Brenda's Journey Ch. 01

We walked around checking out the wares hand in hand, only to separate when we wanted to pick up something to get a closer look. Every chance I got, I would look over at Vicky, and each time I looked, I could feel my protective armor cracking and breaking away.

After about two hours of doing this, knowing that she had caught me several times staring at her, questions began bouncing back and forth in my mind. I kept thinking of who I was and what I thought I really wanted. I broke down and had to admit to myself that I had started looking at this person as being a very good friend, and yet I had no idea what I was doing or where this path would lead me.

I felt I was unable to cope with what I was feeling, being as lost as I felt. I spotted an empty bench a few yards off the pathway. I took Vicky's hand in mine and started pulling her towards the bench.

Upon reaching the bench, I told her to sit, as I sat down beside her, turning so that I was facing her. I sat, wringing my hands in my lap.

"Baby, what's wrong? I can see something eating at you and I can't help unless you tell me what it is." She said while holding my chin up so she could look into my eyes.

"Scared Vicky, I'm so scared. Every time I look at you, I feel like I just lost another piece of my armor. I've only known you now two days. I don't have anyone I can talk to about this. Daddy can't fix this for me. I'm really starting to look at you as a person whose friendship means a lot more to me..." Pausing to collect my thoughts.

"I'm so afraid that you're just going to use me. The other night... I know it was only a kiss on my cheek, but the feelings I got were so different. Since then, I have been unable to stop thinking about that kiss and now when I look at you I'm beginning to feel the need of wanting you near me."

It seemed that just then the dam had burst; my tears just started pouring from my eyes. I felt her arms around my shoulders, rocking me back and forth. She never did say anything, but just tried to be there for me.

After a minute or so, she began to speak.

"When I was twenty, I met and fell in love with the most beautiful girl in the world. Her name was Gabby. She had everything, beauty, smarts, and a sense of humor. We were together for eight years when she died of cancer. I still think to this day, it was her hand from the grave that stopped me from killing myself one night after she was gone. On Friday night, again I felt her hand pushing me towards you, making me give you that kiss on your cheek. It was as if she were telling me that it was ok to love again and be happy with someone."

When she paused I could see a tear forming in her eye. Just as it started to fall I wiped it away with my fingers.

"I'm sorry you felt such pain."

"Each time I saw you looking at me, brick by brick, my wall of security also started coming down. I... no we... we need to go slow, just as much for me as it would be for you. I want to tell you, I know that you think you're not gay, or even bi, but I see you much differently. I see the way you look at me; I see the way you look at Samantha and Melissa. I see the longing in your eyes for the closeness they have with each other."

Taking my chin in her hand, she pulled my face towards her, making me look into her eyes.

"I want to take the time to get to know you, and you get to know me. We'll go out, dine, dance, and see movies, even cruising the malls acting like silly teenagers. If this is right and if it's meant to be for the both of us, then we will know when the time is right. Are you willing to take that chance with me Brenda?"

Taking Vicky's hand and holding it firmly, I looked into her eyes and for the first time I saw hope instead of despair. I saw a twinkle of light about to burst free.

"Yes Vicky, I would love to get to know you. I don't want any secrets between us, so no matter how painful or embarrassing, we tell each other our most inner thoughts, deal?"

About this time, Samantha spotted us and came over. When she got close, she could immediately tell that I had been crying. She almost went into a panic state of mind wondering what had happened. Her first words were, "mother, what's wrong, why were you crying?"

I stood up and wrapped her in my arms. I whispered into her ear very softly, "it's ok baby, I just had a Sammy moment, and now everything is perfect."

Pushing me back a little and looking at me then at Vicky, "are you sure? I mean you're ok, for real?

"Yes dear, for real. Now I think I need to find the restrooms and wash up my face," looking around to see which way to go.

"Melissa, would you please show our mom where the restrooms are please."

I felt Melissa take my hand and start pulling me towards the crowds and tents. When I looked over my shoulder, I could see Samantha and Vicky almost toe to toe, and silently prayed that Samantha kept her wits about her.

When I exited the rest rooms, I saw Samantha and Vicky standing in line, and saw that they were holding each other's hand. I knew then that everything was going to be all right.

As I walked up to Vicky, Samantha released her hand and went to Melissa. I stayed in line with Vicky, even when she said that I didn't have to since I had already gone to the restroom. All I could do was look at her and smile.

Once in the restroom, I turned my back to give her a little privacy. In the mirror, I could see her sitting there with her shorts and black panties, pulled down to her thighs. I knew she saw me looking, so I turned a little more to my left making sure I couldn't see her getting dressed once she was done.

After she was done, and washed her hands. She started to reach for the door, when I stopped her.

Taking a deep breath, I looked into her eyes while taking in her face into my mind.

"Kiss me, show me how you really wanted to kiss me the other night."

Her left hand went behind my neck, her right around my waist. I closed my eyes, feeling her soft lips on mine. There was no demand or urge to hurry. It was soft and caressing, feeling her lips slightly pulling from mine. I had my hands on her hips, so I pulled her to me and raised my head to kiss her once more. This time I felt her tongue on my lips, which opened immediately. As her tongue entered my mouth I began sucking on it causing her to moan into my mouth. I felt her hand holding my neck as she pressed her body tightly against me, making me moan into her mouth.

Pulling away suddenly, I said "we need to go if we're to catch the jousting." I turned to open the door andstarted to walk through the door, acting as if I were straightening out my clothes.

After watching the jousting match, we walked together around the fair grounds. There were some rides that were meant for the little kids. We came upon a covered game tent, with little stuffed animals lined up on the shelf. Samantha was pointing at the unicorn and Melissa was pointing at the tiger.

Vicky walked up to the vender and asked how much. He said that if she could throw three knives and make them stick in the board against the wall she could have her pick on the bottom row. She gave him a dollar, picked up the knives and started to test their balance in her hands. She took two of them in one hand and threw them at the board. They both stuck, about three inches apart from one another. Taking the third knife, she quickly threw it, sticking between the two already there.

The vender just starred at her wide eyed in wonder, hearing the crowd's oh's and ah's... She reached into her pocket once more and pulled out a ten-dollar bill while speaking softly to the vender, asking for the unicorn and the tiger. The vender said he couldn't do that. I almost missed it when she told him he could give her what she wanted or she would stay right here and throw for anyone who stepped up to the counter. After the vender looked around at the crowd, he turned and handed Vicky the two she asked for.

As we were walking away, she handed Samantha the unicorn and the tiger to Melissa. Both the girls gave her a quick hug and a kiss on her cheek expressing their thanks.

"If I ever see you starting to get angry, come hell or high water, you're not getting anywhere near my kitchen," I giggled as I reached for her hand.

I saw Samantha and Melissa buying a few things. I picked up a nice necklace and matching earrings. I saw Vicky at one of the jewelry stands looking at something. When I walked over to her, she took my hand and slid a dark emerald ring onto the middle finger of my left hand. The ring looked strikingly beautiful.

"That's to show anyone looking that you're taken, and when I slide one onto this finger," touching my ring finger, "you're mine till the day I die."

I stood speechless as her words echoed in my ears.

After she paid for my ring, we started looking for the kids. It was starting to get a little late and time to head home. We found them not far from where we bought the ring and Vicky made the mistake of asking them what they wanted to eat. Both started with pizza, tacos' and hamburgers. I raised my hand, silencing the pleas for all kinds of different foods.

"We are going to find a nice sit down restaurant and order something wholesome and nutritious."

This brought a smile to Vicky lips and pouts from the girls. Looking at Vicky, I whispered. "Never ask teenagers what they want to eat." We both giggled as we grabbed each other's hand and walked towards the parking lot to find her Jeep.

Later that night as I was lying in bed, I began thinking of the day spent at the Fair. I did enjoy the company of Vicky, but I also reminded myself that I was straight and not into women. I began thinking of how her lips felt on mine. Their softness was much unlike those of a man. Hers were warm and giving. Caressing my breasts under my nightshirt, I felt my nipples were already hard. I could feel the moisture leaking from my pussy. I knew if I started to touch myself I wouldn't stop until I made myself cum thinking of Vicky. I first needed to figure out what I really wanted before I jumped off into an unknown fantasy that could eventually hurt me.

Sleep was slow to come, but eventually I did manage to get some sleep, not very restful but enough to get me through the day.

My early morning court appearance went as planned. I submitted my motion to dismiss all complaints against my client for breach of contract for dismissing a worker who failed to show up for work for nearly five days. The judge said that he would take my motion under advisement and would give us his opinion on Thursday at nine.

I was back in my office by ten. I was pretty much caught up on my caseloads, and decided to give Vicky a call and thank her for the wonderful day we had together yesterday. Unfortunately, she was unable to answer her phone, so I left a message that I would be tied up all afternoon and would call her when I got home.

Just as I was hanging up, Samantha called asking if she could spend the night at Melissa's. I told her that I would prefer if she stayed home tonight, that I needed to talk to her. Like any teenager, she complained and I told her that I loved her anyway and would see her around five and to have dinner started.

Right on time, Mr. Holding showed up and we were off to lunch. All during lunch he told me about his company and its holdings. He had stated that his company was worth in the mid-twenties, and he wanted to expand outside the US. He had said that he had a firm in London to handle his interests in Europe, but needed a firm he trusted here in the US.

Getting back to the office a little before twelve, we all sat down in the conference room going over a contract tailored to his needs, which he agreed to without any changes.

After Mr. Holding had left, I got a big hug from Uncle Harold and also one from my father. It was Uncle Harold that made the suggestion that maybe it was time that I was made a full partner in the firm. Dad only looked at me, smiled but never said a word as he went back into his office. I knew that look on his face that he was a little angry because it wasn't his suggestion. Full partner would be nice, but then when the time came, the firm was going to be mine anyway.

I got home around four thirty that evening. I found Samantha in the kitchen with the Betty Crocker cookbook open trying to make us a tuna casserole. Coming into the kitchen I gave her a hug and said that I was going to go and change, then I would help her do whatever else needed to be done.

After helping her make us a salad, we set the table and started to eat. We talked about the upcoming school year and how she was going to handle herself with Melissa. She had said that she and Melissa really didn't talk too much about it but knew that they soon had to since they only had a month and a half before school started.

Once dinner was over and the kitchen cleaned, Samantha said that she was going to go to her room and talk to Melissa before it got too late, while I was pouring myself a glass of wine.

"Samantha..." Pausing to think of the words I wanted to say. "Could we sit in the living room and talk for a little bit?"

"Sure mother. Is this why you asked me to stay home tonight?"

"Well, yes it is." Feeling my cheeks beginning to glow.

Samantha picked up on my embarrassment rather quickly and started poking fun at me.

"Gee mother, you sure turn red easily," giggling as she was saying it.

"Please Samantha, I really don't have anyone I can talk to about what's in my head, and... well you're the only one who might understand," feeling a little frustrated at myself.

Pulling me in close to her shoulder, she said, "I'm sorry mother, go have a seat, let me get a Diet Pepsi and I'll be there in a minute. I settled back into my easy chair as Samantha came in with a bag of chips and her drink. Placing the chips between us, she sat down.

Her next comment about blew my mind. "You're falling in love with Vicky and you don't know what to do about it, right?"

Looking at her like she had two heads must have given all my thoughts away.

"Yep, I can see that you do," she said to me.

Finally finding my voice, I asked, "was I that obvious?"

"Well mother, I did see you together at the fair, and I saw how you looked at her. I even saw how your fingers intertwined in her hand... oh yeah and of course your Sammy moment," causing her cheeks to blush a little even saying it herself.

"Samantha, I want to ask you some questions, but first I want you to know, I'm not trying to pry into your personal life, I'm just trying to understand mine."

"It's ok mother, ask me anything you want."

"OK. How old... err... how long..."

"You mean when did I know I was a lesbian?" Finishing the sentence for me.

"Yes, that and when did you know about Melissa?"

"Let's see, I think I knew I was a lesbian around ten or eleven. It wasn't as if someone tapped me on the shoulder, it dawned on me slowly. I noticed I enjoyed looking at girls while guys never seem to interest me. After I started my periods, and my hormones kicked into high gear, I learn the joys of masturbation and it was one fantasy after another, and all of them included women."

Pausing while she took a drink and munched a few chips, while collecting her thoughts.

"Anyway, my first biggest thrill came when I had a sleep over at Becky May's house one night. We were playing spin the bottle and I got to kiss Becky, and then we all started daring each other to kiss someone. I think I kissed every girl there that night."

"How old were you then?" I asked her.

"That was just before my fourteenth birthday. Except for playing with myself, that is all I had done. Last year, my senior year, I met Melissa. We would watch each other every chance we got. I think we both were scared to make the first move. While in the shower after gym class one day, we were the last two in the shower. Just as she was about to turn and walk out, I grabbed her arm and kissed her in the shower, both of us naked. After the kiss ended, I told her to meet me after her final class that day, and the rest is history."

"Ah... The first time you and Melissa... ah..."

"Got together mother?" She asked.

"Yes, were you scared or frightened or anything?"

"Oh god mother, I was scared out of my mind. I had no idea what to do, or how to do anything. Finally after struggling to get our clothes off, I looked at her and knew that I loved her with all my heart and I wanted to please her in the worst way. Looking between her legs I..."

Putting up my hand to stop her from saying anything more. "I get the picture, you can stop there," giggling at my own discomfort.

"So mother, have you ever kissed another woman or anything while you were in college?"

"No baby, I really haven't, but I have held Vicky's hand and I have kissed her. When she kissed me, it was like nothing I have ever felt before. Oh, I've kissed men before, even gone to bed with a few, but later when I was alone, I felt empty and still wanting. The night after I first kissed Vicky, I felt whole, like life was now complete. I asked myself why didn't I feel this way with a man, instead it was a woman who seemed to turn my world upside down," taking a long sip of my wine.

After a few minutes of silence, I felt Samantha take my hand in hers, "can I ask you a question mother?"

"Of course baby, ask me anything."

"I want you to go out with Vicky. Get all dressed up and go to a romantic restaurant, go dancing. Take her to a nightclub of your choice, and then have her take you to a nightclub of her choice. Bring her home, play scrabble, checkers or whatever. If I'm home I promise I'll stay in my room giving you all the privacy you need. Go to her home, be alone with her, kiss her, and maybe touch one another. After you have spent some time together, ask yourself this question. What am I afraid of, being in love with another woman, or what people might say or think knowing you're in love with another woman. I would really like to know what that answer would really be once you've had a chance to explore your own feelings."

Looking over at my little girl, I suddenly realized how mature she really is. I was so proud of her at that moment. Getting up from the sofa, she picked up her empty drink and chips. Leaning over she kissed me on my cheek, "I'm going to bed now, and maybe I'll call Melissa and talk a little."

As she got to the doorway, I called out to her.

"Samantha, this conversation is just between you and I, ok?"

"Of course mother. I really hope we can talk more about ourselves to one another,"she said to me.

"Isn't that what best friends are for, telling secrets and keeping them."

"I love you mother," smiling at me as she turned and walked away.

After rinsing out my glass, I decided that I was going to climb into bed and call Vicky to see how her day had gone. After washing off my mascara and brushing my teeth, I put on my nightshirt and crawled into the bed. Setting the alarm and plugging in my phone, I turned off the light and called Vicky.

"I was wondering if you were going to call," she said.

"Well, hello to you and how are you this evening?"

"Oh, hello, and now that you called my evening is so much better, and yours?"

"Very good actually, I had a very nice long talk with Samantha this evening. It's surprising how much a child can grow up in front of you and never know it until actually sit and talk to them."

"How are she and Melissa doing?

"Oh they are so in love. I talked to her about what she is going to do when it's time to go back to school. She said that they haven't talked about it yet, but would soon, knowing school is not that far off from starting."

"That's good. Tell either Samantha or Melissa if they need someone to talk to, please give me a call. I'd be more than glad to talk with either of them, maybe give her some hints and pointers on how to handle themselves."