Wanting

"Morning." Green eyes flicked in my direction.

I nodded back briefly, rattling through the stained-glass cabinets for a mug. Any excuse not to look at the long lines of my cousin's body. The business section of the paper was spread out on the table, taking up all the space. I wondered if Will and I were the only two people our age who actually read the news on paper.

Focusing on the shining espresso maker in front of me, I tried to act normal. I'd worked one of these for three months at a summer job, churning out dozens of lattes and mochas, but as I peered at the knobs and buttons, it felt like I'd never seen one before.

Footsteps sounded close to me. I felt the warmth of Will's body next to mine.

"Like this." He filled the handled filter with coffee grounds, tamped them down, and locked the filter into the machine.

"Thanks," I murmured. I was very aware of how short my nightshirt was, inches below the hem of my underwear. The thin material clung to my body.

"I lost you last night." Will flipped a switch, setting a metal pitcher underneath the fragrant drip. When he crossed the wide kitchen to get milk, his arm brushed mine. I crossed my legs. The steam wand buzzed, frothing the milk. "I was going to introduce you to everybody."

"It's really okay."

"Did you go hide in the trees again?"

"More or less." I ran a finger around the rim of my coffee cup. "Your family has nice trees."

"Hm." Will took the mug out of my hand and tipped the pitchers over it, pouring in espresso and milk. He watched as I sipped, foam coating my upper lip. When my tongue flicked out to lick it off, I'd never felt so self-conscious.

"Taste good?" he asked.

Of course it tasted good. Everything in this house was delicious. I nodded and sipped again, inhaling the burnt fragrance. "Really good."

"Glad." A hand settled on my waist.

"Will—"

"Just enjoy it." He nodded toward the coffee, but his hand slid over my stomach, fingers fanning out. My insides turned over. Heat spread from his palm to my skin, burning through thin cotton. Lips met my neck from behind.

"You're not drunk," I whispered, panicking. A nervous throb tightened my body. I managed to let go of the coffee cup, setting it down on the counter. "You don't have an excuse."

"I don't need one." His voice was low. Both hands caressed my stomach, moving up to cup my breasts through the soft nightshirt.

"You can't do that," I hissed.

"Sure I can." He squeezed the small mounds lightly. Thumbs rubbed over my nipples. "I'm doing it right now." When I wriggled, a strong body pressed me against the counter, holding me firmly in place. I smelled cologne, light and crisp.

"Will, stop," I said more strongly. My nipples had hardened instantly under his thumbs.

"I don't want to stop." Fingers tickled the sensitive underside of one breast. More fingers pinched my other nipple. A gasp left my mouth. "I don't think you want me to either."

I moaned, trying to step back, but I was trapped against the counter.

"Are you wet, Andie?" a deep voice whispered. One leg wedged between mine, opening my thighs. I shook my head, refusing to answer, shamefully aware that my crotch was moist and my panties damp. My nightshirt was riding up my body, pushed there by Will's leg between mine. I cried out when a large, warm hand slid under the light fabric to palm my flat stomach, touching silky underwear and bare skin. "Let's find out."

"No." I gasped when those fingers slipped inside my panties and stroked the soft curls. Slowly, they parted my moist lips. His low chuckle made me shiver.

This couldn't be happening. Will couldn't be exploring between my legs, his muscled body pinning me to the kitchen counter, his touch light and teasing as he discovered how slippery my folds were. When his fingers massaged my clit, sudden wetness trickled onto his hand. More juice trickled down my thigh.

"Yes," Will murmured in my ear. "Mmm, yes, you are. You're so wet."

"Will, please," I groaned, as his hand became more insistent and my crotch became slicker. Fingers pinched my clit, much too good, rubbing it into embarrassing excitement. His lips were on my earlobe, sliding toward my throat. Every stroke and lick happened in slow motion. Then he caressed my opening.

"Uhhh." Instinctively, I tightened on his fingers, clenching thickness that stretched me too wide, just as Will made a surprised noise behind me.

"Please? You said please, baby?" His breath tickled my vulnerable neck. "You mean, please use only one finger, because your tiny, sweet, virgin pussy can't handle more than that?" I quivered, stunned, as he punctuated each dirty word with a little flex of his fingers. Thankfully, the pressure eased up. Then I stiffened when one finger sank deeper inside me, my cousin holding me close against the counter while he penetrated me. I was gasping, pinned in place by the firm leg between mine. When I squirmed, the material of Will's khakis rubbed against my bare thighs. My bare, wet, juicy thighs. The contact made me shudder with need. A hard bulge pressed against the curve of my lower back.

"Why are you doing this?" I whispered.

"Why are you still a virgin, Andie?" he whispered back.

"None of your business." I closed my eyes in embarrassment when my tight opening fluttered around Will's finger. He was moving it in and out, slowly, caressing me from the inside. His touch kept drawing slickness out from my folds.

"It is my business." His other hand still surrounded my breast, fondling it through my nightshirt. His body was warm and firm behind me. "Very much my business." My nipple ached, grazed teasingly by his palm. "What the fuck were you doing in college? How'd they let you graduate?"

"How'd they let you in?" I was standing on my bare toes, clutching the granite counter. Struggling only ground my wet mound against his wrist. The shining silver espresso maker swam in front of me. I tried not to moan. "Oh, wait. There's a building with your name on it."

Will laughed softly in my ear, but I felt his muscles stiffen. The large finger buried inside me sank deeper. I groaned, everything in my body crying out to push back against him. "You're here for the summer. I feel responsible."

"What are you saying?" I panted.

"Oh..." His palm slid up my stomach under my nightshirt, driving a gasp from my mouth when hot skin met the bare curve of my breast. "I think you know, Andie."

"Will, stop, you have to stop..." I begged, just as his finger slipped out of my wetness and found my clit again. Shamefully, my ass arched against the firm bulge nestled there. I couldn't keep back a loud moan.

"Really?" Will chuckled. I jerked against him at a bite on my earlobe. "Not when my sweet little cousin is so close to coming. I couldn't do that to you."

"Please," I pleaded. It ended on a sob as he rubbed my clit. Pleasure coursed through my pussy, rushing up to my nipples. I couldn't help thrusting my breast into my cousin's caressing hand. "Please stop, Will, please..."

"Uh," he grunted. He was pushing that hard bulge against my cheeks now, rhythmically. It felt huge. "No."

His hand left my breast, my nipple throbbing, to pull my panties from my dripping crotch. I gasped when a large finger worked into my tight opening again, stretching me, while more fingers mercilessly rubbed my clit. He was stroking me with both hands, pinning me to the counter with his body. The rich aroma of coffee wafted toward my nose.

"Have you ever gotten off, Andie? Ever, sweet baby?" His whisper was so soft and slow in my ear. "Do you know what it's like to come hard? Do you know what it's like to just give in to pleasure?" Each word tickled my earlobe. "Do you know what it's like to get exactly what you want?"

"No...not... Not hard," I whispered, flushing at the confession. A hot tongue stroked my neck. "I mean, I have, but it hasn't— Not with a guy, not like— Uhhh, Will..."

The pleasure built until I couldn't take it anymore. My pussy clamped down on my cousin's intruding finger, spasming again and again. I braced my hands on the counter, grateful for his firm thighs holding me in place.

"Oh..." I gasped. "Oh God. Will. Oh please..."

"There we go." Will murmured, grinding his cloth-covered bulge against my ass. I moaned and shook and came. I couldn't stop. "That's more like it." His breath was coming faster. "Little slut cousin," he whispered in my ear, and I gasped and convulsed again. Then he grunted, pushing against my quivering body with short jerks.

"What's happening?" I squirmed against my cousin. I didn't — he couldn't be — yes. He was. I knew exactly what was happening. I was grinding Will's solid thigh, gripping the cool granite countertop, rubbing my cream into a froth on his hands. My cousin was thrusting against me with long, smooth strokes. My body shook with pleasure as Will's satisfied groans filled my ears.

He held me firmly against him, cupping my pussy in both hands, as his thrusts slowed. Finally, his finger eased from my tight warmth. He gave my clit a little flick before smoothing my underwear in place and deftly straightening my nightshirt. And finally, thankfully, he stepped back.

"Turn around." His voice was calm, smiling. I realized my legs were shaky. Slowly, I turned around. "That's what happened." He pointed to the damp stain on his crotch, a stain on his otherwise impeccable khaki pants, and gave me a brilliant smile. "I jizzed my pants because my little virgin cousin came so hard when I fingered her, and it was so cute the way she kept begging me to stop."

I ran my fingers through my hair desperately. My panties were soaked, clinging to my damp pussy. "Will, listen."

"Want to help me clean up?" He pulled his zipper down. Just then, the front door opened.

*******

Whirling, I dashed out of the kitchen and into a long, hot shower. I was too stunned to feel anything but the drops raining down on my body. As they sluiced over my breasts, Will's hands were there again, cupping the soft mounds and pinching my swollen pink nipples.

In a daze, my own hand slipped between my legs to find the soaked folds that had just convulsed around my cousin's fingers. I shuddered, leaning against the slate tiled wall.

Pussy. His word, not mine. But the syllables sent out tendrils that wound around my arms and legs, my waist, my breasts. Now that he'd said it, touched me there, I couldn't stop thinking it. Steam rose and water splashed over me while I slowly stroked my clit, shame and excitement twining together into waves of pleasure that peaked in long, slow spasms.

Coffee. I still needed my coffee. Remembering that fragrant cup got me into a peasant blouse and cutoffs, dragged a comb through my long ginger strands, and propelled me out of my bedroom and back into the kitchen. By the counter stood Will, also freshly showered, in new clean khakis and a different polo shirt, talking with Aunt Rose.

"Andie, you want to hang out today?" He turned toward me. "I'll take you out." His voice was normal. Friendly. And his smile -- all wholesome family affection. "Here," he added, handing me my mug of cooled coffee. "We're going boating. Spence and Pax will be there, from the party. They both really liked Andie," he added to his mother off-handedly. Aunt Rose drawled something about nice boys and nice families.

"I have a lot to do." I gripped my coffee cup. What game was he playing? "Galleys to look over. Books to read. Work stuff. I'll just stay here." Quickly, I made for the back patio.

Outside, alone with the whispering trees, my mind struggled to make sense of what had happened. What was I supposed to do? Talk about it with Will? No, I should stay the hell away from him.

When the twin sounds of motors rumbled softly from the front of the house — Aunt Rose with the driver, Will in one of his cars — I slipped in through the back door, got my embroidered purse, and walked the two miles to the train station.

For hours, I followed the sidewalks in the city. The constant parade of color, sound, and smell absorbed me in its flow. I found a ramen shop and slurped noodles, my legs curled under the vinyl chair. I flipped through magazines in a store, smelling the inked pages, a retreat from the sticky heat outside. I played chess in a plaza with an old man who also had nothing to say. Bubbles rose in the air above us.

Why was I still a virgin? I'd told Will it was none of his business, but the truth was, I wasn't sure myself. I'd had boyfriends. We'd touched. It had been okay — just okay. And I'd never felt the urge for more. I'd never told my boyfriends I liked my own hands on my body better than theirs, or that I thought penises were a little ridiculous. I'd never wanted someone enough to take them inside me.

On the train home, the vague thought came that I should be furious. But all I felt was Will's hand between my legs. All I heard were his shockingly crude whispers in my ears.

*******

It was easy to avoid Will, the next few days. Between work and reasons to be out of the house, I simply didn't see him. Maybe he was never home during the week, anyway.

Sunday night, I'd stared at the lock on my door: clicking it, then unlocking it again. Finally, I left it unlocked. I tossed and turned on the smooth sheets, sweaty and sleepless, alert for the soft squeak of the door being pushed open. It never came.

At work, I made some friends, or at least people to linger with in the city. Meg and Emily were also just out of college, trying to save and moaning about their dating woes. Like me, they were up for splitting a bottle of cheap red three ways at Meg's apartment and making stovetop mac n' cheese.

During the man discussions, I listened more than I talked. Will's name didn't come up. When Emily insisted on setting me up with a friend of a friend, I agreed more quickly than I ever had to a blind date.

Thursday, Aunt Rose informed me over dinner that she and Uncle Richard would be going to Nantucket over the weekend, and asked pointedly if I had my own plans.

"Or are you included in Will's plans for the weekend?" She speared a cherry tomato with a fork.

Will, home for once and studying his phone at the table while I found a hundred reasons not to look at him, glanced up. Those clear green eyes settled on me. Uncle Richard, bored, was dictating something into his own phone.

"No," I said brightly. "I'll be busy. And I have a date."

"How nice, dear." Aunt Rose patted my arm. "Be safe."

Will's eyes flickered.

"With who?" Uncle Richard put his phone down, next to his plate of squid ink tagliatelle. Will's gaze made me nervous, but Uncle Richard's dark stare bored right through me.

"A friend of a friend. Of a friend."

"What's his name?"

"Richard, you don't need to launch an investigation," Aunt Rose murmured.

"He's advertised as being very nice." I took a long gulp from my glass, hoping the subject would blow over. I might be under Richard's roof for the summer, but I was an adult. Whether or not I felt like one.

"Nice is good." Will pushed back his chair and stretched. "I'm going to the Bahamas this weekend."

I choked on my cucumber water and tried to cover my snorting.

"Andrea, really," Aunt Rose drawled. Richard grunted, focused on his phone again, and Will, grinning broadly, reached over to pat my face with a napkin. I pushed his hand away.

"No, you're not," I said once I'd caught my breath. I could feel my blush, but spraying liquid across the elegantly set table had been satisfying.

"Sure I am. Leaving work early on Friday. Staying for two nights. Want to come?" Under the table, a warm leg nudged mine. Will's slacks brushed my bare skin.

"No, really, it's okay."

Aunt Rose twirled her fork, watching us lazily.

"I can buy you a ticket right now. First class."

"I already have plans."

Will cocked his head. "Don't you want to come, Andie?" he murmured.

This wasn't real. The travel, the money, the foot stroking my ankle. Will's eyes on me, like my aunt and uncle weren't in the room. I swallowed.

"No. Thank you. I already have plans this weekend."

Will got up. The grace in his body made my stomach curl. "Andie's welcome to come with me any time," he said to his parents. "She knows that. Standing invitation," he added over his shoulder as he left.

*******

That night, I phoned my own parents. Dialing the two numbers made me wince. I wondered how many weeks it would take until I got used to calling them separately.

"Are you holding up okay, sweetie?" my mom wanted to know. "I know you probably have all your needs taken care of, and I'm sure you're doing well at work, but my sister and her family—"

"They're crazy." Sitting on the plush carpet, I leaned my head against the carved bed frame. "I know. I don't know how they couldn't be."

"Rose was always crazy," my mother said dismissively. "Money's just given her more of an outlet. I don't know that she's ever loved Richard, or even Will, but she certainly loves her lifestyle. Has she had any procedures done since you arrived?"

"She looks great, Mom." Not the right thing to say, but I was too tired to care. There was a short silence.

"And how's work?"

"Long days." Thankfully. "Lots of challenges."

"I'm sure. But this is an amazing opportunity, Andie." My mom sounded like she'd repeated that phrase to herself, a lot. "The way they've stepped in— Your uncle has connections beyond what I can even imagine. I don't want to imagine. In fact, the less I think about Richard and what he does with his time and influence, the better."

"So let's not think about it." I ran my fingers through my long hair, twisting the red strands.

"I hope Will, at least, has been welcoming."

I closed my eyes. That deep voice murmured in my ear, taunting me: Do you know what it's like to just give in to pleasure? Do you know what it's like to get exactly what you want? Don't you want to come, Andie?

"Andie?" My mother's voice, now.

"Welcoming." I cleared my throat. "You could say that."

"I'm so glad." Relief filled my mother's voice. "That boy is beyond spoiled. I doubt he's ever heard the word 'no.' But I remember you getting along when you were kids."

Right. At my house, we'd climbed trees. At his house, I'd gasped at all the toys, overwhelmed, while he looked amused and even curious about my reaction. We'd gotten along fine on family visits, as long as I'd overlooked Will's calm, total assurance that everything would go his way.

"He's working most of the time." I drummed my fingers on my bare knee. Seeing those unsettling green eyes, hearing those soft crude whispers, made my fingers itch to slide up my leg and into my wet panties. I stroked my thigh, shivering, then squeezed the smooth flesh to keep my hand from going further. "Or partying. I have no idea. I hardly ever see him."

"At Richard's firm." My mother sighed. "Andie. Your aunt, uncle, and cousin live very differently than we do. Please, I beg you, don't get caught up in it."

And who the hell was "we"? My parents and I didn't make a family anymore. I'd moved out; my dad had moved out. I wasn't sure where home was, these days.

"I won't ever." I kissed the phone, like I always did when Mom and I talked. "Love you, Mom."

*******

Sunday night, I came back to a large, dark, and empty house. My feet ached from too much walking. My date tonight had been forgettable — at least, I was trying hard to forget. The house stretched open to me, an invitation.

Tiptoeing down the thickly carpeted hall, I swung doors open, peering into room after gracious room.

Will's room was dominated by a huge bed in the middle. Mahogany headboard, snowy white sheets, pillows piled high. The mountains of toys I remembered from childhood visits had been replaced with rowing trophies, an oar hanging on the wall, and a full-length pivoting mirror. I didn't have to open the big closet to know it held twice the number of clothes I owned.