Wife's Wedding Mis-Adventure

"I wish you wouldn't do this, honey," she said.

"Anything, you said," he reminded her.

"I know. And I will. I remember all of it. I'm still worried for you."

"Don't be. If you're going to worry about someone, worry about your lover," he snapped. He was nervous, anxious, and felt bad as soon as the statement left his lips. He saw the hurt in her eyes.

"I screwed up, Frank, and I'm sorry. But don't you dare call him my lover. There was no love involved in my one and only huge mistake," she answered. "Please, honey, don't try to make it what it wasn't."

He nodded. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. I guess I'm a little worked up. You better go now."

Annie nodded, then she jumped forward and hugged him. "Be careful. I love you."

"I will," he told her. He stood at the window and watched her get in her car and leave.

Frank made a few calls. He called the office, and told them he wouldn't be in. Then he called their doctor, and asked for an emergency appointment for that afternoon. When he hung up he was scheduled for two that afternoon. Then he made himself some oatmeal, and dashed it with cinnamon. He ate it all, and took an antihistamine, hoping he was guessing right.

He was sitting in his robe, drinking a Red Bull, when he heard the chime from the security system, advertising a door was opened. He took a deep breath, prepared himself, and waited next to the wall.

The kid walked through the archway from the kitchen, and Frank was ready. With three quick blows from the aluminum softball bat, Bobby was down.

What Frank hadn't expected was that the kid would bring his friends. He had no time to wonder what was going on, or why they were there. He screamed and started whaling on them with the bat, catching them by surprise.

Only a couple of minutes passed before he had all three on the ground, one out cold, the other two moaning from their injuries, whining and pleading for their lives. The two accessories were injured pretty badly, one wasn't moving, the other was clutching his knees which had taken the brunt of Frank's attack.

Bobby wasn't that lucky. Frank's bat had served its purpose, hitting all the kid's major joints. Knees, elbows, shoulders, ankles. One good blow to the head had the kid moaning, bleeding profusely from a scalp wound. The application of several hard blows to the balls were barely noticed at the moment but hopefully would have long implications.

Frank pressed the alarm button on the security panel, and called 911.

"911, what is your emergency?" The dispassionate voice came over the phone.

"I have three intruders who broke into my house through the back door. I fought them off with a baseball bat, but I'm afraid for my life. Please send someone as quickly as possible," Frank rattled off. "Get away!" he screamed dropping the phone. "I called the police," he continued his act.

He stood over the kids, tapping the knees of the stranger that was still moving, and occasionally giving Bobby a reminder blow between the legs.

The stranger kid was blubbering, saying he didn't do nothing, stop hurting him. Bobby just moaned a lot. When Frank heard the police outside, less than five minutes later, he reminded himself to write a letter later thanking them for their excellent response time. He dropped the bat near the door, and opened it for the police.

"They're in the kitchen," Frank said, holding his hands up, his robe opening and showing him to be wearing only his boxers. "They're all on the ground. I didn't now what to do."

The police had their guns out, and moved past him quickly. "Oh shit," one of them said, and Frank smiled.

"Officer Barnes, 10-52, ambulance needed, 3212 Hemlock, three suspects down. Request backup." Frank moved back to where the officers were checking on the boys.

"Please stand back sir," the older man told him as he got close enough to see what they were doing.

"Of course, officer," he said. He returned to the living room, and finished his Red Bull.

Within ten minutes the house was overrun. There were four policemen in attendance, the EMTs, and a huge audience out on the lawn. Frank watched from across the room as the boys were carted off in stretchers. He was surprised that nobody had asked him for his story yet.

When the last of the 'intruders' was gone, he found himself seated in front of the original two officers. "Can you tell us what happened?"

"I was in the front room, and heard the security chime. 'Back door' it said. I knew nobody was home, my wife is at her mother's, and I was worried, so I grabbed that bat," Frank nodded toward the bat by the front door, still laying where he'd left it, "from the closet. As I got near the kitchen I saw that big kid sneaking into the house. I noticed there were two others with him. So I hit him with the bat, and the others came at me. I didn't know if they had knives or guns, or whatever, so I just hit them all as hard and fast as I could until they were on the ground, and called 911."

"Do you know who they are?" the younger officer, Barnes, asked.

"I think the first one was the kid brother of one of my friends. I didn't notice at first, I've only seen him once. The other two I don't recognize."

The questions went on for a while. Frank was scratching the large red patches on his arms and chest. "Is something wrong?" the older officer, Martinez asked. "Were you injured?"

"This?" Frank asked. "I think it's an allergic reaction. I have an appointment to see the doctor in a little while. That's the only reason I'm home; normally I'd be in the office."

"So the house would normally be empty at this time?"

"On Fridays, yes. My wife works as a personal trainer four days a week, but the hours are variable. She spends most Fridays at her mothers, helping out around the house. She has arthritis, and Annie does her weekly cleaning."

Frank was scolded by both, telling him how dangerous it was, approaching three intruders. He should have just left the house and waited for the police.

"I didn't know they were there. I honestly didn't know if there was an intruder. I heard the door, and checked on it. It's been known to blow open before. I grabbed the bat remembering how the Wilsons had a daytime burglary a few weeks back. When I turned the corner, the kid was right in front of me, with two more behind him. I couldn't think of anything then but protecting myself."

"You 'protected' yourself pretty thoroughly. One of those kids was unconscious, and another one looked like he won't be walking anytime soon."

Frank tried to hide his enjoyment hearing the statement. "I might have gotten carried away. There were three of them, and I was already feeling a little loopy from the antihistamines I'm taking for the allergy. I was scared, and kept hitting them until they stopped trying to get up. I was afraid if they did, they would overwhelm me. I've never had to deal with criminals before."

Frank answered a few more questions before asking one of his own. "Can I call my wife? I'm afraid the whole neighborhood is going to be talking, and I'd like her to hear from me, before she gets a call from anyone else."

The officers agreed, and Frank continued his act. He noticed they were standing near enough to listen in on his call. He played his part, filling her in on what happened, asking her to calm down, telling her she didn't need to hurry home, he was fine, and there was very little damage. When he was done, he told her he loved her, and he'd see her later after his doctor appointment.

The officers took pictures, and assured him that he was safe. They told him there might be more questions later, and asked if he wanted to press charges.

"Should I?" he asked. "They didn't take anything, I stopped that."

The officers looked at each other. The older one answered. "I really shouldn't advise you on that, you'd be better off talking to an attorney, just in case. The thieves were pretty badly injured. We see a lot of this, high-school kids breaking into homes over the summer, stealing what they can. They might want to sue you. You'd be surprised at how screwed up the legal system is sometimes. I can't tell you that the best thing to do would be to charge them with anything and everything you can, so you'll have some options to negotiate with. Your lawyer would tell you that."

They gave him a card. "Here's the number to call. Speak with your attorney. For now since you insist, we'll charge them with breaking and entering, as well as trespassing. You did tell them to vacate the premises, as I recall?"

Frank nodded, surprised at how helpful these guys were. He'd never badmouth a cop again.

They stood and told him to keep in touch. "Take care of whatever that is. It looks scary," the younger guy said, while Frank scratched at the large red hives that cinnamon always gave him.

Frank thought their advice was good. He called his attorney, who recommended him to another. After a five minute discussion on the phone, and giving his assistant his credit card number, Jeremy Wills, Esq. assured him that the perpetrators would be charged with anything and everything he could think of, once he'd spoken to the ADA.

Frank was at his doctor's office almost an hour early. He got the shot he needed and was home waiting for his wife when she arrived at three o'clock on the dot.

~ * ~ * ~

Of course, nothing's ever simple. There was a lot of whining and screaming on the part of the victims. They swore they'd been invited over by the wife. Of course Annie knew she was to deny everything. She admitted to knowing Bobby, but not the others. She told the police that she had mentioned, in passing, that she was gone every Friday, and she imagined that's why they chose that day.

The fact that the three kids couldn't keep their story straight about why they were all three there, and what their intentions were, helped. Bobby was charged as an adult, while the other two were 17 and 16 years old. Their injuries were extensive, which was music to Frank's ears.

There were a lot of phone calls bouncing around, and the coincidence of Bobby screwing Annie, and then, less than a week later getting the shit beat out of him by Frank was hard to ignore. The day after Darren arrived back from his honeymoon, he showed up at Frank's door.

Frank invited him in, and offered him a beer.

"This is pretty fucked up, Frank. You went a little overboard, don't you think?"

"I don't know Darren. Why don't you send your wife over and I'll fuck her while you're in the room, and then you can tell me if I went overboard."

Darren realized that line of discussion wasn't going anywhere. The anger he felt at Frank's suggestion was murderous. He tried a different tack. "He's just a stupid kid. Shit, you put him in the hospital, and he's probably never going to be able to play competitive sports again."

"He's 18. If he's old enough to be practically raping someone's wife, he's old enough to learn the consequences. Consider it a cheap life lesson."

"Cheap? His life is ruined, Frank."

"So's my marriage. At least he lived to regret it. It was awfully tempting to use the bat on his head a little harder. Breaking into my house was pretty damned stupid. Not as stupid as fucking my wife, but close."

"Bobby says she invited him here. He was setup. You know they're going to put two and two together."

"Really? My wife invited him and his buddies over for a gangbang? Do you think anybody is going to believe that? What the hell is he doing calling a married woman anyway? Didn't anyone in your family teach the asshole right from wrong?"

"He fucked up. We know that. You went too far. You may have crippled him. He lost a testicle, damn it! You ruined any scholarship chances he had. This is going to cost my family a ton of money, and they didn't do anything to deserve that." Darren was growing exasperated. Sure, Bobby did wrong, but he was just a kid, still in high school. He didn't deserve what had happened to him.

"The only thing your family did wrong was forgetting to teach him not to fuck another man's wife, and not to brag about it afterward, especially not in public. Unfortunately, that's a huge fucking mistake. I'm tired of this conversation. Is there a point to this?"

"You need to drop the charges against him. That and pay his hospital bills after the insurance; my parents can't afford it."

"Sure, just send your wife over for me to fuck, and we'll call it even. I won't even insist on bringing two other guys over to make her airtight. Hell, she can even be drunk."

"Damn it Frank! This is not a joke. I'm serious."

"Me too, Darren. After I fuck your wife, wave her panties around in public, and brag about it, you tell me how I should behave. Until then, fuck you and your slimy family for raising an asshole punk like your brother."

"My wife's not a slut, asshole. Annie's the real problem—"

That was as far as he got before Frank turned the table over onto him, leaped over and punched him in the face before he could get up. Darren was on his back struggling to get out from under his chair and the table, until Frank started hitting him over and over. He lifted his arms to cover his head, helpless to stop the assault.

When the punches stopped, he looked up at Frank with fear in his eyes. This wasn't the Frank he knew. He saw Annie standing to one side, quietly watching. She turned and grabbed the phone.

"Honey, should I call the police? Do we have another intruder? Why did he attack you like that?"

"I'll leave it up to you, honey. Why don't you bring me my bat while we decide?"

Darren tried to move the table again, and it earned him a kick in the ribs, until he let it go. "Don't, Frank," he pleaded. "This has gone way too far." He saw that Anne was talking on the phone, as she turned her back to him. He could hear her talking as she left the room.

"Jenny? We've got a problem here. Your husband came over and attacked Frank for no reason — Well, they started out talking, and then he punched my husband — Yeah, I was here, I saw everything — Listen, we've been friends a long time, I don't want to have to call the police, can you just come over and get him? — No, I don't think he's going to be in any shape to drive — Alright, ten minutes, I'll see you then."

She had the bat in her hand when he returned. "Let me, honey? I owe his family one, for nearly destroying my marriage." She winked at her husband. "I can always say that I found him hitting you, and took the bat to him to make him stop."

"Don't do this, Frank," Darren pleaded. "I'm sorry I said anything bad about Annie. Bobby fucked up, and I guess he's going to have to learn from this. We can stop it now, before it gets out of hand."

Frank turned to his wife. "What do you think, honey?"

"He was only trying to help his brother. They are family, after all. I'm sure he regrets attacking you. I think we can let Jenny have him, after she and I have a talk." She stood over Darren, waving the bat. "You know, your wife was the slut. She was still pulling trains over at Sigma Chi two years after we graduated. And she went there sober."

"Bullshit. She told me all about her past, and that crap stopped her junior year."

Annie laughed. "Of course it did. And she didn't blow the stripper at her bachelorette party, just like she didn't fuck your best man only hours before you got married."

Frank looked at his wife in surprise. "No kidding? She fucked Ralph?"

Annie shrugged. "That's the rumor. Pretty vicious things, these rumors."

"You're lying," Darren said, once more trying to push the table off of himself.

Frank grabbed the table and lifted it up, placing it upright again. "Hey man, sorry to hear that. Ralph, huh? He always was a pig. Not the smartest choice for a best man. I never would have thought he'd fuck a buddy's wife."

Darren stood up, and accepted a towel from Annie, to wipe the blood off of his face. "I don't believe it. She wouldn't."

Frank nodded. "Good choice. You wouldn't want to mess with Ralph anyway. He'd kick your ass. You're better off letting him continue to fuck Jenny. It's not that big a deal, right?"

Annie spoke up. "Cut her a break, Frank. Jane says he was blackmailing her. He promised it would end once she tied the knot. She was still single when she did it."

Darren had murder in his eyes. "He was blackmailing her? With what?"

"I think that's a conversation you need to have with your wife," Annie said. "I don't know all the details, just what's going around the rumor mill."

He stood his chair up, and sat down. "Fuck. How did everything get so fucked up?"

Frank got a new beer out of the frig. "Too many assholes screwing other men's women."

Darren turned to Annie. "You sure about this?"

"Of course not. I wasn't there. I'm sure that's what people are saying, if that's what you're asking. I suppose it could be a lie. You want I should call Ralph and you can ask him?"

"No fucking way. I need to hear it from Jenny. Then I'll deal with that back-stabber."

Frank laughed. "Just make sure you remember to pay his hospital bill afterward."

"Fuck you, Frank."

"No thanks. I think I'll take a pass on Jenny, too. I don't want to catch anything."

"When did you become such an asshole, Frank?"

"Let me think . . . Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure it was the night of your wedding. How about you?"

Any further discussion of the matter ended when Jenny arrived. Annie met her at the door, and walked her into the kitchen. "See, they're playing much better right now. Before you go, we need to talk. Some . . . things came up, that you should know about."

The men drank their beers in relative silence, until the women returned a few minutes later. It was obvious that Jenny had been crying. "Let's go, Darren," she said, "before anything gets worse."

"You didn't, not with Ralph. Not on our wedding day," Darren said.

"We'll talk at home. This isn't the place."

"Just tell me that she's wrong. That you didn't fuck Ralph."

She sighed. "At home. Not here."

Darren was a broken man when he left the house. Frank closed the door behind them, and found his wife. "Did she really?"

"I don't know. It's a rumor. From her reaction, I think something happened."

"Shit. Now I feel kind of bad for him. How many other women we know are fucking around?"

Annie shrugged. "Statistics say about half. Rumors would suggest even more, but do we want to live our lives listening to every rumor?"

"What are the rumors about us?" he asked.

"I screwed up big time, at a wedding reception no less. Rumor has it that you're not the kind of person anybody should be messing with. And that I love you and regret what I did horribly."

~ * ~ * ~

In the end, to avoid problems, Frank agreed to drop all charges, as long as they agreed not to sue him for their injuries. They pleaded no-contest to trespassing, with only a fine and probation for Bobby, while his friends had to do some community service.

When the papers were signed, two of them were still in the hospital. The kid who had been knocked out was the lucky one, with only a mild concussion and minimal injuries. Poor Bobby wouldn't be doing any competitive swimming any time soon, if ever.

Coincidentally, Ralph ended up in the room right across the hall from Bobby. That had the rumors flying.

Things were still awkward in the Richardson household. Annie had been cleared of any STDs and was still playing the part of the repentant wife. She felt guilty at times for the beating that Bobby and his friends had received, but when she thought about him bringing two other guys over, she assumed to fuck her, she got over it.

They still had separate bedrooms, and although they could talk civilly to each other, things weren't what they had been. Not even close. The openness they had the day of Darren's visit was quickly a thing of the past.