In The Name of Science

"So, now that you guys have had all day to think about it--anymore thoughts on my earlier announcement?"

Chad spoke right up. "Not from me, Dad. I think it's great."

"Me too, dad. I'm kind of excited about having someone in the family who'll be younger than me. I'll get to be a big brother for a change," Doug responded.

I didn't get home till a little after one Sunday morning and was very surprised to see a nervous Cheryl waiting up for me. "How'd it go?"

I had to chuckle. "Here I thought you'd be in your own bed sound asleep."

"I tried but I just laid there so I thought I'd come over here and wait. The coffee's still fresh."

"Coffee? At one in the morning?"

She just shrugged so I walked over to the counter and poured myself a cup.

"You didn't answer me. Was it that bad?"

"No, honey, it wasn't bad at all. In fact Doug can't wait to be a big brother instead of the baby of the family."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really. Have you talked to your nosy neighbor lately?"

"Nosy neighbor?"

"Yeah, ah, that friend of Kendra's—Betty..."

"Wright, Betty Wright; no, not in a while, why?"

"Well, evidently Kendra has decided we're reconciling. At least that's what she hinted at with the boys."

"Ah ha; any truth to the rumor?" Cheryl asked with a big grin.

"Not that I'm aware of," I replied with a chuckle. "I wonder what happened to her doctor?"

"Maybe his stethoscope was too cold," she quipped. "More than likely though, it was his bedside manner. You have a wonderful bedside manner...ever think of becoming a doctor?" she joked.

I looked up at the ceiling and rubbed my chin, pretending to be thinking about it. "Hmmmm," I hummed, "yeah...maybe a gynecologist."

Cheryl smiled. "Come on, doc... I'm tired, what do you say we get some shut-eye."

The next morning we decided we'd go out for breakfast for a small celebration. As I sat enjoying my Eggs Benedict, my cell phone rang. I wasn't that surprised when I glanced at the display. I blew a kiss to Cheryl as I answered it.

"Hello, Kendra."

"Hi, Darin, how have you been?"

"I've been well, and you?"

"Okay, I guess. Darin, would it be possible for us to sit down and talk?"

I nodded my head, indicating to Cheryl that this was the call I was expecting. She just cocked her head to one side and made a sad face. I could see in her eyes that she felt bad for Kendra, knowing the disappointment she was about to experience.

I was not feeling the same sympathy. As long as it had been since I'd talked to her, just hearing her voice brought back some of the pain and anger. I tried to conceal it as I answered her. "Yeah, sure. Did you want to come to my apartment or meet publicly?"

"Ah...I...your apartment if it's okay with you."

"Okay, about three?"

"Yeah, that'd be great. Thanks, Darin. I'll see you at three," and with that she hung up.

"Don't be too hard on her, Darin. Remember, you had a lot of good years together."

I looked across the table. "What makes you think I'm going to be hard on her?"

"I could see the veins sticking out in your neck the whole time you were talking to her."

So much for hiding my animosity, but I had to smile at how well Cheryl was getting to know me. "I won't. I'll let her down easy...I swear," I added when I saw the questioning look on her face.

She didn't want to be around so Cheryl left about two. That gave me an hour to make coffee and try to settle my emotions. Cheryl was right; we'd shared a lot of good years together. Tidbits of some of the happier moments flashed through my mind and I couldn't help but smile when I remembered some of the family outings with the kids when they were younger.

It had been a long time since I'd cried over what I'd lost with Kendra but I could feel my eyes clouding with tears as visions of joy and laughter became so acute. I went in the bathroom to blow my nose and rinse my face. I took a deep breath and remembered how easily she dismissed my pain at her 'volunteer work' and the sadness once again turned to anger. It was that anger that occupied my emotional state right up to the moment I heard a faint, apprehensive knock on my door.

We went into the kitchen where she accepted my offer for coffee and we sat at the table like a married couple. After a couple minutes of small talk, Kendra got to the purpose of her visit.

"Darin, I'm not sure I ever told you how sorry I am for hurting you like I did. You were always so supportive of me that I guess I just thought that you'd see the importance of a study like that and still back me even though you didn't like it."

And there it was. Her attitude hadn't changed one iota. I knew she wasn't done talking but I'd already heard enough so I interrupted her. "Kendra, let me ask a question."

She nodded.

"Would that study have been able to be completed without your participation?"

"Yes, of course, but that wasn't..."

I'd heard it all before and wasn't interested in hearing it again so I butted in once more. "And would the result of the study have been any different without your contribution?"

She gave a small sigh showing her frustration before answering. "No, probably not."

"So as far as the results of the study were concerned, your involvement was inconsequential."

To that she had no reply.

"Kendra, it wasn't the fact that the study was so important, it was simply that you wanted to do it and you didn't care if it hurt me or not. You were going to do it no matter what."

I could see by the look on her face that this wasn't going according to her plan. "Kendra, the boys reminded me of something a little while ago. Do you remember when I wanted to buy that repair shop in town?"

"Yes, of course I do. I was so afraid you were going to risk everything. We'd only been in the house a little over a year. We could've lost it and been thousands more in debt."

"Yeah, you begged me not to take the chance. And what happened?"

"What do you mean? Nothing happened. You didn't do it."

"Exactly, as much as I wanted that shop I didn't go through with it because I had a family to think about. I was also hurt at the lack of confidence you had in me but I didn't say anything because I didn't want to make you feel bad."

"And I...I had the same opportunity to sacrifice something I wanted for the family and failed miserably."

Well, I thought, maybe I'm finally getting through to her. I didn't say anything. I just let her own words sink in. She just sat there, staring down at the corner of the table for a minute or more.

"I'm sorry, Darin. I...I guess..." She stopped talking and wiped the tears that were running down her cheeks. She finally looked up at me glassy eyed. "I really am sorry, Darin. You're right. I don't know why it took me so long to see it—especially since you're usually right."

She stood up and walked over to the counter and tore a paper towel from rack then sat down again and wiped her eyes with it. I hated to kick someone when they were down but she had to be told.

"Kendra, the boys told me you were hoping to get back together but I'm involved with someone and...well, we're planning to get married."

She looked up at me and looked like I'd just shot her dog in front of her. "Not Cheryl Tenneson?"

That really didn't surprise me. "Yes," I said, nodding my head.

"I...I knew you've been seeing her. I figured she was your so called friend with benefits but she's so much younger than us. I...I never thought it'd turn into something serious," she sniffled.

"I didn't either, to tell you the truth—not at first, anyway. We stopped seeing each other when I filled for divorce but we found we missed each other terribly. We've been practically living together for the last six months."

"I...I came here to see if we could get back together. I...I guess that's not possible now is it."

"No, Kendra, I'm sorry but it's not. What happened to that doctor you were dating?"

She looked surprised when I mentioned him but then looked back down with a chuckle, realizing the same information highway that fed her also fed me. "Jim?" she lamented. "I mainly went out with him because I was lonely and he was available. I got tired of him after a while though. He's just too damned full of himself; not really arrogant just boastful, always talking about himself and how great he is."

"Sorry, Kendra but you're still young and as beautiful as ever. You'll find someone."

"Not looking for another friend with benefits, are you?" she asked with a small, forced smile.

"I'm afraid not," I answered.

"I really blew it, didn't I."

"Hey, you have your work. I know how important it is to you and you'll find someone, I know you will."

Again, her smile was strained. "Yeah, maybe some day. I am going to take your advice and throw myself into my work. I've been considering some night courses. There are specialty fields that offer certificate or degree programs in nursing. I think I'll look into some of them."

"There you go," I said encouragingly.

She stood, put her arms around my neck and kissed me. I didn't resist, in fact I kissed her back. It would be the last one we ever shared and we both knew it. On the way out she asked if she'd be invited to the wedding. I told her if she wanted an invitation she had one. After all, her kids would be there.

She had more tears in her eyes as she left. I stood in the doorway and watched as she made her way into the parking lot. About half way to her car she turned, forced another smile, and blew me a kiss. It was that last kiss, the one that warmed the cool wintry air as it journeyed my way; that was the kiss that broke the wall of anger around my heart and I truly wished her well.

I knew Cheryl was probably sitting by the phone waiting for my call but I needed a little time to myself. I took a beer from the fridge and sat back in my recliner. I closed my eyes and drifted back to early memories of the woman I loved so dearly. Frankly, if it was possible to go back and recapture the past I'd do it in a heartbeat, but it's not. The past is exactly that, the past. So, it's time to look ahead to the future and my future was waiting for my call.

Epilogue:

It was a small wedding, just family and close friends. Even though I sent her an invitation, Kendra decided not to go after all. Chad said she wished us well but just couldn't bring herself to watch me marry someone else. Cheryl and I got to meet Cheyenne at the wedding instead of having to wait until Christmas. I saw immediately why Chad had fallen in love with her. She was as beautiful on the inside as she was on the outside.

It turned out that Cheryl scheduled things perfectly. Eight weeks after our wedding the doctor confirmed her pregnancy. Nine months later, just days after Cheryl's birthday, Dawn Chrystal Anderson appeared on the scene and made Chad and Doug very proud big brothers.

So- here I am, forty-six years old, changing diapers and getting up every other night for Dawn's two o'clock feeding. You couldn't wipe the smile off my face with TNT.

I heard from the boys that my ex is dating a professor from one of her classes and they think they're pretty serious about each other. I was glad to hear that. Kendra was not a bad person; she just had her priorities screwed up.

Chad and Cheyenne already have Dawn slated as the flower girl at their wedding and Doug is dating a girl from the area.

I heard last week that that repair shop in town is going up for sale again. I guess the owner is retiring. This time my wife is behind me all the way and encouraging me to go for it.

The other night I took a little quiet time for myself. While everyone else was sound asleep I snuck downstairs, popped the top on a cold one and stretched out on my recliner. I thought back over my life and really had no regrets. Life is good and getting better day by day.

The End.