The Sands of Time

"Can't you see that I hate you and don't want to be near you!" Jane thought to herself. She felt surprised not only by the thought itself but how strongly she felt it. If only she could bring herself to say these words she thought she would feel much better. But still, she could not and felt condemned to her life as it was. But in the end Jane decided she would give in and go out with the Rourkes. She would have a good time regardless of her previous feelings. She admitted to herself that she did enjoy the conversation the Rourkes provided. They seemed so much more alive than she and Gary.

"I'm sorry honey, I had a really hard day. Let's go out with the Rourkes as we planned. You're right. It would be horribly rude to cancel without good reason at this late hour," Jane said in all earnestness.

Gary smiled at Jane and said, "Great! I'll give them a call just to confirm that everything is still on."

"Now why doesn't he show me that type of enthusiasm?" Jane thought to herself. She also thought this to be a curious phone call to make. The O'Rourkes always kept to plans that had been made and they always called if they were forced to change plans, which was very seldom. She decided she was being paranoid again and to make nothing more of it.

The Rourkes were at the front door of the Lyceum when Jane and Gary arrived. Ike Rourke always purchased the tickets for the four of them on such evenings. Jane was happy to see Ike. He was always polite and kind to her. He usually engaged her in an interesting conversation so she had come to look forward to that. Jeanette Rourke, on the other had, annoyed her possibly because she seemed a bit flighty but more likely because she thought Jeanette to be very superficial. The two couples went inside seating themselves in the orchestra seats. Inside the old building it was hot. Though the evening was becoming comfortably cool the circulation of air was poor inside the hall.

A string quartet performed at the Lyceum. On a good evening about 100 people would go there. This particular evening was dedicated to Bartok. Jane hated Bartok and wished they were playing Bach instead. She enjoyed Bach very much. At the intermission Gary and Jeanette excused themselves to the rest rooms leaving Ike and Jane to chat. Jane had been in this identical position several times previously at the concerts. For some reason she never remembered them. Ike was good company so it didn't bother her when Gary and Jeanette went off together. It had been a long time since she had been alone with Ike. She had always enjoyed such times because they always seemed to have a lively and uplifting conversation. On similar occasions she'd enjoyed talking with the husbands of their other friends. As Jane thought about this she reflected on how little in common she thought she had with other women. The single exception was her preference to talk with Leah. Still, she loved talking with Ike. It never bothered her that people might notice her with Ike and gossip. She conceded it to senseless rumormongers.

Jane and Ike made their way outside to get a breath of fresh air. They agreed it had been stuffier than usual inside. There was a small garden bench outside and just around the corner of the building. They sat there.

"I've hated these things for years. Tonight's even worse. I hate Bartok" Ike said catching Jane by surprise. "I wish that once, just once, we would go somewhere else, particularly when they play something we don't really like. Or, are you ready for this?" Ike said in a joking voice, "We could stay at home! Can you imagine? We all stay at home on a Friday night! Imagine the possibilities! It boggles the mind." Ike laughed.

Jane was entirely surprised by Ike's statement. It could just as easily have been her saying that. Jane found a new side to Ike, after so many years, and she liked it. She also wondered what was making Ike more animated in his conversation than she had ever seen him.

"Ike, I've got to tell you, I didn't want to leave the house tonight but Gary persisted, so, here I am." She said in resignation.

"Well, I don't think staying at home is all that wonderful. I guess once in a while would be good. With our jobs we need a release. I think we talked ourselves into this as being our best release. Now I wonder about the logic of such thinking. Years and years ago we vowed ourselves to do this as an excuse, convincing only ourselves, that it worked. What do you think Jane? Do you think I'm possibly right?"

"Yes, I do think you are right but years and years Ike?" Jane queried, "We've only known you for six years!"

"Well, that qualifies doesn't it?" he said with a jocular tone to his voice.

"Yes, I guess it does." Jane was half laughing when he made the comment and had as large a smile as she could. Jane felt good. Suddenly she found herself putting together the idea of feeling good and being with Ike. "Oh my God," she thought, "what am I thinking?"

"I needed to get some real fresh air before the concert resumed." Ike said, "I'm happy we came out to take a few good deep breaths of fresh air."

"I'm happy you thought of this too." Jane said..

"The company's pretty good too." Ike continued.

Ike looked up into the sky and remarked, "Look at all those stars. It's so clear it's like you could just reach out and touch one."

Jane sighed and said, "It sure is nice. I could spend a lot of time just staring off into space like this." Jane looked at Ike and smiled.

"Jane, I'd like to tell you something and please, I mean this as your friend."

"Sure Ike, what is it?"

Ike placed his hand along side Jane's face and moved it back through her hair allowing her hair to comb through his fingers. "Jane, you are one of the most beautiful women I have ever had the pleasure to know." Ike's absolute sincerity did not allow Jane much room to brush off his remark. "Why did he say that?" she wondered.

"Is he just flirting with me or making a pass?" Jane wondered "He's just being nice."

Jane was about to say something. She stopped and looked up at Ike. At five feet ten inches Jane was a rather tall woman. Ike, however, stood six feet and one inch so Jane still had to look up slightly at Ike. Before Jane could say a word Ike bent down and kissed Jane lightly yet warmly on her lips. Jane made no move to push Ike away. At first they kissed tentatively and then longer and lovingly.

"Oh!" Jane said with a start. The gasp had no sooner escaped Jane's lips than Ike began to apologize.

"I'm sorry Jane. I don't know what came over me to do such a thing. Please Jane, accept my apology." Ike's sincerity was unmistakable. He was noticeably nervous as well. He believed he had wronged Jane's sense of morality.

"Wait," Jane said interrupting. She looked directly into Ike's eyes but said nothing. Ike became aware that Jane wanted to say something so he politely waited for her. "Ike, Ike I liked it. I feel guilty as hell but God help me I like it! But Ike, it's not right. You have Jeanette and she's much prettier than I am. She's a bright gorgeous blonde and that figure of hers, well, I can only tell you that we women notice these things too. Women always dress to get approval from other women you know." Jane had no sooner allowed these words to cross her lips when she asked herself why she said anything about how women dressed. She decided it wasn't worth worrying about. She put her hands on Ike's shoulders, stood up on her toes and kissed Ike, long and full of passion.

Ike did not know what to say so he said nothing. He felt confused by Jane's action. He decided as the silence continued to pick up their conversation again. Then he changed his mind and allowed some of his feelings to spill forth.

"I know Jane and you are right about everything you said. Jane, it's our marriage. It's not fun any more. I still love Jeanette but she's so predictable I can set my watch by her."

"Ike, we've been good friends for a number of years and the last thing I want you to feel is that you have wronged me," With that Jane threw her arms around Ike's neck. She pulled him down to her and gave him another kiss that could not be mistaken for anything less than a truly loving kiss. As she held Ike and was held by Ike she could feel the warmth of his body on her. She could also feel how hard his body felt. He must exercise regularly she figured. She felt herself enjoying this far too much and pushed herself away from Ike gently. She thought how she was wronging her husband however that brought to mind how insensitive he had been especially lately.

"Now Ike," Jane said in a very commanding voice, "I have just initiated a kiss with you which, I might say, was really good. I am not sorry I did it and I do not feel guilty for having done it. You are my dearest friend and as my friend I kissed you. So, let's get on with being friends, all right?" She lied. She felt it necessary to relieve Ike of any guilt. Jane realized, however, that Ike was having some confusing feelings of love towards her as was she for him.. Even more, she liked the feelings and desired them to be consummated.

"Jane," Ike said, "you never cease to amaze me. You take what appears to be a most complicated situation and are able to break it down so that it is suddenly very simple. Thank you, you are so good to me."

Jane smiled, kissed her fingertips and placed them on Ike's cheek. She considered telling him her real feelings however decided it wasn't one her better ideas.

"Ike, I think we should go back in before we really do get into some sort of trouble."

"You're right. We don't need any rumors starting about us. Heaven knows, they might be true!" The usually serious Ike joked about the incident fearlessly.

Then Ike became pensive again. Jane knew from experience that this meant Ike was re-thinking something he'd said or done. It wasn't difficult to figure out what that would be.

"Jane, I'm still worried. What if they find out. What will we say?"

"Ike, they're not going to find out. You're just feeling a little paranoid. Let's just put it down as a learning experience between two very good friends and leave it at that, okay?" Jane remarked in her most pragmatic way. "It felt like more than just a kiss to me Jane," Ike pointed out.

"Ike, it was more than just a kiss. I love you Ike and that is as far as it can or will go, the end," Jane said strongly.

"I guess you're right," Ike conceded. "This entire incident was just two people allowing their needs to be met by situation and nothing more. Let's get inside. It's getting a bit chilly out here." Jane smiled at Ike but said nothing. Instead she took his hand and headed back inside. Upon trying the side door through which they had come outside Ike quickly discovered it was now locked. He stated that they simply needed to go around to the front and go in through the front doors. They were quick to find those doors locked as well. Ike tried every door he could find and all were locked. What would have really frustrated anyone else Ike took in stride. "Jane, it looks like the best thing we can do is sit out here in front and wait for the concert to end." Jane agreed and took a seat on the bench again. Ike sat next to her.

"It's really getting chilly out here," Jane commented. Jane had put on a summer evening dress even though it was late in September. Such a chilly evening like this one was quite the normal for that time of year. Ike took off his suit jacket and placed it over Jane's shoulders.

"Thank you Ike. You are a truly considerate person," Jane said as she snuggled in close to Ike. "I know it sounds silly but you know, shared heat and all. Why should either of us catch a chill?" Jane pulled Ike much closer to herself. Again Jane looked up into Ike's eyes. This time Jane reached up, put her hand behind Ike's neck and pulled his head down where she gave another passionate kiss. "I'm not going to apologize Ike. I do have a lot of loving feelings for you and since I like you so much, well, I simply want more of what I haven't had in so long." Jane felt she was a conservative sort of person and this was a total aberration of what she believed she would normally do. Then Jane thought she might have been lying to herself for years. She thought that maybe this was her true identity and she had in the past not allowed for its possibility.

Ike said nothing and returned Jane's kiss with more and more passion. Occasionally he'd caress her breast feeling her hardened nipples against his hand. Jane made no attempt to stop his advances. His actions brought warm feelings within her and she had not felt this in a very long time. He, as did she, became reassured and more comfortable with their actions. He, as did she, desired to make love right then. Both Jane and Ike, however, were feeling sleepy and soon enjoyed each other simply by hugging.

Although Jane's logic escaped her a little Ike seemed to have no problem with accepting it. It now allowed him something he desired, closeness with Jane. Jane placed her head on the front of Ike's shoulder. She again looked up in Ike's eyes and she saw a kind man for whom she was feeling some undeniably strong feelings for him. They were soon both asleep happily in each other's arms.

"IKE!" Jeanette bellowed. "What are you two doing?!" Before Ike could answer Jane awoke and asked, "What is going on here?"

"You know very well what's going on!" Jeanette barked, "What have you two have been up to?" She paused trying to find the right words, "I don't know but I'm sure it's no good."

"Well, let's see." Ike responded calmly. "We were locked out. We sat down here. Jane was chilly and I gave her my jacket to keep her warm."

Jane continued, "I was tired when I arrived here so I fell asleep and by the looks of it I did so on your husband's shoulder. I think that about covers it." Jane said like she was verbally spanking a group of first graders.

"Ike, come, I think we need to get home. You look very tired." Jeanette said in an angry tone of voice.

Ike got up from the chair, looked back down to Jane, smiled and shrugged his shoulders. "So we'll see you and Gary again soon?" Ike asked

"I'm sure we will." Jane responded desiring it to be sooner than later. Ike then left following Jeanette.

"I'm sorry Gary," Jane said from the chair, "but I really was just outside the theater door. Gary said nothing. He walked to the car and drove home. Not another word passed between them for the rest of the evening.

A strip of sunlight pushed through the window and directly on Jane's closed eyes. The sunlight opened Jane's eyes slowly. She immediately covered them from the light and then repositioned herself so she could look out the window and enjoy the beginning of the day. Jane's mind wandered back to the events of the previous evening. She could not seem to make much sense of it, at least for now. She felt comfortable lying in her bed enjoying its warmth. She looked over at Gary asleep next to her and suddenly her comfort waned. Jane felt certain that she must still love Gary for she felt no urge to leave him. Yet something was missing, something she could not put her finger on. It was something that brought the idea of leaving him in her mind. As she lay there looking at Gary he stirred from his sleep, opened his eyes and smiled at her as she looked upon him.

"Been awake long honey?" Gary asked. He was now acting as if nothing had happened the previous evening. Jane didn't understand this. He seemed so cheerful, just the opposite of the night before. Why didn't he seem aware of it now she wondered.

"No, no, only about five minutes or so," Jane replied.

"I'm sorry Jane. I know you told me you had something to do today but I've totally forgotten what it is."

"I've got to go into work for a little while today." Jane responded, "I should be home by noon, one at the latest." With that thought Jane got out of bed and went into the bathroom and showered. Jane took great pleasure in her Saturday morning shower. It was one of two days she didn't feel rushed, she could luxuriate to her hearts delight, and so she did. The hot water ran down in little rivers over the form of her body as she allowed the stiff spray of the water to hit the back of her neck. This was one form of relaxation she thoroughly enjoyed. Again she became self-conscious of her naked body and again she surveyed it. She decided this time that she looked better than she had allowed herself the previous evening. After a while Jane realized she still needed to get to work and so she turned off the water, stepped out of the tub, wrapped a large towel around her body and another smaller one around her hair. She moved into the bedroom. Gary watched her all the way. On a whim she allowed the towel wrapping her body to fall from her. There was no reaction from Gary at all. Convinced he was daydreaming about something else she gave a "humph!" of disapproval and turned her back to him. He made no response to her actions. Jane muttered "asshole" but not loudly enough for him to hear. She dressed partially and put on just a modicum of make-up. She finished dressing in the bedroom putting on a nice pair of hip hugger jeans and a comfortable blouse.

Jane did not mind going into work on an occasional Saturday. Today was one day Jane really did not want to go to work. She resigned herself to the inevitable and headed out. The sun was shining brightly and the weather was warm.

Jane rationalized that working Saturdays was a certain way to insulate herself from what seemed to be the interminable discussions, arguments and polls over the Bush -- Clinton race during the week at work. Jane was a registered Republican however she liked Hillary Clinton and thought a change was needed. She genuinely liked the idea of a strong well-educated woman in the White House. She wiped these thoughts from her mind. She didn't want to get all caught up in politics when that was the very thing she wanted to escape. Jane was ready for work and Gary was still in bed . "I'm off to work hon, okay?" she said.

"Of course. Have a good day and give me a call when you get there, all right?" Gary inquired.

"Why do you want me to call?" she asked him. Gary had never done this before in all the times she had gone into work on weekends. Jane had occasionally called but never had Gary requested it of her.

"I just want to know that you are safe and sound," Gary smiled back at her, "and how about a kiss before you leave?"

"Sure," Jane replied, "I'll be happy to." She wondered why he suddenly showed some emotions.

"I just want to hear your voice," he said, "I think I need to do more for you." This last statement took Jane totally by surprise and left her feeling good. Gary was trying to change himself, she thought.

"I'll call you as soon as I get there, I promise."

Jane got in her car, a new Mustang. She had always loved Mustangs from when they were first produced and now that she could afford a new one every year if she so desired she assured herself she would have one when she wanted it. She had gotten a 5-speed, 5-liter car. She loved its feeling of power. Then Jane thought again of Gary's uncharacteristic interest in her and began to wonder why he was changing especially after the previous evening's events. Her mind was not able to let go of that thought. Jane could not find an answer for it and that bothered her.

The drive into the city was very easy. The traffic was quite light as she had suspected it would be. Jane arrived at her workplace, turned into a side alley and parked her car in her assigned space at the rear fence. Usually she'd enter through a rear door. It was locked on weekends so she was forced to go around to the front where the security guard let her in. She proceeded directly to her office, sat back in her chair and looked out the window before she started in on her work. The streets of the city were not cluttered with traffic, parking was easy, and, most of all, she could get a lot of work done without interruption. Jane thought of how much of a creature of habit she had become. She laughed to herself about it.