Ruined

"Absolutely," he said.

"I want to talk about myself a little first," she said. "I didn't grow up in a religious home like you did, but my parents were moral and ethical. I think I learned the same things you did, but they believed religion was superstition that enslaved humans.

"I dated a lot in high school, but studies came first, and I didn't have sex until just before I graduated, when I was almost nineteen. Overnight, it became the second most important thing in my life -- and it even influenced the first thing, because it helped me decide to study psychology.

"I couldn't get enough, so I had a lot of boyfriends. Most guys were only interested in my body, and they were like white rats in my personal sexual psychology lab. I observed them as I tried everything with them.

"Maybe because I knew they were only interested in me for one reason, I enjoyed teasing them. I noted their reactions. Some of them were frustrated, but some of them liked it.

"That's how it started, and it progressed almost like a research project. I kept pushing them further. First it was mental: belittling, humiliating, demeaning. Then it progressed to physical. I abused their minds and bodies together and kept upping the ante. It never got to the point of injury, but I hurt them.

"Some of them stopped calling me up, but I didn't care, because there were always plenty of guys who'd put up with almost anything to get into my panties.

"One boy worshipped me. I think he wanted a real relationship. He became my booty call. When I didn't have another date, I knew I could always call him up and abuse him horribly, and after he came, he didn't seem to mind too much. We talked about marriage, but I had sense enough to dump him before I ruined his life."

The waiter came with their coffee and she stopped speaking until he left.

"At first, I thought something was wrong with me. But after I studied bondage, sadism and masochism in a college class, I realized I was just a member of a sexual minority, and I stopped worrying about myself.

"I like all kinds of men, and I've had many mainstream relationships. Some of them were serious, and one man I liked proposed, but I knew that marrying him wouldn't make either of us happy.

"I found out how to make contact with masochists through certain publications, and then the Internet came along and made it even easier.

"I took from all of my men, but I always tried to give back more than they gave me. A lot of them said I made their lives complete, and many of them told me the only thing that they ever looked forward to was being humiliated and abused by me.

"When Abigail told me about you, I was curious. Then I saw the video, and then I met you. You don't want to hear this, but I have to tell you since I'm being brutally honest. I'm falling for you. You make me want to believe the fairytale about there being one perfect person for everyone in the world."

Travis swallowed hard. He reminded himself again why he was listening to this. He had to be patient.

"Now comes the difficult part, Travis. But I promised you the truth, and I won't break my promise, even if it makes you hate me. That would break my heart, but I have to face the possibility."

"I don't understand. What are you getting at?"

"I'm going to tell you, Travis. I have a reason for doing it this way, and I'll be glad to explain it to you later.

"I hope you don't think I'm like Grace or Delilah or the other women on that website. Oh no!"

Travis had jumped up from the table, almost knocking his chair over. His face was red and he was sputtering to get words out of his mouth. Myra quickly spoke again.

"I'm so sorry, Travis. That came out wrong. I know Delilah isn't that type of woman. She just did it because Grace influenced her, and she regrets it. I didn't mean to lump her in with the others. Please forgive me. Please sit down."

Travis slowly sat down and waited for her to continue. He was angry at himself for losing control.

"I don't use a lot of equipment in my home. I do have a few canes, floggers, paddles, whips and other things. Even though I personally don't enjoy pain, I test every one of them on myself before I use it. I want to know their effect, because I want the man to have an exquisite experience.

"I am always looking for something that will give him excruciating pain that he will always remember but that doesn't cause injuries or take a long time to heal.

"Look at my hands, Travis. I pay a lot to have them look beautiful, despite the fact that my nails are short and rounded. I don't scratch. I know things to do with my fingers and hands that are much more painful than scratching but less dangerous.

"I even mix my own lubricant so that when I put my hand into a man's ass, it glides in smoothly -- no tearing or internal injuries, only pain and humiliation."

Myra stopped speaking suddenly. She watched him silently for a few seconds and then spoke again.

"Travis, do you mind if I ask you a question?"

"No."

"I'm not angry at you, and I'm not trying to hurt you in any way with this question. Do you think it's insulting when two people are talking and one of them is looking down at the table instead of looking the other person in the eye?"

"Yes, and I'm sorry for insulting you, Myra. It's just hard for me to hear what you're saying."

"I realize that, but I gave you my full attention the other day when you were telling me your story. Are you ready for me to go on?"

"Yes, and I'll keep my head up."

She continued as she gazed intently at his face.

"You won't believe the variety of uncomfortable ways I can extract semen from you without anything touching your cock, or the ways I can feed it to you, not just from my pussy, ass or mouth.

"Corporal punishment is something I really take pride in. I have the finest implements, but even when all I use is my little hands, I know how to arrange the angles, intensities, rhythms and finger spreads so that when I finish, your bruised butt looks like the inside of a watermelon.

"I've learned a tremendous amount by talking to the men whom I've treated and those I've been with. Now I customize what I do. Men are always eager to go right to my bedroom studio, but I make them sit down with me for coffee and conversation first, so I can get the information I need to make our time together memorable.

"Some men need to be completely alert the next morning, so I do things with them that hurt tremendously but don't feel worse than a mild hangover the next day. Other men want long, lingering pain that lasts for days or even weeks.

"They often suggest ways to degrade them, but I usually ignore their ideas, because the deepest humiliations are always those they keep secret. I can extract those secrets without them realizing it, and then I surprise them with things they never knew they wanted.

"Sometimes they cry and scream and beg me to stop, but I laugh at their desperation, because I know that a day or two later, they'll be calling their heartless bitch on the phone and telling me that I gave them the most amazing night of their lives and wanting to see me again as soon as possible.

"When we finish, I become their nurse, with soothing lotions, words and caresses. They relax and sip one of the special healing drinks that I've created. Their bodies glow, both from the pain and from the comfort. Their minds are at peace.

"I could have you go to the special contact list on my phone and call someone at random right now and put me on. Chances are I could have the man waiting at my front door when I got home. Even if he was out of town, he might drop everything to get here as fast as he could. Most of them would be overjoyed to write you about what I've done for them. They are grateful to me and want me to be happy.

"I have videos of me with all of them to watch when I'm in the mood, and they know those videos will never be used for anything except my pleasure. Some of them are important men with a lot to lose.

"That's the end of my commercial. Thank you for being patient and making me happy by listening. Now I'll get to the part you've been patiently waiting for."

"Thank you," Travis said.

He tried to think of something else to say, but he couldn't think of anything except how much he was hoping she had a good plan for getting him together with Delilah.

"I wish I could stop here, and we could both go to my home and have an amazing time," she said, "but first I have to tell you some things that aren't so positive.

"As I said, when you told me your story, it somehow didn't feel right. I went online and took another look at your video, and this time I kept our conversation in mind.

"What I saw convinced me you are in denial, because it was so obvious that you were enjoying every minute of the pain and humiliation. You don't have to be a professional to see it.

"That explains why Abigail doesn't want to listen to you. What could you say to her? You say it all in the video. Delilah may be doomed to love you, but even she can't deny the evidence in front of her eyes. I know without asking that you've never watched the video. But I'll ask anyway. Am I right?

Travis nodded.

"I promised you I would help you, Travis, and I think I can, but confronting Delilah can only bring more pain to her and to you. You first need to confront yourself and accept yourself. I want to help you move forward to a place where you have a chance for happiness.

"Since I'm telling you the whole truth, yes, I hope I can be part of your happiness. You are so in tune with life and reality, except in this area, that I don't think it will take long. Maybe all it will take is watching the video for you to finally accept who you are and find some peace.

"I don't know that for sure, but I'm one hundred per cent certain that no matter what you do, nothing will ever change for you until you watch the video. Please come home with me now and we'll watch it together."

Travis was looking at her because he promised he would, but he didn't see her. His mind was in tumult as she finished, and for a minute, he didn't respond. He saw her waiting patiently with that wonderful smile. But now the smile terrified him. He shook his head a few times.

"No," he said at last and then repeated it. "No. You've got it wrong about me. I know who I am. And I'm not going to your house to accept myself as anyone else. I know you mean well, but since you're not helping me, I'll have to keep looking for the right way to get to Delilah. God is testing me, but he will show me the way."

"Did God tell you not to watch the video?" Myra asked.

"You don't believe in God, so you don't know how stupid that statement is," he said angrily and then shook his head as he continued.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to insult you. I know you're trying to help me. But you don't understand. I'm not like one of your men."

"I was afraid of this," she said as she handed him a piece of paper. "I wrote down the link to the video. Next to it is my password for the website. I don't believe in God, but I'm sure if He existed, and He loved you, He would want you to watch the video so your life won't be ruined."

*************

When Travis got home, he felt totally drained. He went to bed, but his sleep was restless. He woke up at five a.m. and couldn't fall asleep again. He went to his desk and stared at the piece of paper Myra had given him a long time before he typed the address into his computer and used Myra's password.

Five minutes into the video, he began crying, but he kept watching in horror until the end. Then he pounded his desk and screamed. The video left no doubt. Myra was right. He called his secretary's phone and left a message saying he wouldn't be in the next day.

He felt like his life was over. He walked back to the bedroom and collapsed on the bed. As he fell asleep, he thought for a moment about praying to God to take him in his sleep.

*****************

When he woke, it was late afternoon. He got up and had something to eat, but he didn't get dressed. Questions kept coming into his mind, one after the other. Each answer contradicted the video, but none of them could wipe away what he had seen.

He tried to remember exactly what happened in the studio, but he couldn't because he had blocked it. All he knew was what was on the video, and it showed he was deluding himself.

His head hurt from concentrating. Gradually, a few moments came back to him. He remembered the end better than the beginning -- the fight about the video between Grace and Delilah, Grace taking him home, Grace breaking the DVD and him blacking out.

He remembered that Delilah had sent him another copy of the video and the contract a few days later. He had thrown it somewhere and never looked at it. She had insisted that he watch it, but he had thought that was because she despised him. Now he knew that was wrong.

Her note seemed to say he had to watch it as a warning that she was evil so he would stay away from her? He knew that wasn't true. Was there another reason she wanted him to watch the DVD?

Grasping at straws, he imagined crazy reasons she might want him to watch. Maybe she had recorded a secret message on the DVD that she wanted him to see. Before he resigned himself to never talking to Delilah again, he had to see her message. It was recorded before she had given up on him. Maybe it would be something he could hold onto to help make the rest of his life bearable.

He stopped thinking of anything else except finding the DVD and Delilah's message. It didn't take him long to discover the padded envelope pushed in the back of a drawer. He inserted the DVD into his computer and began watching.

Soon he was depressed again. There was no message, just the same scene repeating over and over. He was confused because what he was watching wasn't exactly the same as what he had seen on the website the day before. Then he realized he was looking at the raw footage from each camera. Everything was the same, except from different angles.

His hope was running out after the watched the recordings from the first three cameras, but he kept watching in desperation. The fourth video started with him standing in front of the mirror before the action began. A few minutes into it, he came to a part that made him sit up straight. He reversed back a couple of minutes to watch it again.

He watched the part three times silently, and as he did, his body began jerking and then shaking violently before he jumped up and screamed at the top of his lungs. He ran from room to room screaming until he was out of breath. He fell to his knees and thanked God. Then he went back to the computer and watched the video segment again as tears streamed down his face.

When he called Myra the next day, he tried to control his excitement when he told her that he had finally watched the video and now understood what she was talking about. He wondered if she would be willing to come over that night to discuss it.

"Why don't you come over to my place," she said. "I'm so happy for you, Travis. I insist. I'm going to cook dinner."

"Do you have a DVD player?" he asked.

"Yes," she said. "Why do you ask?"

"I'd like to show you a video I got that I think you'll find interesting."

"That sounds great. After we watch it, maybe I'll show you some of the videos I've made."

*************

While dinner was baking in the oven, she gave him a tour of the house. She spent most of the time showing him her home video studio, a large empty room with a spongy rubber floor and some equipment he didn't recognize in addition to a large bed.

There were hooks and loops attached to the walls and hanging from the ceiling, and she proudly explained what each item was for. She showed him three professional cameras mounted on rolling tripods and wired to operate in synch to capture all the action without her having to do anything. She turned on her studio lights, and the room was so bright he had to squint.

"Maybe I can give you a demonstration of how this works later if you'd like," she said with a giggle.

Dinner was delicious, and she said she was so happy to see him enjoying it. She told him his gusto meant that he was probably no longer depressed. When he said he was happier tonight than he had been in a long time, she jumped up and kissed him on the lips.

"I'm sorry," she said. "I need to slow down and try not to make you uncomfortable. I have to keep reminding myself that despite what you did on the video, this is really all new to you."

After dinner, she looked at him and said, "What would you like to do now, Travis?"

He reminded her about the video, and she said, "Yes, of course. You'd like to show me a video. Then I'll show you some of mine. Maybe they will put us in the mood to make a video of our own."

He didn't reply, but when he started his video, he saw her looking at him. She was smiling, but not the smile of warmth and comfort that he had seen up to now. Her smile was seductive.

He started with the third camera and watched her watching it. She immediately recognized it as raw footage of the video she had seen online. She was fascinated. Then came the fourth video and the part that had made him scream. As she watched it, she began to cry. He paused the video and took her into his arms, holding her tightly. He began to cry, too.

"Do you want to see the rest of it?" he asked.

"Yes," she said and held him tightly for a moment before releasing him. She blew her nose.

"I may as well see it all."

He saw her shoulders shaking as she wept while she watched the rest of the fourth camera. After it was finished she excused herself and went to the bathroom.

***********

He waited nearly ten minutes until she came out. She had washed her face, but he saw her eyes were red.

"I want you to know how sorry I am for what I put you through," she said. "I have no excuse, because I know all about video editing. I took classes, and I use all the latest software.

"Grace is good, but I should have spotted the continuity lapses at once -- even in the degraded version on the website. Using music to cover up the breaks before your reaction shots should have given it away.

"It's all there. The sound mikes were sensitive. It was so soft that you probably couldn't hear it on the video, but my ears are good enough that I heard her tell you she put Viagra into your drink.

"I'm so ashamed. The fantasy of you and me together blinded me. I accused you of not accepting reality. What a joke! I looked in the mirror just now and all I could feel was contempt for the woman I saw there."

As she spoke, her face grew dark. For the first time since he met her, she was frowning and seemed to be in emotional turmoil. She turned her face away from him.

"Don't feel ashamed at being fooled, Myra," he said. "Everyone was fooled, including me."

He cleared his throat a couple of times, but she didn't react. After a couple of minutes of pacing the floor impatiently, he went over to her and stood rigidly in front of her with his hands at his sides opening and closing. She didn't realize he was there until he spoke.

"Are you going to help me?" he asked.

She looked up at him.

"Help you?" she repeated, but her eyes showed that she was only half listening. "Yes, I thought I was helping you, but I was only deceiving myself."

"I mean, are you going to help me now - with Delilah?"

She snapped out of her reverie.

"Oh, Travis," she said. "I'm so selfish. I was thinking about how I had planned a wonderful evening for the two of us and how I would make a wonderful video of it for you. Now you're going to leave, and I'll never see you again, and my dream is over.

"I didn't think about you for a moment. I'll help you, Travis, of course I will. Right now I have no idea of what we can do. It seems almost impossible, but if there's a way..."