Learning to Let Go

A few hours later Rebecca stirred and took a minute to realise where she was. The television was showing an old movie and Sarah had pulled a blanket over them. Sensing Rebecca's movement she loosened her grip and let her friend sit up. Rebecca said, "Thank you, I think I should go to bed, your arm must be tired, you shouldn't have let me squish you for so long."

"Anytime, it was nice to hold you."

"It was nice to be held."

"If you want, I can sleep in your bed tonight, hold you for a little longer."

"You don't need to do that."

"I want to, that is if you want to."

"That would be lovely thanks."

They went to their bathrooms to get ready for bed. Sarah was waiting in Rebecca's bed when she came out of the en-suite. "Make yourself comfortable and I'll work around you."

Rebecca got into bed and lay on her side facing away from Sarah. When she was settled Sarah moved behind her and spooned her, tucking her legs into Rebecca's and resting her arm over her waist. Rebecca turned out the light and whispered, "Goodnight Sarah."

"Night Bex", Sarah said with a brief kiss on the back of her friends head.

In the early hours of the morning Rebecca woke and instantly missed the embrace of her friend. At some point in the night Sarah had rolled to her side of the bed, away from Rebecca. Rebecca moved towards her friend and reversed the position they were in at the start of the night. Sarah stirred without fully waking and when Rebecca put her arm around her waist, Sarah found her hand and locked her fingers with her friend. Rebecca tightened her grip and went back to sleep.

When Rebecca woke again she was facing Sarah and their fingers were still locked together on one hand. Rebecca's other hand had found its way under Sarah's pyjama top and was resting on her soft skin, just under her breasts. Rebecca marvelled at the warm skin under her hand and the mild attraction she had been feeling towards her friend exploded into full longing. Maybe it was that she hadn't been touched by anyone since David had died or maybe if was the touch of a female body that she hadn't felt for years, either way she felt her heart race as she watched Sarah sleep.

She flexed her fingers across Sarah's skin and gently brushed the underside of her breast. She watched Sarah's face for any sign of a reaction but Sarah appeared to be fast asleep, telling herself that if Sarah had been awake she could have passed the initial caress as an unconscious movement. Revelling in the closeness and the smoothness of Sarah's skin, Rebecca took a deep breath and stroked Sarah's breast once more, this time her touch could not be considered accidental. Sarah's eyes remained closed but her mouth opened and a sigh escaped. This turned into a moan when Rebecca's thumb brushed over her nipple which hardened instantly and Sarah's eyes flew open.

She didn't say anything but was questioning Rebecca with her eyes. Her only other response was to squeeze Rebecca's fingers with her own. They both looked down and watched Rebecca undo the buttons on Sarah's top, exposing her toned and tanned stomach, finally allowing Rebecca to move the top to the side to give full access to Sarah's breasts. She extracted her fingers from Sarah's hand so that she could pay attention to each breast. Sarah's hand rested on Rebecca's hip and rubbed in small circles.

Rebecca held each breast in her hand, marvelling at their weight, she brushed her thumbs over both nipples, staring at wonder in Sarah's face. She caught each nipple in her thumb and forefinger and gave a gentle squeeze. This elicited and moan from Sarah and Rebecca repeated the action, a little firmer this time. Rebecca gently pushed Sarah onto her back and kept one hand on her breast while she slowly lowered her mouth to the other, kissing around the nipple without touching the sensitive tip. Sarah squirmed under her touch and brought her hand to Rebecca's head trying to guide her mouth the nipple. Rebecca slowly drew her tongue around the breast, eventually flicking it over the nipple. At this, Sarah let a sigh escape her.

Rebecca continued worshipping Sarah's breasts with her mouth, moving between the breasts. Sarah's back arched and her breath became more erratic, as her grip tightened on Rebecca's hair. Rebecca traced patterns up and down Sarah's exposed skin, slowly moving her hand closer to the waist band of her pyjama trousers. She stopped her attentions on Sarah's breasts and looked up at her face. Searching her eyes for any hesitancy she eased her hand inside Sarah's trousers brushed her fingers over her cotton briefs, delighted to feel the heat and dampness already building. Returning her mouth to Sarah's breasts she pushed her hand under Sarah's panties and stroked her swollen lips. Again Sarah was squirming, trying to force a firmer touch. Rebecca dipped her finger inside and moaned into Sarah's breast when she felt the dampness. She circled her fingers around her friends clit, teasing her in the same way she had with her breasts. She didn't tease her for too long though and was quickly working Sarah's clit with a variety of touches that surprised and delighted Sarah who could feel her orgasm building. It exploded when she felt Rebecca thrust a finger into her and she cried out, making the only sound of the morning. Rebecca didn't stop but eased her pace and softened her touch, allowing Sarah to come back to earth. She removed her hand from inside Sarah's pyjamas and with a final kiss on her breasts, rested her head on Sarah's shoulder. She wrapped her arm tightly around Sarah and listened to her heart beat begin to return to a normal tempo. Still nothing has been said.

When Sarah had recovered her composure, she kissed the top of Rebecca's head, bringing her hand to Rebecca's chin, titling it up so that she could look at her friend. Sarah slowly brought her lips to Rebecca's and gave her a gently kiss. Rebecca smiled at her and spoke for the first time, "Hey..."

"Good morning - that was unexpected..."

"Sorry, I don't know what came over me..."

Sarah quickly silenced her by pressing her lips against Rebecca's, "I said unexpected not unwelcome. It was beautiful, just like you. Are you sure this is what you want to do?"

To answer her friend, Rebecca leaned up to kiss Sarah again. They both moaned into the kiss as it deepened, Sarah taking the lead and probing Rebecca's mouth with her tongue. Rebecca rolled onto of Sarah, pressing herself into Sarah's semi naked body. Sarah took the opportunity to run her hands over Rebecca's back, and gently squeezing her bottom, pushing their hips together. Just as she was about to move her hands inside Rebecca's t-shirt they were interrupted by the house phone ringing. Rebecca leaned over Sarah to pick it up.

"Hello?"

...

"Oh, Hi Mrs Coates, sorry I'll just get her for you"

"Your mum" she said as she passed the phone to Sarah.

"Hi Mom"

...

Sitting up sharply she said, "What? Slow down, I can't understand you."

...

"Oh my god, what's going to happen now? Where is he?"

...

"Tuesday, I don't think I'll be able to make it, last minute flights are too expensive"

...

"No wait, tell me..."

She stared at the phone in disbelief. Rebecca looked up in concern and asked what was wrong.

"My dad - my dad has had a heart attack. He's on life support and they are trying to make him stable enough for an operation on Tuesday. I can't believe I won't be there. The line went dead before I could get more details."

"I'll pay for your flight."

"What, don't be crazy it'll be thousands for a last minute flight."

"I don't care, you need to go and be with your family."

"Bex it's too much, I won't ever be able to pay you back."

"Don't worry about it. Go and get yourself ready while I have a look at flights."

"But..."

Rebecca planted a firm kiss on Sarah's lips and pushed her out of the bed, "Go and get me your passport so I can look at flights."

Sarah went back to her bedroom to get her passport. When she handed it to Rebecca she tried to protest again but Rebecca rebuffed every comment. She left the room again and Rebecca heard her go into the bathroom. She reached for her laptop and had a look at flights. She managed to get Sarah onto a flight that afternoon, automatically opting for first class. She didn't realise until she'd booked that she'd have to explain to Sarah why she paid five times more for the first class option, she hadn't told her yet about her true wealth.

When Sarah came out of her room, Rebecca told her that they would be leaving for the airport in an hour and that she had only booked a single. "When you know when you'll be coming back I'll sort out the return flight."

"I still can't believe you've done this, I can't thank you enough."

"Don't mention it."

Sitting down next to Rebecca, Sarah pulled her hand into her lap and said, "I'm sorry we were interrupted this morning."

"Maybe that was a good thing."

Sarah looked worried, "Are you having second thoughts?"

"No, I won't ever regret what we did but I do think we should slow down and think about things. Maybe you being on the other side of the world for a while will help. C'mon, let's get some breakfast before we go."

On the drive to the airport, Sarah was staring out of the window looking worried, Rebecca took her hand in hers and gave it a reassuring squeeze.

When they got to the airport Rebecca walked Sarah through the check in process, Sarah was so distracted she didn't notice her ticket was for first class. When Sarah had to leave to go through security she was pleased but surprised that Rebecca wrapped her up in a big hug and kissed her firmly on the lips. Rebecca broke the hug and said, "Let me know how it's going. Ring me any time, doesn't matter about the time difference."

Sarah just nodded dumbly and joined the queue for passport control. Sarah was in a daze and sat around waiting for her gate to open. So much had happened in the past few hours and she was having difficulty wrapping her head around it all.

When Rebecca got back to town she pottered around the flat wondering what had come over her that morning. She'd felt the attraction to Sarah but when she'd woke up with her there was only one thing on her mind. Her sexuality had been the last part of her to reawaken after David's death, she hadn't even masturbated in the nearly two years she had been alone. That morning she had been wetter than she had in years and Sarah had barely touched her. In many ways, she was relieved she didn't have to face her feelings right away. She shook her head to clear her thoughts and got herself ready to meet Jules and Simon for lunch.

+++++

It wasn't until Sarah boarded the plane that she realised what Rebecca had done. She finally glanced at her ticket as she stepped on the plane to see where her seat was. Sensing her confusion, a stewardess stepped forward to help her. Seeing first class on Sarah's ticket she smiled and said, "Right this way."

Sarah said, "There must be some mistake, I can't be in first class."

"There's no mistake, seat booked this morning by a Rebecca Stuart."

"Oh, my god, what did she do." While allowing herself to be steered to her seat. She had never seen so much luxury. The seat reclined into a bed and there was so much space. She sat down in a stupor and wondered how she was ever going to repay Rebecca.

After take-off, she used the wifi to send some emails. One to her mother saying that she was on her way and asking someone to meet her at the airport, preparing to go straight to the hospital. She sent another to her manager explaining what had happened, saying she needed to take some leave and that she would know more when she got to Sydney.

The final email was the hardest, she had so many things she wanted to say to Rebecca but her head was so muddled she didn't know where to start.

Dear Bex,

I don't know what to say, I was so grateful for you getting me a flight home at all, and then I find out you paid for first class. I can't believe you did that. I'm sitting here wondering how I will ever pay you back.

I also couldn't leave without saying anything about this morning. I hope you don't think I planned for anything to happen. I really did just want to comfort you last night. When I woke up and you were touching me, it was like I was dreaming. And when I think of where things were going if the phone hadn't rung, I feel like the desire must be written all over my face for the world to see.

I know you said we should think about things and I agree but let me tell you this, I've been attracted to you since the day we met. I assumed it was nothing more than a crush and that it would go no further. I hope that our friendship hasn't been ruined.

I don't know what else to say except thank you again, for everything.

Sarah xxx

Sarah sent the email and turned her phone off, not wanting to torture herself waiting for a response. She decided to take advantage of the first-class seat and tried to get some sleep.

+++++

When the friends settled on the sofa Jules asked how things were going with Sarah and Rebecca. "Jules, I don't know where to start. I mean things are going well, great actually, but I've just put her on a plan back to Australia. Her dad is seriously ill and should be having an operation on Tuesday. She couldn't afford to go home so I paid for her ticket."

"Oh no, poor Sarah, how's she coping?"

"Honestly, I don't know, it all happened really fast and we were distracted enough as it was this morning."

"What do you mean distracted?"

Rebecca repeated the events of the past 24 hours, talking fast so that she didn't stop and Jules couldn't interrupt. When she finished, she waited for her friend to say something.

"So, you made the first move, gave her an orgasm and then said you needed to think while you put her on a plane to Australia, poor girl her head must be in a spin. How are you doing?"

"I don't know. I mean as far as I was concerned I was going to be spending the rest of my life with David. Now that's not an option there is nothing to say I'd be with a man or woman. All I know is that I like Sarah and I haven't felt this level of attraction in years."

"Maybe that's all you need to know for now, let things just happen."

"What do I do while she's away?"

"Just be honest with her, she's got enough on her plate so just support her as much as you can, like I said her head must be all over the place."

"Thanks Jules."

+++++

When she got back to her flat she missed Sarah more than she expected. Her mere presence in the flat made it feel more like a home and Rebecca missed it immediately. She got ready for bed and checked her emails. She read the one from Sarah many times before replying:

Sarah,

I said don't worry about the money and I meant it. You needed to be with your family and the next few days will be tiring enough without a long flight in economy class. Don't think about trying to pay me back. Just focus on your Dad.

I'm the one who should be worried about ruining things this morning, I feel like I forced myself on you and took advantage of your kindness. If I made you feel uncomfortable I'm sorry. I am attracted to you too, more than I expected. But, that is for when you get back.

Let me know if you need anything,

Bex x

+++++

Sarah didn't check her emails when she arrived in Sydney, she was too focused on getting to the hospital to see her Dad. She sent a brief text to Rebecca saying that she had arrived safely. She was so relieved that she had made it back to see her Dad and was pleased that he had stabilised enough for him to have surgery the next day. It wasn't until after the operation had appeared to be successful was she able to relax enough to check her emails. She sent a reply to Rebecca.

Bex,

I will be eternally grateful that you made it possible for me to be here with my family. It means the world to me. The operation seems to have gone well, we should know how well in the next few days. There will be a long road to recovery but things could've been so much worse. I think I'll stay for a couple more weeks. I'll then will be looking to come back - are you sure the return flight will be ok? I feel like you've given me so much already.

I don't feel we should talk about what happened between us on email, it's too impersonal. I really want to explore where this may go but this isn't the way to do it. I do want you to know that the memories of that morning are keeping me warm at night and you are never far from my thoughts.

Sarah xxx

+++++

Rebecca hadn't realised how much she had been waiting for Sarah's reply until she received it. Over the days that Sarah had been away Rebecca had decided that she wanted to see if anything developed with Sarah. She wanted to do things properly so she sent a long email to Sarah, laying everything down, her family, history and everything about David. She ended the email with: If, after all this, you are interested in seeing where this is going let me know. If I have scared you off, then I will respect your wishes and help you find a new place.

To say that Sarah was shocked when she got Rebecca's email is an understatement. It caught her off guard and she didn't reply for a few days. In the end, it was talking with her Dad who was making good progress that eased her mind. Sarah had been very lucky that her parents had accepted her sexuality immediately and even seemed to be more aware of it than Sarah when she was younger.

Sarah's Dad made her realise just how vulnerable Rebecca had made herself by telling Sarah everything. "Regardless of the money love, she's had a pretty shitty life. No proper family when she was younger, until her uncle and aunt. She went to University and it seems to me was lucky that this Jules woman didn't let her shy away. To have found some kind of normality with David must have been what she had dreamed of all her life. For that to be taken away, it's no wonder she put some barriers back up. If you want to peruse something with her, you need to tread carefully, she won't release her heart lightly."

"You're right, I don't want to hurt her, and I'll let her take the lead. Thanks Dad."

"No worries, in my book she can do no wrong, flying you out here, I'll never forget it. Are you going back next week?"

"Yeah, I'll check with Bex."

+++++

Rebecca was having dinner with Jules and Simon, and told them that the ball was in Sarah's court but that she was pleased to have got things off her chest. It became clear that something was going on between Jules and Simon, they kept glancing at each other and a few times they each started to say something and then stopped themselves. Over dinner Rebecca had had enough. She put her knife and fork down and looked directly at Jules, "What is going on? You two are freaking me out."

"We need to tell you something."

"I guessed as much but you do know that you will have to actually tell me what it is, we'll be here all night at this rate."

"I'm pregnant." Jules stated, looking worriedly at her best friend.

Rebecca broke out into a massive smile and said, "That's fantastic, I didn't even know you were trying."

"We weren't, not really, we were just a little less careful than normal."

"Well I think it's the best news I've had in a long time, why were you so worried about telling me?"

"It's just that our lives are turning out as we expected and we didn't want you to feel like we were moving on without you."

"Jules, honey, I would never think that. Please believe me, I couldn't be happier for you. When are you due?"

"Early March."

"I can't believe it, so happy for you. How are you doing Simon, freaking out yet?"

"A little." But he couldn't keep the smile from his face. "There's something else as well Bex."