Pet Sitting

I called her; explained who I was and why I was calling. She was hurt and didn't want to have anything to do with me; I think it was because we're pretty much the same age. Somehow that didn't seem right to her. You know, her dad with a girl the same age as his daughter. I gave her my number anyway and told her my due date. After the baby was born, I called again; this time, she at least thanked me for letting her know.

I've graduated from a local college and got a good job; so I have my own place now. It's in the same complex as my sister's apartment -- Karen's the one who found it for me. I think she wants to keep an eye on me; you know, after all that's happened.

Harriet was born a year ago, today. It's her first birthday and Karen insisted on having a little party for the baby at her apartment; Harriet's sister, Alice, is coming by later to celebrate with us.

Harriet is such a sweet baby and I wish I could say she looks, or acts, just like her dad ... but I hardly knew him ... I don't even have a picture of him. Memory is such a fragile thing; I can scarcely conjure up his sweet face anymore as I lie awake at night and think about how briefly our paths through the universe crossed.

I still cry; I cry that I never had the chance to love him the way I longed to love him. I cry because he never got to see the baby we created. I cry because his child will never know her father. But most of all ... I cry because I still love him so, and miss him more than I can tell.