A Ghost of a Chance

"Where are you guys going?"

Annie backed away from the front door and reversed until she could stick her head into her roommate's bedroom, "The usual. Spotted Cat on Hudson."

Meghan nodded and looked at Annie and her two friends, "Can I tag along?"

Michelle waved her arms magnanimously, "Why of course, milady... but you know it's a gay bar, right?"

Meghan's face broke into a sly smile, "It's the one with the super cute bartender right? What's her name? Katie?"

"K.T.. Kirsten Turner. But don't call her Kirsten if you value your life. And you're into women? How have I not known this until now?" Annie exclaimed as Jo and Michelle burst into laughter.

"It's not a standard question landlords ask sub-lettors... and I've been travelling a lot since I moved in... so I've been looking for the right opportunity to bring it up. What's so funny?"

Michelle wiped her eyes as tears came streaking out, "Alex is not going to believe this."

"Believe what?" Meghan looked between the three women, all of whom were trying to shake themselves off the laughing fit.

"Grab your coat. Let's go," Annie shooed them out of the apartment as Jo started to explain, "Alex is convinced that Annie's turning the apartment into an Econolodge for LGBT tenants."

"Lucy was straight." Annie protested.

Jo started counting on her fingers, "Fine, Lucy aside... First there was Sienna and Sasha, whose parents needed a place to stay over Christmas, then after Lucy moved out there was Marco who almost set off World War Three in the building because he was blasting his music so loudly Alex had to bring Annie in to mediate."

"Oh god, he didn't last more than six months," Annie shuddered at the memory, "Then Craig and Jonas sublet for about a year while their apartment was getting renovated. They were so sweet... and then you came along, Ms. Meghan."

"Although Annie's gaydar completely failed her. She was convinced she broke the streak." Jo laughed again.

Meghan smiled, "I bet your gaydar failing was due to a certain client taking up most of your brain space..."

Annie looked at her roommate, "What?"

Meghan shrugged as they stepped out onto the street, "One of the first things I heard you talk about was that house call you made to Cal's apartment. I thought you were going to moan and groan about having to trek up there, but instead, it was all about Cal, her kids, and how amazing she was."

"I did?" Annie tried to think back to the summer.

Meghan nodded, "And then every Tuesday, you'd be buzzing around in the morning, and buzzing around at night. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure it out."

Annie blushed, "I didn't know I've been so obvious."

"No, no," Meghan shook her head reassuringly, "You always put your game face on before you headed out for the day."

Jo grabbed Annie by the shoulders, "Oh, you are SO busted Annie Frye!"

Annie looked at Meghan, "You're kind of freaking me out right now. I didn't know I was under observation."

"You weren't!" Meghan said, horrified, "No -- really, I wasn't spying on you. It was just really clear that being with Cal makes you happy. And from what you've described, you make her happy, too."

Annie smiled at that. She nodded, "Maybe. But alas, she remains frustratingly out of reach."

"Good thing we have lots of alcohol ahead of us tonight," Michelle joked as the subway trained hurtled down towards the West Village.

"That'll keep K.T. busy," Meghan cut in, "And gives me lots of opportunity to get to know her..."

Annie shrugged, "K.T.'s kind of going through a slutty phase right now. Or maybe that's what you're looking for...?"

"Am I her type?" Meghan asked as they walked towards the bar.

"Are you a lying, cheating asshole?" Jo asked.

Meghan shook her head emphatically, "Absolutely not."

"Then you are her type," Annie and Michelle said together.

Annie laughed. Meghan pursed her lips, "What am I missing?"

"K.T. has not been having the best of luck with romance. First, her girlfriend dumps her after they'd been together for five years. Then she met Tori and it was going great until last month when she found out Tori had been cheating on her with some guy who... and here's the kick in the teeth... was someone K.T. dated in college." Michelle raised both hands in surrender, "I mean, that's like too much assholicness for one person to have to process, right?"

Meghan shook her head, "That's, like, deep sphincter-level assholes. Wow."

"So, needless to say, K.T. is getting a lot of stuff out of her system. So approach with caution." Annie pushed open the door of the bar.

Meghan followed the three women inside. They quickly settled into a small table in the corner.

Jo nodded towards the bar, "I'll go grab us some beer. Meghan, care for an introduction?"

Annie watched Jo and Meghan thread their way to the bar, "This is going to be interesting."

Michelle craned her neck as she tried to keep Jo and Meghan in her sightline, "Aha! Jo's made the intro."

Annie checked her phone, she was expecting a text from Cal about the next morning.

"What's with the phone? You've been checking it obsessively all night," Michelle asked.

"Waiting to hear from Cal about tomorrow morning, no big deal," Annie threw her phone on the table.

"So what's going on with Cal? Is tomorrow a date thing?"

"Woah-woah-woah! Don't get started without me!" Jo slid back into her chair and angled her head towards the bar, "I did the intro. They're chatting... if K.T. breaks out a dirty martini for Meghan, that'll be the sign that Meghan's in..."

"I don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing," Annie observed.

"Probably neither. So... Cal?"

"-ifornia dreaming," Annie deadpanned.

"Classic deflection," noted Jo with mock concern, "We clearly need to dig into her, um, lawyer problem."

Annie rolled her eyes, "It's not a problem."

Two sets of eyes looked at her with great skepticism.

"It's really not!" Annie exclaimed.

Neither Jo nor Michelle changed the expressions on their faces.

Annie threw up her hands in surrender, "FINE. What do you want me to say? I'm in love with her. I love her kids. We spend practically every weekend together. I know she's into me. But every time I think we are about to kiss or something, she backs off. Like, way, way off."

"And then what happens?" Jo asked.

Annie rolled her eyes, "Then I don't hear from her for a day or two, and then she texts, and I text back... or she calls and we go grab dinner. Or she forwards me an invite to a benefit for next week and asks if I want to go with her..."

Michelle leaned in, "And are you going to go with her?"

"YES!" Annie hid her face behind her hands. She mumbled something neither of her friends could hear.

"What did you say?" Michelle asked.

Annie looked up, "It's like we are a couple, but we aren't."

Jo crossed her arms, "What?"

"It's like we are a couple," Annie repeated, "But we aren't. We go to dinner like a couple would, you know, date night. The babysitter comes, we say goodnight to the kids, and then off we go. But it's not date night. It's just dinner, but I know it feels like date night to both of us. Except we aren't dating."

Jo shook her head, "Time to fish or cut bait."

"JO!" Michelle exclaimed, "That's a bit harsh, don't you think? I really like Cal -- she's just dealing with a lot right now!"

Annie looked between her friends as they proceeded to have a heated debate about what Annie should do. "Hey!" Annie interrupted them, "Guys, you know I'm still sitting right here, right?"

"Sorry," Jo looked a little sheepish, "I have scar tissue from watching another friend hang around waiting for someone who was never going to get on board."

"That was different!" Michelle insisted, "That Nomi woman is crazy-super-duper closeted. Sarah should definitely stay away..."

"It's different, but similar. Cal may not be closeted, but she's in bad headspace right now and will be for god knows how much longer. I liked Cal when we met up that time, but there's a part of her that's totally closed off. You can't really wait around for that to clear up, because it might never clear up." Jo shrugged, "Sorry, Annie, not what you want to hear, but it's the truth."

Meghan returned with a round of beers and flopped into the empty seat at the table, "Drink up!"

Annie stared at the wood grain of the table, running her eyes along the ridges of the surface, "So you're basically saying I don't have a snowball's chance in hell."

Meghan clucked her tongue and shoved a beer in front of Annie, "Except Cal likes you -- she wouldn't keep asking you to hang out otherwise, right?"

Michelle, ever the optimist, raised her eyebrows, "So maybe you have a slight chance. A ghost of a chance."

Annie laughed bitterly, "There's a ghost in this equation alright, and she's definitely not on my side."

Annie took a big gulp of beer and shrugged. "Maybe Jo is right," she allowed, "Maybe I should just--" But she couldn't finish the sentence. The thought of not seeing Cal or the kids was unfathomable. "Ugh. This sucks," she muttered half-heartedly.

"The old Annie would have been outta there a long time ago..." observed Jo.

Annie held up a hand, "Okay, stop right there. Don't even start with that, okay? First, Alex has already been giving me shit for it."

Jo grinned even more, "Sorry, couldn't resist."

"And second, it's different than the others in the past. Those losers just couldn't commit, and would fuck around and play head games. Cal's different. I know she's not playing around -- she's just holding a lot right now. She's... she's just different. But enough about this. We aren't solving this tonight. What happened with K.T.?"

Meghan took a sip of her beer, "We chatted -- mostly about how I know you guys. She seemed distracted. Or uninterested. Either way, I wasn't going to get anywhere. So I grabbed our drinks and came back."

Jo stole a glance at the bartender, "That's weird. No offense, but she's been propositioning people left and right... Maybe she already has a hook-up for tonight or something..."

Meghan flushed red, "Geez, that makes me feel awesome. Thanks!"

"Trust us," Annie held up her beer in salute, "It's not you. It's her."

Meghan tapped her beer against Annie's, "Friday night, and both of us left wanting. Too bad we're not into each other."

They both drained their drinks. Annie pointed to Meghan's empty glass, "One more? What about you guys, want some food as well?"

Michelle nodded, "I'll have another -- but why don't we head across to the East Village for some ramen after this?"

"YES! Oh, that is going to hit the spot," Annie got up and headed to the bar. It was moments like this where she missed Alex the most. Jo and Michelle were awesome, but late night ramen runs were what she and Alex did a lot of when Alex lived in New York. They'd made it their mission to root out the small hole-in-the wall ramen bars with the best broth and the least number of snobby foodies. And then they'd sit, talk, and slurp through bowls of deliciousness into the wee hours of the morning.

Annie sighed. K.T.'s greeting shook her out of her thoughts, "Hey A-train!"

"Hey yourself! One more round," she indicated with a nod to K.T., holding up four fingers, "Same as before."

K.T. tilted her head in acknowledgement and pulled the beers.

"You doing okay?" Annie asked.

K.T. shrugged, "Same old, same old. Met your roommate."

"I'm just getting to know her myself, she's been traveling a lot," Annie explained, "Seems nice. She's 'family,' you know?"

K.T. looked up, "Really? Wow. I totally got the flirty straight girl vibe."

Annie chuckled, "She flew under my radar too. Glad to know I'm not the only one."

"Huh," K.T. looked over at Meghan thoughtfully, "Intriguing. Here you go," she said, sliding over the tray of drinks.

"Thanks." Annie laid some cash on the bar for the order and tipped her head towards her table, "Are you interested?"

"I'm a mess right now, you know that," K.T. shrugged, "How about you, how are you doing?" K.T. wiped her hand on a towel.

Annie waggled her head with ambivalence, "Could be better... we're headed out after this for some ramen -- wanna come?"

K.T. flipped the towel over her shoulder, "Can't. I have to close up tonight so I won't get out of here until two the earliest." She looked over at Annie's table again, "But maybe next week?"

Annie grinned, "Okay. Thanks for these."

"You look pleased with yourself," Michelle observed when Annie returned and doled out the beer.

Annie's eyes sparkled with amusement, "She thought Meghan was straight. You apparently give off 'flirty straight girl vibes.'"

Meghan blushed, "I do not. I haven't come across as straight for years and years. You east-coasters have funky gaydars."

"Oh, those are fighting words!" Jo laughed.

Annie placed a beer in front of Meghan as a peace offering, "I'm just saying: she didn't shut you down because she didn't like you. She thought you played for the other team."

Annie's phone buzzed. She smiled. {Cal} 8am breakfast at Bubby's tomorrow?

{Annie} You got it. How was your day?

{Cal} Average. How was yours?

{Annie} Average... but getting better (having drinks with Jo and Mish).

{Cal} Say hi for me. Can't wait to see you tomorrow.

{Annie} Same here. Have a good night. xo.

{Cal} Right back at ya. xo.

Annie stared happily at Cal's last text before putting her phone down.

"Cal says hi," Annie reported. She looked up to see three faces staring at her with bemusement.

"What?" She asked defensively.

"You are sooo in love what that woman, Annie! Jesus, it's like, oozing out of you. And that was just texting. What's it like after you spend time together?" Jo smirked.

Annie's shoulders sagged with resignation, "Yeah, I'm pretty much up shit creek without a paddle."

Jo shook her head, "You sure are. I have serious doubts, but I really hope Cal comes around."

--Chapter 7: The Sleepover (That Saturday Night)--

Cal kissed both kids goodnight and switched out the light. Jamie was asleep before Cal finished reading, but Adrian was still wide awake.

"I can't sleep," he whispered loudly.

"You haven't even tried yet, bub," Cal said gently, "You can do it. I love you."

"I want Annie to come and say goodnight."

Cal sighed, "Annie has to go home, sweetie, but I'll ask her, okay? No promises."

Cal quietly closed the door. Annie was sprawled out on the couch, reading the newspaper.

"There's a request for you to say goodnight. Sorry."

Annie hopped up, "You know this could have been prevented if --"

"Yes," Cal held up her hands in surrender, "If I didn't insist on doing bedtime by myself."

Annie nodded sagely as she made her way to the kids' room, "Correct-a-mundo."

"But I felt bad -- it's not really your job," Cal said honestly.

Annie tapped Cal's cheek with the tips of her fingers, "You're cute. Really. And dumb as a post sometimes. I wouldn't offer if I didn't want to."

Cal froze, words failing her as she watched Annie tiptoe in to see Adrian. She pressed her palm against her cheek, Annie's gentle chiding poking a big old hole in the charade Cal tried to pull off. Cal had insisted on doing bedtime by herself because it had started to feel completely normal for Annie to help put the kids to bed. Cal felt that she was starting to rely on Annie for too much, and she knew that she had been craving Annie's presence in a way that was becoming harder and harder to suppress. It made her head hurt.

Ten minutes later, when Annie emerged from the children's room, she found Cal semi-prone on the couch with a telltale bottle of ibuprofen and a glass of water on the coffee table.

"He's down," Annie whispered.

Cal half opened her eyes, "Thanks. What was up with him?"

"Turns out he's worried about going to Joey's birthday party tomorrow." Annie said as she lowered herself onto the couch.

Cal eyes popped open, "Huh?"

"It's at Bowlmor Lanes, remember? He's worried because he doesn't know how to bowl."

Cal sat up, distressed that she had not noticed her son being upset, "Why didn't he tell me?"

Annie shrugged, "He's six! He was probably working up to it and ran out of time. Don't stress about it. I told him that most people don't know how to bowl, and even if he was the only one at the party who didn't know how to do it, his job is to have fun tomorrow."

"How are you so good at this?"

Annie shook her head, "I am not. But I do have three older siblings who all have children, so I guess some stuff must have seeped in through osmosis..."

The full force of a week's worth of emotional and physical fatigue hit Cal all of a sudden. She leaned forward and buried her face in her palms. I will not cry. I will not cry. I will not cry.

Annie was by Cal's side immediately. She ran her hand up and down Cal's back, "Hey..."

"I'm okay," Cal mumbled through her hands, "Just give me a minute."

When she felt Cal relax slightly, Annie slid behind Cal and extended a leg on each side of Cal's body, "Lean back."

Cal looked behind her, "What?"

"Lean back," Annie repeated as she motioned for Cal to recline, "Come on, Warner, just do it."

Cal knew she shouldn't, but every fiber of her being was screaming for Annie's attention. With a deep breath, she complied and leaned back. Annie began a slow relaxing massage; she started with Cal's head, and worked her way down Cal's neck, shoulders, and upper arms. Neither one spoke, both women quietly taking stock of that moment. It would be too simplistic to say that they were enjoying their closeness -- the labyrinth of emotions and expectations wouldn't allow for it -- but it was incontrovertible that they both needed it... and both wanted it.

When Cal opened her eyes, the room was dark. She blinked as she looked at the clock: 1:23am. She realized she was still lying on Annie, and Annie's arms were wrapped around her chest. At some point, Annie had pulled a blanket over them. Cal closed her eyes and listened to Annie's steady breathing. I must have fallen asleep. Oh Christ! And then she was stuck. Cal stayed still. It felt so amazing to have Annie's arms around her. It would be so nice if... "Shit." She muttered to herself.

Annie stirred, "Cal?"

"Annie, sorry!" Cal shifted, "I didn't mean to fall asleep. You should have woken me!"

"I was surprised you didn't wake yourself up, you snore like an old man!" Annie grinned.

Cal looked at Annie, horrified, "I do?"

Annie laughed, "No, you don't. Your face just now was priceless."

Cal gave Annie a playful shove, "You're horrible. But nice. Thank you."

"You're welcome. You clearly needed the sleep," Annie stretched, "I should get going."

"You can stay... if you want to... uh, in the guest room, I mean," Cal added quickly.

Annie smiled and cocked an eyebrow, "No different than the other times I've stayed over, you mean."

"Right," Cal blushed, embarrassed that she'd made it awkward... or worse, clued Annie in on the inappropriate images bouncing around in her brain.

"Alrighty then," Annie shuffled off the couch and folded the blanket, "See you in the morning."

"See you in the morning," Cal agreed.

Annie fell face first on the the bed in the guest room and yanked the blankets around her. She flung her clothes off and was about the reach up and switch off the light when a text came in.

{Cal} Sleep well.

Annie smiled, {Annie} That all depends on whether you snore. xo.

Through the walls of the apartment, Annie heard the faint ping from Cal's phone as the text landed, followed quickly by an indignant "Hey!" from Cal. Annie heard Cal's bedroom door open, and her footsteps approach.