In The Name of Science

I wasn't quite sure how to react. It seemed the whole subdivision we lived in knew more about my divorce than I did. I did know one thing though...

"I'm ready," I said.

She looked up at me while the piece of apple pie she was about to eat fell from her fork. "You're ready...you mean..."

"If you are I am too," I responded.

"I've been ready, but what about honoring your vows whether she did or not. Isn't that what you said before you filed?"

"Yeah, I know. I was bound and determined I would stick to my morals but at this point it just seems silly. She's obviously moved on already. Looking back, I'm surprised I didn't see it coming. I didn't realize it at the time, I think because it happened so gradually, but I know Kendra's work took more and more of her soul until there was simply no space left in there for me anymore.

"No," I said, shaking my head, "I'm sure she already has her sights set on this doctor. Who knows, she may have had the hots for him long before all this started. In any event, our marriage is over. It doesn't make sense to pretend anything different and whether I start living my life again now or in another month, I don't feel the need to keep my marital commitments any longer."

Cheryl had to agree; having the character to stick to your guns is one thing but there comes a time when it becomes meaningless. "So you want to go back to what we were doing; friends with benefits?"

"That's going to be up to you," I said.

"Me?"

"Yeah," I didn't know exactly how to say what I wanted to say. I think I probably cleared my throat about three times before continuing. "I...I had a lot of time to think over the past few months and...well...I, ah, I...I'm a lot older than you and if I'm out of line just tell me. I know you only agreed to be friends with benefits but I...I was wondering if you'd let me take you out too sometimes.

She smiled. "Darin, I'd like that, I'd like it a lot."

"Yeah? I mean I'm fourteen years older than you and I don't want to hamper you when you're ready to start dating for real..."

"Darin—shut up," she said cutting me off rather emphatically. She almost seemed a little aggravated with me and I wasn't sure why. "So," she continued, "what you're saying is that I don't have to wait another month to get my bell rung again."

I smiled. Evidently she wasn't THAT ticked at me. "No, ma'am, my clapper is more than ready," I joked.

She accompanied me home that night and didn't leave until the next morning. The following evening we went out to dinner and took in a movie. I really enjoyed her company and she seemed to enjoy mine as well. I had to remind myself there could never really be anything serious between us because of our age difference. At forty-five, I was still a virile man with no problem getting it up but that wouldn't last forever. Who knew if that would still be the case ten or even five years down the road. I've read that women are just hitting their sexual peaks in their forties and fifties. Of course there was always the little blue pill but I knew that wasn't always a hundred percent effective. It just wouldn't be fair to her.

As unexciting as the rest of it was, life did go on. Our house sold about a month after Cheryl and I started dating. Kendra was at the closing. It was the first time I'd seen her in months. She looked about the same and was pleasant throughout the whole process but I got the impression she still held the divorce against me; she still believed she'd done nothing wrong.

It was great to have at least one of my boys living with me again but the summer went by way too fast. Both Doug and I kept in touch with Chad through three way and conference calling and they did the same with their mother. Just before school started again I did get some good news, Chad and Cheyenne talked it over and decided they would spend Christmas vacation here with me. I was going to get a chance to meet the girl who stole my son's heart. I couldn't wait.

In the mean time I had a very important birthday to plan for. September fourth was fast approaching. I made reservations at a romantic little bed and breakfast overlooking the Vermillian River. Then for a little adventure I picked up tickets to go white water rafting. It wasn't like shooting the Colorado River rapids but it was exciting enough for us. We both had a fantastic time.

It wasn't long after that, that I'd noticed a change in our sex sessions. I think it'd been happening gradually over time but the sex was becoming more meaningful, more emotional, more loving. Again, it concerned me. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. My feelings were still pretty raw over my divorce and then there was still the age difference.

October was a rough month for me. I felt myself slipping into depression again as the anniversary of Kendra's infamous announcement approached. Funny, I could still hear it word for word in my head. Thinking back to her lack of concern for me still hurt and I admit to shedding a few tears for what I had lost. That, and the fact that Doug was back in school and I missed him terribly, really had me down. Cheryl tried to perk me up but I even back away from her for a time. I needed to simply hide in the corner and feel sorry for myself for a while. Somehow she knew that and let me do what I needed to do. She was beginning to know me pretty damn well.

Luckily, I can only wallow in self-pity for a short time before chastising myself and joining the living again. Sometimes we need to fall back a step or two before charging ahead, at least I did.

When I did come out of my funk, Cheryl was right there to greet me. We were seeing each other almost every night after that and my growing passion to be with her was chipping away at my thoughts about our age difference. Once again I found myself in uncharted waters not knowing what to do. Then Cheryl lit my path.

We were lying in bed, both on our backs, staring up at the ceiling and trying to catch our breath after a fantastic two hours. "Darin, are you thinking of getting me anything for Christmas?"

I thought that was kind of a dumb question. Naturally, I was going to get her something. "Of course," I replied.

"I know how you could combine a Christmas gift with my next birthday present."

This sounded intriguing. "How can I do that?"

"Well, you know I've been taking the pill since we started making love."

"Yes." The fact that she said making love instead of having sex hadn't escaped me.

"Well, I'd like to stop."

I had to think about what she was saying for a moment. The first thing that flashed into my brain was that she wanted to stop having sex, then it hit me but before I could speak she took advantage of my dumbfounded silence and continued.

"Darin, when Tom and I were married we couldn't wait to have a family. Tragically, he was killed before that became a reality. Darin, I want a child so bad I can taste it and I'm not getting any younger. After Tom died I gave up on the idea because I didn't think I'd ever find another man I'd want as my baby's father but you've changed my mind. If I stop taking the pill now it'll take my body a little while to acclimate but I figure I'll be able to conceive around Christmas. If that happens the baby would be born around my birthday."

She didn't even give me a chance to respond before trying to eradicate the objections she anticipated. "Darin, there would be no financial obligations on your part. I have good insurance that will pay for prenatal care and all the hospital bills and I have a decent job plus the insurance money from Tom's death, so I wouldn't ask you for any support or money of any kind."

Talk about a bombshell. I had been scrutinizing my growing feelings for her but I had not even considered another child. I'm not sure why, it's a pretty natural thing to happen between two people who love each other but I guess at my age and having two already grown kids, it just didn't enter into the mix.

I could almost feel the air leaving her lungs in despair as I started to speak. "Cheryl, there's a lot more to being a father than just financial support. There's a responsibility..."

"You wouldn't have to worry about that," she blurted out. "I understand, you already have two beautiful kids, if you didn't want to be in her life I wouldn't pressure you."

"Cheryl, please let me continue."

"I'm sorry, go ahead," she said. I could hear the dejection in her voice.

"I couldn't be an absentee father, Cheryl; it's just not in me. I could not just stand by while my child grows up and not be part of his or her life."

I heard a quiet sob and looked over to see tears running down her face. I turned on my side to face her and rubbed her tears away with my finger. "But I think I have a solution to that problem," I said.

"What?"

"Well, you could marry me."

Her head snapped to the side as she intently stared into my eyes. "Do you mean that?"

"With all my heart," I assured her. "But before you answer me I want you to consider the difference in our ages. It doesn't mean that much right now but as we get older..."

"I see what you mean," she said, cutting me off again. "Yeah, just think, when you're a hundred I'll only be eighty-six," she said with a laugh.

I was serious. "Yeah, I'll also be sixty when you're just forty-six, seventy when you're just fifty-six."

"So what?"

She didn't get it. "Honey, you'll still be sexually active, in fact you'll be hitting your peak while I'll be well on my way to impotency."

"Do tongues go soft?"

"Honey, I'm serious. What..."

"Okay, then I'll be serious too," she said in an aggravated tone of voice. "That is the most disrespectful and insulting thing you've ever said to me."

"I'm just thinking of you," I said defensively.

"Oh...you really think I'm so damn shallow that sex is all I'm after...so shallow that I'd ask a man I didn't love to be the father of my baby or trade him in for a younger model someday?"

When she put it that way it did sound kind of bad.

"Okay, no I don't think you're shallow at all. I just want you to consider all the angles. There's one other too, I'll be sixty when our child will be fourteen. I'm not sure that's fair for him...or her."

"Darin, do you love me?" she asked flat out.

I didn't hesitate. "Yes, I do—very much."

"And I love you—very much. Do you believe you would love our child?"

"Of course, what kind of question is that?"

She ignored my agitated tone. "And I know our child will love his or her father so can we just put all the age nonsense to rest please."

I turned back to face the ceiling again with a sigh. I couldn't help it, the age difference still bothered me but it obviously didn't bother her at all. I just kept thinking about having another child that late in life. If the time-table worked the way Cheryl was hoping, I'd be forty-six when it was born. He or she would be thirty when I was seventy six.

"Are you still thinking about the age difference?" asked my new fiancé.

I didn't want to start an argument but I had to be honest. "Yeah; not so much between you and me, but our offspring. I'll be in my sixties when he's in high school. Most of the other fathers will be in their forties. Will he be embarrassed to have such an old father? My biggest concern is passing on when he's still young...or she," I corrected myself. As soon as I said it I knew I shouldn't have. I'd forgotten about Tom. I looked back over to her and saw fresh tears as she spoke.

"Damn it, Darin, tomorrow is promised to no one. The reason Tom and I bought that house was so we could raise a family. He died before we even got started. What if I'd been pregnant already? What if it happened a year later and we already had a baby? What if I get sick and die before you? If everyone thought like that no one would ever have kids. And as far as being embarrassed, if he is then shame on us for raising him like that," she said, flinging the sheet over on my side and getting out of bed.

We had spent a lot of time together over the last year. It was the first time I ever saw her angry.

"Where're you going?"

"Home," she curtly answered. "Call me when you get your head out of your ass."

I jumped out from my side of the mattress and hurried around the foot of the bed to confront her face to face. "You're not going anywhere," I said. "From now on we do things as a couple. I love you and I pray I live to be a hundred but if I don't, whatever time I have left I want to spend with you and our son...or daughter," I said with a smile.

"You mean that," she asked with a slowly developing smile. "No more of this old man crap?"

"No more old man crap," I confirmed before almost smothering her with a big, sloppy kiss. After finally coming up for air, we stopped for a bottle of champagne on the way to her house where we had an impromptu party, toasting to a long and happy life together while flushing her birth control pills down the toilet. From there we took the celebration to the bedroom. Once I was able to accept the role of being a new father again I was really looking forward to it. I was already anxious to get started making a baby but Cheryl wanted to slow down and do it right. She literally undressed me one button at a time. When she had me down to my birthday suit she had me sit on the edge of the bed while she started swaying her hips in time with the music she was humming. Salaciously, she started to remove her own clothing, piece by piece. I was at full mast before she even got my pants off. By the time she tossed her bra at me I was so hard I thought I would rip through my skin.

As she worked her way down, I was surprised to see Cheryl had shaved her pussy. She always had it nicely trimmed but said it felt strange to have it completely bare.

"I like," I said while staring.

She smiled. "I got tired of watching you pick hair out of your teeth," she replied before kneeling between my legs and teasing my straining manhood with the tip of her tongue.

I was literally in pain. She let out a small scream then giggled as I grabbed her and whipped her around me, throwing her on the bed. In a flash I was between her long legs. Cheryl stretched out her arms, welcoming me to her bosom as I slipped inside her. Before I started making love to my very special lady, I took a moment to hover over her and look into those gorgeous big blue eyes. I saw a love that I never saw in Kendra's eyes. I was truly blessed.

The next day I was once again swimming in a sea of mixed emotions. I was so happy I was walking on air, as they say; I was also nervous as hell at what the boys were going to think of their father. They'd never asked and I'd never volunteered anything about Cheryl or me even dating. They knew her of course from the neighborhood but I'm pretty sure it's going to come as quite a shock when I tell them we're getting married and, oh by the way, you're going to have a baby brother or sister; yeah, no pressure there.

While pondering over what to say I decided this was not something that should be said over the phone. It was a three hour drive but it had to be done. The next decision was whether to bring Cheryl along or not...I decided, not. I wanted the boys to be able to react without the restraints of having her there. When I discussed it with her she totally agreed.

...So, I made the call and arranged to spend that following Saturday with my two boys. I was going down there in time to have lunch with them. That's when I would tell them. I was staying long enough to have dinner as well. That would give them time to think about it and give me their reactions over a juicy steak.

I got tied up behind an accident on the way down there and called to let them know. We decided I'd meet them at the restaurant instead of the dorm. They gave me the address and I punched it into the GPS.

By the time I walked in, the boys were on their second cup of coffee. We exchanged hugs and sat down. Before I had a chance to pick up the menu the waitress was there asking for our orders. I think she was a little miffed that we'd already tied up her table for twenty minutes.

"What's good, guys?" I asked to save time.

"Three university burgers with everything," Doug told her. "You'll love it, dad, trust me," he said with a smile.

The waitress had barely turned her back when my oldest piped up. "Okay, dad; we kind of expected mom to be with you but since she isn't, what's the big mystery, what's going on?"

That surprised me. "Your mom? Why did you think she'd be with me?"

"Well, I don't think she's dating that doctor anymore and I just thought..." Chad just let the words hang.

"You thought we were getting back together? No, sorry guys. I haven't talked to your mother since we sold the house."

It was Doug's turn to ask. "So? What's the big mystery then, pops?"

Hearing that they were expecting a reconciliation with their mother made me even more nervous than I was. I took a sip of coffee. "Well," I stammered. "You guys remember Cheryl Tenneson."

"Yeah, sure," they said in unison.

"Nice lady; I really felt bad for her when her husband died," said Chad.

Doug was nodding his head in agreement.

"Well, we've been seeing each other. Actually, we've been seeing quite a bit of each other."

The boys looked at one another then back at me with unreadable expressions.

"We've grown very fond..." I stopped briefly. This was ridiculous. Both my boys were adults and I was trying to sugarcoat this as if they were children. I came out with it. "We've fallen in love, guys. I love her, she loves me, and we're getting married."

Suddenly their faces were not hard to read anymore; they were stunned! Chad started to speak. "Dad, I...I..." then stopped, obviously at a loss for words.

Doug spoke next. "Does mom know about this?"

"Not that I know of, although with all the gossips in our old neighborhood I wouldn't doubt it."

They looked at each other again before he continued. "It's just that, well, I don't think she does. The last time we spoke to her she kind of hinted that you and she were going to get back together."

That was news to me. "Doug, as I said, I haven't spoken to your mom since we closed on the house. I haven't a clue as to where she got that idea. I certainly gave her no such notion."

"You know mom, dad, she probably decided on her own and just hasn't had a chance to tell you yet," joked Chad.

Actually he was probably more right than he knew. "Well, I suppose she should be the next one I tell before she starts sending out the wedding invitations."

"Might be a good idea," Chad replied.

After the initial shock wore off the cross-examination started. They would make a great interrogation team. What question one didn't think of the other one did, but Chad was the more intuitive one.

"Dad, she's still pretty young; you thinking about having more kids?"

Doug's eyes flew open. He obviously never even considered it.

"Yes, we are. How do you feel about having a baby brother or sister?"

Complete silence...not a word from either of them for what seemed like hours but in reality was only a few seconds. Finally...

"Dad, you've always been loving, supportive, and involved in our lives. I think anyone who is that good at being a father should have tons of kids."

"Yeah," Doug confirmed his older brother's opinion.

"Really? You don't think I'm too old to go through it all over again?"

"Hell no, dad. Jeeze, I've seen you run around the shop at work. You've got more energy and stamina than most of the techs who are half your age. You're like the energizer bunny, dad."

Both Chad and I laughed at Doug's analysis.

After breakfast we spent the day together. Since they lived in the dorm we stayed outside. We've always enjoyed outdoor activities together. The day went quickly and was drawing to a close before I knew it. We sat enjoying the steak dinner I promised them.