The Rehab

The inevitable returned as we were painting the dining room. I was up on a ladder, trying to carefully edge a light blue color along the wall without marring the ceiling. I was inwardly proud at my steady hand, not needing a guide to shield the ceiling any more. The headache came quickly, unlike the previous ones. It went from a dull ache to a blinding pain in a matter of seconds. I stumbled off the ladder and landed on my backside, cringing my eyes closed. It felt like someone had driven a hot poker into my skull. Lucia was at my side immediately. She relieved me of the paint brush and got me to stand.

"I have you," Lucia whispered. This one was much worse than before. I knew she could see it, even as I tried to open my eyes and relieve her worry. The light was blinding and seared into my brain. I had to close my eyes or give up standing. She guided me upstairs, to the dark sanctuary, and laid me on the bed. My jaw hurt and I realized I was grinding my teeth. I had expected pain, but I hadn't expected the agony I was feeling now.

"You need the pills," Lucia said quietly. I could hear the desperation in her voice. This was hurting her also. I shook my head, not wanting my own voice echoing in my skull. I wasn't ready to leave reality, the pain would pass. "Please," she said and I shook my head again. I wrapped my hands over my ears to shut out what sounds I could. My head was on fire.

Lucia curled up next to me, silent. I could feel her heart beating too fast. It was the first time I wished she would leave me. I could suffer through my pain, but I had trouble suffering through hers. Sometime later, time was moving strangely, I felt her rise. I was thankful when I heard the door quietly close, and I was left with only my broiling brain. She should be spared this - everyone should be spared this.

Lucia quietly returned later. The pain had not lessened and I had failed to come to terms with it. It was not something I could ignore, although I continued to try.

"You have to eat. Doctor Pierce said it would ease the pain," Lucia lied, although I didn't know it then. It was oatmeal she handed me, mixed with cinnamon. I ate with my eyes closed, even the swallowing seemed to ignite the fire. I ate in desperation, hoping it would dull the sharp edges of the knife that seared into my skull. In time, it did. The pain began to fade, but my muscles went limp with it. I opened my eyes lethargically and saw my wife in tears.

"I'm sorry," Lucia whimpered. "I'm sorry," she repeated as tears flowed down her cheeks. I knew then that I had just had my pills. I reached out to her, trying to comfort her, to tell her it was alright. My muscles didn't want to cooperate as my head sank deeper into the pillow. The world took on a glossy hue with no detail. My wife, in all her beauty, seemed so far away.

"It's okay," I slurred. I closed my eyes because it took too much strength to hold them open. I could still feel the pain, but it was more like a memory than anything too disconcerting. I faded to sleep.

I awoke about a century later. My thoughts were foggy, but the pain was gone. It would be back, of that I was certain. When I opened my eyes, Lucia was sleeping fitfully next to me. She was still in her painting clothes and there were dark circles around her lovely eyes. My muscles were mine again, although they still tried to fight back. I leaned over and kissed my wife's cheek. It startled her awake.

"Is it gone?" Lucia asked with bloodshot eyes. I nodded and gave her a weak smile. "I'm sorry I tricked you," she said as her eyes began to water, "I couldn't watch it any more." I caressed her cheek and saw the pain that loving me could cause.

"You're in charge of the pills," I surrendered completely to Lucia, "I'll take them whenever you tell me to." The pain I had seen in her face was worse than the migraine. My wife came first, reality came second. She kissed me tenderly and we just lay there, talking about nothing important, simply enjoying being with each other another day.

There were three things that made my wife happy. Sex, me bonding with her mama and shopping. Lucia loved picking out furniture. The first floor was complete and it was time to add guts to the newly designed skin. Her eyes were glowing as we went from store to store. She had a notebook full of primary and secondary choices as well as managing the budgetary concerns. My mind was completely jumbled with a myriad of choices by the time we had visited the last store. Lucia looked at her notes and smiled. I knew the look, I had seen it on the Discovery Channel. The same look a female lion would get when she stalked her prey. We backtracked through the stores, purchasing with acuity. I had no idea how all this would fit together, but I trusted her confidence and loved her enthusiasm.

By the end of the week, the first floor looked like a home. There were only the four bedrooms left to do and I was living on pills every four days or so. Lucia had completely moved into the house. We had one unfinished bedroom filled with her eclectic furniture from her old apartment. Mama began visiting regularly, sitting with me. Once I awoke from a pill-induced sleep to see her keeping vigil. Lucia was determined to finish the house. It had at one time been my dream and I didn't have the heart to tell her she had replaced that dream. It made her so happy to work toward my dream's completion, and I loved to see her happy.

I began sleeping longer. It concerned Lucia greatly. She knew what it meant and I saw it in her eyes. My time was growing shorter. Mama had temporarily moved into one of the spare rooms as soon as it was finished. She saw the signs and was determined to see Lucia through. I spent long hours talking with Mama when Lucia was busy elsewhere. We talked about my wife, my end and making sure it wasn't Lucia's end. I loved Mama's strength. I didn't really believe in God, but she certainly did. She was adamant I was going to heaven, which I found strangely comforting even though I didn't believe the place existed.

I awoke one day, barely able to move. My eyelids opened like anvils. My breathing was shallow and I couldn't seem to take in more air. I had trouble focusing on Mama, who sat in a chair beside the bed. She rose quickly, seeing me awake. She leaned down and kissed my forehead and I felt a tear hit my cheek.

"God coming, my son," Mama stuttered, "I get jur wife." I knew it was the truth and was thankful I was to be spared any more pain. My eyes wanted to close, but I forced them to stay open with what will I had left. I wanted to see my wife one more time.

Lucia ran in, covered in splotches of light green paint. She quickly lay down next to me and I could see the red in her eyes. Mama left and closed the door.

"It's almost done. Just another day," Lucia pleaded. When my eyes next closed again, they would never reopen. I smiled as best I could.

"It's okay," I said softly. "It's okay," I repeated. How things had changed since we first met. Lucia hugged me and started to cry. There was nothing I could do about her pain. I knew this day would come, and I had dug the hole so horribly deep.

"Thank you for being my wife," I whispered. She raised her tear-stained face and looked me in the eyes. I was mesmerized by that angelic face as my eyes closed. Her lips took me into darkness.

<<<<<>>>>>

The spring weather was giving way to summer's warmth. Lucia and her mother, Camilla, were dressed conservatively and sat in the front row on the lawn. Hundreds of white folding chairs were in neat, orderly rows, and filled with well-dressed parents, grandparents and friends. No one more proud than Lucia.

The stage was only a foot off the ground, just enough elevation to set it apart from the immaculate grounds of the relatively small university. The chancellor was giving a dry speech about the past and the new future represented by the graduates they were about to present. His robes were ostentatious with many long ribbons of various colors running down the front. Lucia had no idea what they signified, but smiled thinking they might be self-installed.

"All our graduates are stars in their own right," the chancellor droned on, "but one always seems to shine brightest. It is with great pleasure that I introduce you to your valedictorian, Sophia Mendez." Pride blanketed Lucia's face as her daughter took the podium. Camilla grabbed her daughter's hand and smiled as her granddaughter took the podium. Sophia had the same thick raven hair as her grandmother and mother. The same smile adorned her lips, but her eyes were more intense, inherited from a father she would never meet and never desired to meet.

Sophia looked down from the stage and found her mother's eyes. She smiled and her mother beamed her love back to her. Sophia's mother had talked with her last night. Sophia had seen the changes in her mother and watched her new property management business prosper from afar. She had sensed an underlying sadness and had gleened parts of the story her mother had refused to tell. Last night, she learned it all and cried. She cried for never having met Todd, the man who gave her mother a future and secured her own dreams as well. She mostly cried for her mother because the love she found had left too soon.

Sophia's speech was the typical fare given by valedictorians. It spoke of accomplishments and goals. It was littered with humorous anecdotes only the graduates seemed to understand and appreciate. It was well-received and not overly long. Both Lucia and Camilla were at the edge of their seats trying to memorize the moment. Near the end, Sophia shifted to thanking the school, faculty and everyone else who helped make it possible.

"My friends," Sophia paused, "we can't forget our friends who helped make this journey possible and more enjoyable. I thank all of you. Especially you, Tammy." She swept her hand over the black-cloaked graduates sitting on the left side. "Our families," she paused again and looked at her mother and grandmother, "thank you, Grandmama," Lucia felt a tear run down her cheek as Sophia's eyes found hers. "Thank you, Mama." Sophia pushed her written speech aside and felt her eyes water. She really tried hard not to let it get in her voice.

"I also have to thank my father," Sophia said softly. Lucia's tears flowed freely. "Not my biological father who left my mother to raise me alone. I speak of the man who loved my mother. The one who gave her her dreams back. The one who guaranteed I could achieve mine. The one I regretfully will never meet since God took him before I could." Sophia's voice cracked as she looked up to the blue sky. "Thank you, Dad." Sophia left the podium before tears overwhelmed her like they had her mother. The crowd applauded and the graduates cheered, both had sensed the sorrow.

Lucia was trying to hold herself together and failed. Too many emotions, pride, loss and love flowed through her in waves.

"I just wish I could have finished the house in time," Lucia whimpered. She deeply regretted not fulfilling Todd's dream while he was alive. Telling Sophia helped, but the pain was still fresh. Two years had barely begun to dull it. Camilla just smiled at her daughter and pulled her close.

"Baby, he no care about house," Camilla said softly, "he dream about fixing ju."