Ashton Hill Fools

"The autopsy will take a few days, I need to go and sort out Rheagan's apartment," she said in a stilted voice. "It's a managed apartment, so I will just clean out her personal effects and let them rent it out until I decide what to do."

"When?" he asked.

"Tomorrow, I'll fly down first thing and come back tomorrow night. April will be fine with Jocelyn," she said, quickly knowing he was judging her.

"I'll come with you," he said.

"No, I need to go alone," she shut him down quickly. "There's no danger now."

"And after that? After you have sorted out what remains of Rheagan's life?" He asked.

"The network offered me a new job. The executives don't want to send me overseas again, not for a while anyway," Quinn said woodenly. "It will still involve travel here in Australia, but it will allow me more creative license and a larger say in its development."

"What about April? How are you going to manage her and this new job?" he asked with a frown.

There is was, Quinn thought, the reason they could never truly be together, he believed in traditional roles for mothers and wives, and traditional was something she wasn't. She didn't know how she was going to manage, she didn't know if she was going to keep April.

"No!" Grayson said into the silence. "You can't possibly be thinking about giving that adorable little girl up!" he exclaimed as if reading her mind.

"She doesn't come with a trust fund, Grayson. I have to work. If I give up my job to keep her because she can't handle all the travel and hours I put in, then how do I support her?" she said reasonably.

"Come home with me," he stated.

"What, so I could be your employee and look after Noah as well as April, so you didn't have to bother finding a real nanny?" she asked incredulously. "You want me to work for you as your Nanny and housekeeper? Are you completely nuts!"

"Yes, no, probably. But I am also completely in love with you, and I am trying to find a way to make you stay with me. Don't run, Quinn, don't leave. We can find a way to work it all out, I promise," he said. He hadn't planned to have this conversation the day after her sister died, but here it was spilling out of his mouth and him not being able to do a thing to stop it.

Quinn didn't believe him. How could she believe him? She wasn't what he needed and wanted. He needed a woman focused solely on him and Noah, and, while she loved him, she knew she wasn't that woman, and one day he would wake up and realise that he had mistaken his need to protect her and April for love, and she couldn't bear that.

"We agreed to keep it unemotional, Grayson. You told me outright that I'm not what you wanted. You need a domestic goddess, a stay at home mum, a compliant wife," she accused.

"I'm pretty sure I never used the word compliant," he argued and rubbed his temples, showing his frustration. He'd put himself out there for her, and she was trying to brush him off. Still, he wasn't ready to give up just yet. "You are what I want, Quinn, I knew it the moment you walked out of my house. You once said that I deserve to be happy, well, you make me happy," he reached for her, and she stood to put distance between then again. "Stop running, Quinn! Be brave, embrace the life I'm offering you, love me back!"

Quinn was confused by all the emotions swirling around her at that moment as she looked up into his face. God, she wanted to believe him. She wanted to launch herself at him and yell "Yes, Yes, Yes"! But she couldn't, he wasn't thinking straight. He'd just seen the mother of his child die and was trying to look after her. That wasn't love.

"Don't do this," she sighed. "Not now, don't do this now." She didn't want to have to choose between him and her career. Or her career and April right now when she had so much to deal with. "Go home, Grayson, just go home and mourn Rheagan, so I can deal with the mess she had left behind, as usual."

"Let me help you! I can help you with everything," he said, seeing her push him away again. He'd put too much pressure on her, and now she was running again. "Don't run, because that's what you always do when things get too much to handle. Don't run from me this time."

"It's for the best, Grayson," she said sadly.

"I thought you were different to Rheagan!" he spat.

"I am!" she raised her voice incredulously.

"You took what I offered when it suited you, and as soon as things got a little complicated, a little too emotional, you ran. Just like you're running now!" Grayson accused.

"It's not like that, Grayson!" she was stunned by his outburst.

"Sure feels the same to me," he turned his back on her and strode over to the door, leaning his hand on the doorframe but not turning around. "I'll leave you alone now, Quinn. Just remember you wanted this, not me."

*****

Chapter 8

Quinn sat in the living room of the couple who Rheagan had selected and started the adoption process with through her lawyer. The lawyer had explained that while Rheagan had wanted to give Quinn the option of adopting her April Fool, she knew that Quinn may not want the responsibility of a child and wanted to give her a choice.

Once she got through this she could get on with her life, Quinn sighed inwardly, watching April shake her rattle at a Siamese cat who batted at it with a dark paw, making the baby laugh. This was what April needed, a stable home with two reasonably well-off parents who would adore her. Giving up April to them was the right thing to do, she could never give her the home and family that this couple could. They were an excellent choice, with good careers and extended family supports, they were even open to allowing Quinn to visit occasionally and remain in her life as her Aunt.

She'd accepted the job at the network, with a stunning salary and the capacity to make this show her own. It had to be great, beyond great, and successful, because she was giving up everything she loved for the show and her career. She had to not just make it work, but make it hugely successful to be worth the heartache she felt at sacrificing so much. She placed a hand on her twisting stomach and counted off the sacrifices again; April's first steps, her first real words, her first day of school, her graduation, her wedding, her life.

As her mind filled with each vision of the future, she could see not only April but Noah, and in the background Grayson. She stared from April to the couple as she tried to focus on what she had to do, not what she wanted to do, but had to do. It was the best for everyone that she do this and move on. Grayson had walked out of her life ten days ago and hadn't contacted her since. It was over, no matter how she felt now.

"Quinn?" It was Linda who spoke. "Are you okay?"

"What? Yes? I..." Quinn spoke, coming out of her reverie. April turned at the sound of her voice and crawled toward her, climbing up her legs and holding a chubby little hand up to her.

"Ma...ma," She grinned, showing her two little teeth.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, I can't do this! I'm so, so, sorry, I thought I could, but she's mine!" Quinn said, scooping April up and holding her close as she came to her feet, her heart racing.

"We knew. We could tell when you walked in that you loved her too much," the disappointment in Sam's voice fed a dagger into Quinn's heart. "We hoped we were wrong, but, we understand." He said graciously.

"I never meant to hurt you by coming here, I'm so sorry!" she repeated and picked up the carryall and practically ran out of the house to her car. "I hope you find a baby soon, I really do!"

"Goodbye, Quinn, and thank you for not dragging this out, it could have been much worse for both of us if you'd gone through the process and then changed your mind."

"I'm so sorry," she said again, and watched them close the door on her. "Well, baby, what do we do now? I'm open to suggestions."

Sitting there in the perfect little house, with the perfect couple who would be the perfect parents for April, had made Quinn want it all for the first time in her life. She had told herself she didn't need love in her life, but she was wrong. She needed April and Noah, and even Grayson, and that cobbled together family they had in Ryder House. She wanted to be that woman, the wife and mother and lover, she'd even settle for the nanny at this point if he could forgive her and trust her again. She just wanted to be with them and around them again.

Yes, it probably meant giving up her career, but maybe there were other things she could do. She could write, maybe one of the magazine's the network was affiliated with would let her have a column, she didn't know until she tried. Giving up her dream job would be hard, but April was worth it, and Jocelyn had been a miracle find. Still, if she walked away from April, and even Noah because she was too scared to try, she knew she would regret it for the rest of her life.

The problem now was that she'd messed up so badly where Grayson was concerned. Instead of accepting his declarations of love and planting her feet beside him, she'd done exactly what her sister had done to him. She rejected him by running away. She'd fulfilled all his worst fears about her, and she was ashamed to admit she was just like Rheagan in that way. At the very least she owed him a face to face apology. At the very best, and if fate was in a good mood, maybe they could talk, and just maybe she could find a way back into his arms.

She knew now that she had been completely wrong, she did need love and intimacy in her life. More to the point, she needed Grayson in her life. He made her a better version of herself, stronger, smarter, well, in some ways, and happier.

"What do you think, April? Should we go and see Grayson so I can apologise for being so foolish?" Quinn asked and looked in her rear vision mirror. The baby was fast asleep, and Quinn took that as a sign that she had made the mess, she would have to be the one to fix it. She went home to change and let Jocelyn know where she was going.

*****

Grayson came back downstairs after settling Noah for the third time that night. He was furious that Quinn had left him with a confused little boy who missed her and didn't understand why she had just disappeared. Not that he had helped the situation at all when she'd left just over two weeks ago. He certainly hadn't got his point across either that night or when he had told her that he loved her. He hadn't told her that he wanted her exactly how she was, that he didn't expect her to sacrifice anything for him, and that they could work around their careers and their family. He didn't need her to give up a thing for him; he had just wanted her to stay. He had just wanted one woman he loved to choose him, and the rest they would work out.

He walked into his living room and looked around. God, he needed this like a hole in the head. His brothers had arrived while he had been upstairs with Noah, and they sat all looking up at him as Roland passed him a glass of his favourite scotch. This was going to be painful; he could tell as he looked at their expectant faces and took a swallow of his drink.

"Alright, we've left you alone to wallow, but enough is enough. What are you going to do about her?" Thorn asked.

"Nothing," Grayson said belligerently. "She left. End of story. That's all folks," he said in a hard voice that didn't carry the flippancy of his words far.

"You can growl all you want," Caroline said from her place beside Byron. "But you have to be as desperate as we are to know if she gave April up and if she took the job offer."

"She's keeping April," Roland said casually, making them all turn to look at him, but Grayson narrowed his eyes at his oldest friend.

"How do you know?" he asked. "If Quinn kept April, she would have had to sacrifice her career, and she loves her job." Dammit, she could have had it all if she had just stayed with him.

"All I know is that she is keeping April. Why do you care anyway, you let her go?" Roland accused.

"She left. I told her I loved her and she still left, okay!" Grayson ground out the words. "How do you know she kept the baby?"

"No great secret of investigation. I just called Quinn earlier tonight and asked," Roland shrugged. He'd known she was meeting the prospective parents this afternoon and he'd wanted to know how it went. "She's not Rheagan, you know, she hasn't just cut everyone off."

"I know," he growled. His mind wandered to Quinn, as it always did, and visions of her played on the big screen in his head. He loved her, and his life was so empty without her in it. He'd ranted and raved and been mad when Rheagan had left him, but he hadn't felt this deep soul ache like part of him was missing. He knew damn well that Quinn was nothing like Rheagan. Rheagan had never had the power to hurt him the way Quinn had.

"Grayson!" Caroline screamed and got up, bolting from the room.

"What?" he looked around in confusion. Everyone had seemed to move. Roland gripped his hand and Thorn was leaning over him, picking pieces of glass off his chest. He looked at his palm, and a large piece of glass stuck out from a jagged angle, and he didn't feel it at all, he mused. Blood dripped from his hand to his jeans and the floor beside his boot.

"I'm going to pull this out, and then I think we might need to get you to the emergency room," Roland counseled, gripping the piece of glass embedded in his hand.

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?" Caroline asked, coming back with towels to clean up the scotch and blood. She placed one softly in his hand and closed his fist around it.

"Not as much as my heart does," he admitted.

"First things first, let's get you some stitches, and then you can fix your heart," Byron said, pulling his brother to his feet. "Caroline will stay and look after Noah," he offered.

"I should go see Quinn first, she's probably anxious and confused. Keeping April is a big deal," Grayson said.

"You just crushed a crystal glass in your hand, you moron, stitches first!" Thorn said, taking charge. Grayson was the undisputed leader of their family, but occasionally, when the situation arose, Thorn would fight his bull-headedness and nearly always win.

"Is there any point in arguing?" he looked at his family.

"You can, but it's not going to change the outcome," Thorn told him cheerfully.

"Remind me to kick your ass tomorrow," Grayson grumbled.

"You and whose army, sweetheart?" Thorn chuckled.

"Fools!" Grayson muttered, snatching up his phone and wallet from the side table. "Fools everywhere in my house!"

"Yes, and you're our king," Thorn pushed him toward the door. "Hand first, girl tomorrow." His hand hurt as much as his heart did now, and his brothers were giving him crap. Life was truly unfair.

******

Quinn was full of indecision; it had been after eight when she'd finally talked herself into believing it was the right thing to do. Twice on the long drive back to Ashton Hill her courage had faltered, and she had turned back, only to turn around again and continue. April slept soundly, despite Jocelyn's misgivings about taking her out and driving with her this late at night, but Quinn didn't want to be separated from her little April Fool, even for one night now that she had made the decision to be her mother. The baby might also act as a buffer between her and Grayson in case he couldn't forgive her. Surely he wouldn't send her and the baby away in the middle of the night.

It was close to eleven when she pulled her car around the back of the house. It was dark and quiet, and she frowned, he was normally such a night owl that she was surprised not to see any lights on downstairs. She let herself in with the backdoor key she hadn't returned when she left and breathed in the familiarity of the house. The sleeping baby in her arms was a dead weight, so she went up to the nursery, settling April into the cot and taking the baby monitor. She went in to check on Noah and leaned over to kiss his head, breathing him in too. She went into Grayson's room fully intending to slip into bed beside him and avoid any unnecessary explanation, but his bed was empty. 'So much for that fantasy,' she thought.

She crept down to the room that had been hers and found Caroline asleep. If Caroline was here looking after Noah, then where was Grayson? Maybe she should have called or at least asked Roland when he had called earlier instead of letting her indecision dictate her movements until she arrived here. She wondered if he was working? Out clubbing? On a date? Her heart clenched, and she wondered if she had left it too late to try and reconcile her bad behaviour with Grayson. What if he came home with a woman? What would she do? What if he came home alone but didn't want to talk? What if he didn't love her anymore? She sat on the stairs, facing the door, going through a million and one what if's.

Her courage started to fail her again, and she was about to run upstairs to get April and go home when the door swung open, and Grayson walked in with Byron.

"You're here?" he asked as if not believing it was really Quinn sitting on the staircase.

"My God! What happened? Are you okay?" Quinn got up and moved forward seeing his bandaged hand.

"He crushed a scotch glass with his bare hand. The man has a temper," Byron rolled his eyes at his brother. "He did a good job of slicing his hand open, so he had a bunch of stitches. Here," he passed her a bottle of pills. "He'll need two of these in the morning. That is, if you're planning on being here in the morning. Are you?"

"I was intending on being here," she said, tentatively looking at Grayson who hadn't said a word after his initial shocked comment.

"Are you planning to stay this time?" Byron probed.

"If Grayson wants me to. He might not after the last time we saw each other," she said quietly showing her insecurity.

"Go find your wife!" Grayson growled at his brother, who turned an amused look on him.

"I thought I might make coffee for us all," Byron countered with a grin.

"Go!" Grayson growled, never taking his eyes off Quinn's face.

"Did you mean that?" he demanded.

"About staying? Yes," she said softly. "If you still want me here."

"I can't think of anything I want more," he murmured and kissed her. "We need to talk, but first," he hooked his arm under her ass and lifted her so she could straddle his hips and then carried her up the stairs. He kissed her deeply and possessively as he walked. She wrapped her arms around his neck and her legs around his hips. Sex had never been their problem. He shed his inhibitions and much of his calm demeanour with his clothes and possessed her with almost forced control that made her putty in his hands. He placed her on her feet beside the bed and stepped back, staring at her with a dangerous look in his eyes that made her worry that something was wrong.

"You left me," he stated as his hands unbuttoned his shirt. "You ran away, and I had thought better of you. Had wanted better from you," he stated in a hard tone as he shrugged his shirt off. "I told you I loved you and you ran anyway." It was an accusation, and Quinn knew it.

"I'm sorry. I owe you a better apology than that, I know. I was wrong, I've been such a fool," Quinn admitted, piecing together all the threads in her mind as she tried to return his stormy gaze. She took a step back as he advanced on her.

Her perfectly round breasts that fit just right in his palms were moving up and down under her white blouse, showing her nervousness. Through the low neckline, he could watch her cleavage rise and fall just below the expanse of her long pale neck. She tilted her head up and straightened herself under his slowly smouldering stare as if she knew what he was thinking. Her pulse pounded in her throat, and he smiled in a predatory way.