The Sands of Time

"Harold, I don't mean to be short but that is exactly why I am calling you. I need legal representation and I need it now."

"So what's your problem?" he asked.

"You mean you will accept my case?"

"I can't accept anything until I know what I'm dealing with."

"Harold, I need to divorce my husband and you are the only lawyer I know and trust."

"So how do you know you can trust me? You have not known me as a lawyer."

Jane considered his point quietly for a moment trying to figure out what he was really asking. One thing Jane remembered very well about Harold was his dual agenda questions.

"It's all right Jane. I won't be happy to take your case but I will take it. I need you to know that I have not practiced divorce law in quite a number of years. I've found that bailing out crooked politicians and CEOs to be much more lucrative. I must warn you though, I'm incredibly over priced. How expensive can you afford?"

Jane knew that he would take the case even if she was destitute. This was his hidden agenda, a little game playing. "I can give you $10,000 to start, a retainer of course. I have that much available. I anticipated you would not come cheaply. You never did as I remember."

With that Harold said, "You keep your money. I'm rich and I never take money from friends, even my rich friends. It's a point of pride. I don't know where I got it and I've failed at losing it so I guess I'm stuck with it."

"Damn you Harold. I have never known whether to believe you or not. I don't know how your wife stands you! So, that being the case I will force-feed you money whether you like it or not. You can light your stinky cigars with it if you like." Jane said this and felt quite satisfied.

"I don't smoke those stinky cigars anymore. When I got married, Myra, my wife, made me stop. She tried to make me stop my evening glass of scotch. I told her there was a limit to what I could stand. So I still have my scotch."

The divorce took almost nine months to complete but Jane left holding all the real estate and remaining household items plus one of the cars, her Mustang of course. Gary took almost 3/4 of their money and almost half of their holdings which were rather extensive. Jane cared little about this. She was confident she could double whatever she gave up in a short time. With the divorce at an end Jane settled into single life, one she had decided she would make a career of.

During the trial Jane increased her visits with Dr. Leary when her stress level increased noticeably. With the trial over Jane was able to resume her normal schedule of visits. Jane was still struggling with her rape however. Life takes a lot of strange and funny turns. One day she found out that the police accidentally happened on her rapist in an unrelated event. Evidently he was also a child molester and had been arrested for that. Luckily, one of the detectives on that case had also been on Jane's case. He was quite quick to put the two together. He asked Jane to see if the man they were holding was her attacker. She identified him as being the man. The police were surprised at her easy willingness to ID her assailant as most women feign at that idea. He never got to trial however. While being held in a county jail he was murdered by another inmate. No explanation was ever given her for his murder. A friend of Jane's told her that prisoners were funny about child molesters and it was not unusual for them to be killed. With that event Jane felt a portion of her life had come to a close. At least that was her hope.

In the following weeks Jane got more advice from more people than she thought possible. Jane listened to everyone politely and for the most part cast these volumes of advice aside. She decided her best course was to immerse herself in her work She did and did it with a vengeance.

About a month later Jane felt comfortable enough to park in her reserved parking space at the rear of her building. With this event she felt she had broken through her barriers and that now the rape and the divorce were behind her. Jane immersed herself in her work. Then, for a reason she did not understand, her stress level at work began to rise. She really noticed it when she was extremely short with her secretary who returned a document a little late she had her copy. The document, though important, did not have a priority to justify the anger she had shown. Later in the day she apologized to her secretary for her outburst. Jane left work early that day, early for her that is. She felt a need to get out of the building and away from work. Jane turned onto the city street from the company parking lot and headed homeward. She hadn't gone far when she thought how foolish it was of her to drive to work when she lived barely a half mile away. Then she began to think about where she lived. She had a townhouse in the city.

"What a foolish name for such a structure," she thought to herself.

Upon arriving at the townhouses Jane stood just outside her car and looked at the building. She stood there a long time contemplating her life as it stood now and what she needed to do with it. A voice inside her kept saying that she should move out of the town house to the suburbs or even the country. Jane liked that thought and decided to give it serious consideration.

The next day Jane walked to work. She had done this before but she could not remember when. She really enjoyed the walk and it seemed that she arrived at work more quickly than if she had driven. Jane felt good about this and decided that she would walk every day possible.

She also decided that other changes were needed in her life and she would effect them as soon as she could. Jane was beginning to feel better about herself but she still had a way to go.

Once in her townhouse Jane looked around it closely. She looked for things too closely tied to her marriage. She had decided to throw out anything she could and sell or give away other things of value. She was moderately surprised at some of the things she found during her first pass. She gave it all to Goodwill and was done with it the next day.

It was Saturday and with her adventure to Goodwill now over she wondered what she should do next. Jane was now feeling the effect of being alone. She thought back to a year ago. It was then that she had been at the Lyceum and Ike had expressed his fondness for her. Jane felt good about that though her feelings about Ike now were changed. In thinking about this she felt it time that she got out and socialize. While married this was easy but now that she was single the equation was entirely changed. Jane wished she had had more male friends but it of course had never occurred to her there would ever be any real need.

Jane shrugged off her social life for the time being and decided that a good healthy shopping trip was in order. The summer was just ending and fall beginning. In all the years of her marriage she had never bought clothes designed for the fall. She would do this and any other little thing that touched her fancy while she was out. Jane decided that dressed down was called for so she put on a long sleeve white blouse, more like a man's shirt and a pair of jeans and sneakers. Jane thought about one of her more intelligent moves prior to getting married. She had obtained a number of credit cards and kept them through her marriage in her name alone and in her maiden name at that. Gary never had access to them.

By mid-afternoon Jane had outfitted herself fairly well and was now meandering through the shops along the street on the off chance that she'd see something she liked. Jane went into an antique furniture shop and was admiring an end table when she heard a man's voice say, "Jane?"

Jane looked behind herself and saw the man standing there. She looked at him quizzically. She was certain she didn't know him. He was a hefty man of about six feet. His hair was dark with a goodly amount of gray showing through. He was on the heavy side though he was still quite good looking.

"How do you know my name?" Jane asked him.

"We went to school together Jane, college," he said, a slight smile on his face.

Jane thought back to both her college years but still could not place him.

"I'm sorry," Jane said, "but I really don't remember you."

"Harvard. We were at the B school together. Don't you remember joking with someone about how we always seemed to end up in the same classes together?"

"Joe?" she said.

"Yup! That's me." He smiled broadly and said, "I am really surprised to see you here. Since college I've only kept up with one other person and he lives at some distance, George Armelini. Do you remember him?"

"I think so," she lied. She actually could only remember a very few people from those years and had not kept up with any. She thought about what he had said and her memory of him did come back. She remembered him as being very jocular as well as one of the better students.

"I seem to remember you baiting so many of the professors. I don't know how they put up with it but I loved it." She replied trying hard to show a memory of him. Then she thought to herself, "Why am I trying so hard?" She didn't have an answer.

"Yeah, I did do that didn't I?" he said.

"And quite well too!"

"You don't know how many times I was summoned to the various professors offices about just that. I was forced to tone it down though it did seem to go against my nature."

"I was so quiet. I'm surprised you even remember me. How did you remember me," she asked.

Again George smiled and said, "We dated. I guess I didn't make a good impression on you."

"We did?" she asked, a shocked tone of disbelief in her voice.

"Yes, we did. We saw The Nutcracker and then we saw The Messiah. It all happened around one Christmas and New Year's during our final year there. We went to Alex Poor's New Year's party and you kissed me as we brought in the New Year. We dated until Valentines Day and after that we both were so involved with our studies we drifted apart. I remember those days so very fondly."

"You do indeed. I can tell by your voice," Jane said. She quickly went over everything he had said. She did remember that Christmas. Slowly a smile grew across her face. She felt happy that he had seen her. Then she wondered how he had remembered so well after all these years.

"George, it's been years since you've laid eyes upon me. How is it you recognized me so easily?"

George paused momentarily before answering and then he did so in a soft low voice. "Jane, during that time we were together I fell in love with you. I wanted to tell you but I was afraid."

"Afraid of what?" she asked.

"Just afraid," George answered, "it's not like it's a rational thing. It's just the way I was at the time. You intimidated me too. You were so strong, so sure of yourself. I didn't feel I could ever meet your needs. So, I remained quiet and when we graduated I almost said something but I saw this guy hug and kiss you so I felt you had moved on. You had, didn't you?"

"George, that man was my brother. He and I are very close." Jane said and she saw George's jaw drop.

"Your brother? Oh my God!" he said in disbelief. "Yes, my brother and I wish you had said something."

"You do? Why? I mean, I don't understand."

"Yes, I do George and. I'll tell you why too. It's a long story I'll have to tell you sometime." Jane paused and looked into George's eyes. They were soft and she could see loving as well.

"George," Jane said with command, "take me for a cup of coffee." Jane didn't ask. She wanted to have a cup of coffee with him and then she suddenly realized she didn't know if he were married or if he even could. She looked at his left hand and saw that he was not wearing a wedding band. Jane realized, however, that his not wearing a wedding band was no sign that he wasn't married anyway. "George, are you married?" she asked.

"No." He replied, "I never got married. I've either been too busy or never came across the right woman."

"Well then, let's go have that coffee all right?"

"Yes, I'd like that."

They went to a gourmet coffee shop just down the street a couple of blocks. They sat there and talked. Jane told George of her bad marriage, the divorce and even of the rape. She had a hard time telling about the rape but it did feel like a cleansing action. George showed a remarkable amount of understanding and listened patiently as Jane talked. He showed genuine interest in her every word. None of this escaped Jane's eye. Jane noticed of a sudden that it was dark out. She looked at her watch and saw that it was 5:45. She felt that she must be going but then realized she had no idea of where she needed to go. She decided that it was probably best that she go home. She still had a goodly amount of work to do there.

"George, I need to be going along. It's getting late," Jane said.

"Oh, I'm sorry," George said apologetically, "I shouldn't have kept you so long."

"Oh no!" Jane said with a smile, "I haven't enjoyed myself like this in a long time. It's been good."

They collected themselves. Upon leaving they discovered they needed to go in opposite directions. On a whim Jane pulled out a pen and piece of paper from her purse and wrote her home phone number on it. She placed the paper in the palm of George's hand and said to him, "Call me, please."

Jane looked into George's eyes and saw him bend a bit towards her. Jane moved herself so that she was only inches from him and brought herself up to kiss him. The kiss was not long but it was very warm. They had wrapped their arms about each other and remained like that for a short time. The hug felt very good to Jane. She liked George and she hoped he would call her.

At work the next day Jane started out with her usual routine. Getting a cup of coffee was high on the priority list and then she dived into her work with her usual vengeance. After a few hours of work, about mid-morning, Jane stopped. It was unlike her to do this. Once Jane started something she usually saw it through to the end without stop. Her mind was on George and the previous night. She started questioning her motivations and wondered about her direction. Then she looked around her office and wondered what she was doing there. Jane was a highly motivated career woman and yet she found herself questioning her very existence at her job. Jane started to think back over her years, back to her undergraduate studies and then even further back. She found it curious that she could not remember choosing this type of a job as a career. She thought, "But I like my job so it must be all right." Then she started questioning if she really did like her job especially since she could not remember choosing this career path. She wondered what else she could do. Jane kept running these thoughts through her head again and again and examining each for its merit. She would have kept on but a sudden loud knocking on her door brought her out of the trance she was in. "Oh my God it's noon!" she said right out loud. Jane had been lost in thought for almost two hours. This was entirely unlike her. Now serious doubt crept into her mind about where she was at and what she was doing.

"Come in!" Jane said loudly. She felt the urge to look busy but just looking at the mess all over her desk she felt safe that such would be assumed.

"Hi Jane. I just stopped by to see if you'd like to go out for a little lunch today."

It was Linda. Linda was a vice-president of another division. They had joined the company on practically the same day and had been quite close over the years. Jane thought, why not, it would be good to get out with Linda. Actually, as she thought about it more, it was fortuitous as she could bounce some of the ideas she had rolling around in her head off Linda.

"Sure Linda, I'd love to," Jane responded.

"Great!" Linda said with a note of excitement in her voice, "Meet you in five minutes by the elevators?"

"Sounds good to me," Jane replied and with that Linda scurried off to prepare. herself. Jane did the same.

Jane met Linda at the elevators promptly in five minutes as she promised. Linda suggested they go to a nearby sandwich shop for lunch, their time being restrictive. Linda nodded yes and then got on the elevator just as it opened its doors. Linda silently looked at Jane. Jane seemed distant to her. Jane had never been one for words however she was particularly quiet on this occasion. Somehow Linda felt there was something wrong and it wasn't work so she decided not to hold back and simply ask about it.

"Jane, are you all right?" The concern in Linda's voice was unmistakable.

"Sure," she said, "things are going great at work. Actually they could not be going better. Why do you ask?"

"I know things are going well for you at work Jane but it was not about work I meant to ask. I mean, how is your personal life going?" Linda felt safe in asking this question where they were so close. Jane looked a little distracted by Linda's question, as if she thought about just how things were. The only conclusion she could come to is that her personal life was in a shambles.

"Do you mind if we don't talk about this. My life is not too good just now but it's okay," she lied. Actually it was down right miserable but this was the first time she had admitted to it.

"Sure Jane," Linda responded with genuine concern. "I won't bother you about it."

"Thank you for asking Linda," Jane said very distractedly, "I didn't mean to be short."

"It's all right Linda. It's all right," Jane said and smiled at Linda.

Jane arrived at her office the next day at 8:30 AM as she always did. She sat behind her desk and rather than go over the day's agenda just sat there contemplating where she was and what she was doing. Jane thought about this for a long time. She had such thoughts many times lately. A thought had grown in her mind that she had only passed over quickly in the past. Now she thought more seriously about leaving her job and starting over somewhere else, somewhere where no one knew her. Somewhere that her past was what she chose to tell of it as she pleased. Yes, she thought, that is what she would do. She would do it today.

It hadn't occurred to Jane that she had a house to rent or sell, a job to leave and relatives to speak to. It took her precious little time to get to the idea of leaving friends and relatives behind. She thought of how she so loved so many of her friends. She then thought it sad that she felt closer to her friends than to her family. Her family had always remained aloof and distant to her. It did not make her uncomfortable to leave them behind. It occurred to Jane that she had not made any plans for going anywhere and so she had no idea of where she would head out to. No matter, she thought, she would rent a small trailer and hitch and take only minimal items. She would have someone store the rest until she was ready to call for them. Jane quickly wrote out her resignation, effective immediately, instructing them to dissolve all her interests in the corporation as well as her accrued retirement funds and deposit them directly into her bank account. She knew she would probably be needing them in the weeks and month to come. Jane finished her letter, picked up her brief case and dropped the letter in the interdepartmental mail addressed to her boss. Now, she felt, the break was made. Now she could really get on with her life, whatever it would be.

In the following days Jane made arrangements to have her furniture picked up, packed and stored along with most of her belongings. She had rented the trailer early and found that she could put precious few items in it so she was very choosy about those items she decided upon. She felt good. She had several thousand dollars in traveler's checks and several hundred dollars in cash for her journey.