Love Note Pt. 02

"So, I decided to give music a shot. This is my real passion anyways -- I just like the idea of being a soapie star as well."

"Tough decisions..." Kyle muttered.

She leaned forward. "Tell me about it! But worth it -- how many new stars get to kick off their careers on a Leo Boreas collaboration?! And meeting with Sabine!"

"I'm meeting with Sabine," Leo told her. "You nagged your way into a minute with her and then a cab home."

"Well, it didn't take much nagging to get you to agree." Her words were delivered close to his ear.

When she stroked his arm, Leo turned to glare at her. She was shaken enough to withdraw her touch instantly.

Sindi was a child in all the senses that mattered most. She was new to music; inexperienced enough to think big talent that brought fame made her unique; and clueless enough about respecting dreams and goals to think the industries she was interested in needed to bend to her will. She also appeared to be flirting with the man who could be a source of more significant things than a fame fuck.

The first time Leo had picked up on her special looks and tones, it had irritated him. At twenty-two this girl had no idea the risks and pitfalls she created by pandering to her whims, by flirting instead of focusing on work. Well, the rest of the world would have to teach her -- after the gala he wanted her out of his sight.

Sabine arrived at Kyle's apartment minutes after them; fresh and friendly even at one in the morning. Kyle got his music station going while Sindi gushed and Leo shook the stiffness from his body until his hair fell forward, covering his eyes.

In the end, the short meeting was worth it. The new sounds were unexpectedly moody and intriguing.

"Of course, I am not saying you must use it." Sabine was draped across a couch as if it were a chaise. "I am just saying... You must use it!"

Her laugh was throaty and it made Leo shake his head.

The two had first met in Madrid nearly a decade ago.

It was Leo's first tour that far from home and he was high on the crowd's roar after his second set. Sabine had walked into the VIP section after the show, her hair much longer back then, her entire body sheathed in supple leather. Together they had passed the rest of the night drinking cognac she had smuggled into the club; she talked and he listened. He was hard at the time, but did have enough sense to listen to her accented advice, her invitation to do a project in France... and her direct romantic rejection.

And her creative sense had served him well over the years.

"This is your life, mon ami." One arm made a grand sweep towards Kyle's station. "Music is your heart, non?"

A slight smile. "Bien entendu, Sabine."

"Bon!" She twirled her fingers around the invisible sounds surrounding them. "Then don't let them take it away from you. You were young and faced some hardship; you took the time to go, to heal and to grow. But now you are back and you must let your heart beat again!"

Kyle was keeping an annoyed Sindi occupied in the kitchen. Leo decided to opt for blunt truth in their brief reprieve.

"It was the worst kind of hardship, my friend." He met her dark eyes. "The industry's a battlefield, sure; but it was losing Melissa and then Jamie that crushed me. I failed at putting enough love into music and my relationship and taking care of my sister. Work consumed me. I failed Melissa. And I couldn't... save Jamie."

She sat up straight. "Now you listen to me, lion man. You know better. This thing you have, it is big. It is big and it makes you happy to make others happy with it. You are not that gorgeous girl in the kitchen who thinks music is reason to get strangers to ask for autographs -- you know better."

"So?" he frowned.

"So?" She stood up. "So, now you have responsibility to grow and do better. You owe this to your art... They try to use you; they misunderstand you; the world demand too much; your lady, she crumble and go; even death, it comes to devastate you -- hardship, struggle, challenge, et patati et patata... Don't lose yourself in it, ami. The good, the bad -- it all teaches. And if you run from the bad, you reject important lessons."

"Jamie died, Sabine." He leaned over her. "And Melissa was not just some lesson."

"Non," she concurred. "Melissa was a woman you let go."

He towered over her. "I was never given the choice! I planned my life around that woman and she changed into someone who no longer saw my love and our dream clearly. This industry fed on my soul and I still gave her all I could. But nothing I did was enough for her."

"And you let her go."

The words were soft, and the room suddenly too small.

"I loved her, Sabine." He wanted to walk out... but also needed to stay right where he was.

"Oui. But you still let her go." Sabine wrapped her arms around him. "Music never did a thing to you that you could not handle, lion man. You were young and chose the wrong love, not the wrong industry. You walked away from life because you felt guilty about the girl and the way she demanded what you could not give -- it is okay; we all do this. L'anglais says it so poetically: all of us, we fuck up."

Leo chuckled wearily, looking down at her petite strength wrapped around him.

She looked up at him. "Jamie was taken from your family. Melissa walked away from your love. You walked away from music. Okay, it is done. But this heart of yours does not only beat for good, easy days. Let it beat for all the beauty of loving, losing and loving again. You can come back to your art with all your heart."

"And use your new sounds..." he smirked.

She grabbed his face, squishing his cheeks. "You listen so good! After the years, all of them, you learn to listen so good, lion!"

Leo laughed.

And suddenly the day felt like one worth having. A long, raw... good day. Kyle opened some wine and even Sindi calmed downed long enough for Sabine to listen to their song and demand another bottle be opened. Kyle lined up the raw separates as Eric had instructed him to. From there, it was easy to pick a slot for one of Sabine's sounds.

Leo closed his eyes and listened for the emotion that would choose to speak through them.

"Sleep," Kyle grunted. "I need sleep. Then I'll get started on mixing."

None of them had noticed four o' clock unfurling and stretching across the city.

The sun was sneaking up on Leo by the time he got home; but that exhaustion was not the reason he grimaced as he punched his bedroom console, shutting the heavy, motorised drapes.

His grim resignation was at Sabine's final words before they'd parted.

"You know what we must do?" Her fringe did not hide the mischief in her eyes. "We must visit and be friends -- enjoy a good meal together, no work!"

"You should come over," he'd responded. "You've never been to my new place."

She laughed. "On another day perhaps. Friday night we must supper in public -- leave your fortress and come back into the world. Bring friends and we will laugh and stuff our bellies -- and you can tell me the real reason your eyes shine so intensely now that you are back. I must know her name... Bonne nuit, lion."

***

Leo was grateful to have the morning off. He woke with hints of wine still in his mouth and Sabine's words giving him a headache. He pushed the latter to the back of his mind and headed into the shower.

His body wanted to move on autopilot through its usual routine, but the previous night's conversation had not let go of him yet. His privacy was crucial to him, but the thought that he'd subconsciously created a fortress to hide in out of guilt and pain... Maybe it was time to experiment with switching things up a bit.

So, he put on his sneakers and began a brisk walk to the main gates. Gardeners were teeming along the Jacaranda-lined streets, cleaning up the purple blossoms tossed about by the previous weekend's unruly winds. The winds that had brought him Ana only to abandon him now.

Half an hour after leaving home, the guards were surprised to see him on foot, but opened the pedestrian gate quickly.

And Leo ran.

I look to the skies for signs

The constellations outline

her forever by my side

I touch my lips to her wine

to savour her

I have a gift here

He turned his back on the sun and ran in the direction of busier traffic lines and the swollen clouds in the distance. For an hour, countless cars slipped by; pigeons paid him no mind; walkers passed him and their dogs tried to join him. Two girls pointed at Dream Reality posters then at him; and countless people did double takes then took pictures.

Leo smiled. It wasn't too bad being out again.

I have a gift here

Divine and unshaken

Something new began pumping through him as he ignored the burn of steadily curving back up towards home. Sunninghill gleamed. Sweat dripped with each footfall.

I have a gift here

The music played on inside him even after he'd stopped running.

***

The afternoon was spent in rehearsal. Choreography was coming together -- everyone was starting to see the repetitive steps and lines as an actual performance now.

It was only when Eric suggested they wrap things up that Leo realised midnight was upon him once again. Music had a way of drawing him in and blinding him to setting suns and waning energy levels in others. The band was bleary-eyed and subdued. Calvin, their choreographer, was the only one still emanating keen vigour.

Leo promised the band shorter Thursday and Friday sessions and thanked them as they blinked in confusion at their sudden release. He had to stop assuming everyone found the life force in music that he did; he had to remember that those who'd never walked away from it weren't undergoing the resurrection that he was.

"Anything wrong with your car?" Kyle was the only one left walking out with him.

Leo smiled. He'd arrived in what Kyle often referred to as his 'Plan B', a sporty little classic coupé that hardly ever got to leave his garage. Kyle's sly nickname for the car was to point out that he alternated an expensive luxury vehicle with an exquisite classic -- he was a lifetime away from being the starving artist he'd been at the beginning.

Leo only drove the coupé on special occasions. Or when the Audi was out of commission... like being under the supervision of a resistant goddess.

Her call to him that morning had been particularly entertaining.

"Are you home? I thought I'd swing by and drop off the car."

The copy of Henry & June she'd read was still in his room.

"I'm not home and won't be all day."

The lie is light, easy. He nudged the book; it had nothing left of her touch to share with him.

"Then I'll bring it to Karma."

"I'm not there either."

A pause before her next palpable attempt at patience. "Then where are you?"

He stepped out onto his balcony. "Keep the car."

"No."

"Just for a while."

"Uh uh."

"You need it more than I do."

"So?"

"So, stop focusing so hard on ridding yourself of everything to do with me and admit that this makes sense."

Silence. He could picture her -- the way she twisted her chocolate-strawberry lips when holding stern words back; the way her toes pointed perfectly as if she needed a gesture that could assure her of her perfect control even when she had none...

"Why are you doing this, Leo?"

"I've told you that already. But, if you need a recap, you're welcome to return to my bed and I'll recreate the moment for you."

Her sigh was soft and sweet in ways she would frown upon were she aware of them.

"Moyo will be hiring me something less conspicuous tomorrow. So --"

"I have back-to-back interviews tomorrow, remember? And a private project to fit in. You can't drop it off then either."

"What project?"

She had a way of demanding parts of him -- reactions, answers -- in a way that made him smile. She might not want him... but she also did want him. She wanted to know what parts of her world to carve room in for him.

"I just told you: it's private," he said with a small smile that he knew she would hear.

Silence. Lip twist...

"Okay. But on Friday you'll be at the Now Trending interview with Rose Red."

"As will you."

Toe point...

"Yes. As will I." Elongated sigh. "I'll give you the car then."

Kyle thumped his shoulder to knock him back into the present.

No stars were in sight, thanks to the thick clouds hovering over them. But the night still looked bright, courtesy of the veritable galaxy of Karma lights. Leo felt a rush of anticipation at imagining the casino's lot filling with arriving gala guests.

"So, where's your car?" Kyle asked again.

Leo unlocked the coupé with a casual shrug. "Too far away for my liking."

***

The two women ahead of her in line ordered coffees with names Ana barely understood. They were talking about how happy they were that it was Friday. Ana envied their work week rhythm that allowed them set hours and days off.

The tattooed boy behind the counter grinned when she placed her order: "Just give me the strongest coffee you have in the biggest bucket you can find."

As she turned to leave, he tried to ask her something about the inked bird notes flying up her shoulder, but she kept walking.

Stupid bloody see-through blouse. The cursed boutique lady who'd entrapped her on Monday had assured her that it was a shirt and that it was neither see-through nor sexy. Lies. She'd gotten more attention than usual that morning in her calf-length pants and chiffon "shirt".

The heels didn't help either, but she marched on anyway. With her heels clicking along the paved bricks, her bag hanging from the crook of her elbow as she blew at her coffee... the blasted keys to a bloody Audi inside it... Ana wondered how much more Johannesburg planned on changing her.

It was either the city or the sophisticated gala she was coordinating.

Or the man...

She cut that thought off. Nervous anticipation followed her, surrounding her every move like an almost-heavy aura. Her mind shifted to the afternoon schedule.

The Now Trending interview was scheduled for four o'clock -- everyone had to be there an hour before. Thandi had also mentioned something cryptic about a get-together after.

Both prospects stirred up wishes for something to fuel some courage and a lot of energy.

The mid-morning sun had gathered blazing strength. Anaïs didn't care -- she sipped her coffee with relish. Heat on her skin, heat within.

Her route from the coffee shop back to the mall parking lot took her past the funky radio station she had been at that morning. Rebel J, the host who'd interviewed her just an hour ago, was in the reception area. He spotted her through the patterned glass walls and his eyes lit up with recognition. A grin accompanied by a slanted, backward peace sign were directed her way.

Anaïs couldn't help smiling in response.

Great interview, he mouthed. Thanks!

She saluted him, proud of herself.

He was right. The interview, her first conducted solo, hadn't been half the horror Ana had expected. After five interview-free years, this week had truly tested her on that front. Handling them smoothly actually excited her. She wasn't prepared to do it as much as Leo did, but Rebel had lifted her mood and confidence enough that morning to get a really fun and informative half hour out of her -- including taking a few calls.

Leo.

Standing before his ridiculously sleek car, Ana twisted her lips. She'd avoided spending any time alone with him for days now. It had bothered her, alone in bed three nights ago, to realise that she'd craved that kiss he'd called her for as much as he had. She'd never cared for attachment before; by her late teens she had sworn off the softer, more emotional caresses most girls sought.

Yet here she stood now, dreading the interview ahead yet looking forward to seeing him. She lit a cigarette and sipped more coffee.

This was not love. No.

But it was that light, absentmindedly familiar sort of trailing of fingertips along the inside of your palm.

Confident fingers in your cunt make you come, relieve and release you immediately. But this... the ghost of a touch from fingers that know you inside and out? Slow trailing so soft it draws you out of yourself and into concentrating on the realness of it all: your heartbeat, your crevices and cravings... your need?

No connection was more dangerous than the one softly tracing her openly begging palms. His presence even from afar. She could feel him.

The cigarette smoke filled her lungs -- then felt too thick on its way back out.

"For fuck's sake..."

It had been the same three nights ago when thoughts of him had propelled her out of bed to go light up under the starry sky. The menthol smoke was somehow too much for her with all that other chaos overflowing inside. She had inhaled and inhaled, waiting for serenity that never came.

Halfway through she stubbed her cigarette out and threw it in a trash can with far more forcefulness than necessary. Just as she had for the last three days.

At least the coffee gave her the boost even chocolate milk couldn't have right then. The sun amplified the heat she took in and spread it all through her flesh.

***

The drive to Auckland Park was far shorter than expected.

Outside the broadcaster's studios, Ana inhaled deeply and exhaled reasons why the rest of that day would be fine. She was here; it was bustling with various television and radio staff and visitors... and the flow of the interview would, no doubt, match the seamless flow of these capable people she was witnessing. She stood there, recalling the success of her previous interview. Another smile snuck up on her.

The whole Dream Reality music team was made up of professionals... and none would let personal matters get in the day's way. Thandi, Kyle and Eric would be there as well -- so, it wasn't as if she had to worry about being alone with Leo. Rose Red's show was a pretty exciting platform; the country would be watching and she quite liked the idea that they'd get to spend an hour getting into real detail about Leo's talent and the tremendous work done at Dream Reality.

She straightened her blouse and tugged her handbag a little higher up her shoulder. Her reflection in the car window made her scrunch her nose.

Everything would be fine. Not her outfit, but everything else.

Just fine.

"Stare all you want, sugar -- but you're kinda aiming way outta your league right now."

It was strange how the voice managed to sound both melodic and biting. Ana looked up and into the bright eyes of a rather beautiful brunette accompanied by two equally beautiful blondes.

Absolutely nothing about them was familiar which had Ana wondering why the brunette was addressing her.

"I think you might have me mistaken for someone else," she ventured, forcing her face to relax and hold her smile.

"Oh, I know I don't know you," the woman replied. "It's the owner of this sinful car that I know. Very well."

Great. One of Leo's women. A bitter ex or an over-zealous fan?

Ana didn't care to find out, and was in no mood for a scene in a broadcaster's parking lot.

"I have an appointment inside, so..."

"He's impossible to get through to, you know. Just impossible. And then -- even when you have caught his attention -- you'll never be enough to keep it."

The blondes nodded. This was clearly not their first time hearing this summation.

Ana had been turning away, but stopped. "You need to talk to someone whose place it is to help you sort through this... stuff. I am not that person."