Ruined

"Of course Grace is going to say that. Can't you see that this is part of her campaign?"

Delilah went on as if she hadn't heard what he said.

"She said they don't want anyone to know they love being whipped and mortified and probably pretend they are normal with their girlfriends or wives and go to church every Sunday to pray that God will forgive them. Then after a while, they come back for another session with her."

"Grace can't read their minds," he said. "No matter what they tell her, they may just do it for the money. She can't know for sure."

Again, Delilah ignored him and went on.

"She says you're probably like that as well and if you had the opportunity, you'd also do what they do."

"Do you believe that?"

"No, but when I told her how sick you got when I talked about the men, she said you were probably faking it and that I should let you listen to our conversations to see what you'd do. You didn't do anything until tonight."

"Don't you see what she's doing?" said Travis. "I'm standing in her way, so she wants to destroy me in your eyes."

"I know that."

"Then why are you going along with her agenda?"

"I'm not. The whole scene amuses me because it's so weird and funny. You are taking it too seriously."

She stopped as if something just struck her, and when she spoke, it was in a mocking tone.

"I'm not going along with anything. I'm just listening to my friend and not judging her. God is the only one who has the right to judge people."

"You're twisting my words to suit your convenience," he said. "God lets you and I make the choices between good and evil. I love you, and I'm afraid you're making the wrong choices."

"But you love everybody," she said. "You told me you are commanded to love your enemy. So you love Grace, too. I should be jealous."

He gave up.

"Let's give this a rest."

*************

Despite their differing views on religion, there was one thing Travis and Delilah had in common from the beginning of their relationship. One time, she joked about how his lust was as insatiable as hers and wasn't that wrong because they weren't joined together in God's eyes? When she saw how that wounded him, she never brought it up again.

One secret he kept from her was that he prayed to be forgiven for fornication every Sunday. He had mentioned it once, and her response was that she didn't want him to pray for her and asked him to never do it again. He treated her request as a preference and not a demand.

Despite his guilt, they both enjoyed each other's bodies and delighted in trying out new ways to excite each other. After one session when they were both glowing, Travis wondered if that was all that was holding them together. Perhaps she thought of him as a pathetic religious fanatic who would satisfy her until she found someone who thought more like she did.

He had to admit she always treated him with respect and constantly complimented him on his creativity, drive and business acumen. Even though she never brought them up, she must have liked his morals and ethics, too, because she was the one who insisted on investing in his business and approaching his and her friends to join her.

There were no more overheard phone conversations, but something else began happening that bothered Travis. She was trying out new things in bed. She always did that, and he loved it. But lately everything was going in one direction. He wanted to say something, but he hesitated. Finally, he asked her.

"No, I'm not trying to hurt you or humiliate you," she said. "I thought you were enjoying what I was doing. You never stopped me, and your orgasms are huge. What's bothering you?"

"I've been wondering if your ideas are coming from the videos Grace sends you."

"What's wrong with that? Grace is writing all the scripts for her videos now, and she told me she always thinks of you when she's trying to think up new ways to degrade the men.

"But I don't do what she does. I adapt the humiliating and painful parts to give you nothing but pleasure. She keeps pushing me to try more extreme things, but I told her I will never do those things to you."

"It makes me sick to think you're watching her videos. Those poor men! She could be deceived about how much they're suffering, no matter how many times she tells you they're enjoying it."

"Oh, I know they are enjoying it," Delilah said.

She coughed and quickly added, "I mean, you can tell."

He looked at her. She was avoiding his eyes.

"What did you say?" he asked.

"I have to go to the bathroom," she said, starting to get up from the bed.

He grabbed her arm to stop her. He didn't pull her back, but he didn't let go. Finally, she sat down on the edge of the bed and looked straight ahead. He looked at her silently for a while before he spoke.

"Have you been to the studio with Grace?"

"Yes."

Her voice was choked.

"So you've been there watching her," he said. "Is that how you know what the men's reactions are?"

"Yes."

He felt her shivering. Suddenly he no longer felt angry at her. He felt like his body was burning and being smothered at the same time. He wondered if this was how it would feel at the end of the world.

"That's not all, is it?"

His voice was barely above a whisper.

"No." She also whispered.

"Did she get you to perform in some of her videos?"

"Yes."

"Is that how you know about the men, because you were doing those things to them?"

"Yes."

"Did you do this more than once?"

"Just a few times."

When she said that, he felt like he had just been punched in the stomach. He knew she was waiting for him to ask how many times, but he didn't want to find out.

"Aren't you afraid that your family or friends might find out what you are doing?"

"I wear a wig and heavy makeup. I don't think even you could tell it's me."

"Don't you feel bad about the horrible things you are doing to the men?"

"I already told you that they love what I do to them. You loved it when I did variations of what I do. You can deny it in your head, but your body doesn't lie. I got you more excited than you've ever been, and when you came, you were like a wild animal."

"What does that prove?"

"It proves that I haven't done anything wrong. I gave the men they wanted, and, yes, it was exciting for me. I didn't hurt anyone who didn't want to be hurt, and what I did to them wasn't anything that didn't heal in a few of weeks. They loved every minute of it."

"Can you hear what you are saying? You are justifying doing these monstrous things because they give you pleasure."

"You have no right to judge me. You are as selfish about your pleasure as I am. The only difference is that you go to church on Sunday and pretend you're sorry."

"I'm not judging you!" said Travis, raising his voice.

"Maybe Grace is right," she hissed. "You can't admit who you really are. There are things inside you that you are hiding from yourself. You use religion to bottle these things up, but one day they are going to explode, and it might destroy you.

"Grace thinks you should come with us to the studio one time and watch us. She thinks that might jolt you into dealing honestly with your feelings. She thinks you might surprise me and surprise yourself."

"Grace—!"

Travis stopped himself from yelling "Grace is the Devil!" He pursed his lips and clenched his jaws to keep himself from saying anything more.

His mind was racing. He wanted to ask Delilah to never see Grace again. He wanted to tell her she was talking like this because the devil was inside her and using her tongue. He wanted to tell her that it didn't matter whether or not the men wanted her to mortify them, because every time she did, she took another step down the highway to hell. He wished later that he had told her those things instead of what he said next.

"Do you remember when your friends told you that I was too much of an ignorant hick for a girl like you. The next time I see them, I'm going to tell them their first impression was right, and you and I should have listened to them."

"What are you saying?"

"I thought we were good for each other, but it was a stupid fantasy. When I first met you, you toyed with me, and I got a kick out of it, because I've met lots of people who underestimated me because of the way I talk.

"As I got to know you, I saw that beneath your tough businesswoman exterior, there's a woman who's honest, kind and good to her parents.

"But you've become coarse and callous. I'd like to blame it on Grace, but I'm the person who failed you. You see how I love to fornicate with you, and then I'm ashamed and pray to be forgiven, and then I keep on doing it. No wonder you think what you're doing is not hurting anyone. Grace has one thing right about me. I am disgusting."

"No, don't say that!" she cried out. "I didn't mean what I said just now. I was lashing out at you because I was being defensive. I don't believe you're disgusting."

"But it's true! I'm disgusting, and I'm responsible for what you're doing. That's what troubles me more than those poor devils. I've never seen any of those videos you and Grace make, but as I look at you now, I imagine them in my mind. I see you degrading yourself a million times more than you're degrading them, and that breaks my heart. I have to go."

He didn't turn around as he got up from the bed and began dressing. She was sobbing behind him. When he was walking out of the bedroom, she screamed, "No!"

He didn't turn around. There was nothing more to say.

***************

When she said "ugly overweight men" on the phone all the emotions of the night he walked out flooded over him. He heard her taking deep breaths, and then she spoke again.

"You didn't say anything, Travis. Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes," he replied.

"Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"I'm not sure."

"I talked to Grace, and she talked to one of her producers and showed her some photos of you and me at the beach. The producer couldn't believe what great shape you are in.

"The men have to work a full shift that includes a few hours on the cams and a couple of videos for five thousand dollars. That's for one day. I negotiated for you and got them up to ten thousand dollars for just one video. But that's not all."

As Travis listened to her, he felt a deepening sadness. His worst fears had come true. This creature talking matter of factly about human depravity couldn't be the Delilah he had loved. But all he could think of saying was, "You negotiated for me?"

"I haven't been working there lately, but some of my videos are still getting lots of clicks, so I told them I'd be in the video as well if they gave us fifteen thousand dollars. They went for it. They think the three of us are splitting the money, but Grace agreed that I could loan our share to you, and you could pay us back when you had the money."

His mind was reeling. He heard her take another deep breath.

"Are you there, Travis?"

"Yes," he said. "You know what's funny? I'm remembering how you once told me you would never do to me what you were doing to those men because I wasn't like them. Now it turns out that I'm no different from them after all -- not to you."

He heard another sharp intake of breath on the phone, and there was silence for a while. Then he heard her speak in her mocking voice.

"That's right, Travis. You walked out on me. You treated me like scum. I don't think you're so special anymore. Yes, if you do this, you will be the same as the other men, except you'll get a lot more money for your pain and humiliation."

"I thought you told me those men wanted to be degraded and hurt," he said.

"Yes, they love it," she said, her voice dripping with contempt, "and Grace says you will, too. When we're done, you'll be able to keep your business, and my projections are that in a few years you'll be rich. I'll get my fifty thousand and maybe more, and all the investors who believed in you will be rewarded. You'll be a big man in town, not a loser living in some shack with an outhouse in the back."

"You make it sound like you're doing me a favor," he said.

"Don't misunderstand me, Travis," she said. "If I hadn't looked at your books and seen the payoff you were cheating me out of, I wouldn't care if God told you to run home like a coward.

"I bet Grace ten dollars that you wouldn't do this. She said I'd lose the bet because you'd pretend that you were horrified by the idea, while hiding how excited you are at being forced to do something you want to do anyway. Are you feeling aroused right now?"

He didn't tell her he was feeling nauseated by what she was saying. At the same time, he felt tremendous guilt for leaving her instead of staying and fighting for her soul. For a moment, he wondered whether she had told him the truth about not having money to loan him. He knew she made a lot of money. Was she lying? Was this a scheme for her and Grace to get revenge on him? Revenge for what?

He heard her breathing slow down and become steady. He rehearsed the words he would tell her, explaining why he wouldn't do it. At first, he included God as one of the reasons, but then he decided that if he brought God down into this cesspool, he would fall even lower than she had. Finally, he decided on a cop-out.

"I need some time to think," he said. "I can't give you an answer now."

"You already have," she said. "I owe Grace ten dollars. She told me that if you asked for more time, that meant you would do it. We have to reserve the studio today, so you have a couple of hours to call me back, even though you know you're going to do it."

*****************

"We're only going to do what's in the contract," Delilah explained.

Sitting next to Grace, she faced Travis across a small table and pushed the papers in front of him.

"The list is on page two, and you can cross out anything you want. Do you understand that the video is rolling, and the producers are watching on monitors?"

"You already said that," Travis muttered.

"They told me to say it again because if you cross out too many things, they have the right to pull the contract and renegotiate. They could offer less money, or they could walk away."

"Just show me where to sign."

"No. You have to read each item aloud. The video is legal proof that you agree to everything on the list, except the things you cross out. A couple of men tried to sue the company, so now they don't take any chances."

He lifted his head and addressed the camera.

"I swear that I agree to whatever is written on page two."

"That's not good enough. You have to read each item and say you agree to it."

"I'll do everything, but I don't want to see it in writing. That wasn't part of the deal."

"Wait a minute," Grace interrupted.

She stood up and walked behind the cameras to confer with the producers. Then she rejoined Travis and Delilah.

"The producers said Travis' statement is good enough," Grace said. "He doesn't need to read the list if he doesn't want to."

"Yes he does. There may be some things he can't handle, but he won't know until he sees what they are."

Delilah's voice, which had been calm and emotionless up to now, was now loud and insistent.

"I've got an idea," Grace said.

She took the pen and papers from Travis and began writing something on the bottom of the first page. When she finished, she turned the papers around and pushed them and the pen to him.

"Read what I just wrote, Travis, and sign your name under it," she ordered. "Then read it aloud."

The blood drained from his face as he read what Grace had written. He froze.

Grace tapped her fingers impatiently on the table for a minute before she spoke again.

"If you don't do what I asked, you'll have to read the list out loud like Delilah wants you to, or else we'll call this whole thing off."

Slowly, Travis took the pen and signed below Grace's writing.

While he was doing that, Grace got up and came back with a piece of scrap paper. She took the pen from him and scribbled something on it.

"Now read what you just signed out loud facing the camera," she said and shoved the scrap of paper at him.

He looked down and saw she had written five words in capital letters: "YOU BETTER MAKE IT CONVINCING!"

Grace pulled the scrap of paper back, wadded it up in her hand and looked at him.

He hesitated, glanced down at the contract, took a breath and then looked at camera as he spoke without emotion.

"I'm not reading the list on page two because I think the video will be more exciting if everything is a surprise to me."

Grace reached across and turned the first page over. She put her hand on the second page so it covered nearly everything except a few lines at the bottom.

"Take the pen and look at the space below my hand and sign where your name is printed."

He quickly did what she said and then looked up immediately and let out a sigh of relief. He hated himself for saying what Grace had written, but it would have been worse to read what was about to be done to him. He was afraid it might have made him back out.

Delilah had sent him a password and some links to the site they were shooting for, and he had opened five different videos. But he had become physically sick from watching the beautiful, nearly naked women preparing to destroy the overweight men and had stopped the videos almost before they had begun. The worst part was wondering if one of the women was Delilah in disguise.

"He has to read the list. I know there are things on there he can't handle. He's not thinking straight."

Delilah's voice was strident and agitated.

"Let it go!" Grace said. "I told you he wants to do this. I gave him permission to admit it. It's time to prepare him."

Travis looked at Delilah's face. Why was she so stubborn about the list? Did she want to watch him suffer as he read it? Did she hate him that much? What had she turned into? He forgot for a moment his fear and repulsion of what they were about to do as guilt overwhelmed him. He had abandoned her to become the woman she was now.

Grace walked out of the room with the papers. When she returned, she took his right hand, pulled him to his feet, led him to the bathroom and pointed to the prep kit on the counter.

"You have to clean yourself out. If you don't want to do it yourself, I'll be glad to help."

She laughed as he slammed the door in her face.

**************

"Look at yourself, Junior," Grace said when she and Delilah had finished squeezing him into his costume. "Junior" was the name he was using for the performance. He straightened up and turned to the full-length mirror.

Facing him was a blue and pink man. The thin blue Spandex was stretched so tightly that it seemed to be painted on his skin. It covered his arms to his wrists and his torso from his neck to his belly button. From there, he was naked to just above his knees. His lower legs and feet were encased in stretched blue Spandex stockings. A blue latex hood covered his head, with cutouts for his eyes, nostrils, mouth and most of his cheeks.

Grace came up behind him, reached around him and grabbed his cock and balls with her left hand.

"I think you're starting to get excited already, Junior," she said, although it was obvious he wasn't hard. "Try to control yourself so you don't come too fast. You'll be punished if you do. Or is that what you want?"

Grace let go of him, and Delilah guided him into a chair next to a small table and gave him a glass with a straw.

"This is a sports drink with a lot of sugar in it," she said. "Your body will need the energy, and you'll be sweating a lot in the latex. You can't afford get dehydrated. Sip it slowly while you rest here for a few minutes."

Grace and Delilah sat down next to him and observed him. Delilah seemed full of nervous energy. Several times she got up, walked out of the room, walked back and sat down again. Her face showed no expression. When he finished drinking, she was all business as she led him to a long padded table.