There Must Be a Mistake Ch. 02

We retrieved Rods' car and our next stop was Walmart for the required necessities and accessories for her bedroom. She filled two wagons full of items, from clothes hangers, to cotton balls, in fifteen minutes. It cost $47.98. It didn't make any sense to me."

I filled up the car with fuel for the return trip home, and it cost $58.60. Our final stop was the drive-thru at Wendy's for people fuel. I ordered a single hamburger and a medium Dr. Pepper. She ordered two triple cheeseburgers, with lettuce, tomatoes, pickles, onions, mustard and mayonnaise, a large fry, a large Frosty, and, of course, a cookie. We set everything up on the front seat of the car, and started home.

As I pulled the car on the inside lane of I-70, I took out my hamburger and began eating. I chanced a look at Delicious, and I swear her jaw unhinge, like a snake. She took a bite out of that triple cheeseburger, without any problem. I put my eyes back on the road and continued eating. If I ate like my niece I knew I would weigh 500 pounds in no time at all. Yet there she sat, thin as a rail.

Ninety minutes later, I pulled in to the driveway, and stopped before the concrete posts. I knew we were home, but Delicious had no idea, because she was unconscious. I got out of the car, put the code into the unit by the barrier, and hopped back into the car. I waited for the barriers to descend into the ground, and the fence to slide open, and drove up to the interior stop barricade, twenty-five feet inside the perimeter. I hopped out of the car again; opened the fake rock, and press the code to close both barriers, and open the interior barrier to get to my home.

Groggily, Delicious said to me, "You have to teach me the codes so I can do that for you, instead of you running around all over the place."

I said to her, "My car has a remote control unit that you can put the codes in, and open the gates. However, you still need to memorize the codes. I will teach them to you when you are awake."

"Okay."

After we transported everything she purchased up to her room, we separated it, and placed it in her closet, dresser, and bathroom. We went to the kitchen to have a have something to drink, because it was too early to go to bed. She had water, and I chanced another glass of orange juice.

Delicious started talking to me. "Thank you for a wonderful day Uncle Even. Thank you for my car, thank you for my bedroom set, thank you for my hangers, thank you for all the little gadgets I bought for my room. Most of all I want to thank you for being so much like my mom, and trying to make my life as easy as possible."

"You make it very easy to love you, Delicious. My sister made you a wonderful child. You are going to be a wonderful adult, and a loving parent."

"You are wrong, Uncle Even. I am never going to get married. I am never going to allow a man to do to me what Julius did to my mother. I will never take a chance on getting hurt like she did. That was a very hard lesson, but I learned it very well."

"One day, Delicious, when all this pain has subsided, you and I will sit down and talk about love. I may not seem like the best person to talk about it, but I know about love. I know how much it hurts, and I also know how much pleasure it can bring to two people. I know how it makes you feel, inside and outside. Never say never when it comes to that four-letter word. The pain can bring you to death's door, but the joy can bring you back to life. Love can sneak up behind you when you least expect it, and bite you on your ass when you least expect it. I told you how desperately I loved your mom, and how deeply it hurt me when my parents' forced her to marry Julius. I did not talk to her for years, because I was so hurt by the situation. The only time I did speak to her was when I was forced to go home from school for the holidays. She knew something was wrong between us, but I made sure we were never alone so she could never bring up the subject. You were there making everyone laugh with your antics, so it kept her busy most of the time. I purposely returned to school early, even though I was alone in the dorms for weeks. It was better than being around your mother, "The Woman I wanted in my life permanently."

I didn't get my act together, until I heard what your father was doing to her. I finally called and apologized for acting like a spoiled brat. I told her I loved her, and could not understand why she was letting that jerk do this to her. She said she loved me too, but she married him in church, and that brought obligation along with it. She could not leave him. The priest told her even though she did not love him, it was her duty to try to change him. I told her that she could not turn a snake into an angel. God could not do it. That was why he cast Satan into the prison called 'Hell.' She was not going to be able to take all the abuse your father dished out for a lifetime. I begged her, "LET ME HELP YOU; COME LIVE WITH ME."

For the first of hundreds of times, your mother thanked me for my offer to help her, but she said, "NO!"

*********

6. Testing: One – Two – Three...

Delicious was daydreaming more than she was reading the newspaper in front of her when she heard me yell, "Where is that damn assistant of mine. What am I paying her $40 an hour for if I can't find her?"

Delicious was halfway down the steps to the basement before I finished yelling. "I am here master. I was taking the bytes out of the terabytes."

"Horse-hockey! You were probably reading the newspaper. I know that because your fingertips are still black. Go wash your hands, because I want you to prove that you can type."

She did, and she could.

"I need you to transcribe these four tapes precisely. If you don't understand what I'm saying on these tapes keep going but mark the spots on your notes so we can make the changes later. Don't forget to save your work."

"Even, can you tell me what's on these tapes?"

"Delicious, this is work that I did eight ago. I won't miss it if you screw it up. However, if you do, you will not be allowed near my computer again."

"Gee Even there's nothing like putting a little pressure on a first time secretary, is there?"

"If I wanted to put pressure on you I would give you the tapes of my new work. It's worth between $50 to $100 billion, probably more when it hits the retail market. I think that would put a little pressure on you, don't you think?"

"Yes Uncle Even that would curl my toes."

"Do you know how to work a transcription machine?"

"Yes, they taught us all about them in metal shop."

I couldn't take it anymore, because she was too quick with her wit. I corralled her arms, threw her over my shoulder, and spun her around 5 or 50 times; I didn't count. All I know is I heard the most delightful laughter coming from her mouth, and it made me irrepressibly happy and emotionally drained, because she sounded exactly like my sister.

"I have been paying you for 23 minutes, and you have not done one bit of work. This goofing off has to stop. Let me know when you're finished. Oh, before you start, memorize these numbers. The first two sets will let you out of the compound; the second two sets will let you in. After you memorize the numbers give me the paper and I will destroy it."

Delicious took the paper from my hand, looked at it for about two seconds and handed it back to me.

I asked her, "Are you sure you know these numbers in the proper sequence?"

"Do you wish to lose another $100 Uncle Even?"

"No I don't. However, one day you'll be stuck out there, in a blowing snowstorm, and I will be in here nice and warm."

"If you are not willing to bet a mere $100 on me being stuck outside, you do not have the courage of your own convictions."

"I have had enough of your smart mouth this morning, Niece Delicious. Get to work."

She saluted, sat down at the computer terminal to my left, inserted tape 1 into the transcription machine, put on the headset, and she was off. She may have had some idea of what chemical formulas she was typing, because every once in a while her fingers would slow to a crawl, and then pick up speed again. She would do the same thing while she transcribed parts of the engineering formulas I had put onto the tapes.

She took off her headset, ejected take number one, and handed it to me. Then she asked, "Well, how did I do?"

"How would I know? I haven't read the transcript yet. If you got everything right, you transcribed a 120-minute tape, in 1 hour 8 minutes, which brings your typing speed to 109 words per minute with zero errors. Keep going."

I didn't stand by her the entire time. I glanced over at her, every once in a while, to see how she was doing, and continued my own work. I was so engrossed in what I was doing; I lost all track of time, as I usually do, until a piece of paper hit me on my left ear. Startled, I looked up and saw Delicious with her feet up on the desk looking at me.

"Do you have a problem little girl?"

"I have completed your task and yes I have a problem."

"What kind of problem do you have?"

"I know in my heart you can't be a terrorist, but you're dealing with some really radical chemical shit in your work. In the wrong hands, enough of it could take down half of lower Manhattan."

"You are absolutely correct. However, find a way to deliver enough of that chemical to lower Manhattan, in the way it is formulated, and detonate it."

Delicious sat back in the chair and thought. After a time she started to draw symbols and numbers onto an invisible blackboard. Finally she asked me if I could give her a pen and some paper. She needed to write some things down to make it work.

I told her to sit at my desk and use all the room she needed.

For the next 3 ½ hours she did calculus, trigonometry, linear algebra and physics to try to make a delivery system for this chemical in a large enough quantity to take down the buildings of any major city in the world.

The only words she said during that time were expletives; some of which I had never heard before. I would talk to her about those later.

During that time I didn't say a word. I added more blank pages to her stack. More pens, pencils, ruler, calculator and an eraser. As she burned through paper I placed it alongside the desk neatly.

Finally, she threw her pen down, raised her arms in victory, and said, "I've got it."

I looked at her in stunned silence, because I knew there was no way to do it. I had run it through the big IBM computer dozens of times many years ago, and it was not possible to bring this chemical formulation into a city in a large carrier ready to be detonated. It was not possible. I was either in the presence of another Oppenheimer, Fermi, and Einstein, or Delicious was pulling my leg. At this moment, I wasn't sure.

"Delicious, show me what you have."

"Uncle Even, I know this is going to sound really crazy, but when you put this into Big Even, I'll bet you it will say it works. You know how everyone says bigger is better. Well, with this formulation it is not true. With this chemical, it's the opposite; the less Freolyte that comes into contact with another portion of the compound; the larger the explosion. The problem is you can't go around lighting each little portion one at a time. You want them all to go off at approximately the same time. C-4 is an example. It comes in a block. You stick it against an object, insert a fuse, and detonate it electrically. With this Freolyte formula you have compounded, if you add it to an unstable, negatively charged electrical base, all you have to do is send a positively charged Ion pulse, from a timer, and walk away."

"Delicious, how large are these pieces of Freolyte in your equation?"

"They are one inch in diameter for this demonstration."

"What would you use as a negatively charged base?"

"You could use old automobile battery shells."

"Make me a hypothetical delivery system."

"You could use a tandem 18 wheeler that you see on the highways every day. This one is extremely light, because it is carrying approximately 24 million unboxed Ping-Pong balls. When they go through the scanners to get into the city, that's exactly what the agents will see. It's exactly what the bill of lading will say, and if they call the company that's expecting the delivery, it's what he is waiting for. The driver brings the truck to a pre-ordained spot, parks it between two buildings and presses a button that starts eight individual timers; four in each truck. The timers are set to go off, automatically. If anyone tampers with the rear doors, or as the counters read zero. The positively charged timers and the negatively charged base put out the correct amount of Ions, which creates the voltage necessary to cause critical mass, and boom. It will not be just one boom. It will be a double pulse, like a nuclear weapon. You get the first blink of the nuclear bloom and then you get the blast. You do not want to be around when the blast goes off."

It was my turn to sit in stunned silence. I didn't know what to say. The old adage with computers: garbage in garbage out would certainly apply this time.

"Uncle Even, did I do something wrong?"

I sat her on my lap and said, "Do you mean something wrong like save the world from certain disaster something wrong. Or save your uncle from making an idiot out of himself something wrong? You mean something like that something wrong?"

"I more like meant did I upset you something wrong?"

"Yes, absolutely, you upset me. You didn't tell me that you had a brother by the name of Albert Einstein, a cousin by the name of Enrico Fermi, and the first boy you ever kissed was a boy named Oppenheimer."

"Oh, you mean the Atomic Brothers: Mo, Larry, and Curly."

"Do you realize how many hours of work you just blew up in my face, little girl. Your first supposition was correct: bigger was not better. That could have cost millions of people their lives. That is going to get you the Westinghouse prize for physics. Go try a dress on, you have to submit this immediately, I have to call a few friends with letters after their names."

"Do you mean those people who work for no agency from a non-agency within a non-government that doesn't have a government from any country on this planet?"

"Yes, that would be them. That's excellent work for a C-D student Delicious; absolutely Phenomenal work. I think I will get you out of high school tomorrow morning, your driver's license tomorrow afternoon and we will start working on college the following morning. Who knows, by Christmas you could be starting graduate school. My sister would be very proud of you. Your mother would be jumping rope; and she could never jump rope before."

"You know that story?"

"Know that story? I was the object of that story."

"Did she actually break two of your ribs?"

"She did not, she broke three of them. She just couldn't take a joke."

I made a phone call to an unlisted number in who knows where USA. The operator challenged me, and I gave him my codename. They asked for the priority of my request, and I replied 'Straitjacket'. The man on the other end of the line said, "6 hours, no contact." He hung up without saying another word.

I walked over to the main circuit breaker, and turned off the terminal for the phone system. When these people arrived they would call me on my cell to gain entrance. When the telephones were off, so were the activators for the gates.

I walked up to the main floor, and called out for my assistant. "Is that damn assistant of mine goofing off again? I will never get any work done in this laboratory. The paper is drowning my computer."

Delicious was by my side in seconds. "Yes, my master, your voice reverberated off my wall. I was following your directions and attempting to find an appropriate dress for the Westinghouse prize you said I was going to win."

"Niece Delicious, I have the strangest feeling that the formula you came up with will never see the light of day. We are expecting guests in less than six hours. I don't believe a dress will be necessary, but dress nicely. A bra and panties are required."

"Are we expecting 'Horny Lesbians?'?"

"Why would we be expecting actors?"

"Uncle Even, I said Lesbians, not Thespians."

"I was sure they were one and the same."

"Did Rosalynn miss Rod with that 2X4, and hit you in the head with it, Uncle Even?"

"I'm sorry Niece Delicious, I didn't hear you. Could you say that a little louder please. I've developed a hearing problem."

"Do you know how the Sioux Indians cleared up Custer's hearing problem, after they scalped him?"

"Could you speak a little louder please; I'm getting old and feeble."

Delicious moved her mouth against my ear and said, "The tribes' women took their sewing awls, and pushed them through his ears until they met in the middle. They wanted to make sure the next time he made an agreement with them, he understood what was said."

She was right where I wanted her to be. If she was like my sister, she was in mortal danger. I moved my hands in a flash, and started tickling her under her arms and on her ribs.

Yes, she was her mother's daughter. Upon contact, my fingers caused her to scream in panic.

She hit the floor yelling, "No, don't do that, I'm ticklish." She squirmed trying to get away from my hands, but all I did was laugh at her predicament.

"Really, you're ticklish, just like your mother was ticklish. I tormented her by doing this to her."

Delicious tried to crawl away from me, but all that happened was I crawled along with her. She begged me and begged me to stop, and I finally did.

However, there was a problem. Unintentionally, my body lay flat on top of hers. I could feel her breasts heaving against my chest, as she tried to bring her breathing under control. Her legs were splayed wide apart, and my legs tried to press them even wider. My groin pressed against her pleasure center, and for many long moments I was oblivious to this contact. Suddenly, I felt my groin expand in length. I did not understand why it was happening, because it had not happened to me in over 16 years, unless I had to urinate. Suddenly, I looked down, and it snapped into my mind. I pushed my body off hers immediately.

Delicious saw the change in me. She did not understand what happened. So she asked, "What's wrong Even, what happened?"

I answered her honestly. "I'm so sorry Delicious. I did not realize that I was in a very inappropriate sexual position on your body for quite a while. I won't let that happen again."

"Even, we were just playing. You were not going to hurt me. I know you would never take advantage of me in that way. I trust you."

"Your mother trusted Julius to pull out of her vagina that day on Cape Cod. He didn't, and it ruined her life. Don't trust any man when it comes to sex, especially if you want to keep that promise to yourself. I include myself in that statement."

"Did I do anything wrong Even?"

"No baby, it was me, I did everything wrong. I am old enough to know better than to do what I did. I should have stopped tickling you when you asked me to stop. I am not a teenager anymore, tickling my sister. I am a grown man, and I was tickling a young girl, blossoming into womanhood. I remembered how much fun it was, and I got carried away. I wound up in a sexual position with you, and that is inexcusable. I found myself getting aroused, and that is what saved me from doing anything wrong. I am celibate, but if anybody else had been in that position with you, and was sexually active, things could have gotten out of hand quickly. I will not let that happen again. I am very sorry for what I just did to you."

"I think that's the point Even. You didn't do anything to me. You stopped yourself before you hurt me. You love me, as much as you loved my mother. You would do anything to protect me from being hurt by someone like Julius. You would never rape me, you wouldn't lie to me. You would do everything you could to protect me from someone who was trying to hurt me, or even if I was doing something wrong, and I was about to hurt myself."