Call (T)-Girl: Bible (T)humper

"You think you'd stick around for a second if they saw your balls Cora? If you are telling the truth, and I guess you are, then you know as well as I do that maybe God loves you, but his people wouldn't," Eve explained. I shook my head. I knew that Linda and Pastor Andrew and the church had supported me in my darkest days.

"They love me at my church, we are a community,"

"They love Cora, the cute girl with big tits and a will to go speak to prostitutes. They don't know that Cora has a cock," Eve said fiercely.

"It doesn't matter. I don't ever use it. I am not going to use it. I gave up on sex. It is bad and wrong, so it doesn't matter," I said, knowing that sounded extreme, I added, "But I get other stuff instead. It is so much better than sex."

"You just quit sex? Like all forms of sex?" Eve asked. She looked absolutely incredulous. Her tone had completely changed. She was not longer just seeing where this went, she flat out did not believe it, "You don't have any other urges for sex, you don't ever want it again?" she asked and I shook my head.

"See, so it doesn't matter. I am celibate," I said.

"So you want me to quit my very lucrative position, join you weird church, never have sex again, and go around convincing other hookers to live like me?" Eve asked, her voice sounding derisive. Why didn't she just understand this?

"You are focusing on the negative, think about finding peace, real internal peace," I said, I felt like I wasn't getting this across.

"Is that what you have now Cora?" Eve asked, but it sounded more like an accusation, "You have internal peace?" I felt some relief. This was solid ground for me. I knew I felt better than I'd felt before in my life. I could answer without question.

"Yes," I said, with absolute self-assurance. This was the good stuff. But Eve snorted.

"You cut out an entire part of your life, the most important thing in life, and call the crater left there 'peace'," Eve said. I was taken aback. I started shaking my head.

"No, the most important thing is...It isn't this world. You have to understand..." I said.

"Why do I have to understand Cora? Why do I? If you really have peace, isn't it enough that you know it?" Eve asked. Eve's question sort of hit me from a strange angle. I'd never really thought about it like that before. I hadn't been expecting her to push back, I figured she would be interested in all the great things that my change in life had brought me. But I didn't know why I needed her to believe it. I don't know why I needed her to follow me. I just knew that I did. I hadn't really thought about the 'why.' Ever since I'd started becoming active in the church, I just knew I wanted to do this. To save people like Linda saved me.

"I don't..." I started.

"You need something to tell you that you made the right decision? Is that what you want? You want something to show you that you were wasting your life before and doing something good now? Is that why I need to understand? If a whore understands and makes the same choice as you, then it will make sense to you too?" Eve interrupted. Her words sort of hit me in the gut. Hadn't I been thinking that exact same thing? Hadn't I hoped that by saving Eve, I would be confirming that I saved myself? Was there something wrong with that?

"I..." I started, but trailed off. My head was spinning and I was not ready for this. Why was she questioning my motivation, I was just trying to help? And why was her questioning throwing me off kilter?

"Well here you go Cora, you can take this to the bank: you did the right thing. I heard your story. You were not ever going to be happy in the life you were living. Quitting and learning to control yourself was something you needed to do. But it has nothing to do with me. Don't try to save me to prove that the nonsense you spew about being in a peaceful place is true." She asked. I felt my cheeks getting hot.

"I am in a peaceful place. I just want to share it with you," I said now, but my voice sounded broken. I don't even know if I believed it now.

"Here is the thing Cora. Quitting your old life was good. You couldn't handle having everything you wanted whenever you wanted it. But you know why you are here?" she asked pointedly. I shook my head, wondering if somehow she had some insight that I did not, "Because having nothing you want won't work for you either."

"I don't want anything else, I have everything I need," I said, I didn't even know what she was referring to. My head felt light and I was intensely confused. What was it that I wanted that I didn't realize I wanted? I had always wanted things in the past. I had learned to stop wanting. That was the secret.

"You had all you wanted and went way overboard. Drugs, partying, that kind of stuff...That ain't part of a person. It was good to get rid of them. But you overcorrected by cutting out whole pieces of yourself. Your actual real self," Eve said, she was speaking briskly now, she was looking directly at me, but I couldn't meet her gaze. I felt...cowed. But what was she talking about? She didn't know me. She didn't know what was me and what wasn't me. Did she? Did I? As if to answer, Eve's slender left hand raised and pointed directly between my legs.

"That is a part of who you are. Even if you take it off, that is still a part of who you are. You can ignore it all you want, but you know something is missing in your life. Something real. You came here to vicariously get a piece of that and to convince yourself that it is okay to give it up."

"I am not..." I said, sputtering. I was surprised by how vehement Eve had become. It felt strange; it felt like a role reversal. Who was evangelizing who? I needed to get this back on track, it wasn't supposed to be about me.

"Let's talk about God..." I tried, it sounded flat and unconvincing. But Eve took it and ran with it.

"My god is Sex baby. That's where I see God. You honestly trying to tell me that in all these years since you cleaned up, you didn't ever want sex? You just always wanted celibacy? There ain't nothing inside of you, screaming to get out?" Despite my efforts to keep my mind on things that were pure, I found myself following Eve's directions.

I could remember early on, when I first started to live with Linda, deep desires for cocaine or alcohol. I would feel bored and want to party. I would want and want and want. But I would control them. Over time, those desires became less frequent. The never truly went away (I still have them to this day) but I was able to control them. I felt pride in my ability to control them.

But Eve was right, sex had been different. The desire for sex had been so strong at first. I had woken up, aroused, and wanting sex. But I knew it was wrong. More than that, I knew that having sex could expose my...secret. It could cause difficulty for me within the church. I didn't know how they would react, but I knew that it probably wouldn't be good. But over time, that desire had not faded. It had grown more intense. I remember weeks of praying by myself, trying to eradicate my body's desires. I spoke with Linda and Pastor Andrew (always obliquely and without exposing anything) and was simply told that denial was what I needed. I tried everything I could think to stop my sexual desires. But nothing worked. The need for sex grew more and more powerful. I couldn't leave the remnants of my sexuality there as a reminder as I had done with my other addictions. I had to cut it out entirely. I had, over time, completely willed my mind to no longer see the world in that way. I had taken my sexuality and bottled it up. Just like my cock, taped up tightly and bound where no one could see it, I created a new reality where it did not exist. Where I couldn't feel it.

"I saw your eyes on me Cora, what did you think when you saw me?" Eve asked. I shook myself out of my thoughts and turned to Eve. She was looked at me intently. Her face was so beautiful and kind. I thought about how her body had looked when she first arrived. I thought about my discomfort when seeing Eve's body, even as I tried to blind myself to what it meant. I thought about Eve's perfume and the feel of her thigh against mine. Her cock limp against her leg just inches from me. I realized I'd been attracted to her, not just comparing her beauty to mine. But I had willed myself into blindness to that fact. My sexuality existed in an alternative place, outside of my consciousness. But it was still there. But I shook my head, realizing the ramifications of that thought. It had to stay there.

"No..." I said, "It is wrong. There is temptation in this world. I have to resist." That was the way I thought about my other vices.

"Don't you feel anything about this?" Eve said. She quickly grabbed my hand and then placed it against her breast. I felt her flesh through the velvety fabric of her bra. My hand squeezed involuntarily and I felt the soft warmth of her skin. I wondered what her nipples tasted like. I quickly moved my hand away, shaking my head. Those were bad thoughts.

I felt a crushing level of guilt. Linda and Pastor Andrew had sent me out in the world to reform people. And what was I doing? Lusting after prostitutes? Being tempted? I was clearly not ready for this. Maybe I'd never be ready for this. I was still the same bad person I'd always been. I needed Linda and Pastor Andrew to be right there with me every step of the way. That was the only way I could control myself. I felt so pathetic. Not for my feelings, I couldn't help it. I felt like I'd let everyone down.

"I shouldn't have done that. It was bad," I said, dropping my head. My hand felt dirty, bad. I shouldn't have allowed any of this to happen. I should leave now, while my sins were still relatively small.

"You didn't do anything, I did," Eve said. "Oh wait, you did do something!" Eve said laughing. I looked at her eyes, which looked warm and understanding, but did not know what she was referring to. She looked down briefly, down between her legs. Eve's cock looked slightly different. It no longer lolled languidly against her thigh. It was not erect, but I could see that it was growing thicker, plumping up slightly. Eve was becoming aroused. I felt my mouth water. She really had a beautiful cock. It was thick with large veins and a cute pink tip. And it was pretty large as well, about six inches when limp against her leg. It was getting larger now. When was the last time I had really seen someone else's cock? When was the last time I had been aware that I was causing someone else to become aroused? It felt so good to be the object of desire, I had forgotten how nice that was.

"I am sorry that I made you sin," I said, but I didn't know if I meant it. Eve laughed.

"I choose to sin when I choose to sin. Though, I must admit, I don't look at this as sinning. This is just part of nature," I said.

"We must be more than nature," I said, trying to convince myself. My eyes were still on Eve's twitching cock and also on the other, lovely parts of her body. I tried to resist the temptation to look, but could not. I told myself I would not voluntarily touch her.

"Your buddy Linda, does she fuck her husband?" Eve asked coarsely. I felt my face tighten involuntarily.

"That is inappropriate..." I said. I did not want to talk about Linda like that. She was like...my real mother. She was not consumed by sex, the way I had been consumed by all of my various demons.

"Does she have kids?"

"Yes," I said.

"So she has been fucked at least that many times. But if she really is happily married, probably a lot more," Eve said.

"I don't see how..." I started. This was not helpful.

"Talking about fucking has me a little..." Eve started. I looked down and saw her cock was completely erect now. It was around seven inches long and thick. The veins stood in sharp contrast to her light brown skin. The pink tip looked so delectable, I imagined it sliding into my mouth. And then stopped the vision. I had to stop. This wasn't right. But Eve wasn't interested in my prudishness. She reached her left hand forward and I watched as her thin fingers wrapped around her own hard shaft, down near the base. Her fingers were resting on her robins-egg sized testicles briefly. Then she started to move her hand up the length of her shaft. In a few seconds, Eve was slowly, but steadily, stroking her hand up and down her own cock. I looked, mesmerized and distressed all at once.

"Don't talk about Linda when you do that," I said.

"I am not thinking about Linda, I am thinking about you," Eve said. "I am just saying that maybe you little church group doesn't drink and maybe they don't do blow, but fucking is natural. You don't have to feel bad about just doing that. Come on baby, I came here ready to go. I still want it. You think I am pretty don't you?"

"You are very pretty. And...part of me really wants you," I blurted out against my better judgment. I was just looking at Eve's hands moving on her cock. I couldn't lie. "But sex is...one of the bad things. I can't do it. I have to just ignore it. I can't feel this way." I was almost pleading with her. I felt my body reacting to her. I knew that my defenses were wearing down.

"Sex isn't wrong baby. You can do wrong things with sex. Evil things. But sex itself is, at worst, neutral. It can be as beautiful or ugly as you want it to be," Eve said, "I've done it both ways Cora, I know." She smiled warmly at me. But I couldn't share in her warmth.

"Even if that were true," I said in a way that indicated that I didn't believe that it was, "Even if it was. It is too dangerous for me. Sex for me is part of a bad life. Getting rid of sex was part of getting rid of all the other bad stuff in my life. If I backslide with sex...I will backslide on everything. I can't have that life again." And that was the crux of it. Sex was evil, I knew that because I had been taught that. But more viscerally, all of my addictions were all tied together. Removing sex from my life allowed me to stay in my church (and remove any stigma that my body might cause) but also prevented me from returning to the life my parents would pay for me to have once again.

"You have to learn to strike a balance Cora. It ain't all or nothing. You were unhappy because you had no limits and you are happier with limits. But you aren't a saint. You're a person. You can't be nothing but limits. Are you really fulfilled right now either? And if your church doesn't like you as a real person, a full person, then what good are they? I am not telling you to leave this place now and go get a drink or score some coke. Like I said, that was clearly bad for you. I am just...aw Hell!" Eve said. Without any warning, both of Eve's arms reached out towards me (one hand dropping her erect cock). She quickly tore off my glasses and threw them across the room. Before I knew what was going on, her hands were on either side of my face. She turned my head towards her and closed her eyes, leaning in quickly.

I froze as Eve's thick, pink lips pressed against mine. My eyes were still open and I found myself looking at her smooth face and delicate features. I felt her lips sink into mine. They felt incredibly hot, and very firm. I felt my own lips give in to hers. I did not so much kiss back as I allowed her to kiss me. The sensation of her lips against mine was...electric. My entire body seemed to come alive all at once. All of my nerves were firing, my skin felt prickly, and my heart pounded like a drum. Eve's beautiful smell filled my nose and, despite myself, I felt actual arousal. Not repressed. But right there on the surface. I felt my nipples harden and my mouth go dry.

I felt Eve's mouth open slightly and her pink tongue darted out of her mouth. I was still too stunned to move and I did not open my mouth to let her in. I desperately wanted to. I wanted to feel her tongue in my mouth, to taste her. My body wanted it. But I knew I was supposed to resist. This was bad and I wasn't supposed to be doing this. I was making this situation worse. I needed to stop. Stuck between these two poles, I just sat stiffly, but enjoying Eve's kiss nonetheless. Her tongue flittered across my lips, wetting them and sending a shiver down my spine.

And while our lips were together, I was thinking about what Eve had said. She'd correctly noted that I hadn't been fulfilled when I had everything that I wanted all the time. I was less than a person, I was just an animal with constant desires. But now I had control over myself, and that was good. I was much happier. But was I completely fulfilled? I had walled off a part of myself, but I knew now it was still there. Could I be happy for the rest of my life, pretending that I was something that I was not? But could I have sexuality and still remain a decent person, or would I fall back into my old habits? It was so risky. But even with the fear, I realized now that part of me desperately wanted it, that I always had, I'd just ignored it.

More importantly I realized why I had come to this placed and met this woman. It was the same reason that part of me wanted to have sex so badly. Intimacy. It was likely the one thing I still lacked that would provide me with fulfillment. The one thing that in all my time I had never had. I hadn't been able to buy a real connection with anyone. And now, in my church, I had to keep a part of myself, a big part of myself, secret. I couldn't allow a real connection with anyone. I'd spent so much time becoming a real person, but now I could not share that real person with anyone else. I had hoped to have that kind of connection with someone, someone who would understand me. Eve was a "fallen woman" and "transgender." I had hoped to short circuit intimacy, to find it with someone in a way that avoided romantic or sexual entanglement. Someone I could explain my feelings to and know that they understood. I realized that this was what I was missing in my life as well. As much as I loved Linda and Pastor Andrew, I sat outside their intimacy. The intimacy of lovers. I was just certain that my past had made that path to intimacy impossible for me now. I had burned that bridge. My defenses to my sexuality were, for good reason, far too high.

But then something happened, Eve turned her body slightly in towards me, pressing her lips more tightly into mine. She scooted her body closer to me as well, rolling her hips towards me. It was not on purpose, but, despite my best efforts to simply freeze, something unexpected happened. My left hand was sitting against my thigh. As Eve turned, the tip of her hard cock pressed against the back of my hand. It felt like it was kissing me as well, the hard but still spongy skin pressing against my tendons. I could feel the slight warmth of her pre-cum as it smeared across my skin. The feeling was...explosive.

Up until that point, I had felt my arousal growing at the same rate that my will to resist had grown. It was like I was trying to build a dam of moral purity higher and higher even as the flood waters of temptation were rising behind me. I could feel both impulses growing to an unsustainable degree. And what was worse, the lust was rising faster than I could build. But I didn't have a choice, I had to keep trying. Then Eve's cock had brushed my hand. And like a dam that is overrun, the water does not simply dribble over the top. The dam fails. The whole thing fails at once. When I felt Eve's cock against my hand, I couldn't fight my urges any longer. Five years of repressed sexual energy rushed out of the dark recesses of my brain, crashed down into my conscious mind, and found my body, suddenly willing to play along.

I felt my lips begin to kiss Eve back. Just a little added pressure. Eve seemed to notice as well as I heard a slight moan in her throat. I opened my mouth slightly. Eve's tongue was still slipping across my lips, but now it slipped inside of my mouth, the tip running across my teeth. I met her tongue with my own, licking it quickly. I got just the barest taste of her cinnamon-sweet flavor and wanted more.