Learning to Let Go

Rebecca was looking out of the window, not concentrating on the student discussion taking place. It was the end of a long week and she wanted to get home. She was in the final stages of her PhD in mathematics and should be submitting her thesis in a few weeks. She was currently helping her supervisor with an undergraduate teaching session.

When people met Rebecca they didn't believe she was a self-proclaimed 'maths geek'. She was in her mid twenties, stood at just over 6 ft and was strong and fit following a life time of sport. Almost in spite of her size, she was incredibly feminine. She had a naturally beautiful face, rarely wearing makeup and her shoulder-length chestnut hair was usually pinned up. She had modest B cup breasts but most people would say her best feature was her long shapely legs, she didn't wear heels that often but when she did it only emphasized their effect.

When the teaching session ended she packed up her bag and started to head home, her flat wasn't too far from the University so she often walked, enjoying the fresh air. As she left the campus she met her friend Simon who worked in the University Finance Office. Simon was married to Rebecca's best friend and they had all met during their undergraduate degree.

Simon wasted no time in trying to convince Rebecca to join him and Jules for drinks that night. "What do you say Bex? You haven't been to the club in a while." The club was the rowing club they were all members of, and the bar was open most nights acting just as much as a social club as a sports one. They had rowed at University and Simon continued in the local men's squad. Rebecca occasionally filled spaces in the woman's squad but usually went out in her own single scull.

"I'm not sure that I'd be very good company, I didn't get much sleep on the plane and the jet lag is going to kick in at some point." Rebecca had recently presented a paper at a conference in Boston, she wasn't really interested in entering academia but really enjoyed her chosen topic.

"Ooh, hark at me, jet setting all over the world, such a hardship", Simon teased. The truth was, she did look tired but he knew that had little to do with her recent trip.

It was coming up to a year since David died and she had been throwing herself into her PhD to try to keep a handle on things but he knew she was barely holding on. She hadn't been out with them for weeks and had barely been out on the water either.

"Please, just come for one, Jules will not forgive me if you don't and I can't spend another night on the sofa."

Rebecca smiled, "Didn't Jules tell me you'd collapsed on the sofa after going out last week? It seems you don't need to bring me into your relationship with your furniture."

Simon looked slightly embarrassed, "Does Jules have to tell you all of my secrets -- no don't answer that, I don't want to know what else you know. So, are you coming?"

"Yeah ok, let me drop my stuff off, I'll meet you there around 7 pm."

"Thanks, Bex, you may have saved my life", he joked. He headed off to his bus and sent a text to his wife, Jules: She's coming, be gentle.xx

+++++

For most of Rebecca's early life she was fairly lonely. Her mother had died shortly after she was born and her father was heartbroken. Throughout Rebecca's childhood he was very distant, although not intentionally so. Fatherhood had come late to him and without Rebecca's mother he seemed lost.

Rebecca attended boarding school from the age of five and barely saw her father, even during school holidays. When her father died when she was 12 her life changed. Her last remaining relative was the half-brother of her mother that she had never really met. He was much younger than her mother and was only 28 when he was told he was now the guardian of a 12 year old girl. James was lucky that his wife, Emma, was so understanding and the couple bonded with Rebecca almost immediately. They weren't able to have children and although they didn't meet Rebecca until she was almost grown, they treated her as a daughter instantly.

Overnight Rebecca realised what she had been missing, James and Emma were warm and loving and she spent every holiday with them in the Lake District, a place that Rebecca fell in love with the first time she went there. They also introduced a tradition of going skiing at Christmas, ensuring a white Christmas every year.

At school she was not the most popular but seemed to get on with everyone. She was exceptionally clever, with a natural ability in mathematics and physics. Even at a young age she was tall and her size made her a star on a number of the sports teams but rowing and swimming were her favourites.

Her father had been extremely wealthy, he had made very wise investments and had a property portfolio. Jamie and Emma received £1 million a year for caring for Rebecca and Rebecca had been left the property and nearly £10 million as an inheritance, which she got access to on her 18th birthday.

Rebecca didn't go wild when the money came through but she did make one extravagant purchase, a converted farmhouse in the Lake District, close to Jamie and Emma. Although she could have gone to any University, she chose to go to Manchester so that she wasn't far from the Lakes.

Jules was the first person that Rebecca met when she moved into halls and was such a force of nature that she didn't really give Rebecca a choice in whether they were friends or not. Jules was physically opposite to Rebecca, just under 5 ft tall, petite with short hair.

In fresher's week, Rebecca went to the Rowing Club induction and Jules joined her -- not because she had an interest in rowing but for the bodies of the male rowers. However once there she fell in love with the team spirit and became an outstanding coxswain, she just had a knack of shouting at people.

A couple of weeks into the first term, Rebecca and Jules came back from the first rowing club social and both were a little tipsy. Jules was raving about her huge crush she had on one of the guys in the second year, Simon, and was trying to ask Rebecca who she fancied the most from the club.

Rebecca replied in a non-committal way, a few had caught her eye but she hadn't got round to telling Jules that she was bisexual and didn't think this was how to do it. Jules didn't let up though, "C'mon Bex, with a body like yours you could have your pick of men, who would you have -- and it better not be Simon."

"Really want to know?"

"No, I've been pleading with you for fun..."

"Ok, but don't blame me if you freak out. Out of everyone there tonight there are three that caught my eye."

"Now we're talking, continue..."

"David was nice and he's a good rower too. Ben interests me, but the best of the bunch is Jenny."

"Jenny? Female Jenny?"

"Yes Jules, I'm bisexual." Rebecca said, almost bracing herself for confrontation.

"Cool, are you going to ask her out?"

"That's it -- you not going to say anything else?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't know and thanks for being awesome and everything but could you at least freak out a little, I mean I have seen you naked."

"Yes and aren't you the lucky one but seeing as you didn't name me on your list of possibilities I assume I am safe from your wicked intentions. So answer the question, are you going to ask Jenny out?"

"No, I don't even know if she is that way inclined and I don't want to make things weird."

"But what if she was interested?"

"Then maybe, why?"

"No reason." Jules said with a small smirk on her face as she drifted off to sleep -- clearly forgetting they were in Rebecca's room. Rebecca found her keys and went to open Jules' room, then returned to carry her friend back to her room, thankful that she was as light as she looked.

The next day Jules ran up to Rebecca in the library and said, "She is, she is."

"Who is, what?"

"Jenny is interested."

"You asked her?" Rebecca hissed.

"Of course not but people will tell me anything and Laura told Jo, who told me that Jenny is a lesbian and had been checking you out all night."

"Oh."

"So ask her out."

"Maybe."

Jules stared at her friend pointedly, picked up Rebecca's phone and said, "No time like the present." Jules started typing a message and before Rebecca could stop her had sent a text to Jenny: Hey, fancy a drink later -- Duke at 6 pm?

Rebecca had her head in her hands and said, "I can't believe you did that, I won't be able to go back to the club now."

"Nonsense, just you wait and see."

However, it looked like Jules was wrong as nothing came back. Just as she was about to admit her mistake and apologise to Rebecca a reply came through nearly an hour later.

Sounds great, sorry for the delay, battery had died. X

"Ha -- told you!"

"Yeah, you weren't so cocky a few minutes ago."

"Just building the suspense, and don't worry, I know that was meant to come out as 'Thank you Jules.'"

Rebecca was waiting at the pub when Jenny arrived and Rebecca reminded herself to thank Jules later as she felt the strong pull of attraction. Jenny had really made an effort and was wearing a short skirt that showed off her legs with a strappy top. They had a few drinks and played some pool and Jenny took every opportunity to show she was interested. By the end of the night they were pressed up against a wall locked in a kiss with Rebecca's hand up Jenny's top. They pulled apart and Jenny suggested they went back to her shared house, offering slightly more privacy than the halls.

Once in her bedroom she leaped on Rebecca and pushed her backwards towards the bed. "You are so fucking gorgeous."

"You're pretty hot yourself," Rebecca said as she peeled off Jenny's clothes. They were both quite drunk and it didn't take them long to get naked. They spent a few minutes appreciating each other's breasts before Jenny climbed on top of Rebecca and tried to get into a sixty-nine position but they didn't quite match. Realising it wasn't working, Rebecca pulled Jenny into a sitting position, so that her pussy was resting on Rebecca's face. Wasting no time, Rebecca dove her tongue into Jenny's dripping pussy, sucking the juices from her centre. In no time Jenny was panting and calling out Rebecca's name but seemed to be teetering on the edge, not quite reaching her climax.

She cried out to Rebecca, "Ass, my ass, please."

Moving to suck on Jenny's clit, Rebecca used her fingers to spread some of Jenny's juice around her asshole before sliding her finger in.

"Oh God, yes." Jenny cried, finally cumming over Rebecca's face.

When she had recovered slightly, she climbed off Rebecca and lay down next to her, pulling her into a sloppy french kiss. Once she had regained her breath, Jenny turned her attentions to Rebecca's breasts, circling the nipples before pulling them into her mouth and gently biting them, causing Rebecca's back to arch. Jenny moved her hand down Rebecca's flat stomach, wasting no time in dipping her fingers into the wetness waiting for her. She pushed her fingers in and out while continuing to bite and lick Rebecca's breasts, drawing her closer to climax. Rebecca came as Jenny used her thumb to rub her clit.

Kissing again, they fell into a sleep, the drink finally catching up to them. The next morning they both had slightly sore heads, which put a dampener on the passion of the night before. Rebecca asked, while running her fingers up and down Jenny's sides, "so, assuming we can move at some point, what would you like to do today?"

"I was thinking you could take me shopping."

Rebecca's hand froze, "What do you mean 'take you shopping'?"

"C'mon, I did my research on you, I know who your Dad was."

Sitting up in disbelief, Rebecca asked quietly, "is that why you met me yesterday, because I'm rich?"

"No, I do think you're gorgeous as well..."

"But that was the main reason?"

When Jenny didn't answer, Rebecca got up and started pulling her clothes on saying, "you used me, no wonder you were all over me. I guess I should be thankful you were so greedy you showed your true intentions before we went any further - at least I had a good night of sex."

Jenny looked like she'd been slapped but still didn't say anything so Rebecca turned and stormed out, slamming the front door behind her.

By the time Rebecca got back to her room she was more upset than angry. She let herself into her room and threw herself on the bed. Hearing her friend return, Jules went to hear all the juicy details. Opening Rebecca's door she realised something was wrong. She locked the door behind her and went over the bed asking, "What happened? What's the matter?"

"She didn't want me." Rebecca said through her tears.

"What do you mean she didn't want you? She turned you down?"

"No, she wanted me but not for me, she wanted my money."

"What? She tried to steal from your purse?"

"No."

"Sorry, I'm confused."

Sitting up and facing her friend she told all, from the beginning. Jules had known that Rebecca had gone to boarding school so assumed she was well off but was shocked to hear just how much money Rebecca had. When she finished talking, Rebecca waited for Jules to say something, praying she wouldn't have the same reaction as Jenny.

"What a bitch."

Rebecca flinched and started crying again. Realising how it came out Jules reassured her, "No babes, not you, Jenny, a complete c u next Tuesday."

Relieved and thankful for her friend's loyalty she smiled for the first time, "Thanks Jules"

"Want me to go and beat her up?"

"You? I think she might kill you."

"Hey, I may be small but I pack a hell of a punch." Pulling Rebecca into a hug she continued, "Look she clearly has issues and you are better off without her. Like you said, at least you found out now before you got any deeper."

"Yeah, I suppose. Can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"How are you so cool about everything? When I told you about my sexuality you didn't blink and it's the same about my money."

"I like you, you're my friend, that's all I care about."

"Thank you." Rebecca said quietly as she hugged her friend again. Jules continued, "Can I ask you something now?"

"Ok"

"How was the sex?"

Rebecca laughed at her openness, "Good, not amazing but we were drunk. She does have a great body though."

"Well that's something. I promise, next time I set you up, I'll undertake a full vetting process for any potential suitors."

"Thanks but no thanks, stay out of my love life for a bit please."

"We'll see."

Jenny tried to reconcile with Rebecca but Jules steered her off at every turn before she eventually gave up. She withdrew from the rowing club and was seen out with some recent graduates. In the meantime Jules finally went out with Simon and it was clear they were made for each other.

Following the disaster with Jenny, Rebecca didn't date again for a few months, until just before the Easter holidays. At another club social Rebecca realised how long it had been since she'd had sex and just how horny she was. Perhaps David had noticed the change or perhaps it was just luck but he managed to get Rebecca to dance with him.

David appealed to Rebecca because he was taller than her, which was a rarity. He had blond hair and blue eyes, with a classically handsome face. He too had a body sculpted by sport since a young age.

Dancing with him, Rebecca felt the sexual tension building and after a couple of songs they were both breathless. During the third song David took a chance and kissed Rebecca, who returned it greedily. At the end of the song, Jules put her arms around them both and said unnecessarily loudly, "if you two want to carry on you may want to go somewhere a little more private."

David didn't take his eyes off Rebecca and said, "Yeah, thanks Jules. Bex, do you want to get out of here?"

Breathlessly Rebecca answered, "Definitely."

Jules didn't see Rebecca for two days and was starting to get worried. Eventually her friend returned and Jules could see that she had nothing to be concerned about. Rebecca had a massive smile on her face and, more importantly, could barely walk. Jules once again locked them in Rebecca's room and said, "Can I assume that you're ok."

"Mmmm hmmm."

"Please get your mind out of the gutter, I mean really ok - considering what happened with Jenny and all."

"Oh, yes, thanks Jules. The sex was amazing but we did also talk. He actually knew about me already but is a bit like you, it barely seemed to register."

"How did he know?"

"He knows one of Jenny's housemates who'd heard everything."

"Oh, so he knows everything, girl sex and all."

"Yep and he still likes me." Rebecca said unable to keep the smile from her face.

"That's good, let me know if I need to bring him into line."

After that Easter the four of them were inseparable. Simon and Jules got married right after graduation. Rebecca went on to do her PhD. David proposed at Rebecca's farmhouse in the Lakes and they got married a year later.

When David was killed, their whole group was torn apart. Rebecca went back into herself so much the others felt like they had lost two friends in the hit and run accident. For the first six months they barely saw her, she spent most of the initial period in the Lake District. Jules relied on reports from James and Emma and hated that she couldn't take Rebecca's pain away. When she was in the city, she was a gracious host when they went to her flat but she rarely met them in the outside world. She did eventually return to her PhD and outwardly seemed to be returning to the real world.

+++++

When Rebecca walked into the club she saw Jules talking to some of the other members and she realised how much she had missed them all. It hurt her to spend time with Jules and Simon because they were so connected with David but at the same time she understood that the hurt from being alone was greater. She made a resolve to stay for more than one drink to catch up with them properly.

The group looked up when they heard Rebecca arrived. Jules jumped up to give Rebecca a big hug, closely followed by the other girls. Simon was at the bar and called over to Rebecca to see what she wanted.

"I'm so glad you're here Bex, I need your support against these two, they are ganging up on me."

"What about, it's not like you to need assistance in a debate."

"I know but they are taking advantage of my isolation and bullying me."

Steph interjected, "We are talking about Harry Potter for god's sake, I don't think you can bring bullying into it. All we are saying is that the films are better than the books", she said with a twinkle in her eye. She knew this was a touchy subject for Jules.

"But how can you even say that, there is so much missing from the films, so many layers of character depth that just aren't portrayed -- I mean what about Peeves! He's not even in the films at all."

Rebecca let the exchange go back and forth, pleased Simon had dragged her out. He came back to the table with the drinks and raised his eyebrows at the heated discussion. "Harry Potter?" He asked with a chuckle.

"Yes, but I think they need to agree to disagree, before the UN needs to be called in."

"OK, let's leave it -- for now," Jules said with a meaningful stare at Steph and Amy -- "How was Boston Bex, successful?"

"Yes I think so. But I'm sure you've all had an update on me from Simon, what's been going on with you guys. Amy, did anything happen with the guy you were sneaking off with at Steph's birthday?"

Amy looked up and said, "Yeah, it's nice, I've seen him a few times since then."

Steph nearly spat her drink out, "A few times, we've barely seen you..."

Amy kicked Steph under the table and shot a worried look to Rebecca who looked confused for a second but then realised what was going on. "You don't have to hide happiness from me guys. Just because I've been under a rock for most of the year, doesn't mean that your lives should stop. Hopefully one of these days I'll begin to feel human again and find my old self." She excused herself to go to the bathroom and had to take a moment to collect her thoughts. Although she meant what she said she was a bit overwhelmed by their concern.