Way to Go, College Boy

I still didn't make it ten minutes.

What set me off was the way she shuddered and came. Mom had reached between her thighs to play with herself while she sucked me, and she came twice. The second time, she had me down her throat and those muscles really swallowed me insistently through her orgasm. The sights, sounds, and sensations were just too much.

"Oh, God," I gasped.

"Mmm-hmmm! Mmm-hmmm!" she encouraged me, once again savoring every drop.

Afterward she held my shaft in her hand and licked all around the head of my cock, making sure none of my sperm was hiding there. When she was finished she still held me in her hand as she looked up at my face.

"Am I allowed to ask what sweet Patricia said to get you so turned on for me?" she asked.

I thought about showing her the texts on my phone, but decided against it. It seemed like something that would embarrass Patricia if I shared it with Mom.

"I can't give you all the details," I said. "It would embarrass her if she ever found out that I discussed our sex life with my mom. You understand, right?"

Mom nodded after a moment's thought. "Yes, I..."

It was weird and distressing to watch. Mom was looking up into my face, and her expression went through a series of changes. She went from smiling to wide-eyed, and that gave way to a look of horror. Her lips trembled, and a tear formed in the corner of her right eye and rolled down her cheek. She looked down at my dick in her hand and quickly released it. Then she scooted back and got up onto her knees, and threw an arm over her breasts. Her other hand shielded her pussy.

"Oh, God, I can't believe we did that," she sobbed. "Please, don't look at me!"

"Mom...?" I asked uncertainly.

It was the wrong thing to say. She burst into tears and turned away from me, bawling and shaking.

"What is wrong with me?" she sobbed. "I have to be the worst mother ever!"

I tried to hug her, but she shoved me violently away from her. I looked around helplessly. All I could think to do was to grab the sheet and wrap it around her body, since she didn't want me to see her nakedness. She clutched the sheet around her and kept right on crying. I hurried over to the bathroom and grabbed the bathrobe that was hanging up there, pulling it on and tying the cloth belt around my waist. When I returned, she saw me and allowed me to wrap my arms around her in a hug.

"I love you, Mom," I murmured, trying to reassure her.

"Why?" she asked angrily, "because I sucked your dick? That's no way for a mother to behave!"

"No, Mom," I replied calmly. "You know that's not it. I have always loved you. I always will, no matter what."

"I don't deserve a son like you," she sobbed, and that led to another round of helpless crying.

I had no clue what to do. Worse still, the way she was acting now I really was scared she might hurt herself. I'm not qualified to handle this! I thought.

"You need to call someone who is," Trevor's voice said. For once, his tone was reasonable and sensible.

The only person I could think of in that moment was Doctor Caruthers. I knew she had been a successful therapist for a while before she decided to get into teaching. I had never had a private conversation with the woman, but I felt like I needed a woman's perspective on this and she was certainly more qualified to help than I was.

After my mom had cried herself out, she only protested feebly when I dressed her and wiped her face with a warm washcloth. I gently brushed out her hair afterward and she just sat quietly and let me do it. She watched me getting dressed.

"Where are we going?" she whispered.

"I'm taking you to the campus, to talk with one of my teachers," I said. "I'm scared, Mom. I don't know how to help you, and I think Doctor Caruthers can. She's one of my Psychology professors. Will you talk to her? Please, Mom, will you do that for me?"

She saw the look on my face and looked like she wanted to cry again. She nodded and sniffed. I had to walk her to the car and I had to fasten her seatbelt. Mom looked like she had given up on living. It terrified me.

I knew that Doctor Caruthers had office hours on Thursday mornings. I had never visited her in her office before, but I knew where it was. I managed to find a short-term parking spot near the building, and I got Mom out of the car and walked her to the elevator. On the way up to the floor with the offices, Mom suddenly looked at me.

"You're not going to have me committed, are you?" she asked sharply.

"No! Of course not," I assured her, rubbing her shoulders. "Mom, you know I am here for you. I will hug you and hold you and listen to you as long as you want. I thought I was being helpful and you were getting over your divorce and moving on with your life. I realize now that you have got a lot more to get off your chest—and I'm not qualified to help you with that."

"Oh," she said simply.

"Now, I don't expect Doctor Caruthers will be able to see you more than once, but she probably knows just the person you should talk to."

The elevator doors opened, and I offered her my arm. She took it and we walked to Doctor Caruthers's office. She was just coming back with a fresh cup off coffee when she saw us and brightened.

"Ah, Paul!" she said. "I'm so glad to see you. How can I help you today?"

"This is my Mom," I said, nodding from her to the doctor. "We have—I have a problem that I can't really handle. Can we speak privately?"

"Come on in," the doctor said quietly.

Once we were inside, she closed her door and locked it before pulling three chairs out so we could sit facing each other. She offered my mother her hand and looked into my mother's face as she shook her hand.

"What's your name, dear?" she asked softly.

"Kathleen," my mother replied.

"So nice to meet you, Kathleen," Doctor Caruthers said with a warm smile. "Now, why don't you tell me what happened?"

Mom started with the previous Friday morning, when the lawyer had showed up at the house with the divorce papers. She talked about her discussion with her own attorney, and then the calls to Jeannie and me. Three times she broke down crying, and Doctor Caruthers gently talked her through it. Mom looked a little nervous when she reached the part in her story where I arrived at the house, and the doctor interrupted her calmly.

"Just a moment, Kathleen," she said with a light touch on my mother's knee. "Paul, would you mind giving us some privacy to discuss this? You can have a seat out in the lobby."

I nodded and gave my mother a squeeze on her shoulder before walking out and closing the door behind me. I heard the doctor lock the door, and I blew out a breath before walking to the lobby. I sat there and read an old magazine for a while. My phone beeped in my pocket, and I had a text from Patricia:

"Just finished my Dr. appt. Going back to campus. Where are you?"

I thought for a moment, and then called her.

"Hey!" she said.

"Hey," I replied.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"Mom had a breakdown this morning. It scared the hell out of me."

"Oh no!" she said. "What happened?"

"She just started crying and saying she was a bad mom. The way she looked, I was afraid she might hurt herself. I just felt helpless, and I knew I was in over my head. I brought her on campus and she's talking with Doctor Caruthers right now." I sighed. "I figure she will listen to my mom and then they'll set her up with a counselor or therapist. I just hope it helps."

"Should I come over there?" Patricia asked.

"Not right now, but thanks," I replied. "I don't want to embarrass my mom. If she sees you here, she'll know I told you. I promise I'll let you know what happens. Okay?"

"Okay," she said. "I have a class in half an hour. Should I call you after that?"

"That sounds great," I said. "Patricia...thanks."

"For what?" she asked.

"It was just good to talk to you—to hear your voice. Thank you for listening."

"Any time, Paul," she sighed.

I dropped the old Sports Illustrated I had been reading and looked through the other magazines in the rack. There was a psychology journal in there, and I picked it up and leafed through it for a few minutes. I happened across a very interesting study on alcoholism that kept my attention until Doctor Caruthers emerged from her office and called me back in. I glanced up at the clock and was surprised to see that she and my mother had been in there for forty-five minutes without me.

As soon as we were back in the office and Doctor Caruthers locked the door, my mother gave me a huge hug and smiled up at me. "Thank you, Paul," she murmured. She gave my hand a squeeze and we all sat down again.

Doctor Caruthers cleared her throat before she spoke. "Here's the deal," she said softly. "I can't be your counselor, Kathleen. I'm not licensed to practice in this state. I could recommend a couple of people, but I won't. I don't think you need any sort of medication. We'll have you screened to make sure, but I don't believe you suffer from depression. You have been through a serious trauma, and you need to have a strong support system.

"The reason I won't recommend a counselor for you is this: incest is illegal in this state. If you have a counselor who believes there is a risk you two might...do that again, she'd have to report it to the authorities. I think it's hogwash. You two are obviously consenting adults. So, I would like to keep seeing you, but just as a friend you can talk to about anything. Some of the issues you want to talk about are just easier to discuss with another woman. Certainly, I can understand how your son—" she reached over and smiled at me as she gave my thigh a light squeeze, "—sweet though he is, just isn't the person you want to talk to about some of this."

Mom nodded and smiled. "I would really like that, Joanne," she said.

"Of course, anything you tell me is still completely confidential," Doctor Caruthers reassured us. She glanced up at her clock. "My office hours are over now. I didn't expect anyone to show up today." She gave us a dazzling smile. "To be honest, you two have made my day. What do you have planned today?"

"I have a two o'clock Biology class," I said. "Other than that, I was just planning to spend time with my mom and Patricia."

"May I come over to your place for coffee?" Doctor Caruthers asked. "I think it would be nice to continue our conversation in a more comfortable setting."

"That sounds great!" Mom replied happily.

The good doctor followed us to the apartment complex. As soon as we pulled off campus, Mom turned to me.

"Paul, I hope you don't mind," she said softly. "I told her everything about us. I didn't mean to. It was just...once I started opening up to her, I couldn't stop."

"That's a good thing, Mom," I assured her. "I realized I had messed up before I brought you to meet her. I wanted to be there for you, but I wasn't qualified to give you the help you need. I'm just an eighteen-year-old guy, after all, and I'm your son."

"Well," she replied quietly, "some of what I really needed you did give me—even though you are my son."

"Are you okay with that now?" I asked.

"I'm better," she said, "but I wouldn't say I'm okay yet. I still feel guilty, even though I understand it was...Is 'therapeutic' the right word?"

I chuckled and squeezed her hand. "That sounds about right," I said. I thought for a bit as I held her hand and drove. "From what the doctor said, I take it she expects we'll have sex again?"

"I'm not sure," Mom replied after thinking it over. "It wasn't something we really discussed. She asked me if I wanted to have sex with you again. I said that I did—that you were an amazing and considerate lover—but that it made me feel guilty and like I was the worst mother in the world. After that, we got into a long discussion about why I felt that way."

As we made the rest of the drive, Mom shared various bits of her discussion with Doctor Caruthers. As she did, I became more and more impressed with the doctor's insightful advice. I felt like I had made a smart decision in bringing my mother to her office.

Mom started a fresh pot of coffee as soon as we stepped into the apartment. "Why don't you give Joanne the quick tour of the place while I get this coffee going?" she suggested.

It took me a second to register that 'Joanne' was Doctor Caruthers's first name. Then I smiled and walked her through the two-bedroom apartment. When we reached my mother's bedroom, I was startled to hear her whisper, "This is where the magic happens."

I turned to look at her, and she gave me a thin smile. "So tell me, Paul, why are you having second thoughts about moving in with your mother after the semester?"

I gawked for a second and then cleared my throat uncomfortably. "Well, I thought it would be difficult for me to date, I was worried that it would make me look like a loser, and I thought that my mother might become too attached if I was here all the time. Did she tell you I was having second thoughts?"

Doctor Caruthers nodded. "Your sister told her. I'm sure she thought she was being helpful. Are those still concerns you have, Paul?"

I thought for a moment and shrugged. "I guess so. I'm less concerned about dating and looking like a loser since Patricia and I talked about it, but I am probably more worried about my mom now."

She nodded again. "I'll have her screened for depression tomorrow. One of my grad students is doing a research project and he can certainly use more test subjects. It will be completely anonymous, of course."

I nodded, but really wouldn't understand all of that for another year. By then I would understand how foolish I had been—depression was serious business, and I had taken it far too lightly.

"You should make the bed and pick up your underwear," Doctor Caruthers murmured, pulling out her phone. "It will help her if you keep the place tidy, and she'll appreciate it." Then she spoke up into her phone. "Kevin. I have a test subject for you. She's a friend, so I expect you to keep her results confidential. What time can she come in tomorrow? Ten o'clock? Sounds good. Thank you."

I had the bed half-made by the time she finished that call. I gave her a smile and said, "I would have done this—or at least helped her do it—but I was in a hurry to get her out of here."

Doctor Caruthers went to the opposite side of the bed and helped me finish. I picked up my boxers and carried them into the other bedroom, folding them and putting them into a drawer. I joined the two ladies at the dining room table after I had fixed a cup of coffee.

Doctor Caruthers gave us a benign smile after she took a long sip of her coffee. "Well, we really should talk about 'the elephant in the room' just to get it out of the way," she said. "Paul, your mother told me that you felt guilty when she gave you that first blowjob. Why did you feel that way? You didn't force her."

"I felt like I should have stopped her," I said. I was trying to recall clearly how I had felt, but I was worried I would get turned on. "She is my mother, and I already felt...uncomfortable because I had been naked in bed with her. Then I felt worse because I came in her mouth."

"So you felt guilty, but then you let it happen again," she said.

"The second time I was asleep," I said. "I could feel it when she started, but I couldn't move or talk. Even if I could have, though, I doubt I would have stopped her. It felt incredible."

"So you had already gotten over your guilt?" she asked.

"Pretty much," I replied with a shrug. "She obviously enjoyed doing it, and I have never had such an amazing blowjob in my life. I haven't even seen a woman doing it in porn as well as my mother did it. I can see you're skeptical, Doctor. Let me be clear: I'm not saying this to try to make my mom feel better. She's just that good."

Mom blushed, but seemed happy to hear me describing her oral skills in such glowing terms. The doctor still looked dubious, but let it go.

"So last night and again this morning, you had sex," she said. Now she turned to my mother. "You told me you really enjoyed it, and then it suddenly changed. What happened to make you suddenly change your mind?"

"Paul called me 'mom' and then...I was looking at his face, and it was like I could see him as a young boy," she said. Only now, she was smiling. She reached over and lovingly touched my cheek. "Paul was always such a good boy, a good son. I felt in that moment like I had taken advantage of him in the worst way possible. I had used him and taken advantage of his trust and his good nature."

"Do you still feel that way?"

Mom's eyes searched mine and she nodded. "I do," she whispered. She cleared her throat and continued. "Oh, I'm not wracked with self-loathing and all that like I was three hours ago. I still feel guilty, though. I still feel like a bad mother, and I still feel like I took advantage of my son."

"But you don't feel that way, do you Paul?" Doctor Caruthers asked.

I shook my head. "Not at all," I answered. "Last night and this morning, I felt like we were more lovers and equals than mother and son. I was happy that we could make love and have it out in the open instead of my mother having to sneak a blowjob when one of us was asleep or pretending to be. I loved tasting her. I loved seeing the look on her face when she came."

I glanced from my mother over toward Doctor Caruthers and had to do a double-take. Her nipples were hard and were visible right through her bra and blouse. Her pupils were dilated, her face was flushed, and she was breathing heavily with her lips open. She was the picture of female arousal we had discussed in class just a week ago.

That worried me. Mom needed help, not some horny woman who would get turned on as we discussed our incestuous affair. I felt better as soon as she spoke again.

"Kathleen, I can understand your feelings of guilt. I have to admit, as a woman I find listening to your son extremely arousing. He loves you and wants to please you, but more than that he is obviously concerned about your well-being." She sighed. "But this isn't really about your son at all. It is about you. Your husband left without any explanation, and it left you feeling like you were a failure. Obviously, that isn't the case. We both just heard your son, but I believe his choice of words was important."

She turned and fixed my mother with a compassionate stare, reaching over to hold her hand. "Paul was very clear, Kathleen. He wasn't saying anything just to make you feel better. I can tell you that you are an attractive woman, and I'm being entirely objective in saying so. Your son felt guilt because you are his mother, but even he could not resist you. So, you are attractive, loving, and evidently you give a world-class blowjob."

At that point, Doctor Caruthers made a mistake. She had not quite managed to keep the skepticism out of her voice, and my mother caught it. Mom's eyes widened and she looked hurt.

"Oh, no, no, Kathleen," Doctor Caruthers said quickly. "I merely meant that Paul is very young and he is probably exaggerating because of his limited experience. I didn't mean to suggest that you weren't—"

"Joanne," my mother interjected. "No offense, but are you qualified to judge a good blowjob when you see one?"

Doctor Caruthers licked her lips and nodded. She seemed nervous but even more aroused. "I have several published papers on—well, not blowjobs specifically, but various sexual activities."

"Good enough," Mom replied. She turned to me. "Paul, I need you to let me show her. You don't mind, do you?"

I thought quickly. My mother clearly wanted to give me an impressive blowjob. Even though she looked reluctant, Doctor Caruthers wanted to see it. I had nothing but confidence in my mother's ability. I nodded.