Junkmail

I grit my teeth and nod slowly "that sounds great, I'll finish packing and join you in the tub babe." I watch as she walks away and I slowly let myself sink onto the edge of my bed, feeling the weight of the half-truth's I've found myself telling her. Fresh guilt wracks through me and I pick up my phone almost nervously, worried about what I'm going to find there.

I know I'm taking a risk arranging to meet Ella, the attraction is undeniable. I'm good at picking up signals and there's nothing there suggesting it's a one way thing. I want it to be though, I don't think I can face the reality of it being reciprocated.

19:32 [EJ] -- Are you freaking out about tomorrow yet?

19:35 [EJ] -- If you are, it's fine to back out.

19:43 [EJ] - Oh shit, are you actually freaking out?

I roll my eyes at the phone screen, she always jumps to the worst conclusion.

20:11 [SC] -- Calm yourself, it's not good for people of your stature to get worked up. No I'm not freaking out, I don't want to back out. It's dinner with a friend. Honestly, you make this whole thing sound like we're about to embark on some kind of sordid affair.

20:12 [SC] -- I was packing, had a bit of a row with Becca. But it's sorted now.

20:13 [EJ] -- How much is it going to cost you to appease her this time?

I smirk down at the phone in my hand and shake my head, causing the brown tresses to tickle my cheeks as they fall loosely around my face.

20:14 [SC] -- A trip to Paris when I get back.

20:15 [EJ] -- Oh, so pocket change really?

20:16 [EJ] -- Where is the Ice Princess?

20:17 [SC] -- Running us a bath, which means my presence is to be expected.

20:30 [EJ] -- That is a mental image one didn't need nor want... thanks.

Ella - June 4th

I've never been this fucking nervous for anything in my whole life. This isn't even a date yet here I am, forty five minutes before she's due to get here and looking at my wardrobe options whilst trying my best not to have a mental breakdown.

I need something that looks good, but doesn't look like I've made an effort. I can't be obvious. Fuck. I can hear my phone ringing, I know it's going to be her. I feel around on the bed for it blindly, trying to find the bloody thing as it's hidden amongst the covers and discarded clothes.

"Hello?" I answer, slightly breathless from my exertions; just another reminder that I need to hit the gym again.

"Ella? What's wrong you sound out of breath?" Ah, Mother. Why didn't I check the caller display first?

"I was getting changed when the phone rang. What's up?" I try and keep my voice even, but I'm silently hoping that this is a quick phone call and she hasn't rang to relay every detail of her day to me. I love my Mum, don't doubt that. But ever since Dad died, she hasn't been the same. It's just us two now, and his absence is felt constantly by the both of us.

"Well, I was calling just to see how you were Pickle, but if you have plans I won't keep you. What are you getting up to tonight?"

I sigh loudly, I know that tone of voice, it's the one she forces when she wants to subtly ask me about my non-existent romantic life but doesn't want to be forthwith in asking "Nothing Mother, just drinks and food with a pal. I'm gonna have to go, I still need to get dressed."

I'm thankful that for once my errant Mother takes the hint and lets me end the call with just a brief goodbye and the promise to call her over the weekend. I check my watch and take a calming breath, half an hour before she gets here. My hairs done, I've done my make up; I just need to get dressed.

I finally settle on a pair of faded skinny jeans and a fitted shirt, casual yet presentable. I'd wear a dress but I don't want to put out the wrong impression... and I'm well aware I'm overthinking everything. I've settled on my sofa, glass of red wine in hand, tapping my foot impatiently as I stare at the Art Deco wall clock opposite, willing time to hurry up.

My phone ringing startles me, causing a good amount of wine to leave my glass and land on my white shirt "Shit, fuck..." I stand up, glass in hand and wedge the phone under my ear "Hello?!" I snap into the receiver.

"Wow, rude much? I'm outside" Sophie's familiar southern tone sounds through the ear piece and I feel myself instantly relax.

"Sorry, I've just spilled wine on myself. I'm apartment four, come up and let yourself in, doors unlocked. I need to change." I'll over analyse what it meant to invite her up later, before she can accept or decline I've hung up and dashed back into my bedroom. I peel the ruined shirt off and groan loudly at the imposing burgundy stain, that's sure to never come out, before throwing it into the wash hamper in the corner of the room.

I pull on my second choice shirt and avoid looking in the mirror, I don't want to see the pink stain in my cheeks and the no doubt panicked look in my eyes. My heart already feels like it wants to give out on me and I'm sure that if I don't have a good stiff drink in the next five minutes I'm going to throw up.

I can hear pacing in the lounge as I walk down the small hallway that joins the rooms in my flat, a fine sheen of sweat blooms on my brow and I quietly pray that it isn't going to cause my makeup to run. I could really do without having to change again because there's a classy ring of orange around the collar of my shirt. I stop at the door separating us, my hand holds the brass knob loosely, I've been waiting for this moment for months. And now it's here, I'm not sure how to feel about it, what to expect. I remind myself to breathe, closing my eyes and breathe in through the nose out through the mouth.

I realise how insane I must look standing here, eyes closed and breathing like a horse that's in labour and decide that enough's enough. Man the fuck up James. Determined, I open the door and let my breath out in a gush.

I don't know what I was expecting, but the woman stood in front of me is definitely not it. She's taller than I imagined, but my eyes, travelling the length of her curvy figure fall on the court shoes she has on and I smirk at little. I'm staring at her feet with a smile on my face, so when I look up and meet her blue eyes for the first time, I shouldn't be surprised to see that there's a hint of amusement in them.

"Hi..." my voice is breathless and unrecognisable when I greet the woman standing in front of me.

"Hi yourself, you have a lovely home." She sounds confident, a wry smile on her lips and her eyebrows quirked up questionably.

"What?" I ask, my cheeks heating underneath her scrutiny as I feel her eyes wander over me.

"Nothing, I just didn't have you down as the sort who would have a thing for feet."

Fuck. "I'm not... it's just, you're taller than I thought you'd be. And then I saw the shoes, and realised it's the heels..." I'm cut off when she starts laughing at my discomfort, it takes all my will power not to cross my arms across my chest and pout belligerently, instead I settle for rolling my eyes and grabbing my jacket "shall we go? Or are you just going to laugh at me all night?"

Sophie - June 4th

Ella is charming, funny and devastatingly attractive. I find myself watching her lips move when she speaks, which is fine for me. But a little embarrassing when I find she's asked me a question and I can't answer it because I haven't been listening to a word she's said. The look I'm getting now tells me that I've missed something, I try and act ignorant to the look I'm receiving as I reach for my glass of sparkling water and take a sip. "Are you even listening to anything I've just said?" She asks, her accent soft and comforting, I fight the urge to smile and give in to the way I'm feeling, instead I just nod and affirmative answer and smile softly.

"Of course, I just didn't catch that last bit." I try and save myself, Ella raises an eyebrow at me before crossing her legs under the table, her foot runs down the length of my trouser covered calf and I have to suppress the shiver that wants to encompass me.

"I asked you why you're here? You never said why you had to come up out of the blue. Just that you were in the area." I chew the mouthful of food I'd taken whilst she was talking and wash it down with a sip of water.

"One of the senior managers in one of the contact centres we have up here has been brought into a disciplinary. Because of the severity of the allegations a HR presence is mandatory. And I drew the short straw, it's all very dull and drawn out. I was almost late picking you up tonight, didn't even have time to go back to hotel and change." I gesture down to the charcoal pant suit I still have on, the jacket is now hung over the back of my chair showing off the dangerously almost see through cream chemise blouse I chose to wear, tucked into my slacks and feel a sharp stab of joy when I see Ella's eyes take me in one more time. "Anyway," I continue, her warm, brown eyes snapping back up to mine. I smile when I notice the adorable blush colouring her cheeks "I'm back at it tomorrow, if I finish late again I'll be staying over and driving home the next morning. So you may get the pleasure of my company one more time?"

I leave that question hanging between us, I may just stay late as an excuse to see her again but I don't want to make myself too available if the feeling isn't mutual. "I think that would be fine. Despite my earlier reservations, you're actually quite good company."

"You're so cheeky." I tease, thrilled at her agreement to see me again. I open my mouth to continue talking but my phone begins to vibrate angrily across the polished wood table top, one look at the caller ID has me wincing visibly. "It's Becca, I'd better take it..." I move to stand but pause when I feel Ella tap me on the hand.

"No, stay. I need to use the ladies anyway." I nod dumbly, still processing just how much I liked the feel of her hand on mine. I need to get a grip, but my eyes stay glued to her as I bring the phone up to my ear and hear Becca's voice through the receiver. The sway of Ella's hips are almost too much, as a self-confessed bum girl, she has a lot to keep me entranced.

"Sophie, are you there?" Becca's clipped tone pulls me away from my surreptitious ogling and I feel guilty all over again for allowing myself to be pulled in by my attraction to Ella.

I clear my throat and focus on the woman at the other end of the phone "Yes, sorry darling. You were saying?"

I listen to Becca as she gushes on about this stunning boutique hotel she's found, with views to die for and even though it's pricey she just had to book it. I offer all the right answers and give her the obligatory "Whatever you want" answer I know she's looking for.

"So who are you out with?" She asks, I can hear the false attempt at nonchalance in her tone of voice and I feel sick.

"One of the managers from the offices here, we met at a conference last year. It's all work talk. Really boring," I start, the words come out too quickly and I know in an instant she isn't going to believe me.

"Does this manager have a name?" Shit, think Sophie, think!

"Of course," I start, trying to scrape around my brain for a name that's actually real because I know she's going to be snooping through Facebook to check it out. "Michaela..." I blurt out, I clear my throat and take a much needed sip of water "Michaela Ardron. She's very straight and very married" I attempt to sound light hearted as I add that snippet of information in there for her benefit. Becca doesn't say anything, the silence between us lingers for a moment and I see look up to see Ella returning to the table "I'd better go Bec, Michaela's coming back and I don't want to be rude."

"Oh, ok. Well, just call me when you get back to the hotel? So I know you're back safe." You mean so you know I haven't gone home with someone else? I think bitterly as I watch Ella smile shyly at me as she approaches the table.

"Sure thing, talk later. Love you." I don't wait for her response, I'll pay for it later, but I have nothing left to say for her. By the time Ella's sat back down across from me I'm feeling thoroughly deflated.

"Everything ok?"

I look up into warm, brown eyes and feel a strange fluttering stir inside me. There's something comforting about the way I'm being looked at. Becca's never looked at me that way, never taken a breath from her incessant running commentary about what's going on in her life to ask me how I am. I nod silently and tap my fingers on the edge of the table, trying to look for the words I want to say "I'm good. She was just informing me how much she's spent. I gave her free reign over the whole Paris trip to shut her up last night."

Ella watches me carefully, I know she wants to say something and it working out just how it's going to go down. My eyes roll and I sit up a little straighter, push out my chest and ready myself for what it is she's about to come out with. I wait impatiently for a beat, anticipating whatever it is "Oh for heaven's sake Ella, spit it out!"

She blinks dumbly at me for a split second before erupting into laughter, the sight of her loose composure has me biting my lips to hold back my own. She drains her wine glass as her laughs drift out into soft giggles, and for this moment I take a look at her. A good look at her, and she really is beautiful. The soft lighting in the restaurant makes her smooth complexion almost glow, her eyes are so deep and expressive. Her hair, almost identical in colour to my own, is thick and glossy. The sort that makes you wonder how it would feel to run your fingers through it. How it would look fanned out on the pillow next to you as you wake up next to her the next morning. Her hair is pulled back, showing off her long, shapely neck. My thoughts drift into dangerous territory as I wonder how it would feel to kiss her throat... "You're staring again Soph, seriously do I have something on my face?"

I shake my head, and smile as calmly as I can "No, I'm just being stupid." I check my watch, holy shit. How is it almost midnight already? "It's getting late, and I have an early start tomorrow." I wave for the waiter and pull my purse from my handbag.

Ella's face looks a little crestfallen as I go through the motions of settling the bill, and as we leave the restaurant and walk to my car, I try my best to catch fleeting glimpses at her. To etch her face into my memory, I never want to forget how she looks when she smiles, or laughs. Or scoffs and rolls her eyes when I say something that's slightly self-deprecating, all these minor details that make up the person I've been talking to daily for the last few months. She's everything I thought she'd be and more, and as pleased as I am about this. It's also confusing as fuck.

The drive back to her place is quiet, the silence only interrupted by my gentle probing for directions. There are moments when my fingers accidentally (OK maybe not completely accidental) graze her thigh as I change gears and I'm sure I can hear her breath catch. I'm not sure why the thought of my touch affecting her sends a shiver down my spine, but I don't fight it. I want to embrace this feeling, I can't act on it. But what's to say I can't enjoy the way I feel around her for the next day or so.

"I'm really glad we did this." I murmur as I pull up outside her place, killing the engine and effectively leaving us in silence. In the close confines of the car, the quiet is almost exacerbated. The sounds of the street mingle with our combined breathing, I'm certain I can hear the sound of my heart beating furiously under my ribs, the pounding rattling against the walls of my chest must be loud enough for her to hear.

If it is, she doesn't point this out, she simply smiles at me so sweetly I have to stop myself from closing the short distance between us and pressing my own mouth against hers. "Me too, call me about tomorrow?" I nod and settle for the next best thing, kissing her cheek. I let my lips linger against her soft, warm skin a fraction of a second longer than was really necessary. But if this is the only time I'll be able to kiss her, I want to make it count. "Goodnight Sophie," she whispers, almost too quietly for me to hear.

"Goodnight Ella."

Ella - June 5th

I dreamt of her last night, and it felt so real. Her touch, the way her strong hands felt against my body. Her mouth on mine, and the way it travelled my body confidently; knowing just where to kiss firmer, where to bite softly. Deftly seeking out each of my erogenous zones and manipulating them to her will. Her soft moans in my ear, her silken hair between my fingers.

It was beautiful and there she was mine, but it wasn't real. The reality is this woman belongs to someone else, someone who doesn't appreciate what an intelligent, dedicated and glorious creature she is. And that thought infuriates me.

As I walk from my offices and through the city streets home, I replay every detail of last night through my mind. Her laugh, her voice, the way her eyes crinkled slightly in the corners when she smiled at me. Her eyes, bluer than I'd ever seen in my life, portray her every emotion. This is the best for when she has a stoic expression on her perfect face and you don't know what she's thinking. One look into those bewitching eyes and it's like everything she's feeling is laid bare to the world.

She text me earlier to inform me she would call around at six again, and we could go straight out for dinner from mine. The thought of having her in my space again has me practically giddy, the nerves from yesterday are almost none existent. I'm more nervous about keeping my own feelings under wraps, when she kissed my cheek last night the urge to turn my face slightly to capture her mouth with my own was almost overwhelming.

The afternoon passes quicker than yesterday, I get changed into another pair of jeans and pair it with a vest top and blazer. I let my hair hang loose in natural waves and keep my makeup light. By the time I'm ready and sat on my sofa with a glass of white, I'm feeling comfortable about how the night can go. We'll spend another evening talking about a variety of topics again, fine, maybe there'll be a hint of flirting but it's just harmless fun between two very good friends. She'll drive me home, with some luck kiss my cheek again and I'll do the right thing and embrace the friendly gesture. What I won't do is spill wine on myself, prattle like an idiot or succumb to the burning need to plant one straight on her lips.

The doorbell buzzing distracts me from my internal pep talk and I have to stop myself from running to the door. To close the distance between me and her in the shortest time possible. I also have to remind myself to breathe when I answer the door to her, she looked great yesterday in her office wear. Sophie in grey, skinny jeans that are ripped at the knee and a pale blue flannel shirt is almost heart attack inducing. I've never known casual to be so sexy.

I can't hide the confusion that shows on my face when I see she's holding two pizza boxes and a bag full of drinks "I thought we were going out to eat?" I ask as I step aside to let her in.

She huffs and breezes past me into the hallway, the scent of her and the pizza mingling together is positively mouth-watering. "I know, and I'm so sorry. But I couldn't get another hotel room, they're fully booked and I didn't have time to look for anything else. Apparently The Fringe is on? Whatever that is, so I picked up these on the way over, because I figured it'd be quicker than eating out and I have to drive home tonight."