Old Neighbours Become New Friends

"Okay..." she replies warily.

"Roz, how sure are you that you're gay, I mean bi? You said you'd wondered for years but never acted on the feelings, so I, well, I just need to know."

"I suppose it's reasonable for you to wonder." I see her cheeks colour slightly. "I guess my saying that I fancy you isn't answering your question?" She makes me smile.

"It's nice to know but, no, not really."

"Mattie, I don't know," she says quietly. "As I said, I've always found women attractive and, um, I've fantasized about, you know, making love to a woman, but... no, I've never slept with a woman. I know, I mean I assume, that makes me an unknown and perhaps you think I'm too... too risky to start a relationship with?" Her honesty is disarming.

"You're right," I admit to her. "I'm sorry, Roz, but I'm not looking for a one night stand or a brief fling."

"Mattie, neither am I," she insists. "I admit that any relationship will be, well not exactly an experiment but something unknown...but isn't that true of any relationship?" She has a point.

"So, maybe we just get to know each other and see what happens?" I suggest and she agrees. We get another round of drinks and we chat: how our week has been; 'The Woman in Black', which she has seen but, disappointingly, didn't like; our favourite films...

Last night's late-night is beginning to catch up with me, so I tell Roz I need to be getting home. We finish up our drinks and head out onto the street. "Mattie, can I see you again?" she asks and we make a date for Saturday when Roz and I will go out somewhere, perhaps for a meal. I'm nervous but there is a little excitement too, especially when we lean in to hug and exchange kisses on each other's cheeks.

I haven't said yes and I haven't said no to a relationship with Roz: let's just see, I tell myself.

Raveena's Diary

Friday 23 May

I keep thinking about Mattie's mouth. I can picture her lips: always free of lipstick or lip balm, they are a pale dusky-pink colour, with soft fine lines striating the surface; they are quite thin, although the lower lip is slightly fuller. I recall the way they curve smoothly and often into a smile, the glisten of them when she licks them, the softness of them against my cheek as she kisses me... and I wonder what they would feel like against my own lips. When we sat in the pizza restaurant after 'The Woman in Black' I was captivated by that mouth as she ate and spoke, to the point where I could barely concentrate on what she was saying. Several times the idea of leaning in and placing my lips on hers crossed my mind. Why do I want to do this? I'm not gay, I've never had the urge to kiss a woman that way before, so what is it about Mattie?

Then this morning, when I was fingering myself and nearing my climax, it wasn't a man I imagined touching me, but Mattie: her face and her naked body leaning over me in my mind's eye, her lips parted to kiss mine. I stopped in shock and confusion: It was just so wrong, imagining her there like that. What's the matter with me?

I said before I 'had a thing for Mattie,' but that I didn't know what the 'thing' was. I still don't know, not clearly, but I'm getting nervous that it might be more than friendship, more even than a crush. It can't be anything real, just an infatuation that I'm letting get out of control. The feelings are scary -- the trouble is they're exciting too.

I bought a present for Mattie during the week: a black tee-shirt based on the 'Divergent' film that showed the faction symbols. She enjoyed the film when we saw it together at the cinema and when I saw the shirt I couldn't resist buying it.

Mattie came over for a meal this evening. I splashed out on filet steak that I served with sweet potato wedges, green beans and a peppercorn sauce (homemade, of course!). As I was preparing the vegetables, there was a knock on the door. Despite being over half an hour early, I opened the door to find Mattie stood there, still grubby from work. She apologised and explained she had a problem: her shower had died. "I know I should be able to use the bath, but the bathplug is missing!" she explained

I asked how can a bathplug go missing given that it's chained to the bath?

She explained that she hates baths and always use the shower but that the plug kept falling into the bath whilst she showered and blocking the plughole. "I might have got pissed off one day and ripped it off!" she said, laughing.

"Mattie goes psycho-bitch on the bathplug," I laugh too and guessed that she wanted to use my shower.

"Could I?" she asked I told her that of course she could and, with a cheeky smile, she pulled a carrier bag from behind her back that turned out to have a towel, shower gel and a change of clothes. I raised an eyebrow and she just laughed, even more, telling me she knew I'd say yes.

Mattie headed into the bathroom and I returned to the kitchen. I put the sweet potato wedges into the oven to cook, then remembered the tee-shirt I bought and left in the bedroom. As I went to fetch it, I passed the bathroom; the door was ajar and I glanced in. There, reflected in the mirror over the washbasin, I saw Mattie in the shower, visible from mid-thigh upward -- and naked. I froze but kept watching, my mouth dry and heart hammering as she turned slowly beneath the water jet, rinsing herself; her firm, slim bum and strong back turning away as her small, lovely boobies came into view and, lower, the narrow hips rotated revealing the dark V between her legs.

Suddenly terrified that she'd see me spying on her, I hurried away, dashing into my bedroom where I sat heavily on my bed. I was breathing hard, the image of Mattie's naked form seared into my brain indelibly. She was stunning, breath-taking, beautiful... sexy. How could I be like this? She was just a naked woman, and I'd seen enough of them over the years -- in the showers at school or the gym and even at work when I had to treat women sometimes -- but I'd never reacted like this. Why did a glimpse of this woman do this to me? I knew I liked Mattie and liked her a lot, but this went way beyond liking. Could I fancy her? Is that what my 'thing' for her is: that I fancy her and am sexually attracted to her? No, it can't be because I'm not gay. It must be some kind of rebound effect from the break up with Gavin. Could it be that knowing that Mattie is lesbian is making me what she called that woman Roz; am I 'bi-curious'? I've wondered about kissing Mattie and about her touching me down there, even if the idea half freaked me out.

My reverie was interrupted by Mattie calling my name, so I grabbed the tee-shirt and headed back out into the hall. Mattie was there, all clean and fresh-faced from the shower, her short hair damp and tousled. She was in a simple white tee shirt and jeans. Looking at her, I could see her clothed and unclothed at the same time, my memory and imagination stripping the garments away. She smiled as she saw me and I wanted to hug her and kiss her and tell her... I don't know. I'm sure, in the heat of the moment, with my arms around her, I could have said 'I love you' but that wouldn't make it true. I know I love her as a person and as a friend, but that wasn't the sort of love I had in mind at that moment.

I held out the carrier bag, telling her that I'd bought it for her. She took out the shirt and smiled when she saw it.

"Thank you Veena love, that's brilliant and very kind." She hugged me and I hugged her back, fiercely. "What did I do to deserve this?" she asked and I assumed she meant the shirt, but maybe, thinking about it, she meant the hug. It doesn't matter: the answer would have been the same either way.

"It's for being my best friend," I told her.

I cooked, though in my jangled state I slightly burned the sauce and overcooked the beans. Mattie still praised my cooking though, bless her. Afterwards, we watched another of Mattie's top 100 films - 'The Shawshank Redemption' -- which was very good, even if the violence was a little harrowing in places.

Now that Mattie's not here I should be able to analyse how I feel but I can't; whenever I think about her it's like I'm a teenager again, experiencing love and attraction for the first time. I'm such a mess over her: turned on and terrified, attracted and scared away all at once. I guess I'm 'bi-curious-but-petrified'.

There is one thing: how I feel doesn't really matter. I'm not gay and even if I am bi-curious or bisexual or whatever, Mattie won't want anything to do with me in that way: she won't want to be my experimental girlfriend any more that she wanted to be Roz's.

I hope I can sleep tonight.

Mattie

So I've another date with Roz this evening and, yes, I am excited. I'm also nervous, of course, but not just the normal 'date with an attractive woman' nerves. I hope that, if Roz and I get together, it won't upset Veena too much.

I had assumed that she'd handled the break up with whatshisname, Gavin, really well, but I'm a little worried that she's relying on my company a bit too much. I'm not complaining; I really like spending time with her too, but when she gave me the tee-shirt yesterday (which was very sweet) she called me her best friend and, as she hugged me, there was almost a feeling of desperation in her. Maybe that was why I didn't tell her about meeting Roz again this evening: I don't want to upset Veena or worry her. Of course, I also really like her hugs, even if they turn me on, just a little bit, sometimes. I wonder if she forgets I'm gay and doesn't consider the effect that having an attractive, sexy woman pressed against me can have!

I'd anticipated a meal in a restaurant or another visit to a pub with Roz, something low key as we got to know each other. Roz, however, is adamant that it has to be The Full Moon and so I meet her at the bar and where she already has drinks for us: two Jamesons whiskeys. "What, no Frisky Ferret Ale?" I ask.

"No, they don't sell decent beers here. So, are we going upstairs?" Roz asks after our first sips.

"No way!" I tell her, smiling. "I don't start dancing until at least the third drink."

"Hmm, best drink quickly then," she grins. There is something delightfully mischievous about this woman but...

"Roz, I'm not about to begin slugging back whiskies so you can dance sooner. Anyway, we have the whole evening ahead, so why rush? It's like making love: take your time and enjoy it more!"

"Hmm, and it's thoughts like that that makes lesbian sex so appealing," she says as she leans in to kiss my cheek, her fingers brushing my arm. And so we chat and drink and flirt a little, all of which makes me realize two things: first that I don't have the range of shared interests and easy conversation with Roz that I do with Veena, and second that I'm feeling really turned on. It occurs to me that if I could combine Roz's desire to become my lover with the easy sharing and companionship of Veena, then I would have my perfect girlfriend. Damn all attractive, unattainable straight girls! "What are you thinking about?" Roz asks.

"Come on," I tell her as I drain the second drink.

"What?" she asks, surprised but with a hopeful gleam in her eye.

"Do you want to dance with me or not?" I stand and hold out my hand to her.

"Absolutely, Mattie, and it only took two drinks!" I give her a look, "But I'm not complaining! I'm actually very flattered." We head upstairs and immediately she takes my hand, leading me out onto the dance floor. Like that first time, she sets the pace and I'm happy to follow, attempting to mirror her moves and sort of succeeding. It's fun trying.

She closes the distance between us and she moves around me, her body brushing against mine as she signals her desire for me. Oh god, I feel an echoing desire in me; it has been too long since I've been made love to. Kayleigh and Veena have told me that I can't be shackled to the past and Lisa leaving, that I need to live and love again.

"Roz, what are you looking for?" I ask her suddenly and she hesitates in her dancing, lowering her hands.

"What do mean, Mattie?"

"Look, I don't know if I'm ready for a girlfriend and I don't know if you are but..." I try to think of how to say 'I'd like for us just go to bed and fuck each other tonight,' but in a nice way. "...maybe we are both looking for a lover, just a lover and maybe just for tonight. I know we agreed last time that we weren't looking for a one-night stand, but I think... maybe I am."

"Oh Mattie, I'm glad you said that. You're right, I don't know if I'm ready for a girlfriend; I guess I can't know yet, can I?"

"Perhaps, but you seem pretty confident of what you want to try." I cannot help smiling at her.

"Oh, I am that." She hesitates. "It wouldn't have to be just one night, would it? I mean, if we really liked it, us together?"

"No, it doesn't Roz, but for now, can we just think of tonight as a one-off." She nods and simultaneously we come together, arms wrapping around waists, chests coming together, lips meeting for a brief kiss. A moment's separation and then our mouths interlock, opening to each other. Months of pent-up passion within me meet Roz's excitement at finally crossing a line sexually, and I lose myself in the kiss.

Finally, we separate, both slightly breathless. "I don't feel like dancing anymore," I tell her and she laughs.

"My place?" she asks.

"Yes please." Hand in hand we walk off the dance floor.

The journey to her place is a blur. Outside the club a bus goes past; I do not know what number it is but when Roz says, "Run!' I run, and we scramble, laughing onto the bus just as the doors start to close. We go upstairs and sit side by side, hugging and kissing whenever we think no one can see us.

Eventually, Roz says that this is her stop and it's time for us to get off. I have no idea where we are, but I'm content to follow as she leads us along roads and around corners to her home -- a downstairs maisonette in a quiet cul-de-sac.

As soon as we're inside, we fall into each other's arms to kiss again. This may be just for tonight, but I am happy with that; I meant what I said at the club and I hope Roz did too. Roz wants to love a woman for the first time and it is a first for me too: my first lover after Lisa.

I begin unbuttoning her blouse as we continue kissing, and I feel her lips curve into a smile as she realizes what I'm doing. My hands slip into inside to caress her tits through her bra, while her hands come up and her fingers slide through my short hair, holding my head as she crushes her mouth hungrily against mine. I can feel my arousal beginning to make a damp mess of my boyshorts. "Bed?" she asks.

"Bed, oh fuck yes!" I agree. She leads the way once more, into her twilit bedroom: a simply furnished yet feminine space. She pulls down the covers on the bed as I notice the overgrown garden beyond the window, dark-leafed shrubs almost brushing the glass. I wonder if the garden is hers and whether its state is intentional or just a lack of gardening skills. I jump as her hands slide up, under my shirt and around my waist, to glide smoothly up my back as we come together again. I push her blouse from her shoulders; she raises her hands, pushing my shirt up and over my head. We part so we can undress: she lets her blouse slide from her arms, then unfastens her skirt, letting that drop too; meanwhile, cast the tee-shirt aside before unbuttoning my jeans and stepping out of them. Finally, we strip our underwear, taking it in turns as we watch each other: Roz's bra and then mine; my shorts and then her panties.

She is lovely: her tits full with the nipples pointing slightly down; the flare of her hips and the dark shadow between her legs that keeps her womanhood a secret in the dim light of the room.

She takes my hands and steps back, climbing up onto the bed and shuffling back, drawing me with her until we lie, side by side on the bed. We kiss, our hands roaming freely, exploring and savouring the feel of each other. Roz breaks the kiss and moves down. Her mouth engulfs my nipple and she sucks gently. "Oh fuck!" I gasp in pleasure and her lips release me.

"You like that?" she asks.

"Oh shit yes! My nipples are really sensitive and I love them being played with," I tell her.

"Good to know," she says and resumes her suckling. I reach down and cup her boob, squeezing and caressing and her moan hums through my sensitive flesh. I feel her hand slip between my thighs and I open my legs to her. I feel her fingers hesitantly caress my wet labia.

"Mmm, yes, Roz. Touch me, please; fuck me with your fingers." I say but it is as much a declaration to myself as to Roz, a statement of intent to break the hold Lisa had over me.

"Mattie, are you sure? This is all new to me."

"We can swap if you like Roz, but you know what feels good to you. What you were doing to my tits was lovely."

"Well, if you don't mind being a newbie lesbian's guinea pig."

"Roz, shut up and make me cum," I tell her, as I lie back. Her fingers begin touching me again, running along my lips and I give a sigh of pleasure and encouragement. She grows bolder and presses harder, parting my wet folds to dip inside me. Her mouth returns to my nipples and I arch my back at the electric feelings she is giving me. She thrusts suddenly, and two fingers penetrate me. I am getting close so quickly; it's been such a long time since I've been touched that my body is hungry for the release at the hands of a lover.

I am starting to pant and gasp. I begin to thrust my hips, forcing her fingers deeper and Roz takes the hint, pushing harder. Her hand presses against my clit and I gasp "Yes!" as I teeter on the edge for a few glorious, eternal seconds before my orgasm detonates within me, wracking me, thrilling me, exalting me.

Awareness returns and I find a bedside lamp is on and Roz cuddled up against me. "Did I do okay?" she asks.

"You were brilliant," I assure her and she leans in to kiss me; I can taste myself on her lips. "Do I taste okay?" I ask and she looks bashful.

"Er, yes. I just sucked my fingers after. Sorry, I just wanted to know..."

"Roz, you don't need to apologise," I laugh. "We're here for each other tonight." I run my hand over her shoulder and down her arm till it comes to rest on her hip. "I want to make love to you now, Roz."

"Oh, I want that too!" she smiles and lies back. I begin kissing my way down her body, stopping at her tits to lick her nipples, gently nipping at them, kissing and sucking. "Oh wow, Mattie!" I kiss down the valley of her cleavage and across her tummy, dallying at her tummy button. I swirl my tongue into it and she giggles. "That tickles!" she laughs, so I do it again, making her squirm. Just before she starts to complain, I move on, downwards, to kiss her mound through the damp, red curls of her pubes.

There is a twinge of guilt that this is not Lisa, but I push it away fiercely. Lisa left me: her choice, her blame. I am here now for Roz. My tongue snakes out to lightly stroke her labia, and my hands resting on her hips feel her tremble. I lick, again and again, a little more forcefully now and they part for me. I taste her and I'm shocked that she tastes so different to Lisa, even though I like it nonetheless. Maybe I'll admit to Roz later that she is only the third girl I've ever tasted.

Perhaps my excitement makes me rush, my tongue licking her too deeply or diddling her clit too hard or too soon. Perhaps, being her first time, it was never going to be possible to play her for long. When she grasps my head to grind her pussy against my face, I know she wants to cum and who am I to deny her? The tremble I felt earlier returns and she is giving low moans.