Book 02: A Match Made Ch. 05

Okay, back to my baby. Even though the letters were written, they weren't allowed to be mailed. Truth be told, that's probably a good thing. Some of them, well, they're not exactly cheerful. Either way, I always fold them, put them in an envelope and even address them. There are two neat stacks on the corner of the desk. Silly as it sounds, they comfort me. I'll lay my hand on top of them, close my eyes and feel Lissy near.

Today is different; today Claudette says I can send my letter. It was a concession after a huge breakthrough in my therapy. That's what she tells me anyways. It's all felt difficult, today didn't seem any different. I was not going to argue though. I nearly tripped and then almost knocked someone down hurrying to my room after the session. I can't wait to tell her, tell her how far I've come...

Lissy,

As I sit here writing you this letter, my first thought is 'what are you doing right this instant?' I used to wonder if you were missing me, still loved me and whole host of other depressing thoughts. Now my head isn't foggy anymore. I only have to recall one moment of us and know in my heart that you ache for me as much as I do you.

It's lunch time on a Saturday... are you making one of your salads with cold chicken or maybe hanging out with Rach and June? Either makes me smile. I hope I can get back there with you again. This thought doesn't come from a dark place; it comes from this place of new clarity. The place where I realize how much I've hurt you (us) and I need to take responsibility.

After Alexis, I built some very deliberate walls to guard myself and anyone else from what I saw as evil inside of me. When we met, you opened my heart and filled it full of you. From the moment I saw you I knew there was no keeping you out. I was foolish to think my demons would just go away and we both paid dearly for it. Responsibility is so much more than an apology.

In a few days, you'll get to visit. I want you to know that we don't need to have a deep conversation. We don't need to rehash what's happened or decide anything in our future. All I want is to see you and feel your arms around me. The rest of it? We have plenty of time after I get out of here.

I know that this first month was mostly about acclimation and acceptance. I'm there and proud of myself. These next two months will be the real work. Digging deeper than I'm comfortable with and rebuilding myself from the bottom up.

Lissy, I know I've done immense damage to us. While it makes every part of me fearful to think of, I know it may not be repairable. That no matter how much we love each other, it may not be enough to come back from this. Oh baby... you know how much I don't want that to be true, but I will accept it.

I have to stand on my own two feet to ever be good for us. I promise you that I will give all of me to this process of getting healthy. I will return to you ready to fight for us and for ME!

I love you... always,

Kara

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Author's Notes:

This final chapter, like the others, is a work of fiction. The response to this story has been overwhelming. Thank you all so much for your votes, comments, and emails.

I've mentioned that a story of this length is likely to have a few words misspelled. I write, I edit, and I have someone very capable proof. And still things get missed. Please make allowances for the human factor.

Book II was very difficult to write. The subject matter wasn't the easiest and there were parts that were very, very dark. I was concerned about how people might react. Kara was going through a rough time; they both were actually. The readers have been so wonderful as they've moved from chapter to chapter. As much as anything I'm grateful that my writing can evoke the kind of emotion from my readers as has been expressed in the comments and emails I've received. I appreciate each of you very, very much.

Book II would be a pale shadow of itself if not for the gifted writing of my partner in this venture. Her name is Rachel. As you know by now she's a gifted writer. She had the far more difficult task in this tale of creating and dealing with Kara's ordeal. She has done so superbly. She brought Kara to life and showed her to be deeply flawed and just as deeply in love with Lissy. Rachel, this has been wonderful. Thank you so much for your work, your amazing gift, and your suggestions along the way. I hope we get to do this again.

One final announcement before I say farewell for now. There will be a Book III. There has to be. There's so much more to say, so much more for our girls to do. I haven't started yet but I will soon. I put a lot of work into my writing and I'm constantly experimenting and trying to grow. Thank you so very much for reading. See you soon!

~ AVL ~