Yours Ch. 06

Out of the corner of my eye I could see an attractive woman approach me. I smiled when I glanced up at her, and she smiled back. She was in her late twenties, and wearing the uniform of the store.

"Hey kid, it's been a while." she said.

"Yeah. How've you been?" I asked.

"Oh not too bad, you know..." she answered.

"Hi." said Rose, appearing beside me.

Rose looked at me, questioning how I knew this woman.

"This is Rose." I said gesturing to her, "Rose, this is Pauline, she was my manager when I worked here."

"You worked here?" she asked, surprised.

"Yep." I said, not bothering to elaborate.

"And you got an employee discount and everything?" she asked, obviously annoyed I hadn't told her.

"Yeah." I answered, smiling.

Clothes and fashion never really interested me but we got a great discount on them, so for a little while as a teenager I actually dressed in the latest style.

"Heh, you're exactly the same, Steven." Pauline said, "One word answers, whenever possible."

"Yeah, that's Steven." Rose said, patting my shoulder.

I smiled. Pauline had been a pretty great boss to have, one of the better ones. She was pretty liberal with our breaks, and didn't mind us taking things slow if there weren't many customers. It had been maybe two or three years since I worked here. She'd never minded my shyness when working with customers, telling me that as long as they got help it didn't matter whether I was "charming" or not.

"So, Pauline." said Rose, "We're looking for a Valentine's Day present."

"Oh. You... took your girlfriend with you to get her gift?" Pauline asked me, smiling but confused.

"She's my sister, actually." I said.

There was a moment of confusion, and a hint of disgust crossed her face.

"The gift's not for her." I said laughing.

"Oh!" she said, realizing her mistake. "Right, of course not."

"It's for his... not-really-girlfriend." said Rose, "Like, apparently it's just sex but she got him that watch, so..."

I frowned at her, annoyed at how casual she was with my private life.

Pauline glanced at the watch on my wrist, then at me and raised her eyebrows.

"Wow kid, I didn't think you were the 'just sex' type." she said, a strange hint of approval and amusement in her tone.

"God, I know right?" said Rose, "I don't really get it because she's seriously gorgeous, but apparently he wants to just keep it casual. So yeah, I'm thinking like a scarf or a shawl or something?"

"Well..." said Pauline, finally turning that amused expression away from me and looking at Rose, "It's February, so a scarf would only be good for a little while longer. Actually it's a little hot already so that might not do..."

"That's a good point, the weather's been heating up lately." said Rose, "So, how about like a thin shawl, like a see-through sort of blah blah blah..."

I tuned them out and started looking absently around the store. I was grateful they both seemed so interested in helping me, but I honestly didn't care about clothes. I'd had to learn about all these things when I worked here, but they still held no interest for me.

They chattered on, Pauline seeming to understand who was the expert of the two of us and not turning back to me for my opinion.

I left them to it and started to wander around, randomly picking up or stroking items of clothing, more acting interested than anything else. I did a few laps of the women's section, occasionally looking over at the two girls. I shook my head and smiled when I noticed Pauline holding a t-shirt up against Rose to judge how it looked. Seemed they'd forgotten why we were here.

After another lap or two, I suddenly saw a mannequin I hadn't noticed before. A female one, wearing a thin black jacket that came to about mid-way down the thigh.

For some reason, the position of the jacket inspired an image of Jessica in my head wearing it. It was pretty cool looking, all silver buttons with a black sash around the waist. She would look good it in.

I smiled as I explored the image in my head. She would look good in this jacket.

I picked one off the rack next to the dummy and found Rose again. They turned to me as I approached, and I could tell from Rose's slight surprise that she probably had forgotten that she wasn't here for herself.

"What about this?" I said, offering it to her.

She took the jacket and held it up.

"Hmm..." she said appraisingly.

She put it on and buttoned it up, while Pauline quickly reached over to tie the sash. It seemed to fit her well.

"It looks good." said Pauline, "It's a new item, I personally really like it."

Rose walked over to a full length mirror and studied herself. She posed a few different ways, her expression serious.

"She's taller than me." she said thoughtfully. "And bustier... and prettier in general I suppose..."

Pauline laughed.

"Well I can't help with that last one, but it does come in a longer size." she said.

"Let's have a look." she said.

They walked off together in the direction I just came from, and I followed silently.

Rose took off the jacket and replaced it with a different one from the same rack, and quickly put it on. This one didn't fit her quite as well, reaching farther down the leg and seeming loose around her shoulders.

"This should be perfect." she said, looking at me and smiling widely, "And it's so something she would wear too, I could totally see her in this."

"It's a little strange though, isn't it?" I asked, "A jacket... it's not like, a normal gift thing."

"It's clothes." she said simply, "Girls like clothes."

Pauline laughed, and Rose winked at her.

"This should be great, I think." she said, taking the jacket off. "Great job little brother, looks like you didn't need me after all."

"If you're sure it's Okay..." I said, suddenly not very confident about my choice.

But then, I still wasn't even sure it was right to get her something.

"Thanks for the help Pauline," Rose said, throwing the jacket over her arm, "Now while we're here, tell me more about that skirt from before."

She linked her arm with Pauline's and walked back towards the other section.

It was amazing how quickly she got comfortable with people. I'd seen Pauline a few times a week for months and didn't have this good of a bond with her. Maybe I was just that awkward... or she was just that cool.

The next hour and a half were sort of a nightmare. Because she'd helped me, Rose guilted me into staying with her while she did some shopping herself, she and Pauline asking my opinion "as a man" on every single thing Rose tried on, as if I cared what my sister dressed like.

Then they pressured me into trying on some clothes myself. I mean, yeah, maybe most of my clothes didn't really fit anymore, so I only had like a few t-shirts and pairs of jeans that I rotated around, but trying on clothes was somehow even more boring than watching someone else do it.

And their constant comments, and occasional wolf whistles when I tried on something that apparently suited me weren't really helping my mood either.

"See, I think this one really shows of his shoulders." Rose said when I came out wearing a light blue shirt.

She walked up and brushed off my chest with her hand, staring at the fabric as if trying to find some secret it was hiding.

Pauline nodded.

"Yeah, it's really sexy on him." she agreed with a serious tone.

"This is really inappropriate workplace conduct." I joked quietly, trying not to blush at her frank appraisal.

"Suck it up, you don't work here anymore." she laughed.

Then Rose piled another few shirts and pairs of pants into my arms and pushed me back towards the dressing room.

As annoying as parts of it were, it was actually pretty fun. I'd really missed doing stupid things like this with Rose, and some of the clothes did look pretty good on me, in an average sort of way.

After another hour or so, I had a few more things to add to the rotation that weren't basically coming apart at the seams, unlike some of my other clothes, and of course a brand new jacket for Jessica.

Rose had managed to wrangle the "Friends and Family" discount out of Pauline, partly because I used to work there, but mostly because she was just so likable.

After promising to come back soon to see Pauline, Rose and I got some ice cream together.

"So..." she said a few seconds after we'd sat down, "This thing with Jessica."

I sighed and rolled my eyes.

"It is what it is." I said, "That's all."

"Mm hmm." she said, clearly not believing me, "So are you going to get her some chocolates too, lover boy?"

"She got me this." I explained desperately, holding up the watch, "Look at this thing, it probably cost a fortune. I can't just not get her something."

"Oh, so it's just an obligation thing, Oookay." she said, winking at me. "I guess a card and chocolates would've almost made too much sense then. Something personal and unique is way better for an obligation present."

I just sighed at the sarcasm dripping from her voice.

"Whatever, think what you want. It's a gift, but it's not like a... Valentine's gift, you know? It's just... just a jacket."

"Whatever Romeo." she said, before taking a long lick of her ice cream. "Why does it matter anyway? Why can't you just be her boyfriend? You like her, right?"

I flinched at the blunt statement. It actually stung, how casually she put things.

I frowned down at my ice cream, not meeting her eye. Had she really forgotten how bad things had been?

"And it's pretty obvious she wants more than just sex, so why not go for it?" she said, "I mean, you're better off having her as a girlfriend before some other dude catches her eye, you know?"

"I don't want that." I said, trying to keep my voice even.

"Well why not?" Rose asked, "I'm just saying, you know-"

"I don't-"

"I think you're being a little unfair to her too, honestly. I think she's like, into you, and leading her on like this-"

"Rose!" I hissed, "Jessica is the fucking last girl I would ever want as a girlfriend, understand?"

She stopped talking, and her eyes widened.

"Oh... I... I mean..." she stuttered, seeming to realize she'd offended me, "I know things were always... tense between the two of you... but..."

I glared at her as she trailed off, trying to hold my anger back. Fucking tense? There was overlooking things for the sake of a friend, and then there was just plain willful ignorance. If she knew half of the things Jessica had put me through... she'd...

She'd what? Never speak to her again? Choose me?

I doubted it.

I sighed and shook my head. It didn't matter. I let the bitter feelings fade away from me, replaced by a cold emptiness. This was how it was with Rose... how it always was. When it came to Jessica, I had to forget that I even cared about my sister, because she always ended up hurting me like this.

"But, I mean... what is this? Really?" she asked desperately.

I just glared at her. I'd said all I had to say.

She frowned, but seemed to accept that I wasn't going to move.

"OK fine... I'm sorry, I won't ask anything else." Rose said. "It's none of my business anyway."

I looked up at her, and forced a small smile.

"Thanks" I said.

I tired to enjoy the rest of our day together, but it was hard to shake the dark bitterness that had spoiled my mood. I hated that I was still so sensitive about this, but... It was bad enough that my sister flat out ignored all the abuse while it was happening, but now she was actually trying to pressure me into being nicer to Jessica. Trying to make me date my abuser.

I'd already told her I was more comfortable with things being "casual" between Jessica and I, but that didn't matter to her. Only Jessica mattered, and if Jessica wanted things to be more serious, which this stupid watch showed that she obviously did, then Rose saw it as her job to make that happen. Even if I didn't want it, even if it made me uncomfortable.

What Jessica wanted was just more important to her.

We drove home in almost silence, our conversation feeling stifled and awkward. I wanted to go up to my room as soon as we got home, but she stopped me, grabbing my shoulder.

"Hey, I'm really sorry about before." she said, "I don't... I don't know how things are between the two of you. I've always sort of... tried to keep my distance from that, you know? I just think you should... I don't know, consider it. The girlfriend thing. She really likes you."

I scowled at her and walked away. Why didn't she get it? Why couldn't she see that constantly making Jessica her top priority was the main reason we'd barely been friends for years?

I just wanted to stay in my room and avoid her for the rest of the night. I knew something like this was going to happen when she found out, I just knew it. Jessica I could handle just the two of us it could be stable, manageable. With Rose in the mix, things were going to get... complicated.

==

Later that night, around 9, there was a knock on my door. For a brief moment I thought it would be Jessica sneaking over for a Saturday night session, but she was too dedicated to her studies to waste two nights in a row like that.

After knocking Rose walked right in, not waiting for an answer. I appreciated that she'd knocked at all this time, and glad this time I was just sitting in bed reading, and not looking at pictures of her best friend tied naked to my bed.

"Hey, I want to talk to you." she said, sitting down on my bed.

I closed my laptop, curious about her serious tone.

"I'm sorry about earlier... we were having a nice day and it sort of felt like I ruined it." she said.

I shrugged, faking a smile.

"Don't worry about it." I said.

She smiled back, relieved.

"I mean... I said I'd stay out of it, and I will." she continued, "I just wanted to say that."

"Thanks, Rose." I said, "I know this must be weird for you. But... I just kind of need my space with this, you know?"

"Yeah, I get it." she said.

She smiled again, and nodded to herself.

"OK, well, now that that's out of the way, let's go get wasted!" she said, jumping up.

"Let's... what sorry?" I asked.

"Come on, there's a little get-together happening tonight. I was going to tell you about it earlier but I forgot. We're meeting everyone there."

She made to leave, not waiting for an answer.

"But I... I'm in my pajamas." I said dumbly.

She turned around and laughed.

"Come on, try out one of those new outfits we got you." she said, walking out and closing the door behind her.

I frowned, thinking about how my sister had yet again conveniently left out the part of the conversation where I make any sort of decision.

But I couldn't help but smile. I missed this about her, her spontaneity balancing out my caution. She'd always been the fun one.

"I guess I'm going to a party." I said to myself.

==

And so I was finally at a party. We were at Josh's , a very cool looking senior from another school. Rose introduced me and he merely nodded, saying "Welcome.", before walking off.

I'd been nervous about coming here, one of the reasons I'd been ignoring Rose's invitations for so long, but I found that it was exactly the kind of relaxed atmosphere that she'd described. The music pumping through the house wasn't too loud, no one was chugging from a beer bong, and no one was passing around a joint. The whole house had maybe 20 or 30 teenagers in it, just talking and laughing, everyone enjoying a few beers or those brightly colored, sugary alcopops.

Within a few minutes of entering, Rose and I spotted Becky and Frank talking closely on one of the couches in the huge lounge and joined them. The normally quiet Frank already had a bit of a buzz going when we got there, and he was a lot more talkative than usual. He turned to me and greeted me warmly, patting me on the back. I fell in to their conversation easily, laughing along with them.

After that, it was pretty much the same as lunch at school, except I was drinking beer. I sipped my drink and enjoyed the music, looking around the huge house and the mingling horde of kids.

It was a lot more mellow than I'd feared. Or maybe I'd just been expecting something unrealistically crazy, given my total lack of experience.

I ignored the strange feeling of it, trying to ignore years of social isolation and awkwardness. These people were my friends now, right?

By the time Lissie showed up, I'd had two more beers and was feeling pretty relaxed.

"Hey new kid." said Lissie, sitting down beside me. "Didn't think I'd ever see you here."

"I'm as surprised as you are." I joked, "I never thought I'd be invited to a party this cool."

"Oh please, you're the coolest guy here." she laughed.

"Yeah yeah, I know." I said, "I figured I'd spend one night with the losers, see how the other half lives."

She laughed and sipped her drink, brushing her hair behind her ear.

"So really. what's the story? Just felt like a night on the town?" she asked.

"Rose didn't really give me a say in it." I said, "It was her decision to make, apparently."

"Yeah, she does that." Lissie agreed, "Just makes decisions. It's good though, otherwise we wouldn't get anything done."

"Yeah, it was the same when we were kids." I laughed, "She always had the fun plans, and I just tagged along."

"I've been meaning to ask you about that." she said, "If you two were so close as kids, why had we never met you until recently?"

"Oh, that's... kind of a big question." I said. "And a long story."

"Mhmm, and I imagine you're probably a little too sober to tell it?" she said.

"Yeah it's definitely something I'd need a few more drinks to talk about." I laughed.

"Deal." she said, and handed me an open beer bottle that she'd set on the floor when she sat down.

"Hey, that... that was sneaky." I said smiling, taking the bottle from her.

She just winked, and took another drink herself. She was about to speak again, but Rose called her name and she turned away.

"Hey, Steven, what do you think?" said Frank, suddenly grabbing my shoulder with one of his giant hands, "Who would win in a fight... Jessica or Derek?"

I laughed, and pretended to think hard on the question.

"Jessica, definitely." I said after half a second.

"Right?" he said loudly.

Becky was talking to the girls, but Frank nudged her on the back with his elbow.

"Jessica." he said, pointing at me.

"Oh come on!" Becky said, "Derek does all that judo shit, he'd kick her ass!"

"We're talking about the same Jessica here?" I asked, "She'd rip his face off!"

"Exactly, girl's got a lot of anger." Frank agreed.

"See, I don't know about the anger thing, to me it all feels like a big mask, you know?" Lissie said thoughtfully. "Like, sometimes she seems more scared than angry."

"Oh what like inside she'd just some crying little girl?" Frank laughed. "No way. The girl is tough, she's strong, and she's full of rage. She'd destroy him in a one-on-one."

"But don't you feel like..." said Rose, "I don't know, like she's been a lot less angry lately?"

She looked directly at me.

"Almost like... I don't know... Like she's got some reason to be all content and happy?"

I had to force myself to not glare at her. I was about to say something, but nothing came to mind. Was she about to expose us, or just playing a game?