A Mature Model

"So now I'm a stupid cuckold! Barbara, your total idiocy is really showing through. You rally want me to believe that you could do what you were doing and never get caught? (with a sneer) Did you really believe that? Are you really that stupid? I can't believe I never detected your stupidity in all the time we have been married."

"Yes Lou, I was stupid about everything. I didn't think you would ever know."

"Shit. Damn it. So what you're trying to tell me is that what you did would have been perfectly OK so long as you weren't caught. (Almost a shout) Is that what you're telling me? My God woman, have all of your brains slipped down into your pussy? Are you happy having made yourself a slut whether I knew about it or not?"

I really cringed with the last shot. He has never shouted at me like that and definitely never used such crude language. It was now very evident that I was not going to be able to turn this mess around any time soon. As the tears flowed some more, I had to recognize that the choice of words he had used indicated that his respect for me was gone. HE WAS LOOKING AT ME AS A WHORE. I disintegrated as the shock of what he had just said and what he was insinuating sunk in.

After a long period of silence, "OK, So far I have had to drag everything from you and Ken. So now I will ask for one last time, is there more? Are you only coming clean with everything I have already found out or are there more skeletons in the closet?"

"I think you have found and seen everything. I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be devious (like hell, I didn't want anything added to the flames that were already out of control). Truthfully, I was scared shitless. I didn't have any idea of what Lou was capable of or what he might do in his present state. I definitely was not ruling out bodily harm.

"OK, so I was played for a cuckold and a stupid ass of a husband. (With great sarcasm) I feel so much better now that I know it wasn't about me. (pause) Now let's get on with this joyful discussion. Have you been to a doctor for a check-up in the last week?

"No, why?"

"To check for STDs stupid! Am I so much out of this affair that you couldn't possibly infect me with some STD, is that what you think?"

"Oh Lou, I'm sorry. I just didn't think about it. But I'm sure that Ken is safe but for your sake I'll go first thing tomorrow."

Very sarcastically, "Oh, I think Ken is probably OK too. But let me ask a stupid question. If you don't have an abortion, will the little bastard be white or black?"

This question slammed me like a freight train. (in a scream) "Oh Lou. I'm sorry, I don't know. I don't know."

"So you fucked both Ken and the black fucker without protection. Is that what you are telling me?"

I hadn't thought about Tyrone. And yes, we would have been on those tapes. Why hadn't I been adamant in refusing to have that video made? Too late now.

"Lou, I forgot about Tyrone. But I am sure he is safe."

Extremely sarcastically, "Oh that's just fine. We can relax because we just know that Ken and the black fucker are clean. (long pause) You had better pray that the tests are negative. If they aren't, I advise you not to bother coming back here because it will keep you out of the hospital or the morgue and keep me out of jail."

"Lou, His name is Tyrone. I'm sure about him.

"I don't give a shit what the black fuckers name is. You had better show me a report with a clean bill of health when I get back."

I about crapped. It hadn't occurred to me until just now that I had no idea about Frank and Carlos, but of course Carlos didn't spew his seed in me. Then I began to wonder if he knew anything about the party. "Lou, what are you getting at?"

"OK Barb, games over. Another question instead of an answer. You've refused to play it straight with me so there are no more questions. I'm getting lies and evasive answers and I'm tired. The games are over.

I had to have time to try and get myself together again. Things were going from bad to worse and we were on a steep down-hill run.

"Oh Lou, I can't take any more of this. I have to rest. Can't we finish later?"

"Good idea. I need to get away before I start dismantling this house stick-by-stick. I am taking the rest of the week off on vacation BY MYSELF. I don't know where I'm going, but right now I don't need to know and you certainly don't need to know. You have an appointment for your abortion on Thursday morning at the hospital. A Dr. Carothers is expecting you. All the information is in this envelope" He threw an envelope on the table/

"But Lou, won't you be here for that?"

"Why should I be? You got yourself into this fucking mess and you have told me you were a grown woman. Certainly a grown woman can take care of herself. The fees are already arranged for. Enjoy your vacation."

Almost hysterical, "Lou, please don't leave me now. I need you. I can't do this without your help."

"Barb, I'm sorry that hind sight isn't available when serious decisions are made, but as you well know, foresight was not even consulted in this situation. I will be out of your way for a week first thing in the morning. That will give you plenty of time to regain your composure, get rid of that little bastard you are carrying, and make sure that all the cards have been put on the table before we talk again next week."

"I'm going to try to get a little sleep and then I'm out of here in the morning."

With that he went to the bedroom. In the morning I didn't see anything of him until he was standing, bag in hand, ready to leave.

"I'll see you Saturday night or Sunday morning."

And, like that, he was gone. No kiss, no hug, no nothing, just out the door. I ran to the door to say goodbye, but he was gone.

Through my tears I watched through the window and was frightened when instead of going into the garage; he turned and headed for Ken's. What's he going to do? Then I became more frightened when I saw Ken coming toward Lou.

They met on the sidewalk, exchanged a few words and then Ken handed him a small package and walked away. Lou returned to the garage and drove away in just a few minutes.

I waited until I was sure that Ken was in the house and that everyone else was gone and called Ken. Just then I saw him back out and head to work. I decided to wait and call him in the evening.

I had to talk to Lou. We had to talk. Later in the morning I called his office and he was signed out on vacation. I tried his cell phone and then collapsed in tears when I heard it ring and walked into the bedroom to see it lying on the bureau, ringing at me.

When I saw Ken come home, I called immediately.

"Oh Barb, I'm so sorry about what has happened. Are you going to be alright? Is Lou leaving you, is he there now?"

"Ken, no I'm not alright. Can your folks hear?"

"No, Mom's not home yet and I'm in the studio and Dad's watching TV. Barb, I have never seen a person as livid over a situation as Lou was yesterday. I stayed home so that I would be close by if anything happened. In fact I checked in at work yesterday and then came home too be available if I was needed. I went to work today after seeing Lou was leaving."

"Physically I'm alright but Lou has left for the rest of the week and I have an abortion scheduled for Thursday. I need someone to take me to the hospital on Thursday. Can you help me?"

"Of course Barb, it's the least I can do. Is Lou leaving for good?"

"I don't know. He's taking a vacation by himself for the rest of the week. I don't know where things are going between us. I saw him meet you this morning. What did you give him?"

(silence for a moment). "Barb. I was going to tell you in the morning. Do you remember Eric from my class? Well it doesn't make any difference. He taped almost the entire party Friday night. He left me a copy at the bank and I picked it up yesterday when I went in. Considering how Lou was acting, I thought I had better get it to him before he came asking my folks for it. I'm sorry, but there are at least a dozen copies floating around now and I'm afraid one of those copies might find its way to the Internet."

Silence

"Barb, Barb! Are you there? Barb?"

The phone dropped to the floor as I slumped down and darkness took control.

When I opened my eyes there were at least four unfamiliar faces staring down at me. A face in the background I recognized as Ken's.

The faces were mostly paramedics. Ken had rushed over when I didn't respond on the phone and found me unconscious on the floor. He tried to revive me with no success and then dialed 911. I had been out for about twenty minutes before they revived me.

It took a few minutes before I could make sense of things and then I remembered what Ken had told me on the phone. I covered my face and went on an uncontrollable crying jag. I almost passed out again with the crying so intense that I was struggling to get my breath.

The paramedics wanted to take me to the hospital. Through gasps and tears I kept refusing their request to take me. Ken and Gerald finally stepped in and said that they would look after me tonight and that they were sure I would be OK in the morning. The paramedics reluctantly began to gather their stuff to leave. They really had no choice.

Just then Pat came in. She had been shopping and seeing the emergency vehicles, came right over. Pat and Ken assured the emergency team that I would be cared for and after talking with the police officers and answering questions, the police and team finally left.

When they were gone, Ken sat beside me and tried to comfort me. It didn't fix a damned thing. Pat wanted to know what had happened.

I told her that I had not been feeling well recently and that I had collapsed. She didn't press the issue further than to ask where Lou was.

I told her he was out of town and not even reachable by cell phone. Again, she didn't press the issue. I could tell that she knew something was out of place, but, being a good neighbor she didn't nose any further.

She then looked at me and asked if I would like to come and stay at their house until I felt better. I declined. She said, "Well it probably didn't make much difference. Between the three of them, I would still be on my own during the middle of the day. By the way, how are the photographer and the model doing these days? I would like to see some of your work."

I started to break down again and Ken had enough sense to hustle his mom out to fix some dinner and they could bring me some after a while.

I squeaked out a thank you and headed for the bed.

I didn't eat a thing when Pat brought supper. I told her I just needed to be alone and work some things out. I didn't sleep a wink and about four I had to swap Lou's pillow for mine. My pillow was literally soaked and it probably would have to be discarded.

I did get myself checked for STD s the next day and at least was afforded the relief of negative results. The only other real relief I had during the week was the time I was under anesthetics for the abortion. But, the abortion had some complications and I would suffer from it for several weeks and would carry an ugly scar for the rest of my life.

I learned that additional surgery could have been performed in the future to taken care of the scar but when Lou came home he said he wasn't going to pay for something that wouldn't improve our situation. "Maybe the scar would remind me to use my head for something other than a place to use lipstick on." If I wanted it done, I would have to come up with the money. Of course, I didn't have the money.

Pat and Gerald were so wonderful, getting me to and from the hospital and caring for me without ever asking questions or nosing in to what my problem was. Of course I was aware that Ken was a complete bundle of nerves when his folks were around. He was scared to death that something might be said. It was a comical relief when the doctor told me before releasing me that I would never conceive again. A little late, Huh?

Lou came home late Saturday evening. He didn't look any better that when he left. In fact, his countenance was that of a man who had been thoroughly beaten and ridden into the ground.

He looked at me and I didn't know whether I should speak or wait for him to start things. He stared at me a moment and then. "I'll be back. I've got to take a leak."

I heard him drop his bag and the bathroom door close. He was gone for over ten minutes and I was getting worried. When he returned, his eyes were red.

As though I didn't feel bad enough already, his appearance set me off on another crying jag as he came and stood before me.

He stood looking down at me and finally said, "Boy, you are really a piece of work. I can't believe I married you and had a child with you."

"Lou, I don't know how to say it or how to let you know how dreadfully sorry I am. I would give my life if I could go back and do the last month over."

"Barb, what you and Ken did was inexcusable. But there was a possibility that we could have some how gotten through it. (long pause) But what you did at that party destroyed any chance that we could ever fix things. I stand here looking at you now and I have to ask myself how I could ever have loved someone who did or was capable of doing what you did."

"Do you have any idea what it's like to come home to someone you have lived with and adored for years and all you can see is her mouth wrapped around a strange cock and her pussy filled with another strange cock? Do you have any idea how much it hurts to know that your wife will fuck anything that has a cock? Do you have any idea what it does to any thought of anything resembling love?"

The tears came on full force. Yes, now I was fully aware of how much damage and hurt I had inflicted. It hurt even worse knowing that, unlike previous major problems, it was done and there was nothing I could do to undo it. I knew that if he had done something like this to me, I probably would have killed him. Why hadn't he killed me? He certainly had justification.

I couldn't look at him. I just hung my head and cried. Instead of a happy home coming like we had experienced so many times in the past, I figured that this was one of the last homecomings we would experience and the tears multiplied.

He turned went across the room and sat in his easy chair and looked at me again. "Barbara, I have done a lot of thinking while I was gone. But before I tell you my conclusions, let me state up front, 'don't get your hopes up with anything I say.' The tape of the party completely destroyed any love I may have had remaining before I saw the tape. Don't look for my love to ever return. I don't think I can ever look at you again without seeing a slut."

"Let me reiterate, My love for you is gone. And now our marriage is over.

He let that sink in for a few moments. What he had just said probably hurt worse than anything I had ever heard in my life. and then continued.

"I have two propositions. Simply stated, one is a divorce, the other is to maintain our legal marriage status, but it won't be a true marriage." Again he paused long enough for his words to sink in.

"A real marriage requires love and trust to keep it going. I have no more love or trust where you are concerned. You, with your actions and attempted cover-up have assured that. My second option would be more in the order of a marriage of convenience."

He then went through a preamble before presenting the details. Though he had told me not to, I grabbed a faint shaft of light and hope when he indicated that there was an alternative to a divorce.

To start with he reminded me that he was (I full took notice of the use of 'he,' not 'we.') approaching retirement and that we had made several plans for that phase of our lives. Of course, now those plans were buried in the garbage heap. So now everything he was doing and considering put Lou first. I could have what ever was left if there was anything left that I wanted.

Next he went on to explain that his lawyer had told him that under the circumstances, there was little chance that he would have to pay me alimony but was also told that there was little chance that he (Lou) could do better than 55-45 or at the very best, a 60-40 split of our assets. He made the point that with his Social Security and pension; he could get along though much of what he had planned for retirement would be curtailed. He informed me that with my split and Social Security I would have to live very close to the belt for the rest of my life and even with that I would probably have to go to work.

Not a very pretty picture for the future. But still there remained a glimmer of light that somehow I might make repairs over a period of time. As he noted, his retirement didn't look all that rosy either. That's why he had come up with an alternative.

His idea was relatively simple. We would not get a divorce. We would continue to live together and I would be his (as he put it) whore. We would basically continue as we had, but without the warmth of our love, it would simply be a marriage of convenience for him.

What he called me and what he was proposing hurt. But with no divorce and living together, maybe I could do whatever was necessary to win him back. I jumped up and started for him.

He held up his hand and told me to sit back down, which I did with disappointment. I wanted so badly to hug him, kiss him, and thank him for being willing to try.

He dashed those thoughts when he continued by telling me. "This is not a moratorium, nor is it a fence repair opportunity. That fence is beyond repair. I'll be very truthful and tell you right now that I have nothing but disgust for you. I don't think that will ever change much unless time will allow me to forget seeing you as the complete slut you have become. I'm looking out for me and I see my proposal as a way to salvage a reasonable retirement. But, if you do anything to humiliate or offend me like you have just done, the divorce will be served and everyone will learn what a slut you are. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, I think so."

If I didn't want a divorce, here is basically how things would work. I would carry on with a normal housewife routine. We would have separate bed rooms. When he needed sexual gratification, he was going to fuck me. Yes, he emphasized that he would be fucking me purely to release basic sexual needs. There wouldn't be any 'making love.'

If I wanted to keep my relationship with Ken, he didn't give a shit so long as I was available for him when he wanted it: that I made sure I didn't pick up any STD s, and didn't do anything to embarrass him. More specifically, I could fuck Ken as long as I wanted or until the Maxon's caught them, but that was it. No other fuckers, black or white. Also, he made it know that if he found other women to be companions and accompany him on some of his trips, I would be left to keep the home fires burning.

To outward appearances we would look much like any other couple on the block. But I would in reality be his personal housekeeper, escort, and slut.

"Now Barbara, think about what I have proposed. If you don't want the divorce, be sure to give careful consideration to what it will be like living in this house with me where you will be treated like a hired servant and there is no love. Remember, I'm looking out for me first and I'm making this proposal in hopes of retaining at least some of the decent retirement we had been planning the past few years. Of course, you will benefit in this retirement, but it won't look or feel like what we originally envisioned.

If you opt for the no divorce route, there will be no written contract or agreement. You will just have to be aware that I can and will file for divorce if you don't live up to the performance standards I set.

* * * * * *