Ruined

"Come on, Travis," said Abigail. "You know why she's like that. If you tried to come near me now, I'd be the same way, but it's worse for Delilah, because she still thinks she's in love with you."

"What? You're not making sense, Abigail," he said. "Just tell me what Grace said."

"Why are you playing games with me, Travis? Grace told me she had been telling Delilah for a long time that you were a hypocrite because you pretended to be religious but still lived with her without getting married.

"When Delilah told her about your overreaction to what Grace was doing at work, Grace told her that kind of response often indicated that someone is really attracted to that kind of sex but is in deep denial.

"Delilah told Grace she was crazy, but Grace said she got her to use some variations of what they were doing in the videos with you during sex, and you responded to what she did until you found out where Delilah was picking up her ideas.

"Grace told Delilah you agreed to do the video because raising the money gave you the excuse to justify what you wanted to do anyway. Delilah denied it and claimed you hated what they were doing so much that she had to leave the studio a few times because she couldn't stand to see you suffering.

"She even tried to get Grace to stop before it was over and let her do the 'Disgusting Debutante' video. Grace said she worked harder on keeping Delilah together during the filming than she did on the video.

"Afterwards, Delilah tried to hold on to her fantasy, but eventually she had to give in and accept that you are a pervert. She still thinks you weren't like that until she drove you over the edge, and Grace can't stop her from beating herself up about it, but she has to admit you're no longer the person she lived with."

"What! Stop!" yelled Travis. "Why does she have to admit that?"

"You know why, Travis," said Abigail. "Grace made Delilah watch the video on the website. She had her boss tell Delilah about approaching you to make another video. When she heard you were flattered by her boss's offer and were thinking about it, Delilah finally had to admit Grace was right."

"That doesn't explain why she's frightened when she sees me," Travis said, his voice nearly breaking from the pain he was feeling for Delilah.

"I asked Grace about that. It's because Delilah still thinks it's her fault that you are what you are. She's afraid she'll lose her mind from guilt if she's face to face with you and hears you ask her to do another video. That's what she told Grace. I promised Grace I'd do all in my power to prevent that from happening."

"Grace has twisted everything," said Travis. "Abigail, you have to help me straighten this out."

"No, Travis," she said. "You're the one who's twisted. Grace has you pegged right. It was obvious once I saw the video. You need to wake up and admit what you really are, and if you aren't happy with that, you need to get some help. I've helped you as much as I'm going to, and I'm warning you again, don't call me or communicate with me in any way, and don't come anywhere near me. Goodbye."

**********

The conversation with Abigail sent Travis into emotional hibernation. Though he didn't confide in anyone, his employees and friends knew something was wrong by the emptiness in his eyes. Despite his torment, his business continued to thrive. He began working on taking his company public.

Delilah was always with him, in the back of his mind. Sometimes the ache in his heart was so strong that he couldn't fall asleep. Those sitting next to him in church often saw tears flowing when he pleaded silently with God to show him the way to save her.

It seemed like years, but it was only a couple of months after Abigail hung up on him that he picked up the phone and heard her say, "Hello, Travis."

He nearly jumped out of his chair. His body was shaking as he answered, "Hi Abigail. How are you?"

"I'm fine," she said. "Do you have a couple of minutes?"

"Is this about Delilah?"

"No, Travis, it isn't," she said. "I don't want to mislead you, so you have to understand that nothing is different. I won't talk to you about Delilah.

"I'm calling for a favor, and I'll understand if you think I have a lot of nerve and hang up on me. If you do this favor for me, I'd really appreciate it. But it can't involve Delilah. Do you understand?"

He had no idea what she was talking about, but he said yes anyway.

"I told you nothing has changed," Abigail said, "but I have to take that back. I never thought I'd say this, but I think a little differently about you than I did the last time we talked. The reason is my friend, Myra.

"She's a clinical psychologist who has a lot of private patients and also does consulting for big corporations, and she'd like to meet you."

"Let me guess. She wants to treat me because you've convinced her I'm an interesting freak."

"No, that's not it at all. She just wants to get together for some friendly conversation."

"Sure she does."

"I don't blame you for being suspicious, but please let me finish. Myra has been one of my best friends since high school, and not only is she a fireball of energy, but she's also the kindest, warmest and most uplifting person I know. She's also loyal and sympathetic. Did I say that she is really hot looking? She's got such a great personality that people can't help loving her once they get to know her."

"Can I stop you for a second, Abigail," said Travis. "You sound like you're trying to fix me up with Myra. You think I'm disgusting. Why would you try to fix me up with your friend?"

"Yes, you're right. I am trying to fix you up with her without totally weirding myself out. She knows all about you and she still wants to meet you."

"Why?"

"We were talking one day about how we never really know what dark secrets are hidden inside even close friends. One of Myra's specialties is sexual psychology. I mentioned I knew someone who everyone thought was deeply religious, but it turned out he was totally perverted. She asked me a lot of questions about you.

"She told me that most likely you had latent tendencies for many years, and making the video just triggered them. I gave her the link to the video."

"You did what? You..." He couldn't get any more words out. He wanted to curse her and damn her to hell, but something held him back. She was still talking, but now he wasn't listening. He was trying to control himself.

Finally, he heard her take a breath, and he jumped in.

"I'm sorry for you, Abigail. I misjudged you. I thought you were different from Grace. But I guess you enjoy demeaning me as much as she did. I hope someday you'll understand that what you're doing doesn't hurt me as much as it hurts you. You're corroding your soul."

"Thanks a lot. Did you hear a word I just said? I swear I've never told anyone else about the video, and I never will. Myra is a professional and I totally trust her to keep it confidential. I don't care if you believe me, but that's the truth. Now will you let me finish."

"Go ahead," he said softly.

"Three days after we talked about you, Myra called me up and we got together for dinner. The entire evening was about you."

Abigail paused.

"This is hard," she finally said hesitantly.

Travis was getting impatient. This whole conversation seemed like a waste of time, but he wanted to hear what Abigail had on her mind. Maybe he would hear something that could help him with Delilah. He had to encourage her.

"It's all right," he said. "Whatever you tell me, I won't hold it against you."

"Thanks. Myra said she treats many patients with uncommon sexual urges, not to cure their tendencies but because they have similar relationship problems as everyone else. She said she has a reputation for being discreet and separating people's preferences from their problems.

"Then she shocked me by telling me that she was one of those people. I told her I didn't believe her, because I've met some of the men she dated, but she told me she dated other men I didn't know about and did things with them like Delilah and Grace and you did on the video.

"She said that you and she weren't monsters, and you weren't a hypocrite. Both of you can't help being the way you are, and what did it matter if you didn't hurt anyone else?"

Abigail went on to tell him how Myra given up on her dream of finding Prince Charming who accepted her as she was, wanted to share her life and have children with her. Instead, she was resigned to her double life and never having a family.

"She asked me a million questions about your character and nothing more about your sexual preferences. I told her that your reputation was tops in business and personal life. She asked me if my distaste for certain lifestyle choices would prevent me from giving you and her a chance for happiness and fulfillment.

"I couldn't answer her, and she didn't press me. That was a week ago. I tried to get our conversation out of my mind, but I couldn't. This morning I called her and told her I would tell you what she said and, if you wanted it, I would give you her number. That's why I called. I still can't believe I'm doing this. Do you want her number?"

"No, Abigail. Please let me explain to you why you've got me all wrong."

"Stop right there, Travis. I told you I don't want to hear anything more about that. All I want to know is do you want Myra's phone number or not? She's a wonderful person, and maybe the two of you could make each other happy in your own way."

"I'm sure she's wonderful, Abigail, but I'm not who she thinks I am. You're the one I need to talk to. When you understand..."

Abigail interrupted him. "I think I understand that you won't call her," she said. "Is that right?"

"Yes, but..."

"Then I don't need to talk to you anymore. Goodbye."

***************

When he came out of church on Sunday, Travis strolled through the children's Bible garden deep in thought. He ran into several couples from church who all stopped him and asked him if there was something they could do to help him. It made him realize how obvious it was to everyone that he was troubled.

He kept going over Abigail's call in his mind. Why had God given him hope, only to snatch it away? He silently prayed for understanding. Then he stopped walking and stood still, shaking.

In a few seconds, he gathered himself, drove home quickly and called Abigail at home.

When she heard his voice, she said. "I told you I don't want you to call me. Do I have to go to the police?"

"Tell me a little more about Myra please. You say she's really understanding and sympathetic. Do you think she could relate to someone whose life is ruined?"

He heard Abigail take a deep breath, and then the tone of her voice changed.

"You are going to love her. Travis. I'm so glad you changed your mind. She almost went to pieces when I told her about our conversation.

"Myra is the kindest, gentlest, sweetest and most loyal friend I have. That's why I had so much trouble believing that she has another side. She won't mind listening to you talk about Delilah, and she'll be sympathetic. I can't wait to call her. She's going to be so happy."

"Before you call her, Abigail, I want you to understand something, so you don't mislead her. All I'm saying is that I would like to meet her and talk to her, nothing else. Please don't encourage her to think that I'm interested in anything else."

"I understand, Travis. This is a big step for you, and you need to take things slow. Myra will understand. You can't rush these things. Here's her number."

He waited an hour to call Myra, and he could tell she was anticipating his call. Her voice was high-pitched and a little chirpy, but it had a soothing quality, too. She sounded like she was excited but trying to stay calm. After some small talk, she asked him whether he was free at all the next day.

"Monday is always busy," he said, "but I can get away for an hour for lunch if you're available. Did Abigail tell you that I'm only interested in talking?"

"Yes," said Myra quickly. "I understand completely. Let's meet tomorrow and talk with no expectations."

They arranged to meet at a Denny's near her office. He got there early and sat at a table in a corner at the back. He looked at each woman walking in the door and was surprised when a small woman came up to him and stood blocking his view.

"Are you Travis?" she asked. When he nodded, she sat down.

She was wearing a conservative business suit, but otherwise she was totally different from what he expected. He envisioned a tall athletic woman who had a powerful, intimidating presence. She had a cute face with a turned-up nose, and everything about her, including her high voice, reminded him of a perky, wholesome waitress at a country diner.

After they had ordered and exchanged a few pleasantries, he said, "Myra, I hardly know you. But the reason I'm here is to ask you a favor."

"You want to tell me about you and your girlfriend," she said. "I could probably see you in my office and help you professionally, but that's not why I'm here.

"If it's all right with you, I'd like you to tell me what's on your mind, but I'm going to listen as a friend, not a therapist. After I hear you out, I'll respond as a friend. If I see that friendship is not what you need, I'll refer you to a therapist. Is that all right?"

"Yes," he said eagerly. "I don't know why I didn't call you right away. I can see that everything Abigail told me about you is true. I don't know why I didn't trust God."

"What do you mean?"

"I'll tell you another time," he said, "because we don't have much time, and I want to tell you exactly what happened. He spoke slowly at first, but as she nodded, he began to talk faster. He was excited because Myra seemed to understand.

As he spoke, he had a vision. In front of his eyes, she was transformed. He wanted to tell her about his vision, but he didn't want to distract her from his story. By the time he finished, he was talking so fast that he was out of breath.

She was silent for a moment and then took a deep breath.

"That's an amazing story, Travis. I can see that you have a tremendous love for Delilah and are desperate to help her recover from her trauma."

"Yes! Yes!" Travis exclaimed. "I knew you would understand. I have to find a way to get to Delilah and tell her the truth. Will you help me?"

Myra didn't answer right away. She sat looking at him. She was smiling at him. It was a smile of understanding, empathy and warmth. He was so happy he wanted to hug her. His vision a few minutes ago had not been an illusion.

When she spoke, her voice was as full of warmth as her expression.

"We haven't been here much more than half an hour," she said. "I know you've got to go in a few minutes. Listening to you, I understand why Abigail thought I'd like you. You seem to be a wonderful man.

"I'm going to be as open with you as you were with me, because whatever happens, I want us always to be completely honest with each other.

"You are vulnerable, Travis. As much as you know about business, that's how little you know about alternative sex."

"Forget the sex part, Myra. That was only so you could understand what happened. All I want to do is help Delilah."

"Travis, listen. Everything I'm telling you now is from my heart. Yes, I promise you that I'll help you, but it may not be by doing what you want me to do."

"I'm open to anything you suggest," said Travis. "I have some ideas, but maybe you have some better ones."

"I can't ignore my education, experience and intuition," she said, "and all of them are telling me there's something wrong with your story. You believe every word of what you just said. That's certain. I can't yet put my finger on what makes me feel that something is off."

"You think I'm hiding something?"

"Not consciously, no. You see, Travis, I've heard many stories from many men, both patients and close friends. Even though the facts sometimes seem to be clear, people often invest their stories with personal issues that make them blind to what the stories are really saying. I'm not saying that's what you've done. I'm just telling you it's a possibility."

"I don't mind you thinking that," he said. "You don't know me that well yet. You'll soon find out that I'm not deceiving myself. So what do we do now?"

"It's unfair to leave you hanging like this, Travis, but I can't do anything for you yet. I need to think about your story and do some research.

"I'd look forward to getting together with you again and getting to know you better, but I realize this has to be cleared up first because it's like a dark cloud hanging over us.

"I'm sorry. That came out wrong. There's no us at the moment. Right now, the only reason you are interested in me is because you want my help. As soon as I'm ready, I'll call you and tell you what I've come up with and what I think you should do. I hope you understand that all I want is your happiness."

The eagerness and excitement Travis had felt at the beginning of their conversation had evaporated by the end of Myra's speech. He couldn't understand how Myra could interpret what he told her any other way than the way he did. It was so obvious.

He was afraid if he told her that, she would be insulted, and then this chance would slip through his fingers. He decided that God wasn't going to make it easy for him. He'd have to be steadfast and ready to climb all the mountains in his way. He decided to level with her.

"I believe you are doing what you think best, Myra," he said, "but since we're being open and honest, I have to tell you that I'm disappointed. As I was telling you my story before, I had this vision. You were turning into a glowing angel right in front of me, radiating beams of love. I felt I could put my total trust in you.

"I know you probably laugh at things like that, and I don't mind. I'm sure once you've thought it over and done your research or whatever, you'll understand that I love Delilah. My dream is that she loves me, too, and that I find a way for us to be together forever.

"I realize that's just a fantasy, and I'm not asking you to buy into my delusions. If you can help me find a way to remove the cloud hanging over her so she can have a happy life with someone else, that will be enough for me."

"I'm not laughing at you," said Myra, and he saw her wipe away a tear. "Your angel description is the most beautiful thing any man has ever said to me. I'm such a romantic fool that I want to take off my clothes, lie down on this table and make tender love to you.

"The fact that you didn't say it to seduce me touches me even more. You are a special man. Travis. I promise not to betray the trust you put in me."

When they got up to go, she grabbed him around the neck and planted a quick kiss on his cheek. Some of the tears on her face rubbed off on him.

***********

She called him two days later and invited him to come to her house that night. He thought for a second and decided that was not a good idea.

"I'm really tired, and I was planning to go home and fall into bed," he said, "but I want to hear what you have to say. Would it be okay to just meet at Denny's again?"

She sounded disappointed when she said, "Sure."

She was at the table in the corner when he walked in, and she got up and gave him a little kiss on the cheek. He noticed she barely came up to his chin, and also that she wasn't wearing a business suit but form-fitting cowl-neck top and tight pants. Her outfit wasn't slutty, but it definitely showed him that she had a hot body.

When she sat down, she had the same warm, understanding smile on her face as she had at their previous meeting. He tried not to read too much into it, but he couldn't help hoping.

"Last time, you talked and I listened and didn't interrupt you," she said. "When you finished, I responded. I'd like to do that in reverse this time. When I'm done, we can discuss anything you want to for as long as you want. If Denny's closes, we can always finish at my house. Is that okay with you?"