The Pain-Pleasure Balance Ch. 01

"Nope, you can't take it back now. It's official, you think I'm sexy."

I was still confused about her need for affirmation from me, of all people, and wondered how to ask a sensible question which wouldn't get her riled up.

"Umm, Bridge, why would you not think you are ... err ... attractive? I've been fighting guys off you since we were 6 or 7 ... when a tug on your pigtails was construed as love-play. Although these days I guess the same could be said of a titty grope from some drunk squaddie."

She was quiet.

"I know how other guys think of me. I just wanted to know how the most important man in my life sees me."

'Whoa! The most important man in her life? How, after all the pain of the last 2 years, did I get elevated above Da? He won't be happy that his little princess has just knocked him down the pecking order.'

"I'm surprised you feel like that. We've not exactly been seeing eye-to-eye over the last few years."

She shifted her head around to look at my face so I rolled us onto our sides, facing each other, so I could do likewise. There was enough light from the streetlamp outside to see her biting her bottom lip.

"I know and that's why I started to think about what you did tonight in a different context. In your words we've not been seeing eye-to-eye ... for years ... probably since I got boobs and your thingy grew to its' maximum 3 inches ... no ... don't tickle ... sorreeeeee ... ok ... ok ... I take it back ... beast!"

She got her breath back.

"When we were younger you were always my big brother and protected me but we fought our battles together ... redhead Irish against the world ... then it stopped. Only it didn't, not for you. You continued to show your love by being my protective big brother and tonight was just another example of you doing right by me. I've given you nothing but grief especially about interfering in my love life and yet you keep on looking after me in your wonderfully unsophisticated way ... and I want to say I'm sorry that I haven't thanked you before."

She paused and swallowed as if she had to summon up courage for what she said next.

"So, why did we drift apart and can we ever go back to the way we were? I'm just about to go off to Uni and you will do ... who knows what ... well I guess it will depend on your 'A' level results but we are likely to be living in separate towns, only seeing each other at Christmas and such like. I want us to part on good terms ... where we know we have found each other again ... where ... you are my best friend again. There should be no secrets, no recriminations and no regrets between us."

Shocked didn't cover it. Gobsmacked, maybe. I had to gather my thoughts.

"Umm ... Bridge ... I would like that more than anything in the world. It has not been easy, having you hate me, I mean. I haven't meant to interfere in your love life but I felt you were in danger of making life-changing mistakes at times. I know it is not my place to make those decisions for you but I couldn't live with myself if you got hurt. For every guy I warned off ..."

She snorted in a good-humoured way.

"Make that 'all' guys!

"For 'every' guy I warned off ... I didn't do anything to Harry Crook ..."

"Yes, because he was gay and you knew it."

"What happened to no recriminations?"

"Yeah, sorry, continue ... for 'every' guy you warned off ..."

I had lost my train of thought and the eloquence I searched for was gone. I mumbled.

"Well, I felt it has been a job well done. You were safe. It was all that mattered. That doesn't mean I won't worry about you when you are away."

Her eyes softened and she gently stroked my cheek.

"Thank you Fearg. I'm glad I'm safe too. I don't know what I missed out on but, now, lying here, I'm glad you did it."

She was quiet and continued to stroke my cheek as we gazed at each other. At that point I had an overwhelming urge to kiss her but I fought it down. It wasn't the first time I felt that way but it was probably the first time when I could have done it and not grossed her out.

"So, why did we drift apart?"

"As you said, you got boobs and became a super-smart hottie. I just got bigger ... including my thingy ..."

"TMI!"

" ... and stupider. You were surrounded by adoring boys and I started thumping people. I was jealous."

Her eyes widened in surprise at my admission.

"Jealous? Of me? You are just as smart as I am ... maybe not in an academic sense but ... come on! Why were you jealous of me?"

I didn't answer straight away. It was an opportunity to confess, would it gross her out ... could she really accept my love for her and not get disgusted? She was the one who had said ... no secrets, no recriminations and no regrets ... but this secret was a biggie ... a nuclear explosion of a secret ... this could do more than blow the doors of our relationship ... such as it still was.

She was still looking at me expectantly in the dim light.

Oh well! Nothing ventured, nothing gained ... faint heart never won etc. ... etc.

"Umm ... no ... I wasn't jealous of you ... I was jealous of them."

There! I'd said it. My voice had not exactly been strong and firm but I'd admitted to something. I looked for her reaction. Would she understand the subtext of my answer?

A strange thing happened. She smiled and nodded as though congratulating herself for being right about something. The smile morphed into a mischievous smirk as she held my gaze. She was up to something

"You were jealous of them? Why?"

Did she know how difficult this was and was deliberately prolonging it? I had to look away from her beautiful eyes but she grabbed my chin and made me look at her. I gulped ... this was not going the way I had thought.

"Err ... because I wanted to be them."

Her eyes softened but she wouldn't let me get away with half an answer. Her voice had softened too.

"Why, Fearg? Why did you want to be them?"

Her gaze was now expectant and hopeful. I just let it all out in a rush.

"Because I wanted to be the one to take you the cinema and make-out on the back row with you. I wanted to be the one who had the slow dances with you at the school disco. I wanted to be the one who walked you home and kissed you good night. I wanted to be 'the one' ..."

I stopped because her smile became more radiant with every admission and I realised I was on much firmer ground than I would have ever thought possible.

She felt the same way!

SHE FELT THE SAME WAY!

Brigid loved me as I loved her!

I started to smile as well and I became more confident.

"I wanted to be the first one to make love to you ... your first one ... our first one ... "

She put a hand behind my head and, still smiling, pulled me towards her and gently kissed me, properly kissed me ... not like a sister at all. My own arm slid round her back to pull her tighter against me and we both moaned as our mouths opened and our tongues gently caressed each other.

All too quickly she broke the kiss and looked at me with an expression so full of love that I almost melted.

"Why didn't you say so before? I've been thinking you hated me and that I was wrong to feel the way I do about you. I've loved you forever and I could not understand why you stopped loving me ... "

I shook my head and put a finger too her lips to stop her. I needed to make her understand and my voice betrayed the urgency of the task.

"No! I never stopped loving you ... I just didn't want you to hate me for feeling the way I did about you ... but then I made you hate me anyway because I interfered in your life ... you don't know how much I hated myself every time I made you angry."

It was her turn to shake her head and stop me speaking. When she spoke, it was in her time-honoured imitation of Mr. T from The A Team.

"Crazy fool!"

We both smiled at this reference to our shared past.

"I never hated you ... I just wanted you ... I don't know ... not to be near me because if I couldn't have you then I didn't want the temptation ... but you were there ... out of reach and angry with me ... which was the worst of all worlds."

Our faces which had betrayed the pent-up desire to explain the mutual anguish of the past few years started to relax and I smiled as I shrugged.

"I was never angry with you and I'm not out of reach anymore ... I'm here holding you like I have wanted to do since Mum and Da stopped us sleeping together when we were 11."

She nodded and her beautiful eyes lit up with a sexy glint.

"Yes, so you are."

With that she pulled me back into a hard, passionate kiss and I held her tightly against my body. Brigid moaned into my mouth as she squirmed her belly against my obvious erection and her upper arm raked down my back and under the waistband of my boxers to clasp my buttocks, accentuating the contact. My free hand ran down her back and slid back up under the front of her T shirt to zero in on the pert mounds of her breasts and we both groaned as I squeezed a hard nipple between my thumb and forefinger.

Our tongues and lips were battling for supremacy in a war that neither cared who won as we both released the long-suppressed lust and desire of our mutual passion. Brigid broke away and looked desperately at me.

"Fearg ... fuck me ... please ... I've waited so long ... just fuck me ... I need you inside me ... now that I have you again ... just fuck me!"

It then became a flurry of arms and legs as clothes were divested and then I was supporting myself over her and her hand was holding my steel-hard shaft to the entrance of her sopping wet vagina as our gazes remained locked. Slowly, I lowered my hips as she guided me into her welcoming body and I felt the opening of her pussy spread to accommodate the bulbous head of my cock.

She was biting her lip, in concentration or pain I could not be sure, as the battering ram of my hard rod forced the clasping walls of her tight cunt aside. She gave a little cry and I felt a puff of her breath on my face as she wrapped her long legs around my back as I gradually lowered myself further into her and she gave a breathless commentary.

"Ohhh ... it's big ... I never knew ... go slow please Fearg ... sooo good ... ohh baby... you're filling me ... ohhh ... yessss ... just wait ... please ... I love it ... I love you ... Fearg ... darling Fearg ... I love you ... "

I was doing all I could not to come immediately as this was the most exquisite sensation that I had ever felt. The knowledge that I was buried balls deep in the wonderful body of my beautiful sister would have made even the most experienced lover struggle to maintain their composure ... and I was ... or was until a few seconds ago ... a virgin.

Remember the girls who I used to date and find wanting against the Brigid yard-stick? Well, I never did the deed.

I looked down at my sister who slowly writhed beneath me as I held myself still. She had a wondrous look on her face which probably matched my own.

"I'm sorry ... beautiful darling Bridge ... you feel so good ... I don't know if I can last ... I never knew it would feel like this ..."

She smiled knowingly up at me and pulled my head down for a loving kiss as I slowly pulled back and gently thrust in again. Her words were no more coherent than my own.

"You too ... I haven't ... I wouldn't ... I wanted it to be you ... ahhhhhh fuckkkk Feargggg ... commminnggg ... yess ... yesss!"

The look of rapture on her face as she arched her body towards me was more than enough to take me over the edge. Sperm exploded from my cock as my vision dimmed and my body shook. I grabbed her small buttocks with both hands and ground her against me while her own hands and feet were clawing at my back and arse to maximize the penetration as the pulses of my orgasm rippled through my body.

Eventually our rigid bodies relaxed and I slumped over Brigid's small frame trying to make sure that I did not crush her. My still-hard cock remained buried in the tight grasp of her pussy and I never wanted to pull out. It was where it should be.

Her hands stroked my back as I nuzzled into her face and neck. She kissed my shoulder and chest and I could feel there were little tremors running through her. I lifted my head to look at her and could see a few tears in her eyes as she looked back at me.

"Are you ok? Did I hurt you? Was I too rough?"

She smiled tearfully and shook her head.

"No, silly! It was just so wonderful. I dreamt about it being like this but never thought it would happen. When I used to fantasize ..."

She started to blush and I kissed her gently.

"Hey ... no recriminations remember? I use to fantasize about you too ... I'm glad we waited for each other ... I love you so much."

I started to move off her as it was slightly uncomfortable supporting my weight on my elbows and knees but she stopped me.

"Don't pull out I want to feel you inside me for as long as possible. Roll us over so I'm on top if you can take my weight."

I laughed.

"What? All 45 kilos of you? It will break me in two!"

She screwed her nose up adorably and pouted.

"I weigh more than 45 kilos I'll have you know ... I'm almost 47 ..."

I hugged her to me. This was the Brigid I knew of old ... precise to a fault. I rolled us over and I did see a grimace of pain as my cock stretched her uncomfortably at one point. When she was safely ensconced on top, she flexed her hips and slid her tight sheath over my rigid penis. She grinned down at me.

"I like being on top. Now I can do all sorts of things to your wonderful cock and you will just have to put up with it."

I reached my hands up to cup her small but firm breasts and massaged the large nipples with my thumbs. She mewled and closed her eyes before clasping my hands with her own against the beautiful fleshy orbs.

"I think I can put up with most things with your sexy body up there."

She smirked down at me and did a little reprise of her chant.

"Fearghus thinks I'm sexy"

I laughed but felt the need to set the record straight as I looked up her happy face.

"Fearghus thinks you are absolutely gorgeous ... stunning ... beautiful ... hot ... sexy ... wonderful ... and he loves you more than he can ever say."

Her smile did the 'oh that's so sweet' thing and she lowered her head to kiss me gently and her beautiful red hair fell around us like a curtain. My hands slid down her back to grip her tight, boyish arse and I pulled on it to create a gentle friction between my resurgent penis and her tight sheath.

"Brigid thinks you are rather special too and loves you like no other girl has ever loved ... ohhhhh ... not fair ..."

Her eyes closed as I silenced her by flexing my hips and drove my newly rampant cock up into her hot, wet, willing body. This time I was determined to last longer but I had no concept of just how much the simple act of making love to my sister, the love of my life, would break my resistance. I probably managed a dozen strokes before exploding deep inside her clasping cunt.

Mind you, she was no better and her own hair trigger had her hips thrashing against my groin at the same time as we both wailed out our love and joy. She collapsed onto my chest and I hugged her tightly as out heaving, sweaty bodies struggled for oxygen. She giggled into my ear as out breathing calmed.

"If it's always this fast what will be our definition of a 'quickie'?"

I laughed as I smoothed my hands over her flawless back.

"We just look at each other and we come, perhaps?"

She lifted her head to look at me and gave a faux-pout in an adorable child-like manner.

"No, I'm not standing for anything other than balls-deep penetration ... you definitely have to be inside me.

She flexed her hips as she said this and in doing so, squeezed my shrinking cock with her vaginal muscles causing it to slide out of her in a wet mess. It was soon followed by a steady trickle of our combined fluids which coated my thighs. We both giggled at the sensation.

"If I end up with the mess each time, I'm not sure I agree ..."

I broke off as the enormity of what we had done and were talking about for the future suddenly hit home and the connections between thoughts created an ever-expanding list of issues.

'We love each other ... not like brother and sister but as lovers ... man and woman ... man and wife ... children ... family ... what do we say to our family ... but what if Brigid doesn't want that?'

The implications and difficulties of what we had started crashed through my brain. I had closed my eyes as I thought but something obviously showed on my face.

"Fearg ... babe ... what's the matter?"

I opened my eyes to see her beautiful green eyes loaded with concern as she searched my face.

"What do we do now? What happens to us? I know what I want to happen ... I want you in my life forever even if we have to break off all ties with the family ... they won't understand ... I'm not sure anyone will ... but ... do you want what I want?"

It was my turn to search her face but she just smiled gently down at me and kissed my forehead and then the tip of my nose and then my mouth.

"Of course I do, silly. You don't think that I'm giving you up when I've just got you back, do you? I know its going to be difficult because we can't tell anyone ... Jeez, can you imagine Mum and Da's reaction? Irish Catholic guilt will be thrown down on us from a great height but if we want to be together then we have to accept we will lose all connections with the whole extended family ... both lots of grandparents in Ireland, the uncles and aunts in the US, Australia ... wherever ... it won't leave many places we can go and live ... do we have relations in South America?"

Brigid's wicked sense of humour was maybe misplaced at that point but I was heartened by her confirmation that she was prepared to face the consequences. I hugged her tight and kissed her forehead.

"I love you so much Brigid Maire Kaetlyn Honan. I don't care if we never see Aunt Eilene in Boston ever again or Uncle Reg ... but you ... what about you, can you cope with never seeing Mum again. Will you want her near when you have babies ...?"

"Hold on Fearghus Sean Honan ... I'm pregnant already? When did I agree to that?"

Her voice was icy and I looked up at her with a certain amount of trepidation. Had I overstepped the mark already?

"Umm ... yeah ... sorry ... "

I could see the corners of her mouth twitching and I realised she was teasing and she giggled and kissed me gently.

"Of course I want us to have babies, crazy fool. Maybe not yet a while as I've got Uni to get through. Speaking of which, you need to sort out how you are going to support my student lifestyle ... drinking and carrying on with all the hunky guys ... no ... no ... don't tickle pleeeeasse ... I won't ... no hunky guys ... just you my hunky brother ... my hunky brother lover ... oooohh yesss ... like that."

Her writhing body from my tickling had reawakened my cock and grasping the opportunity, my touches had morphed into caresses. One hand ran along her back to delve deeply between the crease of her buttocks and down to the swampy mess of her pussy. The other hand slid between our bodies and sought out the hardening nub of her nipple as her own hands slid into my hair to hold my head as our lips crashed together in a slow-burning, lust-filled kiss.

I rolled us over so I was on top but this time we moved slowly together as we kissed for a long time as our passion grew and we moaned and whimpered into each other's mouths. Still moving in long smooth strokes our arms and legs held us tight against each other. We broke our kiss and looked lovingly at each other as we breathlessly told each other what was in our hearts.