Book 02: A Match Made Ch. 05

She turns to Destiny. "Darling, bring me a damp wash cloth would you?" I didn't hear the reply but caught her movement in the corner of my eye. Back in only a few moments, she motions for Destiny to hand it to me. I take it gratefully, wiping the film of ick from my face. The cold cloth feels wonderful.

Now able to see again, I reluctantly look at Kelly. Her eyes soften. "You may have shown weakness, but you are NOT weak. I'm here because I want to help you, Kara." The flood gates are opening again, tears falling freely. I cannot begin to explain what those words mean to me. After all I've done, after I've disappointed her, embarrassed her, she still wants to help me. Kelly continues, "The night Alexis beat you unconscious, I've rarely witnessed such strength. A submissive is a treasure and she did not deserve you. Then after you came to me, broken, I gave you the tools but YOU built yourself up again." Her words are filling me like an oasis in the desert. I wipe my tears with the back of hand, my inner strength pushing to the surface. Kelly smiles, my heart swells. "Now you listen to me. The drugs they had you strung out on, I've had experience with the withdrawal. You can't just want the side effects to be gone and they magically disappear. This is serious, Kara." I nod, tuning into every syllable. "I'm told you've been given another chance with your love. Don't take it lightly, get the help you need." I nod again. "I need to hear you say it, Kara."

Clearing my throat, unsure if I'm able to form a complete thought, I reply, "Yes, Mistress Kelly. I will do any and every thing I need to... I can't... I won't lose her again."

"She's a driving force but you need to do this for you too. There's a reason you feel the need to be punished, to feel pain. It goes beyond your break-up or depression or even the drug use. It's inside of you Kara, want it or not. What you choose to do with it is entirely up to you. You need professional counseling and detox. You may think that a couple of good days mean you're okay, but you would be sorely mistaken." She's right; I know this, but a hospital? The thought frightens me. My doubt must register in my expression. Kelly asks, "Kara, what scares you more, getting help or losing yourself or Lissy?" She knows my answer. "After you get your mind and body symbiotic, you can begin rebuilding your life. Your life with your lovely Lissy." I smile, that's all I want. She reaches for and clutches my hand. Tingles are cast all over my body all at once. Yes, with just a touch. "I care for and about you. I wouldn't be here if that weren't the case. After you get things square, please ring me. I'll be checking in on your progress. And, Kara?"

"Yes Mistress?"

"Do NOT disappoint me again." I shiver. I think I'd rather die. She's right though, words aren't enough. I need to prove it to her, to myself and to Lissy. She releases my hand and stands. "Shade, Destiny, thank you for inviting me to your fabulous home."

Shade stands and offers her hand. "The pleasure is mine. I'm in your debt for coming on such short notice. I knew this would work best as a fait accompli. I hope next time we'll meet under happier circumstances."

Her smile is radiant as she leans to kiss Shade on one cheek then the other. "Indeed. I'd love to have you and your Destiny over for dinner one evening." Her hand outstretched towards Destiny, who quickly accepts. They hug. I'm frozen to my seat, unsure what's expected of me.

Peeking over Destiny's shoulder, she smiles softly. "Kara, darling, come here and tell me goodbye." I jump to my feet and hurry over. Her hand brushes my cheek as she says, "You be the good girl." More tingling. "Next time we see each other, I expect to meet your Lissy." Have I mentioned how silky her voice is? Well, when she's not scolding you.

"I'd like that very much, Mistress." This next part I needed to say. "I'll make you proud of me."

Matter-of-factly, she says, "Course you will." And like that, she's gone.

What follows is an uneasy silence, broken by dear Destiny. "Who's hungry?" We all giggle and follow her to the dining room.

** December 28th **

Lissy

Airports suck, TSA sucks, flying in winter around the holidays is a god awful thing to endure. The flight time is so short that it's like up, level, down, land. Here's your bag of peanuts; have a nice day, we appreciate your business. UGH!

My daughter is beautiful even if it's Minnesota winter and she's all bundled up. I get to preen; after all... oh never mind.

Her arms around my neck after my stuff was in the trunk, she said, "Thank you so much for coming. I love you." Tears!

Sniffling, I said, "I love you too. I miss you all so much even though I know you all did what you had to for your future."

She sighed and said, "I guess this is like pregnancy. You hear what it will be like but you have no clue until it happens."

God it's great to have adult kids. Life has a way of edumakayting kids in ways that parents and school can't begin to!!

Yes I called Kara. She loves me. Jenna and I talked as we wound our way through traffic to wherever we were going.

Don't you hate being in someone else's city, in their car, not knowing where in the hell you're going?? I mean -- adults, right? We pretty much like to have some measure of control of things big and small. And why is it different if you're in a cab or hotel bus in a city you don't know? These are the sort of random thoughts that can occur when you're going somewhere and you have no idea where that 'somewhere' is. Thank you. I'll stop now.

The house was beautiful. Brick! Way to go Jenna and Ian. It's pretty inside; warm and inviting. I was proud of my kid.

As if she knew what I was thinking, Jenna said, "We really got lucky with the realtor we used, Mom. We couldn't spend too much money with all the bills but we wanted 3 bedrooms and we wanted brick. I used a lot of the same pictures and other stuff I had in the house in Chicago and added here and there as I've shopped."

I could see some of the differences; there were also some things that also told me my daughter missed Chicago. There was a fabulous picture of Navy Pier right before sunset, taken from the lake side looking west.

"Ian called and said he'd be home in time for dinner, Mom. He has tomorrow off, too." Oh?

Jenna and I sat and talked, mostly about what was happening at home. Naturally the conversation focused on her brother and sister. I gave her lots of detail about Christmas and more. Jenna was astonished when I told her about Andi.

"I know, honey, we all were. All I told her was to watch us and make her decision based on what she sees, not what she's been told." I shrugged. "She was great the rest of the night, too; said goodbye to Kim, Honey, Shade and Destiny. It was more than just words too. She hugged them all."

Jenna shook her head. "Wow! Maybe she finally figured out that we aren't sinners, just women who love a woman." I laughed; Jenna was embarrassed at her faux pas and shook her head again. "God, that was embarrassing."

"It was an easy mistake to make, sweetie. I knew what you meant; it was just funny to hear you say those words."

When we got around to Kara, I did my best to tell her as much as I thought I could. She pulled back a bit when I told her about the shock of that miserable Friday. She actually cried a little when I told her a little of what she said about Becky.

"That's disgusting, Mom. I feel so bad for Kara for having to go through that."

"I cried too, honey. I've realized my part in driving her away; let me tell you that was not fun!" Jenna took my hand.

"Mom, I learned a long time ago you're not a super hero." I feigned surprise and hurt; we both laughed. "You may have made a mistake but I know in my heart it was an honest one. Certainly it wasn't done maliciously. You love Kara way too much to hurt her on purpose." I tried to hold back the tears but it was pretty hopeless. Jenna held me as I cried.

And right in the middle of that came this. "Momma!" I sat up; mother and daughter smiled at each other.

"Let me change her diaper and clothes too. You probably don't want to see her in her jammies."

I laughed. "Silly girl, of course I do. I'm sure they're warm enough; I'm fine with jammies. Go!" She bounded up the stairs and was gone for a few minutes. I heard Jenna's voice, giggles and a screech, which let me know she had told her little treasure that 'Grammy' was here. I stood when I saw them at the top of the stairs. Little arms flailed with unbridled joy. How do you not smile at such innocence!!

When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Jenna put Ella down and handed her a doll. She came running, saying, "Grammy, Grammy." I swept her up in my arms and drowned her in kisses to the accompaniment of shrieks of joy.

"Did Santa bring you this, sweetheart?" She nodded vigorously and said what sounded like yes. "Will you show me what else Santa brought you?" She took my hand and marched me to the tree. We sat and she showed me some adorable and interesting toys like a Little Tikes 'Play Cube'. It has some cute features that should keep her interested, but the one she loved was the little mirror. She picked it up and pointed. I held it so that my face was showing.

Ella giggled and said, "Grammy." When I held it in front of her face she said, "Baby." Too cute.

"I'm going to start dinner, Mom, and let the two of you spend some time together." We played. There were blocks. I showed Ella how to stack one on top of another. I managed to get it five high before she knocked it down and laughed when I made a face.

"Does Ella want to try?" Giggles and 'yes' followed. She got three on top of each other; the 3rd one perched rather precariously, which didn't bode well for the next one. As I suspected, it fell. "Uh oh, it fell. Try again?" She got four up okay; the 5th didn't work and they tumbled. She looked at me; I shrugged and put my hands in the air, palms up. She got up and ran, calling for her Mommy. I'm a little out of practice with 20-month olds it seems.

Ian saved the day when he came in through the garage. I stood and waited while he took off his outer wear. I kissed my son-in-law and wished him a Merry Christmas.

"I love the house, Ian. It's every bit as cozy and inviting as your home in Chicago. Jenna and I were visiting until the baby woke. She and Grammy were playing. She's in the kitchen now with Jenna."

"She was pretty upset about Christmas, Mom. I wasn't very happy either but at least the accidents didn't keep me there all night. We were able to have a bit of a delayed holiday. And I'm off tomorrow."

"Jenna told me. I'd like to go shopping with her and maybe do some girly things like making us beautiful." He laughed good naturedly. "That okay with you?"

"Absolutely! I don't get to spend near enough time with my daughter. You two go out and have a gay old time." I know he didn't mean anything by it. He caught himself. "Oopsie! I didn't mean to offend."

I pinched both of his cheeks. "You've both done it since I've been here." He looked startled -- whether it was my cheek pinch or that Jenna had said something a bit off, I didn't know and didn't care. "Let's try and keep it a secret, shall we?"

"Keep what a secret? That we're having a mom-daughter day tomorrow?" Brat has a Mom's hearing all right!

"If you don't sass me you might even get me to pay for it. Do you have somewhere you go to fairly regularly?"

She smiled and said, "I've already called and we're set for 10:30."

I laughed. "That was fast."

Dinner was excellent. Lamb chops (!!), au gratin potatoes, peas, and a salad.

"Is that Worcestershire sauce I taste in these delicious chops?"

Jenna blushed and said, "It's a really easy recipe, Mom. Eggs, the sauce, and bread crumbs; the first two get whisked in a bowl. You dip the chop, put both sides in the crumbs, and put it in a baking dish. It's really simple; one turn after 20 minutes and it's ready in another 20." Who knew?

"It's hearty and filling; perfect fare for a winter dinner."

And so it went. I helped Jenna clean up while Ian entertained his daughter. We sat and chatted until it was time for Ella to get put down for the night. After the cutest baby kisses to Daddy and Grammy, Jenna announced she was giving Ella her bath and putting her to bed.

"Would you mind if I did the honors? It's been forever since I've done a bath with someone her age. I kinda miss it."

"Ella, is it okay if Grammy gives you your bath tonight?"

She leaned out of her mother's arms, fingers wiggling, saying, "Grammy, Grammy." I'm blinking back tears as I write.

Her room was set up a little differently but I managed. We laughed as I undressed her; I'd started the bath water already. She sat up like a big kid in the tub after I had tested the water. I used my hands to bathe her. You forget how soft their skin is at that age. There's no muscle tone to speak of yet. Ella splashed and squealed just like Kara and I do. Kinda.

Washing her hair was interesting. A little shampoo goes a long way on such fine hair. Ella squeaked when I used my nails on her scalp. Note to self: What feels good on an adult is not so good on a little one. I put her little hands over her eyes when it was time to rinse.

"Grammy is going to get rid of the soap, precious." I have no idea if she understands; I doubt it. Jenna has a 16 ounce cup she keeps on the corner of the tub; I assumed this was why. I put my hand on her brow when I poured warm water on her head. We seemed to be okay; there were no tears.

I dried her on my lap. The little darling was more interested in cuddling than in being dry. Those special pieces parts take some delicate drying let me tell ya. Thankfully I'd had two previous test dummies to perfect my craft. Wondering why I said two? Jenna and Rachel were born years apart -- they're close now but... not so easy for Mom to re-learn everything.

I'm old fashioned; my daughter isn't. Fake diapers if you're wondering. Every woman does it the way they want. One bonus was I didn't have to worry about the pins. Talk about guilt! I nearly drowned my precious Ella in baby powder. Even I coughed. Snug as a bug in her jammies, I picked up the sleepy eyed beauty and carried her to bed.

I kissed my granddaughter and said, "Grammy loves you, Ella. Sleep tight and don't let the bed bugs bite." I put her on her side and pulled the blankie over her. How in the hell does mickey not know how 'blankie' is spelled!! I mean really.

The smile on my face must have been ear-to-ear. My daughter said, "Feels like the first time all over again, huh?"

"Yeah, it really does. Sorta like the riding a bicycle thing I suppose."

Well anyway, we chatted for a while and I finally said good night to my daughter and her hubby. If any one you are wondering -- Ian's a good man. He loves my daughter from everything I've ever seen and he loves his daughter. What else is there for me to know? If she's happy I'm happy right? Thank you! Good night Minneapolis.

`

** December 29th **

Lissy

Sunday came early. I heard giggling and "Grammy, Grammy." I rolled over and picked the little darling up and put her on my lap. She was totally not interested in cuddling. "Play." Oh gawd! What time was it? 7? In the morning? On a Sunday? How did I survive?

How do you explain to a 20 month old that you need coffee? That you need to use the bathroom? Thankfully my daughter seemed to know about the former -- she handed me a steaming cup of liquid heaven.

"Come on Ella, Grammy will be ready to play in a few minutes. We can go make breakfast." I think I heard 'Cheerios.' "Yes honey, you can have Cheerios today." She winked at me and left. What time does my flight leave today? Hee hee.

'Brekky' was fine. Ella pitched a hissy when she figured out that Mommy and Grammy were leaving. Poor Ian was starting off at a deficit with his nearly 2 year old. I can tell you that the terrible twos can come early. I'm not telling you which of the little darlings were the worst.

While Jenna was getting ready to leave I had a few minutes alone with Ian. Well, Ian and Ella. Anyway, I said, "While we're gone, I want you to make a dinner reservation somewhere real special." He looked puzzled. "I'm babysitting for my granddaughter tonight while the two of you have a night together out of the house. And I do NOT want you to let your wife hurry the two of you home after dinner, young man." He got a sly smile on his face. "That's right. Go see a movie, go dancing, go out and have some fun -- whatever the two of you want to do that you might not have done much of since the baby was born."

"Wow, thanks Mom. I should be able to figure out somewhere special. We haven't gone out much since we moved, except for some fast food now and then." He nodded, more to himself than me. "We'll surprise her with this one."

"That's the plan. That's why we're going to get beautiful in a few minutes." I winked. "We'll do some shopping too."

We were pampered, coddled, well taken care of, and we deserved it. We were seated next to each other and gabbed about absolutely nothing the entire time we were there. We giggled and chose fire engine red for our toes. We both settled on French for our nails. Why not right? Facials - all gooped up and fresh faced and booful afterward. We cooed and oohed and ahhed at each other. Trust me - it wasn't too long ago Jenna thought I was the devil incarnate. Thankfully those days are behind me... us. Children are mostly wonderful. Adult children are truly a blessing.

Shopping was next on the menu. We talked as we walked.

"Let's look for something special, honey."

Jenny looked at me suspiciously. "Do you have some nefarious plan for us that you're not sharing, Mother?" Mm hmm.

"I'm a simple, honest woman, young lady. I have no such plans in mind."

The brat had the nerve to laugh. "You're so full of crap your eyes are brown. You're an old trickster from way back."

"Reminding me that I'm old is uncalled for I'll have you know." We were heading to Herberger's after stopping at H&M. I saw something up ahead and said, "Have you ever been in White House, Black Market?"

She shook her head. "Nope, they are mostly clothes for work. I dress casually for my classes. Do you want to stop in?"

"Why not; I mean, Herberger's is right next store."

Well, stop we did, and my oh my was it ever a good thing. It seems they do more than work clothes, cuz there was the epitome of the 'little black dress' and holy smokes did my kid ever look sexy in it. The straps were removable; they weren't needed. The cross-banded bodice made her figure stand out. The dress had built in shape wear that helped as well. The sales associate recommended that Jenna try one size up from her regular size and it was a fantastic idea. It was nice and tight around the top; she felt secure. We were in the dressing room together as she tried it on.

"It fits like second skin, Mom. It's very comfortable. Going up a size from my 4 to a 6 was perfect. I have a cute pair of black heels and a necklace that will be perfect." She cocked her head. "Where's Ian taking me tonight?" Uh oh.

"I have no idea if he has plans to take you out. You look beautiful by the way."

She pursed her lips and nodded. "I'm going to call him and find out." I'm so busted! "Hi sweetie. Mom and I are at a store in the mall. She's buying me a cute little dress for tonight." Crafty wench isn't she? "She says there are no plans." Brown eyes looked at me suspiciously as she nodded again. "I'm not buying it, big boy, but I guess I'll find out for sure when we get home. How's Ella? Oh good. Okay, lover; you two have fun. What's that? I suppose we'll have lunch and then see a movie. We should be home by 5. She'll eat mac and cheese. It's too cold to take her for a walk on the sled, Ian. Watch a movie or something. Okay, I have to go. I love you too. Bye."