A Ghost of a Chance

Annie sat up and pulled the blankets around herself, "Yes?" She called out, knowing that Cal was on the other side of the door.

Cal opened the door and froze. Annie sleeps naked??!!!

"Something wrong?" Annie asked, thrilled with the reaction she was getting out of Cal.

Cal narrowed her eyes and forced herself to focus, "I sent you a nice good night message, and you had to bring up the snoring thing again..."

Annie flashed a toothy grin, "I'm just doing my civic duty and saving the tri-state area from your sonorous emissions..."

"Don't you have a home of your own to go to?" Cal crossed her arms and tried to look impatient, which was hard to do as she couldn't stop smiling.

"Yes, but you see, someone fell asleep on me and was impervious to waking so it was kinda hard to make an exit... And now," Annie looked down at her blanket-encased body, "it'll be a little awkward to get up and go."

When Cal's mouth dropped open, Annie knew she'd won. She blew Cal a kiss, "Good night, Callan."

"Good night, Annabelle." Cal surrendered and retreated to the safety of her own room, the images of Annie's bare shoulders and her lips sending a kiss Cal's way etched in her brain.

It took a while for Annie to fall asleep, she couldn't stop playing moments of the evening over and over, commiting to memory what it felt like to hold Cal in her arms.

"Up shit creek. No paddle. Boat sinking. What the fuck am I doing?"

It's worth it, a little voice reminded her.

"It better fucking be," Annie groaned, "Because I can't take much more of this..."

--Chapter 8: The Office Party (Two Months Later - December)--

"Are you sure you don't want to come with us?" Alex jammed a hiking boot into her suitcase.

"Positive," Annie nodded, "Just going to hang out in the city. It'll be nice and quiet with nobody here."

Alex smirked, "Cal will be in the city though, yes?"

Annie's eyes glared, "That's not the reason I'm staying!"

"Nice try, Bella-bear, but I'm not buying it. Your parents are going to Hawaii, and you declined their invitation to go to Hawaii. Jess and I are taking her parents to the Grand Canyon, one of the destinations on your bucket list, and you say you don't want to join us. Your siblings are gathering in Philly and you can't even commit to taking a train ride over there for a day... Definitely NOT buying it."

Annie arched an eyebrow, "Wrong. So, so, wrong. My parents are going to Hawaii with three other couples, none of whom is bringing their kids. So I have no interest joining that boondoggle. My siblings are gathering in Philly at their respective in-laws. Not a one is a choice Christmas destination. And Arizona is a Wainwright thing, and I'm, like, three degrees removed from Wainwright-ness..."

"My parents will love you," Jess jumped in, "so that excuse won't work."

Alex zipped up her suitcase and stood up, "You're hanging around the city because Cal is spending Christmas here, and you're waiting for her to invite you over for Christmas dinner. Maybe I got the other stuff wrong, but I'm not wrong about that."

Annie flopped face forward on the couch, "I hate you."

Alex chuckled, "Oh, how the tables have turned..."

Annie turned her head and looked at her friend, "Huh?"

"I seem to remember someone telling me a couple years ago that I shouldn't wait around for something that might not happen."

"That was different," Annie said unconvincingly.

"What was different?" Jess came out of the master bedroom.

Alex grinned, "I was just reminding Annie of how she wanted me to move on when you were freaking out about our relationship."

"It was different. It was TEMPORARY!" Jess objected, smiling back at her wife.

Annie buried her head in a pillow and groaned, "I hate you both. I can't believe I've had to listen to you guys do it the past couple of nights. It's like pouring lemon juice on a cut."

Alex lifted an eyebrow, "It's the price you pay for living in my apartment rent-free while I'm gone. I get to come back and have loud sex with my wife whenever I want."

"Alexandra!" Jess admonished; she was blushing furiously. "Were we really being that loud?"

Annie sat up, "No... but I'm well-versed enough in the intricacies of Sapphic love to pick up on telltale bed squeaks and interstitial silences... But you guys better not be doing any kinky shit in there -- I promised Meghan you'd return the room in pristine condition."

Alex snorted, "None of your business, Bear. And don't worry, we'll be the perfect guests. Meghan won't even notice that we've been in there. Very nice of her to let us crash while she's home for the holidays, by the way."

"Yes it was. So don't screw it up," Annie leaned her head back, closed her eyes and sighed.

"Maybe you should call in the cavalry... you know, for some short term distraction," Alex mused, "Call Zoe. She'd be up for it."

Annie opened her eyes, "Fuck off. And NO. That is a total non-starter."

"Have you talked to Cal about it?" Jess asked. She settled in next to Alex on the couch.

Annie shook her head. "She's said 'I don't want to date' enough times that I know it's not worth talking about. Except every time I decide that I'm going to just give up, she does something or almost kisses me or whatever, and I get all hopeful again. So here I sit, lovelorn and pathetic."

"Darling, you've met Cal, what do you think?" Jess looked at Alex.

Alex shrugged, "She was nice, yeah, I liked her."

"Noooo, silly, I was asking if you thought Cal was throwing off the right kind of vibes about Annie."

"I guess, sure," Alex looked confused.

"She's the wrong person to ask, Jess, you know that. She wouldn't know a come-on from a hole in the wall. And they hung out for literally ten minutes when Alex did her fly-by last month," Annie ruffled Alex's hair affectionately.

"She was nice, really," Alex insisted, "Hey, enough with the hair!".

"I'm sure she was. But Annie, it'll do you good to get away. Come to Arizona with us: we need an American with us to show us around!" Jess felt bad for Annie. She and Alex had arrived earlier in the week as a stopover from London: Alex wanted to catch up with some friends and touch base with a handful of New York colleagues. It didn't take long for them to see that Annie was crushed by Cal's reluctance to move beyond friendship.

Alex sighed, "Annie, you spend more time with Cal than anyone else at this point. I know you said that there's something there. Why not just put it all on the table? Maybe she's waiting for you to make a move?"

Annie lifted up her head and looked at her friends, "I don't think she's waiting for me to do anything. I'm competing with the ghost of her dead wife. And the ghost always wins."

"Well, I don't know about that," Alex said quietly, "Cal keeps inviting you out for stuff, doesn't she? You didn't get home until three in the morning that night you went out to the benefit with her."

"How do you know that?" Annie frowned.

"Because you called me in London to gush about it and it was eight in the morning my time, you muppet!"

"Oh, yeah, right. Every time I say goodbye to her, I tell myself we shouldn't spend so much time together. Then we text, or call, or email, and we always end up figuring out something else to do. I've never had a connection like this with anyone..." Annie paused when Alex put on a hurt face. "Oh please, Alex, you know what I mean."

"Maybe you should take a different tack," Jess jumped in, "Maybe you need to let Cal know that at some point you are going to have to make a choice: life with her in it -- and that means a relationship, not a friendship, or life without her in it."

"She's not going to react well to an ultimatum. She won't fight for this, whatever 'this' is." Annie shook her head.

"It isn't an ultimatum if it's the truth of what you are dealing with," Jess said earnestly.

"This isn't working for you Annie, look at you!" Alex leaned over and gave Annie a squeeze, "I know you are madly in love with her, but as you so wisely said to me, if both people aren't in it together, it's not a relationship."

Jess walked into the kitchen and put on the kettle, "When are you seeing her next?"

"Tonight. Christmas drinks with the partners at the law firm. Then we are going to dinner afterwards."

Jess poked her head out of the kitchen, "Well then, let's get to work - we need to get you ready and make it really hard for Cal to not want to snog the hell out of you. What's the dress code?"

"Business casual. One of the partners at her law firm is hosting it at his apartment on the Upper East Side."

Alex made a face.

"Don't judge the Upper East Side! You're practically one of those Wall Street fat cats... so don't go making faces, Alex Mak!"

Alex waved her hand dismissively, "I don't prance around in fur coats and George Hamilton tans..."

Annie threw a pillow at Alex, "No need to be mean, Alexandra.... But holy shit, you with a fake tan in a Cruella de Vil get up..." The two of them dissolved into giggles.

Jess stood in front of Annie's closet, "Now, let's have a think -- come on, show me what your go-to outfits are."

Alex was trying to choke out words in the midst of her laughing fit, "White.. stripe... hair..."

Annie roared her approval, "Mak-Skunky! Jesus, that's perfect!"

"Stop being such prats, you two!" Jess huffed, regarding the two women with amusement.

Alex nudged Annie, who reluctantly turned her attention to Jess, "I don't want to dress up. Everyone is going to think I'm trying to hard!"

"Rubbish," Jess said as she started pulling out potential outfits, "They are going to take one look at you and think that Cal is an absolute arse for introducing you as 'just a friend'."

Alex watched with interest as Jess helped Annie get ready. She'd been out to formal events with Annie before, and knew that her best friend turned heads, so she didn't really get why Jess was fussing so much. Annie never really cared for fancy stuff anyway -- she didn't really need to -- so Alex looked on with bemusement until she saw what Jess and Annie managed to do. Annie's hair, usually pulled back in some fashion, now fell in full, thick waves around her shoulders. Jess had applied the slightest accents of make-up, drawing out Annie's long lashes and high cheekbones. A subtle but warm shade of lipstick completed the minimalist, carefree look. Annie wore simple black pants with a white wrap top that showed off just enough of her breasts without being garish.

"Wow," Alex whistled, "I didn't know business casual could be so alluring!"

"Eyes up, darling," Jess teased, pleased with her handiwork.

Alex squeezed her eyes shut, "The outfit is definitely a winner," she blurted out.

"I feel like a moron." Annie pulled her boots on, "I live in sweats and sneakers. I feel like a monkey in a costume. Why am I doing this again? Didn't we just come to the conclusion that I've just been barking up the wrong tree?"

"I'm horrible at reading situations, but Annie, you aren't. I know you think it's the right tree. The tree's just too stubborn to admit it." Alex gave Annie a reassuring squeeze across the shoulder, "So I think it's fair game to call out the tree for its stupidity."

"Why now? Honestly, I think this is just going to end badly. Maybe this fun, flirty thing we have is fine."

Jess crossed her arms, "Annie, really! You've been lovesick for the past couple of days that we've been here, and god knows how long before that. Whatever you have right now with Cal is definitely not fine."

"Hey, you're one to talk -- it took you guys years to figure it out. It's only been six months for me and Cal... and she has a dead wife," Annie suddenly groaned and sank in the couch, her head in her hands.

"Totally different, Annabelle," Alex said, sitting down next to Annie, "Jess and I lived different lives on different continents. Us being together wasn't in the realm of possibility... she was straight!"

"Mostly. Mostly straight," Jess interjected, struggling to keep a smile off her face.

Annie caught a charged look that passed between the two women, "Oh my god you two, just go get a room already. And while you're at it, pour more lemon juice on my gaping wound and rub some salt into it for good measure. Geez!"

"Sorry, Annabelle," Alex looked genuinely remorseful, "Sorry. I didn't mean to walk us into that one."

Jess smiled as she held out Annie's coat, "As my friend Cathy likes to say, 'Bite the bullet,' this in-between limbo space you are in is not sustainable."

"So what you're saying is, it's going to suck either way," Annie mumbled as she put her coat on, "Maybe I should go to Arizona with you guys and never come back."

Half an hour later, Annie was ringing the buzzer outside Cal's apartment building. I really feel like an idiot.

"ANNIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" The unmistakable shriek from Adrian came spiraling through the elevator shaft.

"Hey, shorty!" Annie gave the boy a big hug as the elevator doors slid open.

Adrian led Annie into his home, breathless with excitement, "Everyone's here! Grammie, and um, Paw-Paw and Goong-goong, and um, Grammie and Pops!"

Annie put on a brave smile and threw her coat onto the bench by the front door, "Okay! Let's go see 'em!" Christ almighty, I forgot they were all going to be here this week. Annie thought Cal would open the door, step out and they'd head to the party. But no, apparently this was going to be her version of "Meet the Parents".

Cal was helping Jamie put together the last few pieces of her Lego set when Annie walked into the living room. Cal glanced up quickly and did a double take. Wow. Cal couldn't stop staring. Jamie, noting her mother's distraction, extracted the black Darth Vader head from between Cal's inattentive fingers and triumphantly snapped it into place, "Finished! Mommy, look!"

Cal gave her daughter a sidelong smile, but quickly returned her gaze towards Annie, "Hi!" The greeting sounded strange coming out of her mouth, she sounded more surprised than she intended to. The other adults in the room had quieted down with Annie's arrival, and were now looking between Cal and Annie with growing interest.

"Annie, we made Darth Vader!" Jamie waved her Lego figure in front of Annie before she tore out of the room shouting, "I'm going to show Adrian!"

"Hey Cal," Annie said quietly. She looked around the room and waved a hand at no one in particular, "Hello everyone from Cal's family whom I haven't met!"

Cal remained speechless. Annie's eyes were sparkling. Her hair was down, the ends just grazing her shoulders. Her mouth was curled up in a cute, sexy, grin. Annie has a dimple when she smiles like that. How have I never noticed that before? I must have noticed it before. Let me think--

"Cal?"

Cal's head snapped up and turned towards her mother, "Yeah! Hey, mom. What's up?"

Kate Warner rolled her eyes, "I really raised you better than this you know, Callan." She turned to Annie and extended her hand, "Hi, I'm Cal's mom. Please, call me Kate."

"Hi Kate, it's nice to meet you," Annie liked Kate immediately. She was an older, shorter version of Cal, with blonde hair that was closely cropped in a no-nonsense style.

Cal stood up, "I'm sorry. Darth Vader was a little distracting. Everyone, this is Annie, Annie, this is everyone: that's dad, that's mom, you've met Torrey and Brandon, that's my sister-in-law Gina, you know May and David of course, and last but not least, that's Becca's brother Alan and his wife Heather."

Annie's eyes swept the room, and realized that everyone was looking at Cal as she made introductions. Wondering why, she turned to Cal. Their eyes locked. Oh great. Now what? They were all looking at Cal who was looking at me. "It's nice to meet you all!" Annie looped some hair behind each ear.

"I'm delighted to meet you; Robert Warner," Cal's father stepped forward.

"Hi," Annie shook his hand.

"You've met Torrey and Brandon already?"

Annie nodded, "Yes, we've met."

May came over and gave her a hug, "Good to see you Annie. Going out with Cal tonight?" May asked with a knowing look. Annie blushed.

"We better get going, actually," Cal cut in, "Let me go grab my coat."

"Cal's been talking a lot about you," Robert mused.

"I have not!" Cal yelled from the front hallway.

Yes she has! Mouthed Kate, smiling conspiratorally.

Jamie, Adrian, and their two cousins came running back into the room and saved Annie from responding to Kate's comment. Jamie tugged on Annie's sleeve, "Annie, are you staying for dinner?"

"No honey," Annie ruffled the girl's hair, "But maybe we can hang out later this week or something, okay?"

"Kay! Hey guys, let's go check and see if the glue's dried! Come on!"

Cal stuck her head back into the living room after dodging the kids' stampede, "Annie, you ready?"

Annie nodded. She shrugged apologetically, "Sorry, it appears it is time to go."

"Come by after dinner! We'd love to spend more time with you," Kate smiled warmly at Annie, "Have fun!"

Cal gave a cursory wave and opened the door for Annie. Just before she closed the door, Cal yelled out, "Just a public service announcement: it might be a good idea for someone to check in on what the glue situation is with the kids!"

The moment the front door shut, May looked around the room and said, "See! Do you see what I mean now?"

Everyone nodded. Torrey smiled as he stretched his legs out in front of him, "I think you'd have to be blind not to see it. But unfortunately, Cal is doing her level best to make like a bat and flap around in the dark."

"Robert, you talk to her when she comes back," Kate nudged her husband.

Robert snorted, "And when has she ever listened to me?"

Outside the apartment building, Cal gave Annie a sideways hug as they headed to the cross-town bus stop, "I can't believe you agreed to come with me to this work thing tonight."

"There will be free booze, and you promised to buy me dinner afterwards," Annie shrugged, "No brainer."

"I don't think anyone would say that an evening with corporate lawyers and their bad tax law jokes are what constitute a no-brainer, but fine, whatever floats your boat."

"Is that senior partner guy going to be there? He was older, was in the grey suit and blue polka dot tie at the Benefit? Glasses?"

Cal thought about it for a moment, "Steve Roland. Yeah, probably, why?"

"He was nice. He really is quite fond of you... kept telling me about Becca and you."

Cal's smiled, "He hired me out of law school, and I came out to him pretty soon afterwards. He didn't even blink he was so cool with it. He took me under his wing; he thought Becca was amazing. Actually, Steve was the one who officiated at our wedding. He pinged me a couple of times asking if he could visit when Becca was sick."

Annie linked her arm through Cal's, knowing that memories were swirling around in Cal's head.

"That was hard," Cal continued, "Watching people's faces change when they came to visit. Becca was so weak, so inundated with drugs. And it wasn't until people visited that I would realize how different she looked, how sick she looked."

Without thinking, Annie took Cal's hand and squeezed. Cal opened her hand, laced her fingers between Annie's and squeezed back. "I've never told anyone that before."

"It's not an easy thing to talk about."

"It's easy when you're the one listening." Cal liked walking with Annie, hand in hand. It felt so right and it scared Cal as much as it delighted her. It made her realize that she and Annie had been dancing around their growing closeness. Cal knew that there was something going on, but she didn't want to talk about it, mostly because if they did, she'd have to deal with it. And selfishly, she didn't want to deal with it. When they got to the bus stop, Cal gently disengaged her hand and used it to pull out her phone, "Just want to make sure there haven't been any texts about the kids from my mom or May."