LOVE, SEX, GUNS, and Ammunition

"She found me," said Harley with a laugh. "Of all the places in the county to be, I was on her land," he said with another laugh. "Coming out of nowhere and disappearing again in thin air, as if she's a ghost and was never there, she knows these woods better than anyone."

Clem nodded his head while continuing to whittle.

"I figured she'd find you," said Clem. "She said years back that if you ever returned to town, she owed you somethin'." Clem looked up to smile at his friend. "By her nature of never bein' obliged to anyone, I figured it wasn't money that she owed you but somethin' else," he said with a dirty laugh while looking up at Harley again but this time with a big grin. "Did you get what she owed you?"

Just as Harley suspected that Clem knew what Maybell owed him, he was uncomfortable talking about the sex that he had with their mutual best friend. Just as Clem was like a brother, Maybell was like a sister but, now, she was a sister with sexual benefits. Harley smiled at his friend who was already back to paying his piece of wood more attention than he paid him.

"Oh, yeah," said Harley with a shit eating grin. "She gave me what she needed to give me and what I needed her to give me. Then, I gave her what I needed to give her and what she wanted me to give her," said Harley with a laugh while imagining Maybell naked and having sex with her naked body.

Figuring that he did know, he wondered if Clem knew that he was talking about with him giving Maybell multiple sexual orgasms and her giving him multiple sexual orgasms too. He fell quiet while watching his friend whittling as if he was thinking of having sex with Maybell again.

"That's good," said Clem. "I'm glad that you two could get together again," he said with a pause and another dirty laugh, "to talk."

Harley smiled down at Clem. The image of Maybell staring up at him with her bright, blue eyes while she stroked him and sucked him was a memory that he'd never forget and would remember for the rest of his life. The memory of her riding him as if she was riding her horse, Dolly, with her big tits hanging in his face was something that he could sexually experience with her every day. He loved reaching up to feel her tits while fingering her nipples as she fucked him.

"I gots me a problem that I thought you could help me with," said Harley falling back on his backwoods dialect that he had when talking to Clem as a kid.

* * * * *

Clem looked up at his friend without missing a nick of whittling his wood before looking back down again.

"A problem? Even when you were a kid, you were always havin' one problem or another problem," said Clem with a snicker and a shrug. "What's your problem now?" He laughed. "I'll be glad to help if I can."

Clem removed his handkerchief from his pocket and blew his nose. Finally, paying more attention to his friend than to his whittling, he pocketed his handkerchief, pocketed his knife, put down his block of wood, and looked up at Harley.

"It's the same thing for me every holiday. Birthdays, Christmases, and Valentine's Days are always a problem," said Harley walking closer to his friend. "You know me. Happy to stay home after work to watch sports, I'm not much for goin' to malls. I'm not much of a shopper. I hate shoppin'. I never have any idea what to buy as a gift."

Oddly enough, Maybell was the same way. Where most women love shopping, going to the mall, and buying things they don't need, especially shoes, Maybell would rather go to a hardware store or to a gun shop. Maybell would rather wear a flannel shirt, overalls, and work boots than daring to wear something sexy, a low-cut blouse, a short skirt, and high heel shoes. Clem looked up at his friend and smiled.

"A gift? You fixin' to buy me some flowers and box of chocolates for Valentine's Day, Harley? Bless your heart. Well, don't worry about what to buy me none," said Clem waving an unconcerned hand at his friend. "A case of beer is a good 'nough present for me unless you're hankerin' to buy me one of them 12-year-old bottles of single, malt scotch," said Clem with a laugh. "That would be a right nice Valentine's Day gesture to give your best friend that you haven't see in twenty-years," said Clem spitting out more tobacco.

As if he was choking, Harley made a pretense of a laugh that came out more like a cough.

"Nah, nothin' like that," said Harley waving a hand of ridiculousness at his friend. "I don't swing that way. My problem is with Maybell. Now with Valentine's Day nearly here, I don't knows what the Hell to buy her for Valentine's Day. The last thing she'd want is candy and flowers," said Harley.

Clem laughed.

"Maybell is definitely not the candy and flower type of woman," said Clem laughing while shaking his head.

Harley scratched his beard as if scratching his beard helped him to think.

"I want to buy her somethin' to impress her," said Harley falling in and out of the backwoods diction when talking to his old, childhood friend. "Bein' that you know Maybell as well as I do, I thought you could give me some suggestions," said Harley as if curiously inspired enough to ask his next question. "What did you buy Priscilla for Valentine's Day?"

Clem stopped his whittling to stare up at his friend.

"I haven't bought 'Cilla nothin' yet but, knowin' her, with her bein' from the city, born, raised, and college educated, she'd want somethin' fancy and somethin' special. She'd want somethin' from out of one of those women's lingerie catalogs, Fredericks of Hollywood or that other one," she Clem looking up as if trying to remember the other name of the women's underwear catalog. "So that I don't buy her the wrong thing, I leave that up to her to buy whatever she wants. She orders it and I pays for it," he said with a laugh and a shrug.

Harley looked at his friend before hazarding his guess.

"Victoria's Secrets," said Harley.

Clem smiled and nodded his head.

"Yeah, that's the one. That's the catalog that she really likes. As if she's a horny man lookin' at women in their underwear, she always has her nose buried in that catalogue. She's easy 'nough to buy for as long as whatever I buy her is sexy and/or purdy," said Clem with a shrug of his shoulders. "She's happy with anythin' I get her as long as it's silk, satin, sparkly shiny, soft, or smells nice."

Knowing that Maybell wouldn't want anything that's silk, satin, sparkly shiny, soft, of smells nice, Harley made a face as if he was in pain and needed to go to the bathroom.

"My Maybell isn't a princess like your Priscilla," said Harley while slowly shaking his head side-to-side as if he needed that extra bit of head movement to make his point. "She's not into jewelry, perfume, or sexy clothes. Don't get me wrong. Priscilla is purdy and always looks nice," said Harley. "Yet, if I bought Maybell anything purdy or sexy, she'd think that I was smitten with some Hollywood actress and wanted to dress her to look like one of them. Besides, unless she's in her bra and panties, her nightgown, or neked, I've never seen her in anything but overalls."

Clem laughed.

"She's been wearin' her brother's britches, shirts, and boots since she was a kid," said Clem. "Now, don't take me wrong. I mean no offense, Harley, but with Maybell's long, blonde, braided hair and her enormous tits, she reminds me of a cross between Tugboat Annie and a plus size Elly May Clampett. After packin' on all of that weight, granted with most if it muscle weight from all the hard work she's done, she's voluptuously purdy in a manly sort of way," said Clem laughing. "Puttin' a dress on Maybell is like puttin' lipstick on a pig," said Clem with another laugh.

Both men looked down at the ground.

"Thank you, I think," said Harley making an unhappy face. "Although, I don't appreciate you comparing Maybell to a pig."

Obviously, Harley wasn't sure if he should take his friend's comment as a compliment or as an insult about Maybell looking like a cross between Tugboat Annie and a plus size, version of Elly May Clampett. He didn't appreciate Clem saying that Maybell was purdy but in a manly sort of way. Granted, she was manly in how she dressed, walked, and talked, and in how she liked drinking, hunting, fishing, and shooting, but not when it came to sex. Laughing to himself, Harley now understood why Clem said that. Laughing to himself, if only Clem knew the woman that Maybell was beneath those men's clothes, wouldn't he be surprised?

"I meant no offense," said Clem looking up at his friend. "Maybell is my dear, childhood friend. I love her to death. With her having never invited me to her house, I only wish I could see more of her. She hides out in that cabin she built on top of a mountain somewhere way out there."

Harley nodded his confusion at his friend while still troubled by Clem saying that Maybell looked like a cross between Tug Boat Annie and Elly May Clampett.

"Tugboat Annie?" Harley laughed. "My Dad loved that show. Now, I'm not sure about her lookin' like Tugboat Annie but I can see your point in her lookin' like a taller, plus sized version of Elly May Clampett but with much bigger tits."

Harley kicked at the dirt.

"Sorry, Harley. I take that back. Maybell doesn't look like Tug Boat Annie," said Clem. "She's much purdier than Tug Boat Annie. Tug Boat Annie was old and fat. Maybe is hardly old and hardly fat. She's still young, purdy, and sexy."

Harley kicked at the dirt again.

"In the way that Priscilla is purdy to you, Maybell is plenty purdy to me. Even with her weighing a few extra pounds, her weight is in all the right places and adds to her curves. You're used to your tall and skinny wife than you are to a woman with a shapely ass and big tits," said Harley. "In the way that I see Maybell, she more looks like a taller, bustier, prettier, and younger of Christina Hendricks than she does Tug Boat Annie. I'd never kick her outta bed for eating crackers, that's for sure," said Harley with a laugh.

* * * * *

With them having a secret language of head nods, Clem nodded his head as if agreeing with Harley. He returned to whittling before asking Harley his next question.

"You're right. With 'Cilla the only woman in my life, I've never been sexually attracted to a woman with more meat on her bones, a woman with a shapely ass and big tits. Yet, when I was a horny teenager, in the way that you once were too, I was surely curious about Maybell's big tits back then," said Clem with a laugh. "Tell me, if I'm not being too personal," said Clem. "I'm curious. What did you buy Maybell for Christmas?"

Clem squinted up at his friend with curiosity while Harley smiled down at Clem with pride. With him knowing Maybell as well as Harley knew Maybell but not in a sexual way, of course, Clem looked at his friend with interest.

"In the way that I bought her a Smith and Wesson .38 and a box of .38 bullets for her Valentine's Day when she was 19-years-old, I bought her a Glock model 17 and a couple boxes of 9 mm bullets for Christmas. She seemed really happy with that," said Harley with the pride of a proud member in good standing of the National Rifle Association.

Harley nodded his head up and down in the way of a bobblehead doll.

"Yep. That's a good gun to buy," said Clem. "I'd buy one if I could afford it, only I'd but the Glock 20."

Harley looked at his friend with confusion.

"Glock 20? What's the difference between a Glock 17 and a Glock 20?"

Thinking that a Glock was a Glock, he didn't realize that they were different types of Glocks.

"A Glock 20 is a better handgun for hunting. Basically, a Glock 20 is a .45 caliber handgun and a Glock 17 is a .40 caliber handgun. A Glock 20 takes a 10 mm, 200-gram bullet instead of the 9 mm, 115-gram bullet that a Glock 17 takes. A Glock 20 is powerful enough to drop a bear. Always wantin' one, I don't have one in my gun collection, too expensive for my budget," said Clem. "I'd have to whittle a thousand duck whistles to afford that gun."

Harley nodded his head in agreement with his old friend.

"After serving ten years in the army, more used to holding a rifle than a handgun, I grab more for my rifle than I do for my handguns," said Harley.

Obviously enjoying talking about guns, Clem looked up at his old friend and smiled.

"A comfortable gun and good enough for me, I still have my old .45, my rifle, and my trusty scattergun." Clem paused before asking his next question. "Other than her seemingly happy with the handgun, what was her reaction to you buying her another handgun?"

Harley smiled as if happy to share Maybell's joy in receiving a Glock 9 mm for Christmas.

"Her reaction?" Harley laughed. "She was so happy that I bought her a Glock for Christmas that she went down on me and took me in her mouth that night. She's blown me before but that was only the second time that she allowed me to cum in her mouth and swallowed my load. The first time was when I reconnected with her last fall. Wow! I was shocked. I couldn't believe my Maybell not only blew me but also allowed me to cum in her mouth and swallowed my cum."

Clem nodded his head in the way that he always nodded his head to show Harley that he was listening while he whittled.

"She's a fine, strong, and outspoken woman. You should be proud to have someone like her in your life. I'd probably blow you too, if you bought me a Glock," said Clem nodding his head.

Harley made a face.

"Suffice to say that I won't be buying you a Glock any time soon, Clem," said Harley with a laugh. "I agree with you about Maybell being a fine, strong, and outspoken woman though."

Harley smiled at his friend.

"She's a bit heavy in the waist and wide in the hips for my taste, and has a weathered face that only you and her mother could love," said Clem with a laugh while looking up at his friend. "But, in a drawdown, I'd want her coverin' my back, especially when exposed and out in the open in those woods. When she's riled up and with her a crack shot and as good with a knife as she is with a gun, she'd put the fear of God in any man or woman."

Harley gave his friend a smile of pride.

"Thank you, Clem. That was nice of you to say about my Maybell," said Harley. "Her face may be a bit weathered and she may be a little bigger in the waist and wider in the hips than she used to be, but when I look at her, especially when she's neked, I see her as if she's still nineteen-years-old."

Clem smiled up at his friend.

"Yep, yes sir. I'd rather have someone like her pointin' a shotgun on any varmints that came a callin' for me than to be beholdin' to one of those fancy women who sit on the porch wearing purdy dresses, talkin' nonsense, and drinking mint julips all day," said Clem. "If ever any of those women were in a jam, all they'd do is cry and scream. That's my idea of nothin', said Clem. "Maybell would know what to do in any fix."

Harley nodded his agreement to his friend.

"I know what you mean," said Harley.

Clem returned his agreement with Harley with another nod of his head.

"As far as I'm concerned, women who don't like to get their hands dirty or their hair and clothes messy, aren't any woman worth knowin'. All they do is talk, laugh, flirt, and look sexy and purdy. When need be, even though she cleans up real nice, at least my 'Cilla will get down and dirty in the mud with the rest of us," said Clem.

Returning one another's head nods, Harley nodded his head in the way that Clem nodded his head.

"I know Maybell may be not much to look at to some compared to an empty headed 20-year-old, sex Goddess but at night and in the dark, what does it matter what she looks like? It more matters what she feels like with the lights out. When she's neked, she's all woman to me," he said looking at Clem as if waiting for him to respond with a wisecrack. "Besides, when I look in her eyes, I don't see her in the way that she looks now but in the way that she looked before," said Harley.

Clem nodded his head again in agreement to his friend.

"I know what you mean and I understand why you're smitten with Maybell. She's a good woman," said Clem. "You're lucky to have her. There's been plenty of men who made a play for her. In the way that Clint Eastwood did in Gran Torino tellin' them to get off his lawn, I heard she turned them all away by pointin' the business end of a shotgun at them and tellin' them to get off her land," said Clem with a laugh.

Proud of the woman that Maybell was, Harley looked at his friend with pride.

"That sounds like my Maybell," said Harley.

Clem returned Harley's head nod with his own head nod before pulling out his knife and picking up his block of wood to continue his whittling.

"The men she dated in the past never took the time to learn to know her in the way that you did. All that too many men see of her are those big tits. Not ready and willin' to take someone like her on, all that too many men wanted were just her huge breasts and not the rest of the woman behind those giant melons. All most men wanted from her was a blowjob," said Clem.

Harley smiled at his friend while knowing what a great cocksucker Maybell was.

"With her homecooked food filling my belly, her big, naked breasts filling my mouth, her round, naked ass fillin' my hands, and my cock fillin' her mouth, she's all the woman I needs. A real keeper, she's a great cook and even a better baker. She makes the best fried chicken, catfish, apple pie, and chocolate chip muffins I ever ate. Besides, she likes doin' all the things that I like doin', hikin', huntin', fishin', shootin', drinkin', and talkin' shit about some of the town folks," said Harley. "With other women dim in her bright light, life with her doesn't get any better than that."

Clem nodded his agreement.

"With her cakes and pies taking the blue ribbon at the county fair every year, I don't think there's a better cook or baker in the county than Maybell. You sure won't go hungry with her in the kitchen," said Clem.

Harley nodded his head in agreement.

"More important than any of that and all of that, she makes me laugh. She's down to earth, has loads of common sense, and sees things and knows stuff about people that I'd never see or know. She makes me happy," said Harley. "What should have been twenty-years ago is hopefully happening again now. I'm grateful and thankful to God for havin' her in my life again. I just need you to suggest what to buy her as a Valentine's gift," said Harley asking for Clem's help again.

Clem nodded his head in agreement again, this time without looking up from his whittling.

"You found a good woman, Harley. Make sure you don't do somethin' to make her angry. I wouldn't want someone like her angry at me," said Clem pointing the sharp end of his knife at him. "I don't mean anything by it but I'm just sayin'," said Clem with a knowing laugh. "You may suddenly be without brakes on your truck in the way her Daddy was or you may be eager to leave with the carnival in the way that her brother suddenly had a mind to do," said Clem with a laugh.

Harley smiled his pride that Maybell was the woman in his life.

"I love her, Clem. I really do. I'd marry her right now, if she'd have me. I'd love to have a couple of youngins with her and a dawg, a Coonhound named Blue or Zeke, to go huntin'. Only she don't wanna get married or have kids," said Harley while waiting for Clem to respond. He continued when he didn't answer. "Needin' somethin' special to change her mind about marryin' me, I want to buy her somethin' special for Valentine's Day. Only, I don't have a clue what to buy her."

* * * * *

Clem smiled at his friend.

"Well," said Clem stopping his whittling again to rub his chin. "In the way that I found 'Cilla, it sounds like you found someone special to love and cherish," said Clem. "And you should buy your woman somethin' special for Valentine's Day. You obviously know her better than anyone. You must know what she's partial to when buying something for herself. Buy her what she likes. You can't go wrong with that," said Clem nodding his head. "Instead of thinkin' of her as an estrogen filled woman with enormous breasts, think of her as a testosterone filled man with big balls," said Clem with a laugh.