Autumn's Chores and Pleasures

"I'll probably be the only dorky old lady with a mask on at the bar. Oh well. It'll be worth it, I hope."

She took off the habit and mask, dabbed some perfume on various parts of her, did a quick touchup of her eye makeup, and lipsticked her lips with her sexiest red.

"Okay, Mister, let's go get you fed; I'm hoping I'll be gone a while."

The neighborhood of drinking establishments was known as The Zoo, a three-block-long stretch within walking distance of campus. Back when Marla was a student she'd spent many a Friday and Saturday night prowling the bars there with her friends, but she hadn't set foot in any of them or even driven down the street in many many years.

Charlie's Pub, affectionately known as Chuck's, was a homely box of a building with walls of aging concrete, colorfully dappled with faded graffiti along the sidewalk. Rusted steel bars protected the lone small window and the neon sign behind the dirty glass that read: BEER. There was another barroom almost directly across the road, and another farther up the block and two more beyond that. The Zoo seemed an appropriate moniker for the neighborhood, especially on that Halloween night, with the youthful humanity on the street looking primed and ready for the wild life. Into the fray walked a masked middle aged nun, with 'fuck me' fishnet stockings and 'squeeze me' bra-less cleavage that moved and jiggled like a whore's. She'd stepped out of her car with a modicum of confidence, but the looks she received on the sidewalk sapped some of her willpower to continue with her crazy plan. The college girls in their sexy costumes were so very young, and the boys looked at her like she was from outer space, maybe one of those fleshy Star Trek alien women with the big breasts, the characters who always die in Captain Kirk's arms.

It was the overwhelming youth that shocked her. There was talk in political circles of raising the drinking age to 21, but for the time being it was still 18, and the revelers on the street all looked like teenagers. The other day when she'd dropped Jesse off at his dorm she'd noticed the youthfulness of the students, but in their class-day clothes it hadn't seemed quite so pronounced.

There was a noticeable quieting of banter as she walked past groups of young people, their eyes all on her as she made her way to the door of Charlie's Pub. She hoped to God that Jesse was already there, as he said he'd be, but there was still the pretending to do, and the standing by herself at the bar, and the ordering of a drink. As she walked inside she thought about turning to leave, maybe going to a bar with adults her own age, but then she saw him, Jesse, in the dim darkness, wearing a bowler-style hat and a fake mustache. He was with a group of friends, as he said he'd be. Marla made her way to the bar, as close as she could to him, but she pretended she was on her own, the way they had planned.

"Vodka tonic," she said to the bartender, a boy no older than Jesse.

"Lime?" he asked.

Marla nodded. The drink was in front of her moments later, in a plastic cup, with lots of ice. She was glad it was strong, maybe on purpose because the boy liked her sexy costume, or maybe he made them all that way.

It went down easy; ice cold and smooth on her tongue. She drank it quicker than a person normally would and she ordered another, amazed that one little drink was enough to ease her nerves and make her want to stay.

Jesse did just like they'd planned, keeping his group close to Marla at the bar. She chatted up one of the friendlier looking girls, talking about the University, and the dorm where she used to live.

"That's our dorm!" the girl said. "Oh my God!"

Two of the other girls gathered around her and Marla felt as tall as a giant, her high heeled shoes fidgety on the dirty wood floor.

"What's your name?" one of the girls asked. "Have you been here before?"

"Minka," Marla said, surprised at herself for coming up with a quick, workable answer. "Yes, I've been here," she said, not telling the girls it was three decades ago, when the place was called Moe's.

"Minka? That sounds Russian. Are you Russian?"

"Maybe," Marla said, smiling a beautiful crooked smile with her red lipsticked lips.

After the second drink Marla felt young again and she giggled with the girls and flirted with the boys. Jesse kept his distance, unsure of how to play things, worried he might make a mistake and give away his friendship with the sexy, masked nun.

Early on, Marla figured out who Derek and Morgan were. They were the only interracial couple in the group, their skin colors as far apart as could be; hers as pale as heavy cream, his as rich as the darkest chocolate. But even without the interracial aspect Marla probably would have been able to glean Morgan's identity. She had the most extraordinary ass, just like Jesse has said; the kind that might make the cover of a swimsuit issue. It was shown off to near perfection by her Wonder Woman costume, a red white and blue one piece swimsuit overlaid around her middle by a wide gold band that was laced in the back. Sparkly red high heeled boots gave her legs and ass the perfect posture, and a pointy gold headband with a red star on it adorned her forehead.

Marla didn't want to cause even a twinge of jealousy amongst the girls, so she didn't talk to any of the boys one-on-one. Two of the boys were flirty with her, but she wasn't sure of the relationship status of everyone so she fended them off, much to the delight of the first girl she'd met. Her name was Sarah, and she was dressed in yellow pants and a red sweatshirt, with a rooster hat on her head, made out of felt. A big yellow beak projected off her forehead, with black eyes above it and an orange crest that stood up straight on the top.

"Oh my God," Sarah chuckled. "Our dorky friends are making fools of themselves around you."

"Trust me, I don't mind," Marla said to her. "When you get to be my age you'll love it, too."

"That costume's really sexy," Sarah said. "When you walked in my friend Jesse actually choked on his beer."

"Really?" Marla said, smiling. "Which one's Jesse?"

"The cute one with the dorky clothes and the hat and mustache. He usually looks better than that."

"Oh, he is cute. So, when you say friend, does that mean you two haven't dated?"

"I wish," Sarah said. "Even a one-nighter would be fun. I just think he's hot. He went out with a friend of ours last year, but this year he doesn't seem as interested."

"Who did he date? Is she here?"

"No, we don't see her much," Sarah said, gazing at Jesse for a few moments. "I think he likes skinny girls."

"What do you mean?"

"I heard one of the guys he hangs around with call me 'fat' a few days ago."

"Was Jesse with him," Marla asked, hoping he wasn't.

"No, but...they probably all think it."

"Don't jump to conclusions," Marla said, suddenly feeling motherly. "You're a cute girl; I thought so right away."

"Yeah; 'cute' doesn't get you any," Sarah said dejectedly.

"Sure it does. I really shouldn't be encouraging you, but Halloween's a good night to go a little wild, right?"

Sarah smiled and looked curious. "What are you doing here? Are you meeting somebody?"

"Oh. Yeah, just a guy I met," Marla said. "I'm beginning to wonder if he played a joke on me when he told me to meet him here. It's not exactly a place either of us fit in."

"Really? You think he would have done that? To you?" Sarah gave Marla the once over again, eyeing her deep cleavage and her long, fishnet-clad legs.

"Yeah, I don't know. He should have been here a long time ago. I guess I'll go home and spend another Halloween alone. At least I've got some candy there, and a cat to keep me company."

"Hey you guys," Sarah called out to the group. "I'm inviting Minka to come back and party with us. Is that okay?"

"Yeah!" one of the boys said, loud and excited. The others, especially the boys, chimed in with their happy approval.

"Oh, I shouldn't," Marla said. "At the dorm, you mean?"

"You should come with us," one of the other girls said. "We don't have any fancy drinks, but...if you're not fussy..."

"What about...there might be weed and stuff," Jesse said.

"What, do you think I'm a narc or something?" Marla said.

"No, I just didn't know if you'd mind."

"Hey, I'm easy to get along with. You guys wouldn't mind? I'm kind of old for a dorm party."

"No, we'd love it!" the other girl said. "Do you feel like gettin' crazy?"

Marla did. She was amazed at how smoothly the set-up had gone. She looked Jesse in the eyes and saw his excitement. She felt a wild, tingling stirring inside her gut and her chest. Everything seemed new and different. High up on her high heels, looking down on every other girl in the group and most of the boys, she felt oddly in charge of things, like she could steer things any way she wanted. It was a powerful feeling, and she liked it.

"Let's go get crazy," she said, and almost everyone in the group whooped and yelled. She looked at Jesse again. He was silent, but she could tell he was happy.

Out on the street Halloween night was in full swing, with cheaply costumed college kids coming and going, some thoroughly drunk already, catcalling the sexy girls and Marla too.

"We all walked here," Sarah said. "Are you...?"

"I've got my car," Marla said. "I don't really want to leave it down here. Wanna ride with me?"

"I'm goin' with Minka you guys," Sarah called out to the group.

Jesse emerged from the group with a smirk on his face. "Do you trust her?" he said. "She's not a real nun."

"I'll bet some nuns look like her. They're real women," Sarah said. "Quit staring at us. It's rude you know."

Jesse apologized and faded back into the group.

"I thought you wanted to get some tonight," Marla said, walking toward the car. "Telling a boy to stop looking at you is a strange way of doing it."

"I know," Sarah said, dejectedly. "Cute guys make me nervous. I'm always saying stupid things."

"Next time say the opposite," Marla said. "Something like... Do you like what you see? Pretend you're a different kind of person, and...you sort of will be. Does that make sense?"

"Is that what you do?" Sarah asked. She was more and more fascinated by Marla.

The two women got into Marla's car, closed the doors and suddenly the party atmosphere of the street was shut out. The little nun dress was so short Marla's black panties could be seen, along with the true nature of the faux-garter belt fishnet tights she wore.

"Oh my God!" Sarah giggled. "It's a good thing you didn't sit down at the bar!"

Marla smiled. "You shouldn't drink any more," she said, looking into Sarah's mildly tipsy eyes. "You want a clear memory of getting lucky tonight, right?"

Sarah smiled. "You gonna wear that mask while you drive?"

"Yup. I'm not me tonight, and I'm kind of liking it. Sorry, I don't mean to be rude."

"No, I don't mind," Sarah said, wondering who Marla was.

Marla pulled away from her parking spot and passed Jesse and his friends walking on the sidewalk. "What do you think of Jesse's roommate? Is he nice?"

Sarah looked a little surprised. "Derek? Did you meet him?"

"I just...overheard someone mention it. I shouldn't have been eavesdropping."

"Yeah, he's great," Sarah said. "Totally sexy, don't you think?"

"I do."

"It's so funny that he's dressed like a gay guy tonight because he's so not gay," Sarah said. "His girlfriend's a real nympho I think. I heard they have sex all over campus."

"Really? Would you do that kind of thing?"

"With him? Hell yeah," Sarah said.

Marla smiled at her as they drove out of the busy neighborhood. She wondered what would make a somewhat overweight girl want to dress like a rooster, especially when she so clearly wanted to hook up with a cute boy.

"Did you wear your good underwear?" Marla asked her.

"Good underwear? Like that, you mean?" Sarah looked right at Marla's uncovered crotch, noticing more of the details of the super sexy lingerie. "I don't have any."

"You need to get some. It's funny how it transforms the way you feel."

"Yeah but...you've got the body for it," Sarah said. "Your legs are like a mile long."

"That's not the way to think about it. You're curvy. You'd look good. Tell yourself that."

Sarah smiled, feeling the drinks that she's drunk. "I'm curvy. I'd look good." She giggled and stared at the side of Marla's face as Marla drove. "Are you a lesbian?"

Marla's eyes widened with surprise. "What? No!"

"Okay," Sarah said, smiling. "You're very mysterious. I though maybe you were gonna kidnap me. I wouldn't have minded."

"You wouldn't? Are you gay?"

"Nope," Sarah said.

Sarah sat back and watched the nighttime pass by the car; the occasional trick-or-treaters; the students walking. Marla made her feel comfortable in an odd sort of way. It was the nun thing, she was pretty sure. She was a Catholic who didn't go to church during the semester, but nuns had been a big part of her life at her Catholic elementary and high school.

"I don't stand a chance if a guy's willing to blow off a date with someone like you," she said out of the blue.

"How old are you?" Marla asked.

"Nineteen."

"God, what I wouldn't give," Marla said, shaking her head. "I'm going to give you some more completely inappropriate advice. I didn't have nearly enough sex when I was your age. I really wish I'd been sluttier, to be perfectly honest with you. I feel like I missed a whole lotta fun." Marla pulled the car to the curb a block away from the dorm and shut off the engine. "I still remember the cute guys that were in the dorm when I was living here. I wish I'd fucked every one of them."

Sarah looked shocked, but her eyes were twinkling with happy intrigue. "Really?"

"Really," Marla said. "You shouldn't do anything you don't want to do, but if you do want to, then do it, I say. But what do I know; I'm just a horny old broad who probably shouldn't be here tonight."

Sarah smiled and the alcohol in her made her giggle. Marla giggled, too.

The granite steps to the dorm felt like a time machine, and the lobby made Marla's waking dream vivid. It looked the same, for the most part, and even smelled the same, but the old freight-style elevator with the finger-pinching gate was gone, replaced by a sleek, modern elevator car. It sat open, with glowing fluorescent light inside, waiting to whisk her and Sarah upward, but they stayed there in the lobby, waiting for Jesse and the others.

Marla's nerves acted up while she stood there. There were students coming and going in the lobby, and every single person who caught a glimpse of her in her sexy little nun getup looked at her like she was an outlier. She crossed her arms under her breasts, and held her legs close together. She wished she had the long coat that she'd left in the car. She wished she was dressed like a rooster in a sweatshirt.

"Here they come," Sarah said, looking out the big front window.

When the group reconvened they all took the stairs up out of the lobby, and Marla was glad; she wanted her memories of the old freight elevator to remain strong.

"Who's having the party?" she asked as they climbed.

"A room down the hall from us," Jesse said. "There's probably one on each floor."

Marla was a third floor tenant back when she lived there, but the gang filed off the stairway at the second floor, turning right, heading for an open door where people were milling around in the hallway. There was music coming from inside the room, modern dance club pop that throbbed with a rubbery, bassy beat. Happy greetings were made between the newcomers and the hall-dwellers, and one by one Jesse's friends went inside. Marla followed Sarah, feeling even more out of place than she did down in the lobby. It was a crowded room, with a kind of energy Marla hadn't experienced in decades.

"This is Minka," Sarah said loudly over the music, introducing Marla to two girls dressed as playing cards. "We met her at Chuck's."

The girls smiled and said hello and didn't act oddly about Marla being there, so she relaxed a little. Sarah introduced her to more people, and everyone seemed laid back and happy. And half drunk. The booze was flowing freely, a mystery concoction that came out of the spigot of a big rectangular cooler. The liquid was oddly colored, vaguely reddish, and it seemed to be doing a fine job of lubricating the happy masses. There was a keg of beer against the wall, and a rousing game of beer pong on a table in the middle of the room. Marla noticed at least two phones out, held up to take either pictures or video. She was glad she had her mask to hide behind.

"Want a drink?" Sarah asked her, speaking close to her ear.

Marla shook her head. "I want a clear memory, remember?"

Sarah looked at her with subtle surprise. Does Minka want to get lucky, too, Sarah wondered? That's what she told me to stay clear-headed for.

"Holy shit, a nun!" a drunk boy said. "What's your name, Sister? You're hot as fuck!

"Minka," Marla yelled over the loud music. "Sister Minka."

"Sister Minka!" the boy yelled. "Fuck! I wanna go to catholic school! You wanna punish me?"

"Maybe later," Marla smiled.

"He's a dork," Sarah said when he walked away.

"Like I said earlier, when you get to be my age any attention is good attention."

"Hi, Jesse," Sarah said, when he casually wandered over. "I like your clothes and your hat."

"I got 'em at the thrift shop down on Franklin. Where'd you get your rooster hat?"

"That costume shop out on the Boulevard. I feel like a dork. I should have just wrapped myself in a sheet and painted hearts and clubs on it like they did," she said, gesturing to the four girls dressed as playing cards. Four aces, two of them with bra straps showing, two without.

"Yeah," Jesse said, looking genuinely pleased with the vision in his mind of Sarah's curvy body dressed that way. "Maybe next year."

Sarah looked shy but happy, her eyes twinkling a little each time she looked at Jesse.

"You guys ever hear of friends with benefits?" Marla asked, surprising her two young friends. "I keep hearing about it. Is that really a thing your generation does?"

"I guess," Jesse said, shrugging his shoulders. "Yeah, some of our friends sorta do that."

"Who?" Sarah asked.

"Oh. I...shouldn't say."

"Good answer," Marla said. "You can trust him." She winked at Sarah and Sarah looked amazed. "Is there a bathroom?" Marla asked.

"This one's probably gross," Sarah said. "You can use mine. It's upstairs."

"Mine's just down the hall," Jesse said.

"Okay, Mister. Lead the way."

"Are you coming back?" Sarah asked, wistfully.

"Of course!" Marla said. "Just a quick pee."

In the quiet of Jesse's room, Marla took off the nun's habit and the feathery mask and she looked around, instinctively drawn to his side of the room, touching his desk and his books with her fingers. "She's cute. I like her."

"Who? Sarah? Yeah, she's really nice."

"I kind of hope you don't fall in love with her, but...she'd really love one of those friends with benefits kind of arrangements."

Jesse was momentarily speechless.

"Do you think she's cute?" Marla asked.

Jesse nodded. "She's got a great smile."

Marla squinted. "Is that a polite way of saying she's fat? She's not, really. Just a little heavy. Is that not your body type?"

Jesse shrugged. "No, I don't mind. Why are you asking all this? Did she say something about me?"

"Just that you're cute. You and Derek. She's just frustrated with being single and horny. College should be more fun that that, don't you think?"

"Yeah."

"It's just something to think about," Marla said. "I don't want to lose you, but...I wouldn't mind sharing."