few months, you've made me the happiest I've ever been - all you had to do was smile at me and I wouldn't be able to remember what it was to be anxious. All I want to do every day is spend time with you, doing nothing and everything.

"I understand why you did it. We probably have a lot of stuff from your past to work through - hell, my past has been choking me for seventeen years, too, and you tried to help me through that. But one thing I know for sure is that I love you. And that's not going to change, no matter what we gotta go through."

"But my engagement..."

"Won't mean shit if you don't marry him. You know me, baby. I can offer you a decent life. I make a good living and I'll support you no matter what you do."

Her lips quivered. "Even my bakery?"

I felt a smile twist my lips. "Especially your bakery."

She finally placed her palm on my upturned hand and I placed my lips against it. Her fingers were cold and tense under my lips.

"Baby, I need you to know that this isn't an engagement ring. It's a promise. It's a promise that I'll be here for you whenever you feel ready to move forward. In the meantime, I belong only to you. Maya, will you be mine?"

She rasped a "yes", swiping tears from her eyes even though they kept flowing in a constant stream. "I didn't know what it meant to be happy until I met you."

I slid the ring onto her finger; it was a little loose but I didn't think she noticed through the veil of tears.

I pulled her close for a kiss. "Mine," I said, placing a possessive kiss on the side of her neck.

"I'm yours. I've always been yours in every way that matters."

She kissed me fiercely, her tears intermingling with her passion. I pulled her onto my lap, grateful for the feel of her weight, a reminder that she was still there, still mine.

When her fingers reached for my shirt, I stopped her and wiped the tears from her cheeks.

"You need to rest."

She tried to protest but I was insistent. She grumbled as I buttered some toast for her and made her drink some warm tea with it. The tea put her to sleep within minutes.

I sat on the edge of the bed and kicked off my Converse, feeling my muscles finally relax. I lay back, blinking up at the dark ceiling, trying to take in the hellish day. I wasn't even given a minute to collect myself before the phone rang loudly in the quiet room.

I jumped at it, trying to answer it before it woke Maya.

It was Alex.

"Gray - what the fuck? We're at the hospital. Where are you? Where's Maya?"

"She's fine. She wanted to leave. We're upstate."

"She wanted to leave?!" Alex was incredulous. She sputtered for a moment. "Are you kidding?"

"I know how stupid that sounds." I grabbed my cigarettes from my coat and made my way outside. "But she's okay. She's resting."

"Gray-"

"She promised she'll see a therapist. Trust me, I'm gonna make sure she does."

I lit up and took a long drag as Alex filled Cady in.

"So where exactly are you?" she asked a moment later.

"The Fish and Pike Inn off route 87. Seriously, we're fine. I'll bring her back tomorrow."

"So... you talked?"

I took another drag. "Yeah. A heads up would have been nice, Alex."

Alex sighed. "It wasn't my place to say anything."

"We really liked you, Gray. We didn't want you to get hurt," Cady chimed in from the background.

"Really? Did you like me when you cleared my background check for a one-night stand?"

There was a moment of silence. I could imagine them exchanging worried looks. "So she really told you everything, huh?"

"Yep."

"I guess we should apologize for that. We shouldn't have meddled."

"Ya think?"

"So... what now?"

"I'm not gonna let her marry that dude."

"Yes!" I heard Cady shout in the background.

"You've just made my fiancee very happy," Alex commented. I could hear the smile in her voice. "I was hoping you'd feel that way."

"I gave her engagement ring to the bellboy."

"You what?!"

As I rehashed the events from earlier that evening, Alex and Cady couldn't help but laugh.

"I thought I liked you before, but this is gold," Alex said.

"Everything kinda makes sense now, you know? Why she didn't want to talk about commitment. Why she shied away when I talked about how I felt about her. Now I see it."

"She loves you, Gray. More than you know."

"I know. I'm not gonna let anyone force her into a marriage."

"Well," Alex hesitated. "You haven't met her mom yet. She's scary, man."

"My mom was Latina. I've lived with scary and learned from the best."

I flicked my cigarette into a small inlet drain and watch it fizzle in the shallow water.

"Is she going to be staying with you? We'd like to see her tomorrow."

"We haven't discussed it but I'll be happy to have her. I'll let you know in the morning, okay?"

"Sure. Get some rest. That's enough drama for today, I think."

I hung up soon after and washed up before climbing into bed. Maya instinctively rolled over and tucked her head under my chin. I breathed in the scent of her hair and cherished the feel of her by my side. I could see my mother's ring on her hand in the dim light.

Dame fuerza, mamá. I was gonna make this work.

#

Chapter 16

I convinced her to come home with me the next day. She was afraid - terrified, actually. She kept repeating that her mother was going to be furious; she hadn't checked her phone all night to avoid her calls.

But I held her close in the soft morning light, the sheets warm from our mingled scents, and assured her that I would take care of her. She squeezed me tightly and fell back asleep for a little while longer.

I crept out of bed early and made arrangements for my clients to be rescheduled. Mel had texted me multiple times the previous day but I simply hadn't been in the headspace to text back. She was more than relieved to hear from me, even at seven in the morning.

I bundled Maya into the Uber at a little past nine (the price they quoted was surprisingly cheap). She was wide awake and antsy as hell to be heading back. She'd asked me multiple times if we could stay another day, but that would simply prolong the issue. I could only imagine how worried her mother would be at this point.

Almost an hour later, we were back at my flat. She changed into one of my old shirts as I made some room for her stuff in my closet. We didn't say much to each other; I figured she was tired.

"Do you have anything to eat?" she asked while she boiled some water in the kettle.

"Um..." A quick forage in my fridge only produced overnight oats... and I'd already mixed my protein in it. "How about I run down to Expresso and get us some pastries?"

"Yes, please." I could hear her stomach growl five feet away. "Could you get me a toasted bagel?"

"Of course. Cream cheese?"

"Do you really have to ask?" she said with a laugh.

I pressed a kiss to her lips. "I'll be ten minutes, tops."

I felt uneasy about leaving her alone and broke into a jog on the way to the café. This anxiety thing was a real bitch.

I pushed past the queue and waved to Miranda. "Throw in a couple of toasted bagels please, hon."

A knowing smile split her lips. "I know whose favorite those are. Is this your walk of shame? Did you have a good night?"

I tried to smile. If only she knew...

Before I could respond, I felt a hand land heavily on my shoulder.

"Gray?"

I moved away so quickly that I shocked my heart into working overtime. That voice.

"Whoa, relax, man."

I blinked and blinked again. I'd never forget that voice and that face.

"Ash?" my voice was almost a whisper.

"You do remember me." She looked a little sheepish. I tried to calm my racing heart. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah." I cleared my throat. "Seventeen blissful fucking years. What are you doing here?"

"I, uh, was coming down to your shop but I thought I saw you run in here so..." She paused to flick her dark dreads behind her back.

"Here you go, doll," Miranda called from the counter. I handed her a twenty and picked up the bagels and coffee.

"It's not a good time, Ash."

I started to walk out the door when she said, "I'm in the program, man. Let me do this, please."

I finally knew what she wanted, why she'd been looking for me. If she was in AA, one of the Twelve Steps would be to make amends with those she'd harmed in the past.

As an individual, I wanted to tell her to fuck off. As a counselor, I knew I should let her say her piece.

"Walk with me," I said begrudgingly.

She walked behind me - what a weird thing to do.

"You grew up great, huh? You work out a lot?" she asked.

I didn't answer her question. "So what do you have to say?"

"You're not making this easy on me, Gray."

I turned on her. "Oh, yeah? Why should I, Ash? Did you really expect to turn up almost two decades later and expect me to be okay with you crushing my ribs?"

"No." She looked down at her shoes. Not Doc Martens, thank god. "It's my biggest regret, you know. Hell, I was high most of the time back then. I didn't know what I was doing."

"Bullshit. You're supposed to make amends, not lie."

I turned and walked away. She followed closely behind. "Look, Gray. You're right. That was bullshit. I'm sorry, man. What you did... leaving us... made me too mad to think. You were my best friend-"

"You're damn right I was. And what did I get for it? Forty stitches and three goddamn broken ribs."

"I felt betrayed, okay? Like you found something better and were gonna leave me behind in that fucking shithole."

That stopped me in my tracks. "What?"

"Maybe I was a little jealous, too. I saw the guy you hung around with. He was real set up, man."

"That's why you almost killed me? Because you were jealous? You could've talked to me, Ash."

She ran a hand through her dreads. "I was seventeen and stupid. Very stupid."

I considered her words. "I gotta go. It's not a good time."

"Yeah, yeah. All right. I feel you."

Just as I turned away again, she said: "I missed you. A lot."

I felt nostalgia churn in my chest as memories of happier times came barrelling back. Numerous exhilarating but illegal activities came to mind - we'd enjoyed the hell out of our youth, that's for sure.

As I paused on the sidewalk, she came up behind me and placed her arms around my shoulders like she'd done a hundred times before. I tensed immediately.

"I mean it, Gray. I'm sorry. I'm asking for your forgiveness. I don't know if it means much to you after all these years, but it would sure as hell mean a lot to me if you said you forgave me."

Before I could say something, Maya's voice cut me off. She stood in the doorway of the walk-up still dressed in my shirt, which clung to her every curve. She was panting heavily, as though she'd run down the stairs.

"What's going on, Gray?" she asked. "What's all the yelling about?"

Ash released me immediately. I didn't have to look at her to know that her eyes were taking Maya in appreciatively. Some people never changed.

"It's nothing, baby. I'll be up in a second."

Ash stepped forward, hand extended, smile already in place. "Hey babygirl, I'm Ash-"

"Don't you fucking dare!"

"Whaaat?" Ash tried blinking innocently at me, holding her hands up. "I wasn't doin' nothing."

"Who you kidding? You taught me your moves."

Ash laughed, the corners of her eyes crinkling, just like I remembered. "So I did."

I handed Maya the coffee and bagels.

"How about we meet for a drink next week? Strictly coffee. We'll talk more then."

She thought about it for a second before nodding.

"Sounds good. Thursday at eight at Expresso?" She held out her arm for a shake. Just like old times. Except it wasn't.

I hesitated but took it anyway.

"See you then."

I shut the main door behind her and heaved a big breath. Maya still stood in the stairway with the bag of bagels clasped to her chest.

"Was that-?"

"Yeah." She didn't have to finish the sentence.

"Are you okay?"

I nodded. Still a little blindsided, but okay, actually. Seeing Ash in the flesh and hearing her apologize had been quite cathartic. And it ruined what seemed to be my only haunting memory of her.

"Was she really going to hit on me in front of you?" Maya asked as we walked up the stairs.

"Yeah, she hasn't changed one bit."

"You're kinda smiling."

I hadn't even realized. "I guess she brought back memories I left behind a long time ago. Good ones. How weird is that?"

"Not weird at all. She was your friend long before... you know."

"I guess," I said, making sure I locked the apartment door.

"Hey, maybe talking to her will help with your nightmares," Maya said, curling up on the couch and pulling out a warm bagel. She made a sound of pleasure as she bit into it.

"I hope so, baby. I really fucking hope so."

#

Chapter 17

"So this is what I'm gonna do," Maya said a little while later as she waved her half-eaten bagel around like a thinking apparatus. "I'll be straight-"

"The hell you will," I said, taking a sip of my coffee. The damn thing was almost lukewarm now.

"Be serious," she scolded, pointing the bagel at me as a warning. "I'm just gonna be straight with my mom and tell her that I'm thankful for all she's done for me but I can't live a lie anymore. I don't want to be engaged to Christopher.

"See - most times, this is when people will think the shit's about to hit the fan. But no. That's not even the worst part for me. Now I gotta tell her I'm gay. How the hell do I do that?"

I pinched off a little of the bagel she was still holding out. "I've never had to do that before but I've counseled many kids who've asked me that very same question. And the only answer is, just do it. Take a deep breath and just come out with it. Pun intended."

"Like ripping off a band-aid? But in my case, I suppose it's a giant pubic wax strip."

I almost choked on the bagel at that analogy.

She set the food aside and placed her head in my lap, sighing heavily. "Why does it have to be so difficult, Gray?"

"I honestly wish I could do it for you..."

"But it's not your battle," she finished. "It's mine."

I stroked her hair as she thought out loud.

"My tuition's paid for the year. So that's something at least. They can't take my degree away from me. But I'll need to get a job."

"You don't need to. I promised I'd take care of you."

"Not take care of me like that," she objected. "I meant like cherish me, not be my sugar daddy."

"Mmm. What if I like the thought of you being my sugar baby?"

"I'm trying to be serious, Gray." Her brows furrowed. "I'll do what millions of other college kids have done and get a job so I can make rent and you know, buy things."

"I don't pay rent for this place, baby," I was quick to correct her. "I inherited it from Jean and his partner."

She was silent for a moment before she said, "I don't want to be a burden, baby. I can get my own place, maybe a flatshare or something."

I think my face showed how offended I was. "Why would I want that?"

"I just - I just wanted to give you the option. I don't want you to feel obliged to offer me a place here..."

"Baby, I don't feel forced into anything. I don't see a future without you so why would I want you to leave?"

She held my gaze for several seconds, tears threatening to leak past the corner of her eyes.

"I love you," she said, her voice only a whisper.

I smiled, still not used to how those words made me feel. "I love you too, baby."

The serenity of that moment was interrupted by the buzzer, making both of us groan. We knew who it was.

"Your moms are here," I commented, getting off the sofa to let Alex and Cady in.

Alex enveloped Maya in a hug so tight I wondered how her bones didn't pop. "Thank god," she said. "What the hell were you thinking, leaving the hospital like that?"

Maya had the sense to look guilty. "I couldn't be there anymore. I hate hospitals."

"You scared the crap out of us." Cady shooed her fiancee aside and took her turn hugging Maya. "Are you okay? Blink if Gray is holding you hostage here."

I rolled my eyes. "You guys want something to drink? I think I have more of that berry tea Maya likes."

They declined and chose to sit with Maya instead. I gave them some space and excused myself to have a shower.

When I returned, all three of them looked at me anxiously.

"What?" I asked, running a towel through my hair.

"I've decided to rip the band-aid. Now." Maya looked determined.

"Good. I'll come with you."

She bit her lip. "Thank you. I'd like you to be there."

"Alex and I will wait at Expresso. If you guys need anything, just text, okay?"

So, there we were, the gay entourage, walking with purpose towards Maya's flat twenty minutes later. My girl was on the verge of tears already. I could tell.

There was a police car parked outside the flat. Maya immediately 180-ed and tried to walk back to my flat. I caught her by the arm and pulled her back.

"You'll be fine, baby," I reminded her. "I'm right here."

"We all are," Cady hastened to assure her with a smile.

Alex and I exchanged glances as we walked up the front steps. She gave me a nod for good luck a moment before the front door to the building opened and two officers walked out.

The four of us stopped to stare at them; they did the exact same thing through their shades.

Then the taller of the two asked, "Maya David?"

Maya swallowed audibly. "Yes?"

He heaved a long sigh. "Your mother reported you missing last night. She was convinced something had happened to you because your front door was unlocked when she returned from Philadelphia yesterday. She couldn't reach your cell phone. Would you care to explain?"

Maya looked up at me before she said, her voice trembling, "I was upstate with Gray."

The shorter dude lowered his shades to look at me. "I take it that's you?"

"Yes, sir," I said. My palms were sweating and I had to stop myself from sprinting down the block. Old habits, you know.