In The Name of Science

After disconnecting, I took another swig of beer and could feel myself slipping into depression. My chest started to hurt and I wondered if I was having a heart attack or was it just physically crumbling. I felt a tear run down my cheek. I wiped it away and gasped a breath of despair. "Damn her, damn her," I said out loud.

My mind became a roulette wheel of thoughts twirling around so fast I couldn't distinguish one from the other. When the wheel finally came to rest it landed on one particular thought...I wasn't going to be a victim in all this.

Whether she heard me correctly or not, I told her I wasn't going to stay home and be celibate for the next three months and I meant it. I glanced at the time—quarter to seven. I ran upstairs and grabbed a quick shower. I was almost dressed when my phone rang. It was her. I put it down on the dresser while I combed my hair. After the sixth ring the answering machine kicked in.

"Hi, honey. I hope you're out with some friends having a good time. We just finished up so I'm on my way home but there's still a lot of rush hour traffic so I'm guessing I'll see you shortly after eight. Bye, bye, honey. I love you."

Yeah, right, I thought. She sounded happy, very happy, walking on air happy. Okay, I at least knew how much time I had so I went downstairs to grab a bite to eat and think. Hell, I hadn't even looked at another woman since getting married. I thought of just hiring hookers but was pretty sure you had to get into the three to four hundred dollar range before getting someone decent, maybe even more. I sure couldn't afford to do that very often. The only other option I saw was to find a meat market that catered to grownups. I wasn't bad looking and I kept in shape but I sure wasn't a player. That's when an idea came from out of the blue. It was a long shot but what the hell.

Cheryl Tennison was a young widow who lived a few blocks down the street. When I say young, I mean young for me. I would guess her to be in her late twenties or early thirties. She and her husband had just bought their house when he was tragically killed by a drunk driver. The funeral was probably the sadist event I'd ever been to. Cheryl had to be physically helped and supported by her sister and brother in law every step of the way. Since they had just bought the house they had an insurance policy that paid off the mortgage. Everyone expected her to sell it and move into an apartment but so far she was still there. I was told she got more money from an additional life insurance policy her husband had through his work and also from a lawsuit she filed. I saw her at neighborhood get-togethers sometimes but never with a man. I wondered how long it'd been since she had sex. I know that sounds terrible but just maybe we could be of mutual benefit to each other.

I almost got cold feet on the way over there. I thought about her telling everyone in the neighborhood what an old letch I was. But then I thought, what the heck, I probably won't be living here much longer anyway.

She was surprised to see me when she opened the door. "Darin, hi," she said while looking around for Kendra. "Are you alone?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry to say. I'm wondering if you have a few minutes to talk."

"Ah, yeah, sure, come on in," she offered, standing back and opening the door wider. "Can I get you some coffee? I just made a fresh pot."

"I'd love some," I replied. "Can I help with anything?"

"No, I think I can handle coffee," she chuckled.

She offered me a seat on the couch but I said I'd be just as comfortable in the kitchen so that's where we went. For some reason I thought I might sound a little less like a dirty old man, sitting at the kitchen table.

I watched her face as I explained the situation. She patiently listened to my tale of woe, asking a question here and there. I could tell she was on my side in the matter. That gave me a little more courage. After two cups of coffee and several looks of sympathy from her, I was ready to pop the question.

"Cheryl, right now my marriage is hanging by a thread. I doubt very much we're going to survive this but in any event, I'm not going to sit at home twiddling my thumbs. I told her I would not stay celibate for the next three months while she made whoopee with other men."

I saw Cheryl's eyes squint and knew she was anticipating what I was going to say next. I figured the worst she could do was throw me out and I was too far into my proposition to back out.

"Cheryl, I know nothing about your personal life but I'm looking for a friend with benefits." I saw her back straighten. I figured I was about to get tossed out on my ear. "Please don't take offense and if there's a guy out there who's about to kick my butt, I give you my apologies...but if not, I do wish you'd think it over before hitting me over the head with a frying pan."

That got a laugh out her anyway. Without saying a word, she got up for more coffee and poured us another cup. I could see she was at least thinking about it. She sat down again. "Okay, let me make sure I understand you right. You want to have sex with me while Kendra is doing this study thing. How often would we do it?"

"Ah, well she'll be going to that thing three times a week. If you weren't in the mood that often we could just go out to dinner or maybe dancing. I just don't want to sit home while she's at that place and I'm determined I'm not going to go without sex for the next three months."

"Hmm, and when would we start?"

I wasn't sure if she was teasing me with her questions or not. I was really hoping she wasn't setting me up to laugh at me. "As soon as you'd like," I answered.

"And what happens after the three months."

That was a hard one. "To be truthful, Cheryl, I don't know. I doubt very much if I'll still have a marriage after this. If I do then we'd have to break it off. There would be a lot of marriage counseling and it wouldn't help if you and I were still having sex. If the marriage is over then I guess you and I could keep going until one of us calls it off."

"Darin, it's been three years since Tom was killed. Since then I've not had a single date. I'm just not ready for another relationship yet and dating some guy I don't really know just to have sex is a little scary for me. But this...this is the best offer I've had in a long time."

She stood and stretched out her hand. This I hadn't expected—not at all. I wondered if I shouldn't ask her if she wanted to think it over first but then I thought if I gave her time she might back out. I knew from Kendra's voice mail that she had gone ahead with her clinical study so what the hell. I took her hand and started to follow her into the bedroom. We got about half way there when we suddenly stopped.

"Damn," she said under her breath but just loud enough that I could hear. "I don't imagine you brought protection with you?"

"Ah, no; to tell you the truth I didn't really think we'd be doing this tonight already. I figured you'd want to think it over first."

"What's to think over? No, that's not it. Since I lost Tom I've had no need for birth control. I'll call my doctor tomorrow and get a prescription but that won't help us now." She glanced at a wall clock in the kitchen. "The drug store on Busse is open till nine. If you hurry you can still get condoms."

I was back in twenty minutes flat. I quietly knocked. I'm not sure why I didn't just ring the bell; it just seemed like knocking was the thing to do.

She peeked around as she opened the door a crack. When she made sure it was me she opened it all the way but stood behind it. I looked back when I heard the door close and saw she was wearing a long, blue robe that almost touched the floor. I assumed she was naked under it.

When we got to the bedroom I put the three-pack of condoms on the nightstand as she sat on the edge of the mattress and looked at me with a nervous little smile. She still had her body hidden behind that terrycloth.

"How...ah...how do you usually...I mean...are you more of a...a guy of action...you know what I mean, or do you like to take your time with a lot of foreplay?"

She was almost as nervous as I was. When Kendra and I made love it was slowly. I'd kiss my way where ever I was going at the time; boobs, pussy, neck--where ever. I had envisioned this, however, as more of a wham-bam-thank you ma'am, kind of thing...just sex...no strings attached. I had no idea what her thoughts were.

"Well, ah, what do you prefer?"

"God, this really is embarrassing," she muttered. "I never considered anything like this. I figured sooner or later I'd wind up going to some bar for a one night stand, but you're a friend. I've known you for years..."

"Would you rather not do this?" I asked.

"No, no, Darin. I definitely want to do this, I...I just need a moment."

"Do ah, do you want me to start getting undressed or should I keep my clothes on."

She smiled. "We're going to do this, Darin, so unless you have some kind of a kink about keeping them on, why don't you get undressed."

She sat there staring straight ahead while I stripped down to my jockey's. She must have thought about it more while I was at the drug store, and in spite of her declaration that we were going to do it, seemed to be reconsidering my offer.

As I stood there she turned her head and looked at the growing bulge in my shorts. A small, impetuous smile stretched across her face. I think that was actually the moment she made her decision.

"I've been thinking. Maybe later we can take our time but right now, I'd rather you just get to it. I need you inside me. It's been a long time since I've had the real thing," she told me.

She stood up and took the robe off. I got just a brief glimpse of her magnificent body before she shyly climbed under the covers. I was right behind her. She giggled when I reached under the sheet to pull my briefs off. I felt like a kid having sex for the first time. I reached for my purchase and tore open one of the packets. It had been a long time since I used a Trojan. Luckily, I was so damned hard it was easy to put on.

I had to do a little foreplay. I didn't want to just shove it in so I curled my tongue around a nipple while my fingers found a moist pussy. I was a little surprised and wondered if she did something while I was gone to get so wet. She was already moaning and squirming around so I maneuvered myself between her legs.

"Oh God, God yes, God," she screamed as I slowly slid inside of her. She arched her back and I almost slipped out but managed to work my way up a little further to fully seat myself all the way in. I slowly started to move my hips back and forth, in and out, sometimes stopping briefly at the entrance before sinking my cock back into that starving pussy.

It didn't take long before her breathing became labored and I knew she was getting close to coming. "Yes, of God, yes, like that," she squealed. With a loud call to the almighty her body froze for an instant then bucked in the air. Her arms went around my back and I felt her nails digging into my skin. Her vaginal muscles clamped shut like a vise and her whole body trembled with ecstasy. It was nice to know I could still bring someone so much pleasure.

As she started to slowly calm down, I began to pick up speed and soon had her in the throes of another climax, although not quite as forceful as the first. When I saw how much she needed the release, my own gratification became much less important and I slowed down until the urge building from deep in my loins had passed.

I was able to get her off once more before my own need started to build again. I began to ease off a little only this time Cheryl knew what I was doing. She held on to me, bucking her hips in time with my thrusts.

"Come, come with me, Darin; please, come with me," she begged.

I kept up the pace and soon our cries of ecstasy danced together in the air above the bed. I collapsed on my elbows, hovering above her but she reached up and pulled me down on top of her. I tried not to put all my weight on her but she just wasn't having it and squeezed our sweaty torsos together. It was a few minutes before either of us could mutter a word.

"Wow," she finally said with a small giggle. "You have no idea how much I needed that. Thank you."

"That's mutual, Cheryl."

"Would you mind if we called it a night? I know you have a couple more condoms but I'm kind of wiped out."

"No, that's fine," I told her.

"Stay right there a minute," she told me. Then, obviously over her shyness, she got out of bed and disappeared into the bathroom. She came back out a minute later with a warm washcloth, threw the covers off of me and gently cleaned me off. When she was done she put her robe back on and gave me a smile. "Coffee?"

"Sure."

Allowing me some modesty, Cheryl left the bedroom to make coffee, giving me privacy to get dressed.

We sat across the kitchen table from each other and talked for almost an hour. She really was a sweet lady. She told me she was still mourning Tom's death and wasn't sure if she'd ever stop. As far as sex was concerned, my timing was perfect. She had finally made up her mind she was going to start dating again although she really wasn't looking forward to it. My proposal was like an answer to her prayers.

I got home a little after midnight. Kendra was sound asleep. Too bad. I know she'd ask me if I enjoyed myself and I would have told her yes and why I enjoyed myself. Maybe it would give her a taste of how I felt and the hurt she was causing me.

Kendra was still asleep when I left the next day. About ten o'clock that morning my cell phone rang. It was Bernie, the computer hacker. "Good morning, Bernie."

"Good morning. How you doing?"

"Okay, I guess. Did you find out anything?"

"Does the moon have craters?" he joked. "Yeah, I got everything. I even got the name of all the guys just in case you want to hire somebody to break their legs."

I laughed. I hadn't thought of that but now that he mentioned it...

"The acronym for the study is FIRET. It stands for Female Intimate Relations Enhancement Trial. The name of the research company is Peterson, Inc. and they're being paid by Physco Pharmaceuticals. If you give me a secure email address I'll send you the questionnaire she filled out."

"So the whole trial thing is legit?" I queried.

"Yeah, except for one thing, I couldn't find a contract anywhere. Even if they didn't upload the actual contracts they would have them mentioned somewhere; a notation saying contract signed, something like that."

"So she didn't really sign a contract," I stated.

"Doesn't look like it," he replied.

As far as I was concerned that was the last nail in her coffin. I gave Bernie my private email address, offered to pay him again, and said my goodbyes when he refused.

About an hour later I got a short break between catastrophes so I opened my own laptop and checked my email. There is was, not only Kendra's questionnaire but everyone's who was in the trial. He even had the schedules and a transcript of the interviews afterward. I saw she had sex with a guy by the name of Terry Crowly. He was thirty-six years old. He told the interviewer that having the woman respond so well made the sex more enjoyable for him as well. I wasn't really interested in anyone else's information, just Kendra's. Her application was all pretty much what I expected except for one thing, she wrote that she never really enjoyed sex that much. Did she write that because she thought it would increase her chances to get into the trial, or was it the truth? I planned to ask her when I got home.

The place smelled like a restaurant when I walked into the house that night. Kendra was in the living room watching TV. "I have a roast in the oven and I made a pumpkin pie for dessert," she said as she started to get up. I'm pretty sure she was planning to hug and kiss me hello but I didn't give her a chance. I silently walked by and went upstairs to shower.

When I came out she was sitting on the bed. "Darin, I wish you would try and understand how important this is."

"You lied to me about the contract," I coldly stated.

Her head shot up in my direction and she looked at me with big wide eyes. "W...why would you say that?"

"Because it's true. If you signed a contract let me see it. They'd have to give you a copy. Let me see your copy of the contract."

She had no comeback. She just sat there staring at me.

"I thought so. I have one more question. Did you mean it when you said you didn't enjoy sex or was that just a ploy to get in the program?"

"Oh my God," she screamed. "How do know what I said?"

"You mean how do I know about the Female Intimate Relations Enhancement Trial? You mean how do I know about Terry Crowly?"

"Who...who is Terry Crowly?"

"He's the guy you had sex with last night. The most incredible sex of my life, I believe is what you said in the interview afterward. Oh, by the way, he enjoyed it also."

"This is all supposed to be private information!" she screamed. "How do you know all this?" she asked defiantly.

"Never mind how I know, I know. You want to know who you'll be having the most incredible sex of your life with next?"

"This was all supposed to be secret," she mumbled. "I didn't want to hurt you any more than I had," she said. "You were never supposed to know about the things I said."

"Ah, huh; so when you said you didn't understand why I thought it was such a big deal--that was a lie too. You knew damn well how it would affect me, that's why you went behind my back to sign up, that's why you moped around the house for two weeks before telling me, that's why you lied to me about the contract."

"I...I knew you wouldn't like it...e...especially the part about not having sex for three months."

"You think that's what hurts so bad? It's not that we can't, it's why we can't. If you were sick and couldn't have sex for some medical or emotional condition, I wouldn't have a problem in the world, but that's not it. You just arbitrarily tossed me aside for better sex with other guys. You didn't even give me a chance to weigh in. If you're so worried about my celibacy, don't be," I told her. "I had some pretty incredible sex myself last night."

That caught her attention. "What?" she yelled, jumping up from the bed. "You're lying."

"No, that seems to be your specialty these days."

"With who?"

"I'm not saying. I have my secrets too."

"Darin, you can't do this."

"I told you the other day I wasn't going to go without sex for three months."

"No you didn't. You said you were going to have a beer with the guys after work."

"No, you said that. I'm not going to sit around listening to my heart break while you're going at it hot and heavy with some guy's cock in you. I told you that and I meant it. I've worked out a friends with benefits situation with someone, so every time you go to the clinic to have sex I'll be enjoying myself as well."

Now I saw real tears in her eyes. Normally I'd kiss them away and tell her everything would be alright but after all the bullshit over the last few days all I said was...

"I'm hungry, let's eat."

As you might expect, it was a quiet evening after our discussion. She did ask if I was going to continue spying on her and what she said at the clinic. I told her no. She was welcome to say anything she pleased. I had no more interest in what she said or did at that damn place. I also wasn't about to ask Bernie to continue hacking their computer three times a week for me. I confirmed the trial was real, that was my main goal anyway.

The next day was Wednesday...another session; would she go? She had to see how it was affecting us. Once again I held out hope. I had already given her 'one last chance' about three times now, what's one more. It's not easy letting go of a twenty two year relationship. We raised two boys together, made it through sicknesses, misfortunes, and heartbreaks together; we'd always been such a good team. At some point I may have to make the hard decision but until then I'm not giving up.