Ruined

"I'm keeping my end of the bargain, but don't get any ideas. I was exaggerating for the video to make it more dramatic, but we are never going to see each other again."

Travis wanted to say that she wouldn't get an argument from him, but he didn't have the strength to raise his head and look at her. She began pushing the wheelchair toward the exit. She put a box on his lap.

"I checked to make sure you've got your wallet and everything you had when you came here. This box contains a DVD of all the video that was shot today. While Grace was taking off your outfit, I collected the drives from each camera and burned the files onto the disk for you.

"I want you to watch every minute recorded by every camera so you see exactly what I did to you. Swear to God that you will watch everything at least once -- all the way through. I'm not going to take you to your car until you swear."

Grace appeared, walked over to them and said, "Give me the DVD, Delilah. He doesn't need it. If he wants to see the video, he can watch it online. I'll send him the link. You can make him swear to watch that."

"No," said Delilah. "It was in the agreement that he gets a copy of everything."

"But he doesn't want it," Grace said. "Look at him. You don't want this, do you, Travis?"

Travis was too weak to respond. He didn't want to ever look at that disk, and he tried to shake his head, but he wasn't sure either woman noticed.

"I'm sorry, Grace," said Delilah. "I insist, and I'm not going to back down this time."

"I think you're a little overemotional about this whole thing, Delilah. Please come over here and let's talk about this for a minute."

Travis looked up from his wheelchair and saw them go to the other side of the room and have a brief animated conversation. He couldn't hear one word. When they were done, they walked back to him.

"Delilah needs to cool down a little," Grace said, "so I will be driving you home. You're going to take the DVD because Delilah put in the contract that we have to give it to you, even though I know you don't want it. Before we go, Delilah has a couple more things to say."

Travis heard Grace but didn't react. He just wanted to get out of there and go someplace where he could collapse and not have to hear their voices or see them.

"Look at me, Travis!" said Delilah. She sounded almost hysterical. She grabbed his head, trying to avoid his bruised cheeks, and turned it to her face, which was only inches from his.

"You didn't swear to watch the video yet, and I'm not going to let Grace take you home until you do. I know you are weak, but you need to show me somehow, even if it's only nodding your head. Travis, do you solemnly swear, so help you God, that you will watch the whole DVD at least once? I'm waiting."

She let go of his head.

Travis was beyond caring about anything, including breaking oaths to God. He just wanted out of there. He gathered his strength and nodded.

"You saw that, Delilah," said Grace. "He agreed."

"One more thing," said Delilah. "Travis, you have to swear that, no matter what, you will never pray for me again."

"Delilah, that's crazy," said Grace. "Let me take Travis home now. You are getting irrational."

"I don't care," Delish said, not looking at Grace. She grabbed his head again and put her face even closer. Her saliva sprayed him as she screamed at him.

"Travis, do you swear that you will never pray for me?"

She let go of him, and he started to nod again, but he stopped himself. He saw her pain, and even though he was tired and wanted to ignore it, he had recovered his humanity enough that he couldn't agree. He opened his mouth and tried to get his lips to work. He wanted desperately to tell her that he forgave her and was going to pray until he died for her salvation. But he couldn't get a word out.

"You bastard, Travis!" she screamed. "Swear to me!"

Grace quickly moved between her and Travis and hugged Delilah. Delilah collapsed in her arms and began crying. Grace gently moved Delilah across the room and sat her down in a chair and spoke softly to her. Then she came back to him.

With a lot of effort, Grace managed to get him home and move him from his car to his bedroom, where she laid him on his bed, took off his clothes and covered him. He watched her without saying a word.

He had been holding onto the DVD case in the car. When she started undressing him, Grace took it from him and put it on his dresser. He watched as she now went to his dresser, took the case and opened it. She took the DVD out and held it up in front of his face.

"I know you don't want to watch this," she said as she broke it in two. "We fulfilled the contract and gave it to you, but now it won't work so you don't have to keep your promise to Delilah through no fault of your own. I'll throw it away for you. If you change your mind, you can watch the video online in a few weeks. I'll send you a link to it and a lifetime password to get onto the site. I have a feeling you're going to be a big hit. Goodbye."

Travis didn't respond. He had fallen asleep a second after she had waved the broken disk in front of him.

***********

A few days later, he got a package in the mail with a handwritten note from Delilah:

"Hi, Travis. While Grace took you home, I made another disk for you. It has all the video from every camera. I have a feeling that she didn't leave the disk with you. I didn't want to get into another argument with her about it, so I'm sending this just in case. I also threw in the contract that you left lying in the studio. Don't forget that you swore to me that you'd watch it. It will be hard for you, but afterward, you'll understand why you don't ever want to see me or think about me again."

She didn't sign the note.

He put the note back in the package and threw the package in a drawer as he thought to himself that he had promised her to watch it, but he didn't say when.

************

Three weeks later, Travis's secretary buzzed him.

"There's a woman on the phone who wants to talk to you about a video you made," she said. "Should I get rid of her?"

His heart stopped. Delilah? It couldn't be.

"Put her through," he said.

"Hi," said a pleasant voice he didn't recognize. "We never met, but I watched your performance. I'm Grace's boss, Felicia."

"Hi, Felicia," he said, forcing himself to speak slowly and calmly.

"I'm calling because I wanted to apologize," she said. "I was angry that Delilah had pushed me all the way to $15,000 for just one video session, but when I saw how good you were, I realized that you were worth that and more. Everyone else knew it, too. I'm sure you heard our ovation."

"Ummm...thanks," Travis said, trying to control his voice. "I'm really busy right now and I have no time..."

"Just a second," Felicia said. "Have you seen the video online yet? Grace did an amazing job editing it. I thought you were good while I watched you performing, but I wasn't close enough to see how good you really were until I saw the finished video.

"The way you play to the camera is brilliant. One second, it looks like you're out of your mind with pain and humiliation, and the next second, it's obvious that you're enjoying every minute of it.

"That's the reason I'm calling. I told Grace that I would pay a lot more than last time if the three of you worked together again. I could go up to $20,000, or maybe more. Grace said she'd love to work with you again. I've left a couple of messages for Delilah, but I haven't heard back from her yet. What do you say?"

For a moment, Travis was speechless. He felt sick. But he got hold of himself and thought fast. Whatever Felicia was talking about, he didn't want to ever discuss it with her again. How could he make sure she didn't call him back? He decided to humor her.

"The offer is flattering" he said, "but right now, I'm too busy. I don't know if Grace told you that I own a struggling business, and I need to focus on it."

"I understand completely," said Felicia. "I've been where you are. I'm sure you're putting everything into your business.

"Please think of us if the business needs a cash infusion in the future. And here's something else to think about: Many of our repeat actors are successful businessmen who work with our ladies because they enjoy themselves in front of the cameras -- like you did. I'd be glad to introduce you to some of them if you're looking for additional investors.

"That's good to know," said Travis, trying to control an impulse to gag. "If I want to take you up on your offer, how should I get in touch with you?"

Felicia gave him her number.

"May I check in with you occasionally?" she asked.

He chose his words carefully.

"That wouldn't be a good idea. You can understand that I have to steer clear of anything that could get in the way of what I'm working on. That's why I wore the hood. Our connection wouldn't play well with some of the people important to our success here.

"I'd prefer that you wait for me to contact you. Our relationship has been mutually beneficial so far. If you honor my request, I can promise that I won't listen to any offers from your competition."

"I understand," she said. "I won't bother you. You know that you've got a special gift, and I promise you we will go all out to make your next experience even better than your first shoot. Apart from the money, isn't that what it's all about? Would you at least promise me that you'll think about my offer when things aren't so hectic for you?"

Travis shuddered. He wished he could wipe their conversation from his mind forever, but he knew it would be one more thing that would haunt him from now on. He wasn't lying when he said, "Sure. I'll think about your offer. Goodbye now."

****************

He plunged into his work, As his business grew and he hired more personnel, he was there almost twenty-four/six. He took Sunday off, but that day was as busy as the rest, with Sunday school, services and other church activities.

He prayed for Delilah and Grace each week, but otherwise, he rarely thought of them until he saw Delilah at the end of the aisle in a grocery store one evening a few months later. The store wasn't in his neighborhood, but he had just left a late meeting nearby and stopped there instead of going to the store near his apartment. He was frozen for a moment as he watched her and thought of the last time he had seen her. Without thinking, he walked toward her.

When she saw him, he could see she was startled. She quickly wheeled her cart in the other direction and was gone. He went back to his shopping.

It was almost the same scene at a department store a couple of months later. He was coming up on an escalator when he saw her. It was the women's clothing floor, and he wasn't planning to get off there, but he decided on the spur of the moment to talk to her.

This time, she didn't see him until he was almost on top of her. She jumped in fright and began quickly walking away. Travis stood there stunned because of the look on her face when she recognized him.

He didn't know how she might react when she saw him, but the last thing he expected was pure terror. He wondered if she thought he wanted to hurt her and waited for a restraining order, but nothing happened.

Her frightened expression began to haunt him, especially when he prayed for her on Sundays. He wanted to talk to her, just for a minute, and tell her she had no reason to be afraid of him.

He wanted to tell her she had been right to force him to do something drastic rather than give up and go home. He wanted her to know he didn't wish either her or Grace any harm. Most of all, he didn't want her to be troubled with guilt that might get in the way of her future happiness.

He decided he needed help to get to her. He didn't know where to turn until he ran into one of her girlfriends at a client's party.

He saw Abigail across the room with a man. At first, he was hesitant to approach her, because he thought Delilah and Grace might have shown the video to their friends. If so, what would Abigail think of him.

He finally worked up his courage by telling himself he was doing this for Delilah, and he had no dignity to lose anyway. Surprisingly, Abigail greeted him warmly and introduced him to her friend.

"Would you mind talking to me outside for just a couple of minutes?" he asked her.

When they got to a quiet area of the garden, she asked, "This is about Delilah, isn't it?"

"Yes," he said.

"I haven't talked to her in a long time," said Abigail. "She's not seeing many friends, except for Grace. Grace said it was your fault, because you were a real bastard at the end. That's hard for me to believe. What did you do to her?"

"Is that all Grace told you?"

"Yes," said Abigail. "She told me that Delilah doesn't want her to tell anyone the details, but when you broke up with her, you said some things that were really cruel."

Travis sighed with relief before he spoke.

"That's why I need your help. I said some horrible things to her, and I've prayed a lot about what happened. I'm now at peace in my mind, but I'm afraid I've hurt her and damaged her psychologically."

He told Abigail about the scene at the department store.

"Would you help me? Tell her I want just five minutes of her time to say a few things that I think could help her. I'm not interested in getting back together with her, just ending our relationship in a better way. If she'd be more comfortable with you there I won't mind. I'd rather not have Grace there, but if she insists on Grace being there, that's all right, too."

Abigail promised to call up Delilah and do her best to see her, and a few days later, she called Travis at his office.

"I spoke to her on the phone a few minutes ago," she said. "You were right. When I brought you up, she became hysterical and almost incoherent. I don't think she heard a word I said."

Travis was silent for a second.

"It's much worse than I thought," he said. "Would you be willing to try to meet her for lunch. When you are face to face, maybe you can get her to listen. Maybe she would even allow me to join the two of you for a minute. Let me give you my private cell number. If you can get her to see me, call me no matter what time of day or night, and I'll come right over to where you are."

"Okay," said Abigail. "I'll try, because I'm worried about her. She really sounded bad. I'll call you back when I know more."

*************

That was the last he heard from her until he called her at home a week later. As soon as she heard his voice, she hung up. He kept calling and she kept hanging up. Finally, she spoke to him.

"What do you want?" she demanded.

"I want to know what happened."

"Nothing that concerns you. Fuck off, and don't ever talk to me again."

"Whoa! I just want to know what Delilah told you."

"She didn't tell me anything, you pervert. I never called her."

"Why not?"

"You're wasting my time and yours. You know exactly why. I don't want to ever see you or hear from you again. I know everything."

"Everything like what?"

"I talked to Grace."

"Oh no!"

"Oh yes," she said. "Almost right after I hung up with you, Grace called. She told me everything, and then she gave me the link to your video. It was the most sickening and disgusting thing I've ever seen. I couldn't watch much of it, but I saw enough. You're lucky that most people won't recognize you because of the hood and the weird outfit. If Grace hadn't told me, I wouldn't have known."

"Please give me a chance to explain."

"No, I won't. No matter what you say, you can't deny what I saw."

"Please, Abigail," he said. "Can I meet you for coffee after work tomorrow -- or anytime you want. I can straighten this out."

"Don't you dare get anywhere near me, you sicko. I'll talk to you now for a few minutes as long as you promise never to contact me again."

"Tell me exactly what Grace told you."

"Why do you want to hear what you already know? If that's all you want, we can hang up right now."

"Wait! You heard Delilah. Maybe Grace said something that explains it, and once I know, I won't try to get in touch with her. That's what you want, isn't it? Please try to remember everything Grace told you and tell me slowly."

"Fine," said Abigail. "She told me how you freaked out about Delilah coming to her studio. She said Delilah never cheated on you or did anything to hurt you and couldn't understand your overreaction. She was totally depressed after you dumped her.

"Grace said that when Delilah found out you were in financial trouble, she decided to call you. What you told her made her frantic. She was sending every spare cent she had to her parents, because her alcoholic father lost his job and they had no savings. She tried to take out a personal loan but got turned down because she had no collateral.

"She contacted lots of people, but nobody could get the cash together fast enough. Grace found out from her boss that Delilah had called the producer of one of their websites called 'Disgusting Debutantes.'

"They pay ten thousand dollars to girls who had never done porn before and were willing to do everything, no matter how disgusting or painful, with multiple men, including bums who were picked up off the street. She was negotiating with the producer to get the price up to fifteen thousand so she could give it to you."

Travis was in shock. He remembered thinking that maybe the reason Delilah wouldn't loan him the money was because she wanted revenge. He began trembling.

"Grace went to Delilah's house that night, and they had a big fight. Delilah was determined to be a 'Disgusting Debutante' to get you the money.

"She told Grace she was to blame for destroying your feelings for her, but she wasn't going to let you destroy your life. That's when Grace came up with the idea of you doing a video for her website. She told Delilah that your face would be disguised.

"Delilah didn't want to hear about it, but Grace told Delilah that if you ever found out Delilah did a 'Disgusting Debutante' video to raise money for you, you wouldn't be able to handle the guilt of her being downloaded by thousands of men every day. Grace told Delilah that it might destroy your life or even drive you insane."

Travis knew Grace was right. His stomach was in knots as Abigail continued.

"Grace asked Delilah how much she was willing to sacrifice for you because there was a way to help you that would cost her more than sacrificing her body. Delilah said she'd do anything. Grace asked her if she was willing to make you hate her and lose all respect for her. If she would do that, she could save your business. Grace said Delilah agreed."

"Abigail there's something you don't know -"

"Don't interrupt me Travis or I'll end this call," Abigail threatened. "I want to finish and never think about you again.

"For a while, Delilah tried to think of every possible reason why making the video with you wouldn't work. Grace finally convinced her when she asked Delilah whether she thought your faith would give you the strength to overcome what would be done to you. When Delilah said she was sure it would, she gave up and went in to negotiate your deal. Grace told her that to get you to do it, she would have to make you believe she was angry at you. She put on an act to make you feel guilty and selfish about losing her investment."

Travis was breathing hard. His head was spinning. The phone in his hand seemed suddenly too heavy to hold.

"Grace said Delilah almost lost it at the end by demanding that you swear not to pray for her, but Grace kept her from spoiling everything and got you out of there."

"That's all. There's nothing else that you wouldn't know. Goodbye."

"Wait a second, Abigail. That doesn't explain why Delilah is so scared of me now. Didn't Grace say anything about that?"