Unrequited Love

He actually had tears in his eyes when he responded. "I'm so sorry baby, I wish that i'd come to my senses long ago so that you would never have had to go through that pain. I think of my brief period when I was discovering my feelings and I agonized over it, even with the knowledge that you loved me. I can't imagine what you must have gone through but I promise that i'll try and make it up to you, for the rest of our lives if need be."

"Angel there's no need for you to feel that way. You couldn't have known how I felt and I know that I was good at hiding it. The only thing that matters now is that you love me. But... there is one way that you can make me feel better... that is, if you still feel bad about keeping me waiting."

He smiled devilishly and began massaging my back and kissing my neck. "Anything you want Der, I promise."

I had to move him away from me because I was losing my ability to focus on anything but his kisses. I was cheesing like and idiot when I responded. "Not that you jerk, I just want to clarify a few things between us. I'd like to ask some questions if that's alright."

"Damn baby, you can do anything or ask anything as long as you come back into my arms, i'm feeling separation anxiety." He sighed happily as I settled back into his arms and said, "Ask away sweetheart."

I almost didn't know where to start. I was so happy at this moment but I knew that there were so many things that needed to be cleared up.

"Ok... well... I know that I did you yesterday, and it was great but I want to make sure that it won't be just me on the giving end. So do you have a problem with that?"

"Well let's see. My guy wants to know if I have a problem making love to him in the same fashion that he made love to me. I think I can handle that. Next."

"What do you want the status quo to be? I mean I wouldn't mind being the bottom, but I just wanna know."

He was chuckling at my obvious discomfort with these questions but then he kissed me and my anxiety ebbed a little.

"I really want to be equal in all things. You know I don't define myself as strictly gay or straight, hell I wouldn't even call myself bi. Let's just say I was clueless until you. However, the only person in this world that I want is you and I want to experience everything that comes along with it. I want a give and take relationship."

He was truly too good to be true. He was saying all the right things and I was reeling a little.

"Ok, so speaking of relationships, what do you want to call me? I mean there are so many titles that can be used: boyfriend, life-mate, partner, etc."

"Der I truly believe that you are my soul mate and calling you my boyfriend just won't cut it for me. You are my life. I guess we'll be partners, but I really don't like that either. That will have to do until we can be husbands. I guess you could say we're like each other's fiancé's or something."

Life, partner, husband, fiancé. I think I was hyperventilating. He was saying what was in my mind but was too afraid to pose. I was so glad that he was the one being brave, but I guess that he knew there was never any threat of my rejecting him. That didn't stop me from having some fun though.

"Chris, you can't say that we're each others fiancé or husband. We've only been together one day. On top of that, we're too young to get married, plus you haven't asked me. And even more so, married people have children, what will you do about that?"

I knew that the bit about children was out there but I wanted children but I was too afraid to broach the subject so I phrased it like this to get his reaction first. I looked at his face and he seemed outraged. In a very quiet voice he responded.

"We're too young? What the hell? We'll be together until the end of our time anyway so why not get married now? And since when do I have to be the one to ask you? Hhhmmm? And as far as children, hell I don't care if we have a whole passel of them. We can adopt or use a surrogate so they'll have your eyes..."

He was still grumbling and looking completely put out. I had a hard time not laughing. This was simply wonderful. I wondered why he'd want our children to have my eyes when his were so beautiful so I asked him that too.

"My eyes, while ascetically beautiful are nothing compared to the soulfulness that you evoke with your eyes. They sparkle you know. When you hurt, they go dull, but when you're happy, they sparkle and dazzle. Putting that spark back in your eyes has been one of my growing obsessions and now i'll get to do it for the rest of our lives. They're like large liquid pools that I get lost in. When you get aroused, they darken and get a bit hazy; it has a hypnotic effect on me. You better not ever look at anyone else like that but me."

If I didn't know before that he loved me, I sure knew it by now. He had even gotten wistful when just describing my eyes. It was the sweetest thing i'd ever heard. I was close to tears and couldn't even think of anything else to say.

He looked at me and he began to look completely distressed at the tears in my eyes. "Baby please don't cry, I only want to make you happy, i'll do anything, I just can't stand it when you're sad."

"Oh angel, i'm not sad, i'm just so happy. I can't even think of any more questions right now."

He heaved a huge sigh of relief and rested his forehead against mines. "Good about the sad, good about the questions, now shut up and kiss me." And kiss him I did.

CHRIS

I awoke tangled in Der's arms. I didn't know how I was ever going to go home and live without him in my arms. We had to find a solution quick so that we could be in each other's arms every night. He looked so peaceful as he slept in my arms. I couldn't stand that drawn look that came over his features when he was upset. I promised myself that I would always strive to keep him happy. He began waking up and I just had to kiss him.

I knew that he'd want to talk but when he told me about why he never came out, I just couldn't process it. If I hadn't come to my senses, he might never have been happy. It had a sobering effect on me and almost brought me to tears. He wanted to ask some questions and of course I had no problem with it. I couldn't help but caress him and he moved away from me. I almost felt cold when he moved and that wouldn't do at all.

This was new to me. I was becoming increasingly agitated without Der in my arms. He couldn't ever leave me, I just wouldn't survive it. I was hooked on him but settled on telling him I had separation anxiety.

He was asking me pretty basic questions but when he got to asking me about topping and bottoming, I couldn't help but feel a little shocked. How could he not think i'd want to make love to him? I wanted to take and be taken.

I was taken aback again when he said we were too young to get married. What the hell? I loved him and he loved me. I knew this was forever so I guessed he was just tripping a bit. I really wanted to go straight to us being husbands, but he seemed skeptical so I just held back.

When he asked why I wanted our children to have his eyes, I knew I got a bit nostalgic, but I never expected him not to believe me. He was close to tears and it made my heart hurt. When he said that he was happy, relief flooded through me.

I had had enough of this talking, I told him to shut up. I needed him and he should have been done talking a while ago. I kissed him like he was water and my throat was parched. I began trembling and I just rested my forehead against his.

"Baby this is too much, I can't believe that I have it in me to feel this way. I never want to let you go. I can't ever lose you, please don't ever leave me." I felt tears running down my face as I stroked his cheek. I was a mess.

"Chris, sweetheart, what's wrong? You know that something like that won't happen. I've loved you as long as i've known I was gay."

"I just... i've never loved anyone like this. I don't even have a good relationship with my parents. For so long I loved you as a friend and I couldn't imagine you not being in my life, but this is so much more. Now that I have you I don't know what to do next."

"Just love me baby, that's all that I ask."

He was kissing my tears away and I chuckled at the thought that just hours ago the tables had been turned. I realized that I felt that I wasn't good enough for his love. I didn't come from the loving type of family that he did and I never really knew how to give love. This was foreign territory to me, but I was glad that I had my best friend and now partner to teach me how to do it right.

"Chris, baby, you never have to worry that your love wont be enough, we'll learn together. This is new to me too. Sure, I loved you forever, but it's never been exercised. I still have to learn how to live and openly love you. It's only been a day baby, we have time."

Man these past hours had truly been a time of discovery and emotional upheavals. However I was sure that we had a solid enough foundation so that we could face everything and anything together.

EPILOGUE

DERECK

Well we did come out to my parents and to his. My parents shocked the hell out of both of us when they said that it was about time that I came out. Apparently, my parents knew all along or suspected that I was gay. My mom scolded me for over an hour about not feeling as if I could come to them and tell them anything. She'd even suspected how I felt about Chris and swatted him a couple of times for being so clueless. Overall, my experience turned out alright.

I couldn't say the same for Chris' parents. Oh, they didn't disown him or anything, but they didn't care one way or another, as long as he stayed out of their hair like he'd always done. We both knew this was a probable reaction so it didn't bother us much.

Life became so much better. Chris would come to my job everyday that I worked and he'd just sit and read. On my lunch break, we'd sit together. At night, we were either at his house or at mines. We were like newlyweds because we couldn't stand to be away from each other.

We did go back to school and surprisingly all of my friends accepted Chris with open arms. Rob was especially happy for me. We moved into a small apartment together for the rest of the school term. We even had a small ceremony to celebrate our marriage. Chris became my husband and I took his name. I was his and he was mine.

We were sure to have problems in the future, but that was what life and love was all about. I was the happiest man on earth and he was my angel.