Hidden Desires

That had occurred after he and two friends got blow jobs from their dates in the back of a van in college. He had been fascinated watching his friends' dates' lips side up and down their hard cocks. For a week the idea of what it was like to suck cock seemed to haunt him day and night. A weekend camping and with and fucking a hot coed convinced him that he was totally straight and the fantasies were just some weird dreams. After awhile he forgot about the night in the van and the subsequent cock sucking fantasies.

The next night after the porn incident, Derrick had a particularly hot fuck session with his wife. For him it was like old times and he hoped that his odd night might be the spark that got their sex life going again. As always when he thought about why they had cooled off sexually he assumed it was his fault. While Cheryl found the sudden renewed passion exciting and the night great fun, to her it was like she was cheating on her boyfriend. She had moved on from Derrick. No amount of renewed passion or interest on his part was likely to bring her back. It only took a few weeks of trying to repeat that night to convince Derrick that he had no chance of rekindling the passion of his marital bed.

But what he didn't understand was why she wasn't responding as she had that night. He had assumed that the majority of the problem was his fault. After that night he had tried to initiate sex in every way he could imagine; from sweet and romantic to raunchy to near rape. Though he had succeeded in getting his dick inside her a few times and even enthusiastically pleasured her orally a couple of times, she just wasn't responding as she once did. The night she refused to let him lick her cunt after she had been out with girls really puzzled him. The oddest part was what she offered instead. For the first time in over five years she sucked his cock until he came in her mouth. Afterwards she didn't want anything from him. He couldn't really complain after getting everyman's dream, a no-strings blow job, but it felt odd to him after she had refused to suck his cock for so long. He didn't really notice that she didn't seem to be at all out of practice and if anything better at it then she ever had been. He kept trying though for a couple of months with decreasing success. Soon they were back to their pattern of fucking about once a month just to drain Derrick's tank.

It was almost six months to the day after Derrick watched the video of the four college students that he was again in his office with the door locked and his clothes neatly laid on the credenza. He sat in his chair, naked, watching an amateur video of an average couple fucking. After the guy came in his wife's cunt he became the camera man. He shot some close ups of cum oozing from her pussy and then began to bark instructions. He made her spread her pussy lips and finger fuck herself. Then he told her to suck his cum off her fingers. Derrick had had enough of the couple when she started fucking her pussy and ass with a vibrator made to fill both holes at once. He needed more than that to get him off.

He did another search for amateur sex video. He had purposely avoided searching for blow job videos for fear of his reaction to seeing cocks being sucked or worse happening on a guy sucking cock. He went through the choices presented and settled on one featuring an interracial couple. It started with a large very fit and well hung black man getting his cock sucked by a plump white chick with a very pretty but overly made up face. The video quality was very good, but Derrick thought it a shame that the couple had sunk to the stereotypical porn plot of a big dicked black guy forcing a white chick to choke on his cock. He likely would have looked for something else, but he couldn't take his eyes off the long very dark cock sliding in and out of a pair of red lips on a chubby white face. Had he been honest with himself he would have admitted that the girl was only secondary to his interest in the scene.

After several more minutes of fucking the girl's makeup smeared face the big man pulled back and demanded that she get on her hands and knees. He grabbed her hips and rammed his cock deep into her cunt. As he road her hard and rough, she began to moan and cried out how good his big, beautiful black cock felt inside her pussy. The guy wasn't content with just fucking her cunt. After about ten minutes of hard pounding he pulled back and aimed his pussy juice covered tool for her ass hole. She screamed as he impaled her anal canal on his cock. Derrick had done his share of anal fucking and even taken a dildo up his ass a few times but he had never imagined anyone fucking an ass like the guy on the screen was fucking the fat ass of the white chick that was moaning passionately her joy at being drilled anally. Suddenly, the guy pulled out, rolled the chick over roughly and came on her tits and face.

That was when Derrick realized that they were using a cameraman because the picture zoomed in on the guy's still hard dick as he wiped it off on the chick's belly. The camera was apparently exchanged because the next thing on the screen was another black guy naked and hard. He didn't bother with any preliminaries. He just grabbed her ankles, spread her legs and lifted her ass up in the air. He pulled her to the edge of the bed and began pumping his cock in and out of her cunt. Long before the second guy was done brutally fucking the plump chick, Derrick had cum all over his belly. He watched the rest of the scene as he cleaned up. Though he still felt some shame it wasn't nearly as bad as in the past.

He resisted returning to computer porn for three weeks even though he had a strong desire to see more large cocks in action. When he finally did give into his desire he didn't avoid dangerous search terms. His first search that evening was for big cocks being sucked. He chose one titled: Blowing a Huge Dick by the Pool. It started with a guy lying on a weight bench next to a back yard pool. He was lifting weights in the nude. The well tanned guy's muscles bulged as he hoisted the heavy bar up into the air three times. Derrick was most interested in the guys fully erect cock. It was at least ten inches long and almost as thick around as small wrist.

After putting the weight bar back into the holder the guy declared to no one in particular that lifting weights made him hornier than shit. Then he stood up and walked toward the pool while stroking his massive cock. The sounds of someone swimming could be heard as the guy sat down on the edge of the pool and dangled his feet in the water. He just sat there slowly jerking his meat while watching whoever was swimming for a few minutes. Water splashed over the guy's dick and the back of a head came into the picture. The guy who emerged from the water asked the weightlifter if he needed help with anything. The weightlifter just let go of his dick and used his hand to guide the newcomers face to his crotch.

Derrick began panting as he pounded his own cock harder and harder while watching his first true gay porn. Though the frame jerked around a bit the quality was better than most amateur productions. In addition, the way the scene was edited made it clear that there had been more than one cameraman involved. After the guy sucked and licked the weightlifters cock for over ten minutes he stood up and revealed his trim body and long thin cock. The weightlifter grabbed the swimmer's ass and pulled him forward. The big strong man began to lick and suck the lean swimmers hairless balls. Derrick was fascinated by the total lack of hair on the swimmer and the enthusiastic way the weightlifter was sucking his scrotum. After a few minutes the weightlifter moved his mouth to the swimmer's cock. He easily swallowed every inch of the guy's dick; pressing his lips against the swimmer's smooth pubic region.

Derrick was more excited than he had been in a long time watching these two hot guys blow each other. He came at about the same time that the swimmer gave the weightlifter a facial cum shower. After making a note of the website address, he turned off the computer. He wanted to save the rest of the video for another day. Oddly, he didn't feel his usual shame over what he had done. He was just sated and wanted to save anything else the hot duo did for another day and another rewarding jerk off session.

As it happened the following weekend Derrick's wife took the kids to visit her parents. For the first time he had the freedom to view on-line porn in the privacy of his den. The first night they were away he went out for dinner. When he got home he went straight to his bedroom and stripped down to his boxers. He felt a kinky thrill from walking through the big house in just his underwear. That thrill was magnified when he slipped off his boxers at the bottom of the main stairway. Walking around the first floor of the house naked was so exciting to him that he was rock hard by the time he got to the den. After putting a plush towel in his leather desk chair he fired up the web site where he had watched the swimming pool video. He found the spot where the slim swimmer had sprayed cum all over the beefy weightlifters face and settled in to watch the conclusion.

The swimmer popped out of the pool and began to lick his cum from his partner's face. Soon they were making out sloppily. Derrick hadn't considered the possibility that the two would kiss. He found that even more taboo than the cock sucking he had seen. However he also found it to be a bit of turn off. He wasn't ready to see two manly men kissing like teenagers. Happily for him the scene moved on. The men stood and headed for the weight bench. Mysteriously the weight bar had disappeared. Derrick realized that there must have been some crew as well as several cameraman involved in the production. The reason for the weights being moved was instantly apparent when the swimmer got on his hands and knees on the bench.

The bigger man knelt on a towel behind the bench and began to lustfully lick the swimmer's smooth ass. Derrick was transfixed by the scene of the wrestler stabbing his tongue into his friend's asshole. He was panting by the time the guy had two beefy fingers sliding in and out of the slim man's anus. Derrick slowed his stroking because he was already on the edge anticipating what was coming. He didn't have long to wait for his imagined next action to be confirmed. The wrestler stood up and walked out of the frame for moment. When he came back into the picture he was holding a tube which he inserted in the swimmer's ass. Derrick knew that the guy's anus was being lubed up. He gasped as he watched the wrestler push his gigantic cock into the swimmer's rectum.

The guy didn't scream the way the fat white chick had when the big black man fucked her ass. The only sounds on the video where the erotic moans of the swimmer, the grunting and gasping of the wrestler and sound of flesh slapping flesh. The scene ended with the pair enjoying a simultaneous orgasm. Derrick's exploding dick made it a three-way cum.

This time he wasn't at all ashamed. All he felt was the thrill of doing something new. He wiped his cock off on a towel and went to the bar to fix a drink. After two strong drinks he was feeling bolder. He had heard a lot about sex chat sites and was ready to plunge into a brave new adventure. When he returned to his computer he typed literotica.com into the address window. But instead of going to the area that featured amateur porn writing he entered the sex chat area for the first time. Once he set up a user name and got into the chat area he had no idea what to do. He decided to try watching the action which in the main room proved difficult as the lines were scrolling by too fast.

He soon figured out that there were other rooms to visit. He popped into a few of them and tried to get a conversation going with a female chatter. He didn't have much success and the rooms where people were acting out sexual scenes for all to see felt silly to him. After awhile of mostly frustrating attempts he decided to try a room called cock for cock. He knew nobody would know who he was and watching the gay video had been such a big turn on he figured chatting with a guy about sex might be interesting. After figuring out the password and getting in Derrick thought the best option was to observe for awhile to try to get a feel for what went on in a gay chat room.

At first except for the obvious there wasn't much different about the room. Even that there were nothing but guys in the room wasn't so different since most of the other rooms seemed to be majority male. The in room requests for private chats were a bit different and in a way far bolder than most he had seen in the straight sex rooms. He supposed that guys seeking sex chat from other guys didn't feel the need to seduce. Derrick knew that he wasn't ready to jump in the deep end so he just sat and watched the scrolling lines of text. The most fascinating thing to him was that most of the lines that scrolled by were merely announcements that someone had either entered or exited the room. He had imagined that in a chat room there would be more of a dialogue.

After a few minutes he saw a message that was highlighted in yellow. It simply said. 'Hello, how are you?'. It took him a few seconds to realize that it was what the instructions called a private message or PM in chat speak. After figuring out the mechanics he typed back, 'Ok, thank you, how are you?'. The response of 'horny' surprised Derrick. Going from hello to horny in thirty seconds was a totally new experience for him and he wasn't sure how to respond. He wanted to try talking to a guy about gay sex but he didn't want to give the guy the wrong idea. So he just typed, 'Oh really?' The response came back, "Yes, really. I am sitting here naked stroking my hard dick." Derrick hadn't thought about that possibility. He typed the first thing that came to him, 'WOW!' 'You like that? Are you naked and hard? What are you into? Tell me about your cock,' Flashed onto the screen.

Derrick moved the cursor to the little red X, thinking he would click it and escape. But curiosity won out. He typed, 'I'm naked but not hard. I just finished jerking off to gay porn for the first time. I was curious what went on in places like this. I don't know what I am into. Are you really masturbating right now?' The response came back, 'Fuck yes I am stroking my cock right now! I wish it was your dick. You ever touched another guy's cock or is this a new thing for you?' Derrick swallowed hard and then typed, 'NO, never even thought about it until very recently. Not sure I want to, just happened on the video and it made me curious about gay sex. Are you gay?'

'Not gay, bi. I am married so I mostly just satisfy my gay side with online play. I had a semi-regular playmate but he moved over a year ago. It is hard to find a discrete friend.'

'I guess it would be. How long have you been into sex with guys?'

Since the guy seemed willing to talk, Derrick wanted to take advantage of the opportunity.

'Forever, I guess. It started with fooling around on sleepovers. Then in high school and college I had sex with both males and females. After I got married I gave up guys for a few years. One day I was hanging out with my friend, the one who moved, while our wives were off shopping or something. We started talking about sex and ended up admitting to each other that we had been bi in college. That led to our becoming playmates. Do you think you would ever try it with a guy for real?'

Derrick had not imagined trying anything real or otherwise. But he was enjoying the conversation and curious to learn more. He figured that he had to give something if the chat was to continue.

'I have trouble imagining doing anything like that. So far all I have done is watch a video and jerked off. It is a big leap from there to going to bed with a guy.'

'It isn't as big a leap as you think. Sex with a guy is a lot less complicated than it is with women. At least the ones I have been with didn't come with as much drama. Can I ask have you ever done any cyber sex with a women?'

'I haven't done any kind of sex on line, except watching porn.'

'Where do you live?'

The question surprised and scared Derrick a bit. He took it to mean that the guy he was chatting with was looking for a real meeting. But after thinking about he realized the chance that they lived close enough to meet was remote.

'East Coast, US' He typed figuring that didn't give away much of his identity.

A response flashed on the screen almost instantly.

'I'm in the Virginia Beach area. Are you anywhere near there?'

Derrick felt his spine tingle. It was possible that he was chatting with someone he knew since he lived in the same area. Again he thought about clicking the X and running away. But curiosity and the thought that fate might be giving him a once in a lifetime chance, kept him from exiting the chat room. He made a decision to be brave.

'Very close. I live on Linkhorn Bay.'

Derrick's heart was racing as he watched for a reply to his message.

'Fuck, you're kidding. I never meet anyone on here within 500 miles now I meet a guy might be 5 miles from my house?'

'Not kidding, but I am not sure why I told you. Where in town are you?'

'I am on the Chesapeake side of town. I like being close to where I work.'

That freaked Derrick out since his office was in Chesapeake. He didn't know what to do. Suddenly, he seemed to have the possibility of actually meeting a guy who might show him a new world. But he wasn't sure he wanted to be shown that world.

'Hey, you Ok. You aren't freaking out on me are you?'

Derrick read the next message and knew he had to say something or lose the opportunity. The fact that his dick was starting to grow hard again told him that at least part of him wanted to explore the possibilities.

'Oh, sorry, yeah I guess I am a little freaked. You know the first time I go into a gay themed chat room I happen on a guy who lives close and like I said I am still not sure why I told you where I live.'

'Maybe it is fate, buddy. Maybe we should talk about meeting for coffee or a drink sometime. No pressure, just to check out how it feels. My name is Mike by the way.'

Derrick's heart leapt. There were two Mikes at Trellis who he didn't know very well. The guy on the computer could be either of them he reasoned.

'I guess there would be no harm in meeting for a drink as long as you understand I can't make any promises of anything more.'

'Of course not, I can't make any promises either. We might not have any chemistry. Can I ask your name?'

'Derrick'

It was the other guys turn to pause, which made Derrick very nervous. He typed:

'Did I freak you out now, Mike?'

'Not sure, you don't happen to work at Trellis do you?'

Derrick felt like he had been punched in the gut. He didn't want to end the connection without at least going for a tame meeting. But it seemed there was a very real possibility that he knew the guy and would be giving away more than he was comfortable with if he answered. When he typed yes, it felt to him like his fingers were acting in rebellion to his brain's wishes.

'Holy shit, I am Mike Dubinski from Dobbins and Lowe. If you're the Derrick I think we worked together some on a project a couple years ago.'

Derrick had to rack his brain to remember the guy. He remembered the project but he had not been involved on a daily basis.

'One of my teams did that project. I didn't have a lot of direct involvement.'

'I didn't either, one of my department heads managed it for us, but you and I spoke on the phone several times on various issues as I recall.'

'Oh yeah, but how the fuck did you make that leap from just my first name?'