Learning to Let Go

"Hard?"

"Really fucking hard."

With that Rebecca started thrusting in and out, as hard as she could. Sarah met her thrusts as best she could but in the end she let go so that she could be used by Rebecca. With her desires being met in a way she couldn't have imagined her orgasm exploded and she felt like she was lifted of the bed with its force. Rebecca sat up still deep inside Sarah's pussy and pulled Sarah upright into her arms. She ran her hands gently over Sarah's back as she was coming back down and kissing her neck and shoulders. When Sarah had stopped shaking she looked up at Rebecca with tears in her eyes. Rebecca was worried that she had hurt her and rushed to lay her down and withdraw from her, but Sarah held on and shook her head. "Please don't go anywhere. That was perfect."

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you?"

"Not at all, just perfect, please stay just here." Rebecca lay on top of Sarah as requested and they both went back to sleep. Rebecca woke up to Sarah gently removing the harness from her waist. Realising Rebecca was awake she said, "Here I was telling you that today was all about you and I managed to turn it around on me. It's simply not acceptable, so now I'm going to do what I've been dreaming about for weeks."

She gently pushed open Rebecca's legs and lay down, resting her head against her thigh she ran her tongue up and down her slit, tasting her. Delighting at the smell and taste of her lover, Sarah pressed her mouth closer, kissing and using her tongue to slowly fuck Rebecca. She didn't want to rush, after the pleasure that Rebecca had given her, she wanted to take her time. Ever so slowly she increased the pressure and tempo and then, feeling Rebecca urging her on, she finally latched onto her clit and sucked it into her mouth. This caused Rebecca to cry out and hold Sarah's head to her pussy as the waves crashed through her body. Sarah was prepared to continue but Rebecca pushed her away saying she was too sensitive. Rebecca pulled her back up the bed and kissed her passionately. Sarah lay her head on Rebecca's shoulder and relaxed into her strong embrace. After a while Rebecca rubbed Sarah's shoulder tenderly and said, "Do you want to tell me what this morning was about? Are you sure you're ok?"

"Baby it was amazing, better than I could've dreamt."

"You were crying."

"Because it was so perfect, exactly what I wanted."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. One of my favourite things about you is your power, your body is so strong and beautiful and you showing me that does weird and wonderful things to me. Sorry if I freaked you out."

Rebecca titled Sarah's head to hers and kissed her softly, "It didn't freak me out, I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

A few hours later Sarah left to collect her things and check out from the hotel while Rebecca went food shopping. Rebecca banished Sarah from the kitchen until the food was ready, so Sarah went and had a long bath. After finishing three amazing courses, Sarah said, "How have I lived with you for so long and not known you were such a good cook?"

"I used to cook a lot, it's one of my favourite things to do, but it is one of the things that most reminds me of David. He loved my cooking and for a long time it was too painful to cook the kind of meals I used to. That's starting to change." Rebecca smiled at Sarah and continued, "Thanks to you."

"I'm glad but I'm not sure that my waistline will thank you." Sarah yawned and then covered her mouth. "I'm so sorry, I'm not in any way bored but I think the jet lag is catching up with me. Rebecca reassured her, "Of course, don't worry, you go off to bed and I'll come through in a minute."

"I can't let you clean up."

"Of course you can, I said I wanted to spoil you. I've fed you and now I want to let you rest. I'll shove these in the dishwasher and then come and join you."

"Still doesn't seem fair to you", Sarah said sleepily, allowing Rebecca to steer her to the bedroom. When Rebecca finished in the kitchen she went into the bedroom and laughed as she saw Sarah had fallen fast asleep, fully clothed on the bed. Rebecca gently undressed Sarah and pulled the covers over her, easing herself next to her, enjoying having a warm body in her arms as she fell asleep.

The next morning, Sarah was still fast asleep and Rebecca didn't want to disturb her. She left a note in case Sarah woke up and went to get the ingredients for dinner with Jules and Simon. When she got back to the flat Sarah was still fast asleep. Thinking it wouldn't be a good idea for Sarah to sleep all day, Rebecca went to wake her. She leaned over her and kissed her on the lips, after a few seconds, Sarah kissed her back and drew her arms around Rebecca's neck. Breaking the kiss and smiling up at Rebecca, Sarah said "Good morning."

"I'm not sure that 3 pm can be classed as morning, but with a kiss like that I'll let anything pass."

"It's 3 pm? Why did you let me sleep so late?"

"You clearly needed it and you looked so beautiful sleeping, I didn't have the heart to wake you."

"I'm sorry I feel asleep last night, it was so rude."

"Hush, I loved sleeping with you in my arms. But you need to get up now, Jules and Simon are coming round in a couple of hours and there's things to be done."

+++++

Pausing outside Rebecca's flat, Jules caught Simon by the arm, "Can you hear something?"

Cocking his head, Simon listened and then smiled, "Old School R'n'B -- Bex is in a good mood, she hasn't played this in years. With any luck her cooking skills have come out of hibernation as well -- not that you're cooking isn't wonderful darling."

Simon's wish came true, Rebecca treated them to an amazing meal. It was clear that Rebecca was happier than she had been in a long time. Every so often Jules or Simon would catch Rebecca staring at Sarah, when she thought no one was looking, with a smile on her face that they hadn't seen in years. Wanting to give the new couple some space, Jules and Simon made their excuses early, blaming tiredness on Jules' pregnancy. While hugging Rebecca goodbye, Jules whispered in her ear, "Don't over think this."

A few weeks later, Jules was talking to Simon about Rebecca one night in bed and said, "My biggest worry is that she will be her own worst enemy, she needs to let go and enjoy it -- see where things go."

"Yes, but you need to let her make her own mistakes -- if she does, you can't protect her forever."

"I know, I hope Sarah knows what she's getting into."

+++++

It wasn't long before Rebecca suggested Sarah meet James and Emma, inviting them to come to the City for the weekend. The first couple of days they did some shopping and went to the cinema. On Sunday they went out for a pub lunch before having to go home. James and Rebecca went off to try their luck at the quiz machine. Emma took the opportunity to move round next to Sarah and say, "Finally, I've been trying to get you on your own all weekend."

"Are you going to try to scare me off?" trying to hide the fear that's exactly what Emma wanted to do.

"Oh god, no. Quite the opposite. I'm here to thank you."

Sarah furrowed her brow in confusion, "What for?"

"For giving us Rebecca back, or at least steering her in the right direction. This past few days has been the closest we've been to the old Bex since David died."

"I'm glad, I just want her to be happy, but I am a bit worried."

"What about?"

"I think she's holding herself back."

"In what way, she seems besotted with you."

"She doesn't let herself go, especially in bed. She's so focused on me, on pleasuring me, but doesn't let me do anywhere near as much for her. I think she does more for me in one night than she's let me do since we've been together."

Realising what she'd said, Sarah was flush with embarrassment. Emma burst out laughing and said, "Wow, that good huh?"

"Honestly, the best I've ever had. I didn't realise she was so strong, being picked up by Rebecca turns my brain to mush."

"Rebecca, huh, why not Bex?"

"Bex is my friend, Rebecca is so much more to me than that already. Don't get me wrong, she seems to enjoy what I do but doesn't let me do it very often. It doesn't help that she gets me into such a state that I fall asleep almost instantly -- I think it's my body's way of recovering."

"Well, well, well, I'm not sure I'll be able to look at Bex in the same way every again."

"I can't believe I've said all of this to you. You're effectively her mother."

"Don't beat yourself up, not many can resist my charms. And I don't think you should worry too much about Bex. Just give her some time. Knowing her, she'll be triple thinking everything, you'll know when she lets go."

"Thank you", Sarah said and despite the embarrassment, she did feel better.

+++++

A few months later Jules and Sarah were having lunch. Jules asked, "What are you doing for Christmas, going skiing with Bex, James and Emma?"

Sarah shook her head, "Rebecca has paid for me to go home for Christmas, I'm so excited. I just wish she was coming with me. But she said summer at Christmas is wrong and she needs snow."

"What is home like, where you are from?"

"Miles and miles of farmland -- a whole lot of flat as far as you can see."

"Wow, pretty different to here then and the Lake District must have blown your mind."

"I wouldn't know, I haven't been".

"You haven't been to the Lakes yet? Why not?"

"Timings haven't been right I guess", Sarah said, trying to hide the disappointment she felt. Realising that Jules would've expected her to have been to the Lakes, confirmed the suspicions she had -- that Rebecca had been avoiding taking her there. She had asked Rebecca a couple of times about going to the farmhouse but Rebecca had changed the subject. Sensing Jules' surprise confirmed her deepest insecurities. Rebecca was holding herself back from Sarah. Sarah remembered Emma's advice about giving Rebecca time, but she didn't know how long she could wait.

The morning before she was due to fly home for Christmas, Sarah woke up to her favourite sight, Rebecca asleep in her arms. Thoughts of distance between them were pushed to the back of her mind and in that instant, she knew that she loved Rebecca and would wait for her forever. Believing Rebecca to be asleep, she whispered softly in her ear, "I love you". Relieved to have said it, even though she thought Rebecca hadn't heard it, Sarah closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.

Sarah was mistaken, Rebecca was awake and her heart skipped a beat when she heard Sarah whisper those words. She opened her mouth to return the phrase but found she couldn't. Once again, her brain was thinking too quickly. Before she could listen to her heart she felt a wave of guilt wash over her. Does admitting her love for Sarah remove the last link she had to David? Worse, did it mean she hadn't loved him as much as she thought, or at all? Sensing that Sarah had gone back to sleep, Rebecca was relieved she didn't have to address those feelings quite yet. Rebecca tried to relax into Sarah's arms to go back to sleep.

The next time Sarah woke she was treated to her other favourite sight, Rebecca between her legs, worshipping her sex with her tongue. The feeling of love she had acknowledged to herself earlier, deepened and her orgasm exploded through her body. Rebecca looked up smiling, saying, "Morning gorgeous. Sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"You never need to apologise for that, but come here, I want to kiss you."

Kissing Sarah deeply, Rebecca said, "I'm going to miss you so much."

"Me too. How do I know you won't chase after some ski bunny while I am sweating my ass off?"

"You are all I think about, you have nothing to worry about."

"I just wish you were coming with me."

"Well, I have a few surprises up my sleeve to keep you thinking of me while we're apart."

"Oh baby, I'm always thinking of you," Sarah said, kissing Rebecca deeply.

"You can have one of the surprises now if you want."

"OK."

Rebecca reached under the bed and pulled out a box, wrapped in gold paper. She handed it to Sarah and said, "Open it."

Sarah unwrapped the present and lifted the lid on the box. Her eyes widened when she saw what was inside. She reached in and pulled out some leather wrist cuffs, a butt plug and a double ended dildo with a harness. She looked up at Rebecca, the desire clear on her face. Rebecca held Sarah's gaze and said, "I know that you like it when I take control, so here's what I was thinking. I'm going to put these," picking up the wrist cuffs, "around your wrists like this," slowly fastening them to Sarah's wrists. When the buckles were done up Sarah looked down at her hands and then back up to Rebecca, the longing in her eyes making it hard for Rebecca to keep the slow, tantalising pace.

She continued in a low voice, "Then I'm going to attach these here," pulling up Sarah's arms and clipping the cuffs together, before pulling out a strap she had hidden under the pillows, securing Sarah's arms above her head. Rebecca stood up on the bed, seeing Sarah's breath catch at the show of power. "Then, I'm going to put this on," sliding one end of the dildo into her dripping pussy and pulling the harness over her hips, watching the desire deepen on Sarah's face as she tightened the straps.

Laying down between Sarah's legs, Rebecca teased her clit with her tongue, while using Sarah's juices as lube to open her rose bud, delighting in the moans from Sarah. Picking up the butt plug, and covering it with lube, Rebecca gently pressed it against her opening and allowed her to adjust to the sensation. When Sarah started squirming underneath her, Rebecca pushed the plug a little harder. When it was all the way in, Sarah was covered in sweat and panting underneath her.

Kneeling between Sarah's legs so that the tip of the dildo was resting against her entrance. Rebecca leaned forward and placed her hands either side of Sarah's head, looking into her eyes she asked, "Do you want me to carry on?" Sarah nodded.

Rebecca slowly pushed the dildo into Sarah, allowing her to adjust to having both holes filled. When their hips were touching and Rebecca was into the hilt, Rebecca looked into Sarah's eyes and asked her the same questions she had asked her a few months ago, "OK?"

"Yes."

"More?"

"Yes please."

Rebecca started thrusting slowly, pulling almost all the way out before driving back into Sarah. Sarah was already pulling against her restraints, not wanting the sensations to stop. She wrapped her legs around Rebecca, urging her on, shouting, "Harder, please, Rebecca, harder."

Rebecca knelt up and sat back on her heels, pulling Sarah's legs over her shoulders so that she could thrust deeper and faster. The increased tempo brought both of their orgasms closer and it wasn't long before Sarah's body was in spasm under Rebecca who was trying to hold on while calling out Sarah's name as wave after wave of her own release crashed over her.

Rebecca slowed her thrusts to a stop but stayed inside Sarah. She laid on top of Sarah and kissed her deeply while reaching up to remove the strap holding Sarah's arms above her head. Immediately, Sarah brought her hands, still joined at the wrist, around Rebecca's neck, pulling her harder into the kiss. After a few minutes, Rebecca broke the kiss and looked into Sarah's eyes, asking, "Too much?"

"Definitely not, amazing."

"More?"

Sarah's eyes widened in shock and lust again and she tightened her arms around Rebecca's neck while slowly nodding, unsure about what the more could mean. Wrapping Sarah's legs around her waist, Rebecca stood up and got off the bed. Knowing that being picked up by Rebecca did amazing things to Sarah's brain she wasn't surprised when Sarah shoved her tongue down Rebecca's throat. Rebecca returned the kiss and chuckled when Sarah's breath caught and she let out a moan of longing when Rebecca pushed her up against the wall, all without pulling the dildo from Sarah.

Holding Sarah's bottom, Rebecca began thrusting again, increasing the pace. Knowing she wouldn't be able to hold this position for too long, Rebecca needed to tip Sarah over the edge. Rebecca under Sarah and started manipulating the butt plug, alternating between turning it and slowly pulling it in and out. Sarah lost all control at this and came harder than she ever had before, Rebecca could feel her juices running down their legs. Once Sarah had started to breath normally again, Rebecca wanted to move before dropping her. Rebecca walked backwards until she could feel the bed behind her legs, she turned and lowered Sarah to the bed. Rebecca eased the dildo from Sarah's pussy and gently removed the butt plug. Taking off the harness and the other end of the dildo from herself, Rebecca joined Sarah on the bed and gently undid the wrist cuffs, rubbing Sarah's hands and arms. Wrapping her up in her arms and dropping lots of feather kisses on Sarah's face, Rebecca finally asked, "Still worried about me running off with a ski bunny?"

Sarah shook her head and smiled, saying, "No but I am worried I won't be able to walk again."

Rebecca smiled, kissing her deeply, "Like I said, I wanted to make sure you don't forget about me."

"Trust me, after that, I'll forget my name before I forget about you." Settling into each other's arms they both drifted off to sleep.

Rebecca woke Sarah up a little later to get ready to take Sarah to the airport for her flight. Sarah looked at Rebecca and felt the love fill her heart. She contemplated telling Rebecca that she loved her, but wasn't sure of the response and didn't want to spoil the memory of the morning.

At the airport, Sarah didn't want to let Rebecca go. Rebecca kissed her deeply and said, "See you in a couple of weeks. Text me when you land. I'll be on my way to Colorado but will call when I can."

"Ok, bye baby."

"Bye sweetheart."

She called into see Jules and Simon before she went home. Simon was decorating the baby's room and Jules didn't waste any time asking Rebecca what she had wanted to since talking with Sarah in the pub. "Why haven't you taken Sarah to the Lakes?"

"I can't Jules, so much of David is there -- what about all of the photos and the cinema room for god's sake, two walls have giant canvas prints of our wedding day. It would look like he is still more important to me than she is."

"And is he?"

"No, well yes, but in a different way." Rebecca put her head in her hands, she looked up at Jules and said, "She said she loved me this morning, when she thought I was asleep. I wanted to say it back but..."

"But you let that big brain of yours take over. What was your instant gut reaction, from your heart?"

"To say it back."

"So, why didn't you?"

"I didn't expect to love anyone other than David. Does loving Sarah mean I didn't really love him?"

"Bex, honey, of course not. I'm sure Sarah knows that David will always have a special place in your heart, but holding yourself back like this will only hurt you both."

"Do you think she will have me?"

"I think she'd swim back from Australia to be with you."

"Thanks Jules, I promise I'll think about it."

Rebecca drove to the Lake District and walked around the house looking at everything that reminded her of David. The first thing she did was move her things back into the master bedroom, moving the picture of David to the hallway, replacing it with one of Sarah. She laid in the bed and thought about what Jules had said. When she woke up the next morning, she knew what she wanted to do.

The two long walls had four large canvas prints taken from their wedding day. Rebecca took them down from the wall and carefully wrapped them, putting each in the car. She tidied up a few more things in the house then got back on the road. When she had signal again, she called to rearrange her flights. She had one more thing she wanted to do before going to the airport.