Brave New World

"But you didn't swear off sex, as I recall."

"Ah, Jillian. Yes, that was quite a time."

"Do you miss that?" I asked hoping I could move the conversation in the direction that would help me with my dilemma.

"You're awfully curious all of a sudden," she said.

I shrugged and smiled. "Hey, want to get something to eat?"

"Sure and I want to know why you really called," Kimberly replied, obviously on to me.

I settled our bar bill and we took a booth. We ordered another round and selected three apps that we would split.

We spent ten minutes catching each other up on what had been going on in our lives and careers. Kimberly put her drink down on the table and stared at me.

"Be straight with me, Marnie. Why did you ask to meet with me?"

"Well, it has been a while since..."

"I asked you to be straight with me. If you can't, then let's say we had a nice time and I'm leaving." Kimberly said this evenly, but I could detect tension in her voice.

"You're right. I need some help thinking something through. I thought maybe you could help me."

Kimberly drank some of her Cosmo and then waited as the apps were served.

"Is this thing of a sexual nature?" she asked as she took a crostini onto her plate.

I nodded.

"And, you think I can help, why?" She ate half of the small appetizer.

"I guess because I thought you might have more experience than I do. And, because I've come to appreciate your perspective on life. And, because there is no one else I trust enough to ask. Finally, Kimberly, you are one of my best friends."

Kimberly was finishing a stuffed mushroom as I stopped speaking.

"What about Steph? Aren't you guys still joined at the hip?"

"Yeah, we're still best friends. It's just that...well, I can't ask Steph."

Kimberly selected a salted baby potato from the serving dish and popped it in her mouth. "You're not eating, Marnie. These are delicious."

I shook my head. "Not hungry now."

"So, let me guess," said Kimberly. "This sexual dilemma you face has to do with Steph and that's why you can't talk with her?"

"Yes," I said softly.

"So, you called the biggest slut you know to help you out?"

"God, no, Kimberly. I don't think of you that way. It's just that I know you've had more experiences than I have and you're really smart. Plus, we've become friends. If I've insulted you, I apologize. I won't push this any further. I do not think of you in any other way than a beautiful woman and a decent person."

Kimberly looked at me for a long time. She seemed to come to a decision.

"I believe you, Marnie. You were never any good at lying. So, what do you want to know?"

"Thanks, Kimberly. I, well, this is sorta embarrassing. I mean I wouldn't want you to get the wrong impression about me or anyone else. Maybe we could sorta think about a hypothetical..."

"Cut the shit, Marnie. It's about you and probably Steph. So, just tell me."

I finished my wine and took a deep breath.

"Uh, Steph asked me to be like part of, you know, like a three-way."

Kimberly waved to our waitress to signal another round. I smiled thinking that she and Steph recognized the need for alcohol in order to approach this subject.

I nibbled on a mushroom while we waited for our drinks. I didn't mind the silence because I still was fearful of really discussing this whole idea.

After we had fresh drinks in front of us, Kimberly raised her glass. I copied her and she said. "O brave new world, That has such people in't!." We touched rims and each took a sip.

"Shakespeare?" I asked.

"The Tempest," she replied and asked, "I assume this is a new world for you?"

"God, yes," I said.

"Can I ask you some more questions, Marnie? They may be personal, but it will help both of us have a good and fruitful discussion."

I nodded as my stomach slowly knotted up.

"Have you and Steph ever had sex?"

My face burned. A day ago I would have shouted no, now I was not sure how to answer. The silence hung between us.

"It's not a trick question, Marnie," Kimberly said smiling.

"It's a little complicated," I said.

"What isn't, especially with relationships and sex," Kimberly said. "Just talk to me."

I found myself spilling the events of my lunch with Steph and changing room encounter that followed. It seemed I hardly took a breath during this data dump.

Kimberly listened and nodded as I spoke. When she was sure I was finished, she reached across and touched my hand. "Thanks, Marnie, that was brave of you. So, I guess you want to know if I think a three-way is the way you should go?"

"Kimberly, I'm not sure. I'm wondering if maybe I'm like in love with Steph. Do I really want to have more sex with her? Am I gay or bi? And, what the hell really goes on in a three-way. Anything you can do to help will mean so much to me."

Kimberly laughed. "That's quite a list. I'm not a psychologist, so I can't help you with your identity. From what you told me, I doubt if you're gay. Would you like to have sex with me?"

She caught me completely off guard. I looked at her styled hair, pretty face, subtle make-up and tasteful clothes. I flashed back on her naked body and her small, firm boobs with her nipples usually erect because of the piercings. Her bare sex was always plump and inviting and sometimes I could see some moisture along her lips. I admitted that back in college I thought she was extremely sexy, in a forbidden fruit sort of fashion. I don't think I wanted to have sex with her then, although I might have gotten turned on hearing about some of her exploits. When she described in detail what she and her girl lover would do to each other, I did get excited and would later masturbate to those images. I know back then I rationalized I was excited because of the exotic appeal and not because I secretly wanted to have sex with her. Recalling her body I wondered how she would look now, without the piercings.

After a too-long pause, as my mind cycled through all of those thoughts and hot images, "Not really," was my final half-hearted answer. "I mean I'm not coming on to you or anything."

"I don't know whether to feel relieved or insulted," she said, but I felt she was mostly teasing and could probably see right through me.

"Oh, Kimberly, it's not that you aren't pretty, I mean you are totally hot."

"Relax, Marnie. I'm just saying that you most likely are not gay. You are not attracted to women in general, you know to the exclusion of men. I think Steph touched something in you, but it probably has to do with how much you love her anyway. Sometimes platonic love and sexual love can get mixed together. Although since you did get excited and not disgusted with her in the changing room, you might have a bi streak."

"Really?" I said. My mind flashed once more to an image of a naked Kimberly, her smooth sex lips shiny with excitement.

"Let's assume so and that's why you got so excited when she kissed you."

"It was more than a kiss, Kimberly."

"Okay, kissed you, played with your boobs and whatever. The point is you already had strong emotional ties to her and now you've added some sex to those ties. I can understand how you could now think you might have sexual desires for her."

"You think I do? I mean that I have sexual desires for her?"

"God, stop analyzing everything. She made a move on you and you got turned on, right? So, let's just say there is sexual interest."

I nodded.

"Now, are you sexually attracted to Cory?"

"He's her boyfriend," I said. "I shouldn't be thinking of him that way."

"Jesus, Marnie, you just might be the most repressed person I ever met. Put aside any moral consideration, do you think Cory is hot?"

"Well, he's good-looking and..."

"Marnie, do you think Cory is hot? Do you think of him in a sexual way?"

"I guess maybe, a little," I lied. I thought about him a lot more than a little.

"Aagh, you are so fucking frustrating. And, that is the first time I've said 'fucking' in a fucking year. Now, I'll have to go home and put five dollars in my non-swearing jar."

We both laughed.

"So, you don't say 'fucking' any longer?" I asked letting the surprise show in my voice and maybe trying to change the topic to let my racing mind catch up with all the revelations I was starting to admit to myself.

"I figured I used up my lifetime allotment in college," she quipped.

"So, straight out, do you find Cory sexually attractive?" She stared at me.

"Yes." I held her gaze.

"Now, we're getting somewhere. So, you find both Steph and Cory sexually attractive. Before you go all denying everything, I don't mean that you are pursuing either one of them. We are just establishing a baseline."

I wanted to explain everything all over again, but I kept my mouth shut.

"So, the question is would you join these two people—two people you admit hold a sexual attraction for you—join them in bed. Can you agree that is the question?"

I nodded.

Kimberly smiled and took a sip. She leaned in to me and I mimicked her so that our heads were nearly touching.

"Let me just say that given the right combination of people, a three-way can be so fucking hot." She smiled again and sat back.

"I thought you didn't say "fucking" any longer?" I responded to have something to say.

"I don't," Kimberly said, "unless it really fits the context. And, of course there goes another five bucks in the jar." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "God, Marnie, just thinking about it makes me horny. I thought those days were long gone, but maybe there may be some interesting times ahead."

"Hey, why don't you join Cory and Steph?" I said hopefully.

"Don't think so," responded Kimberly. "But, if you said why don't I join you and a nice guy, well, then there's something to consider."

I knew all the color drained from my face. I was sure because most of my blood seemed to be pooling in my pussy and making me hot as hell.

"You mean, you like would be interested in me?" I struggled to get the words out.

"Like only since the first time I ever saw you. You never picked up on that?"

I shook my head.

"Like the first night in our room when I went to skin right in front of you, you didn't think I might have been coming on to you?"

Another shake.

"And when I described, in great detail, as I recall, how I hooked up with Jillian, you never thought I was trying to turn you on or get you interested in exploring sex with me?"

Again, I shook my head.

"And that night I stood naked in front of you and you told me you liked me and wanted to be my friend. And, when I made you talk about my body. None of that registered like I was coming on to you?"

I dropped my head and said, "Jesus, I am so stupid. I never saw any of those things as signals."

"Don't beat yourself up about it, Marnie. It's probably for the best. I meant what I said before - I think having you as my roommate helped me more than you will ever know. That's not to say that you weren't an incredibly sexy woman—and still are. As far as joining Steph and her boyfriend, I don't think that would work. I like Steph and do enjoy when the three of us get together, but she does not interest me sexually all that much. To be honest, if it were you and someone else—that would be a different story."

I looked at her as she smiled. "Actually, if it were just you and not even a third party, it could be a different story," she said

"Aren't you seeing someone?" I asked, trying to control my voice.

"I am and I like him. But, Marnie, I told you we haven't had sex yet. I don't have those strong 'throw him on the floor and fuck him to death' feelings. I wouldn't mind having something that could really turn me on. Yeah, I know, another five bucks."

"And that would be me?"

Kimberly fixed her gaze on mine. "Yes, it would fulfill a long-time fantasy.'

"But you can't mean that you find me sexier than Steph?" I was vigorously shaking my head in disbelief. "God, Kimberly, she is like ten times prettier and sexier than I am."

"Not to me," she replied softly. "Well, not to me as a solo thing. As I mentioned, if it were the three of us, yeah, I could dig that."

"I thought you weren't sexually attracted to Steph?"

"Uh, did I say that?"

"Yeah, a couple seconds ago." Kimberly squirmed a bit.

"Well, maybe I meant not as much as I was attracted to you," she admitted. "I mean Steph is objectively sexy."

"Objectively sexy!" I said. "I think she would definitely fall into that category. So, maybe you do have a little desire to fan the embers from college?"

The quiet settled between us as we looked at each other. I had another flash of her naked body, pierced and tattooed, moving around our dorm room. I remembered again how I would sometimes use that image in a masturbation session and the pool between my legs had now turned into a flood.

"This has become awkward," I said. "I'm sorry."

"No need to apologize, Marnie. I didn't mean that I'm looking for a romp with you like right now at this table. I do like dating Wes, and I know I want to have kids-someday. I was just saying that you are an attractive and sexy woman. I can understand why Steph and Cory would want you in their bed. Plus, well, I'm not planning to marry and have kids right away. So, why not have some fun." She smiled and winked at me. I laughed and took a swallow of my drink.

"So, what should I do?" I pleaded.

"Can't tell you, 'cause only you can decide. Trying to look at it from a distance, I'd say at least consider it and talk it out with both of them. Don't over-analyze it as you usually do, just talk about it. The only risk I see is that you might somehow affect your relationship with Steph. But, I think you two are such good friends, that this one-time experience will not break that bond."

"So, you're saying I should do it?"

"I'm saying think about it. I can sense there is some desire in you for it. If you decide not to do it, I'm sure both of them will understand. They wouldn't enjoy it if you weren't enjoying it."

Sighing, I played with my empty glass. "Well, I can think about it. But..."

"But what?" asked Kimberly.

"What do I do in bed with them? I have no clue."

Kimberly laughed. "God, Marnie, there's no manual for this sort of thing. You get in bed and have sex. I think human instincts will be enough to guide you."

"But, I don't know if I could, you know, like kiss Steph, you know, down there."

"Then don't. It seems like she is open to having oral with you. Listen, between Cory and her, there will be enough sex to keep everyone happy."

"I wouldn't have to go down on her?"

"Marnie, this isn't a rape fantasy. You won't have to do anything you don't want to do. It's three people having sex in a number of different ways. Trust me, it will work out fine."

I was nodding and trying to get my mind around the fact I was actually discussing this possibility.

"Kimberly, do you, ah, well, I don't know how to say this, but do you, like, well, you know with another woman..."

"Are you asking me if I like to eat pussy?"

My face burned and all I could do was nod.

Kimberly reached out and held my hand. "Marnie, you are so sweet. God, you bring out all these maternal instincts in me. Of course, they are slightly incestuous maternal instincts because you also turn me on. But, anyway, yes, Marnie, I love eating pussy. I love looking up a woman's naked body and watch her face as I make her cum. I love feeling her body shake as the orgasm I just gave her sends her to new levels. I love the taste, the texture and the feel of a woman's pussy and juices. I love it all."

Another image of her deep brown eyes staring at me from my pussy made me slam my thighs together.

"Oh," I finally said.

"So, any more questions?" Kimberly asked as she finished her drink.

"Uh, well, God, this is so awkward," I muttered.

"Marnie, we are way past awkward at this point," she said and touched the back of my hand. Her long fingers rested on my knuckles and my panties increased in dampness by a factor of 10.

"Well, do you like have any tips on doing, you know, oral stuff?"

Kimberly squeezed my hand as a smile crept over her face.

"With a guy or a girl?"

"Huh, with a girl. I mean I've done oral with guys."

"Ah, so you admit to giving blow jobs?"

I watched her smile broaden and grinned. "Yeah, Kimberly, I've given blow jobs. And, I've even received some compliments."

"Good for you," she said and squeezed my hand again. "So, have you ever had oral done to you?"

I looked around the room wondering if anyone could figure out what the two of us were discussing. I doubted it, because I could not believe I was having such a discussion.

"Yes, I've had oral."

"And, did you like it?" Kimberly asked.

"Sometimes," I replied.

"What did you like about the times that pleased you?"

I thought about my last lover, Alexander. He was a nice guy, but I think I was probably one of his first sexual experiences. He was hesitant to go down on me, but gave it a try. He really didn't know what he was doing and the effort left me wanting.

Before Alexander was Greg. He was pretty good. I think I probably had a couple orgasms from his oral stimulation.

"Hello, Marnie, do I need to play the Jeopardy think music? What did you like about a guy eating your pussy?"

I startled back to the present as I heard her say "pussy."

"Well, this one guy was pretty good. He hit a couple spots that made me get really turned on. I think I probably came."

Kimberly laughed out loud. I began to get angry and felt my face getting red.

She put her hand up as if to apologize and tried to catch her breath. After she calmed down, she sipped some water and began to speak.

"Marnie, I'm not laughing at you, really. It was just funny to hear you say that you probably came. I can tell you if I were between your legs there would be no fucking doubt that you came."

She grimaced and added, "Shit, another five bucks in the jar."

"See, that's part of the problem. I am not all that good at sex. I like it, but I don't have these incredible orgasms that you read about in sexy stories. I think I would suck in a three-way."

"Only with Cory," deadpanned Kimberly.

It took me a second and then I got the joke. I laughed and felt some of the tension leave my body.

"Yeah, I get it. Suck the guy, lick the girl."

"There's more to it than licking," said Kimberly. "Have you ever watched any girl-on-girl porn?"

I shook my head vigorously.

"Tell you what. How about I come over Friday night? I'll bring a couple favs from my collection and we'll watch them. I know my students learn more if there are visuals involved. Okay?"

"I don't know. I mean I haven't even agreed to this crazy thing with Steph and Cory."

Kimberly leaned in and said softly, "I think you have made up your mind you want to do it, Marnie. Your real doubt is if you will be any good at it. I'll come over. You get some food. Pizza works for me."

"Chinese, instead?" I said.

"Sure. Nothing too hot."

I thought that watching a lesbian porn movie with a woman who was a secret fantasy of mine would be hot enough.

"Great. Is seven o'clock good?"

"Perfect," said Kimberly. She looked at me and I felt something building between us. I paid for our drinks and food. We stood and walked out together.

"So, are you going to worry this thing to death?" Kimberly asked as she placed her hand on my forearm.

"I might give it a passing thought," I said and smiled.

"Marnie, I think you are smart enough to think it through. I just worry that you are not smart in the sense that you will never let some emotion influence your rational side. Sometimes you have to just say 'What the fuck!'" Don't make any decisions until we have our little video party on Friday. And, yeah, I have to kick another five bucks into the swear jar."