The Sands of Time

[Two months later]

Jane slowly prepared for her first day back at work since her incident. She was very tentative in her every move. For the past three months Jane had visited with Dr. Leary twice a week every week. Jane made excellent progress under Dr. Leary. She still fought nightmares and Dr. Leary put her on an anti-depressant and an anti-anxietant. She conceded that she would need therapy for some time to come but that now it was time for her to go back to work and function..

Gary had been supportive of her but mostly he had given Jane her distance. At first Jane appreciated that but as the weeks rolled by the distance between them remained. Jane had desired he become closer to her. When he did not and would not she had become even more depressed. She had begun to wonder about her marriage now and before the rape. Her doubts about her marriage had remained just as before the rape.

"Gary."

"Yes dear?"

"Why won't you come near me any more?"

"I don't know. I guess it's because I didn't think you wanted me to."

"Whatever would give you that idea?" Jane's voice began to rise in obvious irritation.

"I don't know," Gary said showing what seemed to Jane to possibly be a lie or fear.

"You don't want to touch me do you?" Jane said with a raised showing her irritation in her voice. "You're afraid to touch me, aren't you?"

"That's not true!" Gary retorted loudly.

"Of course it's true. Look at you. You barely touched me before the rape and now, now that I am, what, soiled, dirtied, used, you don't want anything to do with me. THAT'S WHAT IT IS, ISN'T IT GARY!"

"No! That's not the truth. What wrong with you?" Gary asked defensively.

"Yeah, that's what it is. Admit it Gary. You don't even love me any more. Hell, I don't think you loved me way back that night we were at the quartet. I sensed something then. I should have listened to my senses!" Jane said in extreme anger and now she found herself yelling at Gary. Suddenly the quiet in the bedroom was deafening. Both looked at each other with anger. Neither knew what to say next. Jane's anger seethed so hotly that she was the first to speak.

"Gary, I think you should leave, pack your bags and move out!" Jane ordered.

"What are you talking about?"

"I mean it's over. You don't love me. You won't come near me let alone touch me. I need more Gary and you just aren't providing it." Jane's vehemence surprised even herself.

That outburst gave Jane the impetus to head out for work. Just before Jane left the bedroom she turned to Gary and said, "I think the sooner you move out the better." With that she turned and left without waiting for any response.

When Jane arrived at work she was greeted enthusiastically by everyone she saw although each seemed to be a little hesitant to get too close to her. She just put that off to a normal reaction of the way people responded to rape victims. It was a Monday morning and that meant the usual 9AM board meeting. Jane went to her office and tried to prepare for the meeting. She quickly realized how foolish that was where she had been gone for over three months and she had no idea of what had transpired over those months. She resigned herself to sitting quietly in the meeting, taking in everything she possibly could and then starting the catch-up process. The meeting started on time however unlike most previous times Jane was one of the last to arrive rather than the first. No one seemed to notice. She was glad. The chairman entered and Jane forgot herself by not even attempting to rise for him. He motioned everyone down as usual. The chairman took notice of Jane though he said nothing to her.

Jane looked about her and saw everyone was still there and still in their same positions. She noticed the man sitting next to her. He had always been very friendly with her and now he seemed to be sitting even closer than usual to her` Jane moved the chair a bit further from him. He seemed not to notice. She thought this curious. Everyone else was distancing themselves and yet this man moved closer. She did not know what to make of it.

Much to the surprise of all in attendance, and to Jane in particular, the chairman announced that this week's meeting was adjourned for a lack of any pressing business. He suggested that a little holiday shopping might be in order. Such a suggestion by him was totally out of character and no one knew what to make of it though not a soul objected either, each having a good deal of shopping to do and welcoming the chance. They all stood up and one at a time acknowledged the Chairman as they left. All, that is, except Jane. Just before Jane went to leave the room the Chairman asked her to stay.

"Jane, come into my office will you please?" He requested.

"Yes sir, of course," she replied.

Mr. Hiram Charles Eliot, Chairman, it said that on a plaque on the front of his desk. Jane did not know his first name was Hiram. Everyone either called him Mr. Eliot or Charles. He noticed Jane looking at the plaque.

"Strange name isn't it?" he said.

"What?" Jane replied a little surprised by the question.

"Hiram, it's a pretty strange name, wouldn't you say?" he asked again.

"I guess, I've never known anyone with that name," Jane replied regaining her composure.

"It's all right to say so. Personally I don't particularly like it either. Why do you think everyone calls me Charles? Most people don't even know I have that name. It's a secret I keep." he said smiling at her.

"Oh excuse me, please, have a seat," he said congenially noticing Jane was still standing. "I'm certain you are wondering why I wanted to talk to you. Now don't you worry a bit. This is not a firing. I may be a bit tight fisted but I am open minded and reasonable. At least I believe I am. Do you believe that?" he asked.

"Why no sir," she paused and reversed herself, "I mean yes sir." Jane's confusion of mind was quite obvious.

"Jane, you've been through an ordeal most of us cannot even imagine. I don't expect you are going to be 100% for some time. I do, however, value you as one of my most productive and loyal employees. You've never been afraid to confront me when you thought you were right. Most of those around me don't dare say a word to contradict me. Now, in your last meeting here you made a suggestion that, I must tell you, was met with almost unanimous opposition by the rest of the board. While the rest of them wanted us to take a defensive position, limiting our expenditures and making some cutbacks I decided to go on your proposition. You were more right than you can possibly believe Jane. I waited a little less than 30 days and did nothing save sending out our usual feelers. Then, like a tornado touching down, we had several dozen companies of various size looking to us for a merger. That news hit the stock exchange and our stock rose 12 percent that very day. It rose another 25% in the next few days. It has continued to rise since. We found about 85% of those acquisitions we made to be solid. We made our standard proposals and got nearly 100% acceptance. It turned out to be the best single month in our company's history. May I clone you?"

"What!" she responded with great surprise.

"I'm just kidding you. I could use several more senior vice-presidents just like you," he said with a broad smile on his face.

"I'm sure you could sir and hopefully someday I'll be one of them," she responded.

"What's that?" he asked coyly. "Oh, senior vice-presidents, well, yes, hopefully you will. Now, Friday you will get you pay slip and on it you will see the usual bonus, whatever it is this year." He stopped there, turned around, picked an envelope off his desk. He turned back around and handed it to Jane. Jane opened the envelope and looked inside. Suddenly she feel very weak kneed and felt behind her for a chair to sit in. She searched in vain until Mr. Eliot helped her.

"Sir, this is a check of one hundred thousand dollars!" Jane exclaimed.

"Yes it is." he replied quite simply.

"It's a cashier's check made out to me."

"Right again."

"But I don't understand. Why?" she asked.

"Jane, I don't know the exact dollar figure all those mergers netted us yet. I can assure you that the figure you see is a very small fraction of that figure. This idea was your idea and I firmly believe in rewarding an employee for exemplary work. You deserve every penny of it, probably more but don't ask, I won't give it to you!" He said with a crooked smile on his face. "Now, may I escort you to your office?" he asked.

"Of course," Jane wanted to say more but for once in her life she was at a loss for words.

"I forgot to tell you one thing Jane. I hope you don't mind however we are remodeling a portion of this floor and your office was in that portion. We were forced to move your belongings to another office."

"No, of course not, I don't mind at all," she lied. She loved her little office. she had always felt that it had the best view in the world. That office symbolized a little girl's dream come true and she loved it.

"Here, just down here." Mr. Eliot directed her down the corridor where some of the senior management resided. "Here we are," he said moving his hand to the door of the office she was to be in. It was then that she noticed the lettering on the door, "Jane Coolidge, senior vice-president, Mergers & Acquisitions."

In an abrupt move that surprised both of them, Jane kissed Mr. Eliot on the cheek and followed that with a rather large hug. "I don't deserve this, you know. There are lots of men far more senior than I."

"Mrs. Coolidge, I do not take kindly to people questioning my decisions as you well know. You are a senior vice-president now and I expect you to conduct yourself as such." He said this sternly yet she could tell from the manner of his voice that he was not upset. She allowed him the courtesy of having his way. Inside she admitted to herself that this was a job she had longed for and now it was hers. "I had always believed you to be very reserved. I'm not sure you should continue to show such affections in the office again." He scolded when a smile crossed his face belying any sense of anger.

"And the great perk of this job is not only to take all the aggravation you are used to, now you get to take twice the aggravation you were used to but you do get a guaranteed front row reserved parking spot in our lot behind the building!" He looked very proud of himself at having made these pronouncements.

This particular remark gave Jane a flashback of her rape. She shuddered visibly. "I don't think I'll need the parking sir, thank you," Jane said hesitantly.

"But why?" he asked and then suddenly realized why, "No, I'm sorry. I should have known better. Of course you don't have to use it but it will be there if you ever decide you want to give it a try, okay?"

Jane felt better that she did not need to explain herself this time. She hated having to explain why she could not do certain things now that she could do before. Jane had always been fairly fearless and now she found things to fear almost everywhere. She realized she was little more than paranoid but there was little she could do about it save seeing Marie each week.

"Jane, I value you and your work greatly, obviously. However, I think I would jeopardize it by rushing you back to work at full tilt. I order you to take your time in resuming your work. I want you to take it slowly and ramp up as you are able. Jane, to be brutally honest with you, fifty percent of you is worth more than one hundred percent of most people around here. So you see, I win, the company wins and you win. I need you healthy Jane so you make that your job too, every bit as much as if it were something you were doing here. I'm ordering you to take the next month off. I want you to be at your very best and I think you need a little more time to get as much rest as you can. You have a computer at home don't you?" he asked.

"Of course I do. I have to." she replied.

"Good, you can log onto our main computer from home and work from home to whatever degree you are able. That will minimized the necessity of your coming into work. I have ordered that a summary of the days events be logged onto the computer every day so you will be able to review what is going on and stay current. How does that sound?" He had noticed Jane's very uncomfortable reaction.

"It sounds, great," Jane said hesitantly, "I guess I'm feeling a little overwhelmed by all this."

"That's okay, you take your time and get used to it. Now you go home and get some rest and that too is an order. I want you to get your personal business together along with the rest."

"But sir, I don't need that time!" Jane objected.

"You know better than to argue with me." He resounded

"Yes sir, I'll do that. I'll call a cab right now." Jane quickly retreated. She wondered what he meant by getting her personal business in order.

It was just before noon when Jane arrived home. She opened the front door and was immediately surprised. Many articles that she would usually see when she entered the house were missing. She went immediately to the bedroom and opened the closets. All her clothes were there but when she got to Gary's closet it was empty. It seemed almost as if Gary had been planning leaving her and took the first opportunity to act upon it. "But where would he have gone?" she wondered. "Oh the hell with him," she thought, "who needs him anyway."

Jane wandered through the kitchen to find it mostly in tact. Then she went back to the living room. She was just entering it as she heard the door open and saw Gary enter. The front door opened into a small foyer that separated the library from the living room. She was about to say something when she caught the figure of Jeanette Rourke right behind him. Jane stood there, frozen, waiting to see what they were going to do.

"Jane!" Gary said with great surprise, "what are you doing here?"

"I live here, remember," she said sarcastically, "what is SHE doing here?"

"Why, she's just helping me to move," he replied a little sheepishly.

"Oh, I am sure. Gary, we have a fight this morning and by noon you are practically moved out. This doesn't sound like something that came as any spur of the moment decision for you. So, how long have you two been doing it?" Jane was very pointed and very angry in her words.

"I don't know what you're talking about. Doing what?" he said trying to act innocent.

"Gary, I am not stupid! How long have you been screwing her?" Jane's face was red with anger now.

"If you must know . .."

Jane cut him off saying, "Yes! I must know!"

"We've been seeing each other since well before your accident. In fact, we were really happy when you and Ike got caught outside. We were hoping you two were up to something."

"Why you goddam son-of-a-bitch! Ike and I did nothing to be sorry about. Your twisted little minds tried to make it that way to legitimize your own unfaithfulness! No Gary, not everyone is amoral as you," Jane was now livid in her speech. "I still have a few things to get." Gary announced.

"No you don't! Now get your fucking asses out of my house, just get out!" Jane yelled. Her own language surprised Jane. She promised herself not to do it again, at least until after Gary and Jeanette left.

"Be reasonable Jane," he countered. Gary still tried to be calm but his calmness only infuriated Jane that much more. "We can work this out Jane. We just have to work together."

"I'LL BE REASONABLE YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Jane reached behind her and took a vase to throw at him, "GET REASONABLE WITH THIS!" and with that she let fly the vase straight for Gary's head. She missed him but just barely.

"Why aren't you leaving you bitch!" Jane yelled at Jeanette.

"Be reasonable Jane," Gary pleaded. "Let's try to work this out together."

"I'll be reasonable," Jane reached for the bed warmer at the fireplace and took it with both hands and started waving it at Gary and Jeanette. "I'LL BE SO FUCKING REASONABLE YOU WON'T RECOGNIZE ME!" Jane yelled at the top of her voice using language not even she could believe."

"Work together? You want to work together?" she said sarcastically remembering the second part of Gary's statement. "GET THAT GODDAMN BIMBO OUT OF HERE AND WE'LL WORK TOGETHER ON THAT ONE! Remember what that woman in Virginia did? That was a sloppy job compared to what I have in mind!"

"I'm not a bimbo!" Jeanette protested as soon as she could get a word in.

"THE FUCK YOU'RE NOT JEANETTE, YOU FUCKING WHORE!" Jane yelled. Jane located a glass water vase and threw it straight at Jeanette. Jeanette was not quite so lucky as Gary was. The vase hit her directly on her shoulder and she let out a yelp like a scalded dog.

"YOU BITCH!" Jane yelled at Jeanette, "YOU'RE LUCKY MY AIM WAS OFF! I WAS AIMING FOR YOUR STUPID FUCKING HEAD!"

Then Jane looked at Gary and said, "YOU ARE THE MOST ARROGANT ASSHOLE I'VE EVER KNOWN AND YOU KNOW WHAT?" she asked Before he could answer she kept right on yelling, "YOU KNOW RIGHT BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED A FRIEND OF MINE WHO YOU HAD BEEN SCREWING TOLD ME YOU WERE AN ASSHOLE BUT I TOLD HER SHE WAS CRAZY. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO HER. BOY WAS I A FOOL! I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER INSTEAD I TOOK YOU. BUT NO MORE!" With that Jane picked up the bedwarmer and swung it in the direction of Gary, though she had no intention of hitting him she really wanted to do just that.

Jeanette was already exiting through the front door and Gary quickly followed. Jane ran to the still open front door.

"What's the matter?" Jeanette asked of Gary. "Have you lost your nerve and now you're going to walk out on me too?"

"Well yes. I mean no!" Gary retorted in obvious confusion.

"Well Gary, you spineless jellyfish, stay out of my house and don't call me!" With that Jeanette stormed out of the housed and slammed the door behind her.

"DON'T YOU EVER COME BACK HERE YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLE! GO LIVE WITH THAT PRICK TEASE BIMBO OF YOURS!"

With that Jane slammed the door and walked back to the living room plopping herself down on the sofa. As she sat there quietly she took pleasure in her outburst. Never in her entire life had she either been so angry and expressed it so well or used such extraordinary language in expressing herself. She didn't feel a bit sorry for anything she had said. Actually, as she sat there she thought of several additional things that she wished she had said. Then she thought some more about what she had said. At first she felt a bit surprised at all the foul language she had used but she did not regret it. Now she felt a bit proud of herself for standing up to Gary as she had done. Now she felt stronger, more independent.

Jane collected herself and called an old friend from Harvard, Harold Bernstein. She had dated him several times when she was a student there but nothing ever came of it. He became far too involved in his law studies. She called him at his home after his office said he had taken the day off. A woman answered the phone that she assumed to be his wife.

"Hello, Mrs. Bernstein?" she asked.

"Yes," the woman answered.

"Mrs. Bernstein, I'm Jane Coolidge, an old friend of your husband's from Harvard. Is he at home? I really need to speak with him."

"Yes he is. Just a moment please," the woman replied.

"Hello, this is Harold Bernstein, how may I help you," the voice on the other end said very professionally.

"Harold, it's me, Jane, from Harvard. We dated, do you remember?" she asked and then continued, "I was Jane Reilly in those days."

"Oh my God Jane! I'm so sorry for not recognizing you immediately."

"It's been a long time Harold. Many years have passed so that you didn't recognize me, especially using my married name, is entirely understandable."

"So Jane, how are you?"