Bree's Journey Pt. 03

Each time her little tongue swiped over her bottom lip, it made me want to bite that lip until it swelled in my mouth, just so she'd do it over and over again. When her hands would start fidgeting, I imagined wrapping them up in gauze and tying her wrists together for a length of time in order to train her to keep them still. During which time, I'd make her highly uncomfortable. I fantasized about making her wear mini skirts without panties in public. Asking her to expose her pretty pussy to me without regard to where we were. And then reaching up between her thighs in, say, a movie theatre until she was squirming, her juices soaking my fingers.

I had dozens of fantasies about reddening her ass. Not always with my palm, and not always gently. A dark part of me that I didn't even know existed wanted to hurt her. It didn't make sense. I loved her so thoroughly, but I still had this desire to cause her suffering. To hear her pitiful cries, and feel her teardrops soaking my shirt after I'd beaten her to within an inch of what I knew she could handle. Maybe even further than that. I wanted to feel her sacrifice and devotion. And in turn, I would show her mine.

I knew I should probably rein in the inner beast that was controlling my thoughts, but I had a sinking feeling that it was the beast in me that Bree was falling in love with. He was who she responded to, in a way that I think was just as surprising to her. That beast owned her. He manipulated her body with an effortless skill that I'd never possessed before. I mean, sure, it was still me. A part of me, anyway. And, yeah, I was good at fucking before Bree came along. But not like this. This was a whole different league of sex.

After dinner, I realized that I only had one condom left. I'd underestimated how much we would fuck by a long shot. Bree was the first girl I'd been with that wanted sex more than I did.

"Hey, I need to go swing by my apartment and pick up a few things."

"Do you want me to go with you?"

I knew if that happened, we might not come back at all. "No, baby. I'll only be gone a few minutes."

Bree pouted like she'd done the day before and a whole new set of lustful thoughts infused my brain. I glanced over at Daniel, and then to Bryan, who were sitting nearby. I was damn thankful that they couldn't read my mind.

"You can see my place tomorrow. When the guys are in class."

Bree leaned forward and lowered her voice. "We have somewhere to go tomorrow, too. Remember?"

The clinic. I nodded, swallowing back the groan from the vivid bareback fantasies that suddenly assaulted my brain. "We'll do it all. I promise. I love you."

I leaned in to give her a chaste kiss on the lips. There was too much of a crowd for anything more than that. When I glanced back to Daniel, I immediately noticed the change in his expression.

Oh, shit.

I hadn't even realized that I'd said the words out loud. I said them so often in my head, almost a constant mantra around Bree, so it never occurred to me that it wasn't obvious to everyone. Including Daniel.

I knew I'd promised not to start anything serious with his sister, but ... Fuck! How could I not? And besides, wasn't it better that I wanted her for more than just a meaningless fling?

I turned on my heel and made a quick departure, not wanting to see how badly I'd just fucked up.

But all the way to the apartment, it was all I thought about. It took me a few moments to remember what I'd come to get, and then when I did, I wondered if stocking up on condoms was even necessary. Even the intense desire I had for Bree barely overshadowed the fear I was feeling over losing my friendship with Daniel and Bryan. Well, not Bryan. He was cool with everything. It was definitely Daniel's friendship that was at risk.

I'd not really thought there was any risk at all. Until now. The horror on his face pretty much said it all. I hadn't realized how serious he'd been about me not seeing his sister. Did he feel betrayed somehow?

There'd never been anything between us but sex and friendship. No affectionate words spoken. No after-sex cuddling. I respected what he and Bryan had together and made every effort to act accordingly.

But I had to admit that the sex made our friendship a lot deeper. I was a lot closer to Daniel than Bryan, even though we all hung out together. And I did feel something for the guy. Maybe it wasn't exactly romantic, but it wasn't totally platonic, either.

Fuck, what am I saying? That I have feelings for Daniel Weaver? No. No, no, no, no. I love his sister. I'm in love with Bree, that's all.

I wasn't sure what I was going to be walking into when I returned to Daniel and Bryan's place. No one was in the living room, so I checked Bree's bedroom. When that was empty, too, I tentatively approached the master bedroom.

Daniel was sitting on a chair in the corner of the room with his hand draped over his eyes.

"Hey."

He removed his hand to look up at me. His eyes broadcasted distress.

"Where is ... everyone."

"Bryan and Bree went to get cake balls."

"Oh."

"What the fuck is going on with you and my sister? All of a sudden, you're in love?"

"It's not all of a sudden."

"You met her four days ago. How could you possibly think that's long enough to get to know someone? You, of all people. The guy who's been dumped by just about every bitch on campus."

"Exaggerate much?"

"You know what I fucking mean."

"Is that what you're worried about? Me getting hurt?"

Daniel rolled his eyes.

"I didn't think so. What's the real problem here?"

"You gonna make me say it?"

I nodded, cautiously. I wasn't sure I wanted to hear it.

Daniel shifted in his seat. His bravado appeared to be rapidly diminishing. "Aside from the fact that Bree isn't going to be different than any of those other girls, I ... I don't want, you know, our thing to end. I like the way things are now. With us."

"I'm leaving after graduation. You know that."

Daniel shrugged one shoulder. The way he was sort of pouting reminded me of Bree. "That's a few months away. After finals. I'll be ready by then. Just...not now."

"Daniel...I can't..."

It was a lot harder to end our relationship than I thought it would be. We'd been friends with benefits for over two years. I guess I couldn't expect him to accept that it was over just like that.

"I need to see where this is headed with Bree. She's not like the other girls."

"Maybe not, but she's not the type to settle down, either. She's going to run. At some point, something will spook her and she'll head straight for the hills. I'm telling you, man. I know her. I've lived with her and seen it up close. It's not pretty for the poor schmuck who's left standing there with his barely beating heart in his hands. I don't want that to be you. It can't be you."

I knelt down in front of Daniel's chair. "It's not going to be, okay? I know what happened to her in the past. We've talked through all that. What we have is different. We're friends, for one thing. And that's not going to change no matter what else happens. Can't you just be happy for us? For me?"

We both heard car doors shutting outside. Daniel stood and walked to the bedroom door, shutting it before Bree and Bryan could get to the front door. I knew it wouldn't look right to Bree, but I'd explain it to her later. I needed to come clean about my relationship with Daniel, anyway.

I stood to face Daniel. I wanted an answer to my question. It wasn't rhetorical.

"I want you to be happy. I want my sister to be happy. Is that close enough?"

I sighed, then nodded. It wasn't what I wanted, but I knew that it was all the approval I was going to get from him.

Daniel stepped up to me and pulled my face to his for a kiss. His tongue slipped into my mouth, and I knew in that moment that he had no intention of stopping our meetings. I was going to have to do it. Somehow, in some way, hopefully without damaging our friendship, I was going to have to end things.

***

Bree

My stomach dropped when I saw the bedroom door shut. I knew that Kieran was in there with Daniel.

"I should go in there."

Bryan quickly stepped in front of me as I turned to walk toward the door. "No, Bree. Leave them to work it out on their own. Kieran can handle Danny."

I stared longingly at the closed door. I wanted to hear what they were saying, but I couldn't even hear the faint timbre of their voices. It was eerily quiet behind that door.

Bryan turned on the television, then guided me toward the kitchen. "Come on. Let's open that cheap bottle of wine we bought."

We'd bought a bottle of Pinot Grigio at the store. Neither Daniel, nor Kieran were wine drinkers, but Bryan and I decided to treat ourselves. I'd not bothered to get to know Bryan very well over the years. He'd always been Daniel's friend and nothing more. Now that I knew that he was going to be part of our family, I felt we should bond more.

Bryan poured wine into two small glasses. They weren't wine glasses, but they did the trick. He raised his glass to mine. "Cheers."

I clinked my glass to his. "Cheers."

Taking a tentative first sip, I shuddered as the bitter sweet liquid infused my tongue. The second sip was much better, and the third tasted almost like water. I caught Bryan eyeing me as I drank. I guiltily set my half empty glass down on the kitchen counter.

"Sorry. I drink fast when I'm nervous."

Bryan eyed the closed bedroom door. "At least they're not fighting."

I nodded. A frown crept over my face as I stared at the door wondering exactly what was going on in there. Just then, the door opened and Kieran's eyes met mine.

I searched his face for clues about his mood. He looked a little anxious, but not so much that I felt I needed to pack our things.

Daniel followed him out of the bedroom with a big smile on his face. Looking relaxed and happy, you'd thought they'd just been playing a video game or something. He headed straight for Bryan and planted a huge kiss on his lips. One that I was certain involved a lot of tongue.

Kieran and I watched in stunned silence. Actually, I think I might've been the only one stunned. Kieran looked pretty casual about the whole scene.

Daniel pulled from their kiss. "Yuck. Wine. You want a beer, Kieran?"

Kieran eyed my glass and Bryan's. "No. I think I'll try some of this wine."

Daniel scoffed. "Since when do you drink wine?"

Bryan didn't hesitate to fetch another glass and begin pouring, while Kieran ignored Daniel's question. It was then that it dawned on me just how much these three hung out together. It wasn't only that they knew about each other's preferences, it was also evident in the casual way they interacted with one another. Daniel jabbed at Kieran in the same way he did Bryan. In the way that only really good friends or siblings can.

It was stupid to worry about them working things out.

We dug into the tiny bite size desserts and migrated to the sofa to surf the television guide. I noticed that Kieran barely touched his wine, and I was careful not to sip too fast. I had a sinking suspicion that the only reason he got wine was to keep me from downing half the bottle.

I'd never been a huge drinker, but he wouldn't be able to figure that out from the past few days. From his point of view, I probably came across as a drunk. I hated that thought. Not because I wanted him to think highly of me, but because I didn't want to mislead Kieran in any way. Good or bad. I wanted to be completely honest with him and not hide anything. It was the foundation of our relationship so far. The biggest thing we had going for us.

This misconception that Kieran was probably developing about me brought to light one stark reality that I'd been ignoring. As much as we'd talked about a lot of personal things, we'd still only been together a few days. Sharing intimate things didn't take the place of spending time together.

It made me sad, in a way, to have these thoughts. I wanted our love to be real. I wanted it to be lasting. Impatiently, I wanted guarantees of those things now, after four days; not in four months or four years.

In my mind, I began keeping a list of sorts. What things were likely to be good with us going forward, what we might have to work on, where we might encounter problems. I was constantly trying to gauge our success. When good things popped up on the list, it was an affirmation that I was making the right decision with Kieran. When bad things came up, I quickly ascertained their severity and whether or not I needed to reevaluate my "go/no go" decision. So far, the good far outweighed the bad.

The small amount of wine I consumed throughout the evening did nothing more than make me very tired. Before I could get settled enough against Kieran's chest to fall asleep completely, he announced that we were heading to bed.

I'd been dreading the moment we'd part ways with Daniel and Bryan to retire to our shared bed. All day, the scene kept flashing across my mind. It should've been an awkward moment, but I was too tired to feel the least bit uncomfortable. When Kieran shut the door and clicked the lock behind him, all I could think about was how good his warm chest was going to feel against my back.

The next morning, I woke to Kieran nuzzling my neck.

"I've got to leave for class soon."

I groaned and shifted onto my back so I could face him. I immediately noticed that he was already dressed.

"I just have to go to this one class today. I can skip my afternoon."

"Do we have to make an appointment to get tested?"

"Nope. It takes, like, fifteen minutes. We can grab lunch afterwards if you want."

"Okay."

"I, uh, need to talk to you about something. There never seems to be a good time."

"What is it?"

"It's...It's about...You know how I told you that I was in a similar relationship as you were? With a couple?"

I nodded. "Yeah."

"Well...that couple is..." Kieran cleared his throat. "It's Bryan and Daniel."

"What?"

"Yeah. I-I didn't know how to tell you."

"How long ...?"

"Two years. More than that, I guess."

"I thought they were..."

"They are. For all intents and purposes, they're married. I'm the third wheel. The expendable one. It's no different than your situation with the married couple."

"I was only seeing Miles, not his wife. Are you...Do you...?"

"I've been with both of them, but I primarily...uh, you know...see Daniel."

"So you've been sleeping with my brother for ... years?"

"I wanted to tell you right away, but ..."

"Daniel didn't want you to say anything."

"No, that wasn't it. Even if he didn't want me to, I would've told you, anyway. It's just...the timing never felt right. But now that we're...you know, going to see each other seriously, I knew it couldn't wait. I mean, even now is a shitty time because I need to get going."

I glanced at the clock. It was quarter to nine. He was already late. "Go. You're going to be late. We can talk when you get back."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

Kieran frowned and sighed. "Okay." He pecked me on the lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Hurry back."

He flashed me that gorgeous smile of his before bouncing off the bed and dashing out the door, pausing only long enough to blow me a kiss before disappearing around the corner.

The news was jarring.

I was glad that I wasn't more awake when he told me. My somewhat groggy, pre-caffeine state kept me from overreacting to his confession.

Kieran and Daniel? The mental image made my stomach roil. I'd only just gotten over the fact that my brother was sleeping with his best friend. Now Kieran, too?

My rational mind kept trying to convince me that it didn't matter that it was Daniel. In fact, that maybe it was better this way. I knew that Daniel was committed to Bryan; I felt in my bones that what they had would last a lifetime. There was no threat whatsoever of losing Kieran to Daniel. But...

Something felt very wrong inside me. My rose-colored glasses had been shattered and my heart felt like it was breaking. Only I wasn't sad, I was mad as hell.

Why did it have to be my brother? Why? Anyone else I could've handled.

Rage began to well up inside me. Not toward Kieran. It was anger toward Daniel for not coming clean with me about it. I kicked the covers off the bed and stormed to the master bedroom.

It was empty. They both had early classes on Mondays.

I stood in the empty room cussing at my brother. Screaming all the nasty things I wish I could say to his face. Things I'd wanted to say to him for years. How he'd betrayed me. How awful a brother he was, and always had been; because he was never on my side, never stuck up for me, never cared about my feelings.

When Lance was caught cheating on me, Daniel acted as though it was my fault. He never said so, but he always looked at me with that disgusted expression, like it was revolting for him to be related to me. Not once did he try to comfort me.

Bryan never directly addressed me during that time, but I knew that he felt bad about what happened. It was evident in his concerned gaze. The way he looked at me from across our living room when he'd come spend the night at our house. But Daniel didn't share his sympathy.

I'd been harboring such resentment toward my brother for so long without even being aware of it. It's why I'd stayed away these past few years. Why I hadn't visited him sooner. Why I knew nothing about his personal life until a few days ago.

I hated him. For being cruel and heartless. And I hated him for having this over me, too. He'd been with Kieran longer than I had. Known him longer, but not just as a friend. As a lover.

I pushed those images out of my mind as I turned on my heel toward the kitchen. I needed coffee.

Then, I needed to start packing.

***

Kieran

Class dragged on. I'd hoped that the professor would release us after we finished taking the unit test, but everyone finished it pretty quickly, so he kept us for the rest of the hour. I barely registered the topic of the next unit, my mind still buzzing from having told Bree about Daniel.

She seemed to take it well, but I knew she was still in shock when I left. I should've stayed. If not for this stupid test, I would have.

After class, I raced to Daniel's like the place was on fire. Somewhere in the back of my mind I kept hearing his voice warning me that she'd run. "At some point, something will spook her and she'll head straight for the hills.? My gut twisted at the thought.

I was already so in love with her that I couldn't bear to lose her. Not over anything, but certainly not over something as trivial as this. Surely she understood that it was only sex and nothing more. She had to know that I didn't have feelings for Daniel. Not like I had for her. I'd have told her before I left if I would've had time. It all happened so fast.

When I turned onto Daniel's street, I released the breath I'd been holding. Her car was still parked on the street. But when I peered inside, I noticed her suitcase in the backseat. Oh, no. Please...

I bounded up the steps and shoved through the front doorway, out of breath and in a panic. Bree startled at my entrance. She was in the kitchen holding a pen in the air over a piece of notebook paper.

I was standing over her in a second, anxious to read what she'd written. I was surprised when it was addressed to Bryan.

Bryan,

I'm going to stay at Kieran's. I'm sorry, but I think this will be easier for everyone. I'll mi...

I had to read the first sentence again to make myself realize that she wasn't leaving me. I almost busted out in tears of relief. My shaky hands gripped her upper arms as I tried to catch my breath. My recent exertion, coupled with holding my breath had taken a toll on my composure.